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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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How can someone who says they love you leave you in the dirt?
Q. In April I found out that I was with child. I knew who the father was because I had not had sex with anyone but him. He was the first person that I ever sleep with and the same goes for him. We were each others first. We always stayed in touch with ...
A. 14 September 2009: Yea, with your having a daughter as well. That was always my rule with my kids. If we weren't good together, they wouldn't be good for my children. So I've kept the same where I wouldn't introduce people to them either. I believe the other way ... (read in full...)
How can someone who says they love you leave you in the dirt?
Q. In April I found out that I was with child. I knew who the father was because I had not had sex with anyone but him. He was the first person that I ever sleep with and the same goes for him. We were each others first. We always stayed in touch with ...
A. 13 September 2009: When you two had sex, was he in any other relationship? Did you take the time to verify that he was not? Getting together after 20 years, are you sure he was referring to getting back into a "relationship" with you after that time, or friends with ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me. He doesn't know I cheated on him too. Should I tell him?
Q. My boyfriend has cheated on me twice and I've forgiven him both times because he came out and told me I didnt have to find out or any other immature things involved. While he was cheating on me I kinda felt that something was going on so I cheated ...
A. 11 September 2009: No matter what the outcome of your relationship will be, it's vital to any success you may have that you reveal your secrets too. Your keeping this secret is eating you up inside and will do so until you come clean. Think of it this way, weather or ... (read in full...)
She told me she wanted to be with me again, but then had a one-night stand.
Q. My mind is torn. I have dated a girl for three years. I went through a lot and was emotionally closed off for a long time. She finally reached her breaking point and left. It took her leaving me to realize the dark place I was in. While ...
A. 9 September 2009: This is one where I'd have to say it depends on what you want. I can tell by your huge desire to be with her that no matter what anyone says here, you'll end up going back with her and giving your relationship another chance.
What I will address ... (read in full...)
I'm making myself sick over this... please help!
Q. I'm new here so hope I don't sound toO crazy. I do love my husband but the things I have found out and the lies ARE about toO much, my first marriage I put up with more than I should have and said I would never let another man hurt me again and I ...
A. 9 September 2009: My guess is there is adultery involved? You didn't give much information. If you could provide more information it'd be appreciated. It's hard sometimes to write, but also beneficial because it helps you get it out, as if you were verbally releasing ... (read in full...)
The father of my children doesn't understand why I'm so hurt by his behaviour!
Q. Right this is going to be a lil long and I do apologise. Basically ive been with my man for years we have three beautifull babies together but I dont know what to do next. This relationship has been anything but easy but I love him dearly and know ...
A. 7 September 2009: First, you can't be at fault for his behavior. You are, however responsible for yours. Why are you staying in a situation that is not good for you, and will end up being not good for your kids? He's really trampling over your relationship and ... (read in full...)
My sister is faultless... but I still can't stand her! How can I help but resent her?
Q. Right, where to start?! My problem is probably one that a great number of people suffer from - for every family with more than one child there is usually a form of rivalry... mine has just gone too far! The fact of the matter is that I am extre...
A. 7 September 2009: The only way your life is going to improve is if you stop living in the shadow of your sister and begin living for yourself.
So she helps you financially, is always there for you, gives one heck of a Christmas present and from what you say she does... (read in full...)
I hate my life, I've ruined it!
Q. here goes i hate my life ! why ? well because im a complete and utter idiot ! 6 years ago i made the mistake of leaving my ex fiance. he was a nice person but didnt really show me any love or affection and i found he let me pay for stuff rather ...
A. 4 September 2009: We all have regrets in our lives. It's how we learn. Each experience, good or bad, makes us a better person. It does because that's how we learn and build our strength for ourselves and others. Have you thought that it may not have mattered... (read in full...)
Why does my b/f have a problem with me comparing both of my pregnancies?
Q. hi, i have a child from a previous relationship and am pregnant again with my new boyfriends baby. im noticing that the pregnancies are different and in some way are comparing the differences between this pregnancy and my last i dont mean to i mean ...
A. 4 September 2009: Because he's not the father of the other child, and indirectly it's reminding him of that and the relationship you had prior to him. He needs to accept that you had a life before him, and with that life was the experience of being pregnant. ... (read in full...)
LDR--her dad thinks anyone on the internet is a sex freak
Q. Hey, this is my first time here...I have a question that I need answered, and if anyone could help, that would be terrific, but please, I don't need someone passing judgment on me. Well, here goes. I'm in a long distance relationship wit...
A. 4 September 2009: Verbal explanation? Isn't going to work. This is something that is proven by your actions. Anyone can say they won't hurt his daughter, but then it happens. I have daughters, and I know the guys who treat them well and those who don't. I know this ... (read in full...)
I really like him but I just can't trust him...
Q. I met this guy 9 months ago... his 4 years younger then me but i love him a lot. He has told me everything about his previous girlfriend. My ex-boyfriends always cheated on me. Non of my previous boyfriends were faithful with me. Now that im in this ...
A. 2 September 2009: why do you feel you're not worth being faithful too? Is it because these other guys made poor choices? Most that are unfaithful don't do so because they loose desire in you. They do it by choice because they want what they want and in a selfish way. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that she cheated?
Q. Ok i have a friend, lets call him Veidt, and he has a girlfriend ,lets call her Janey, and i had a party and rob, i mean veidt, was there, so was janey and a 3rd guy, lets call him nite owl, ok so its 1am and veidt is sleeping on the coach with me ...
A. 2 September 2009: What I generally recommend before you just out and tell him, is let her know that you know and that you'll give her a chance to tell him what happened before you do. ... (read in full...)
Embarrassed that I have to be tested for an STD again!
Q. I need to go for an STI check-up as I stupidly participated in drunken fore play with someone who I don't know that well. I have been disagnosed with an STI before (my ex-boyfriend cheated on me) and I'm just worried about the reaction of the people ...
A. 1 September 2009: Some people routinely get checked for STD's I agree that 4 play generally does not transmit STD's, although if you performed any type of oral sex, some STD's could be transmitted. I'd just get checked to be on the safe side. It's better to be ... (read in full...)
My brother caught me masturbating, what to do about it?
Q. I was watching a quiet porn video on my laptop while masturbating on my bed with my hands down my pants (all clothes were still on). I knew that my brother would be coming home soon, but i still left my bedroom door open. When i heard him come home, ...
A. 31 August 2009: There's no age restriction on masturbating. If the subject comes up that's a good excuse. As far as telling your parents, as a guy, there's no way at that age I'd be telling my parents anything I saw a girl doing. This may be embarrassing for you, ... (read in full...)
When is the honeymoon stage of a new relationship over?
Q. A little over a year ago, I began a relationship with a great guy. He and I hit it off so well. We did several different activites together that we shared in common and best of all had an intense sex life. It didn't take long for us to ...
A. 30 August 2009: I agree with the other poster. Try different things. To truthfully answer your question. The honeymoon phase is over when you choose for it to be over.
People feel loved in different ways. At the beginning of the relationship, you touch on all w... (read in full...)
Parenting advice for handling certain situations
Q. I am planning to be a father soon, and I just wanted to get your opinions on how I should handle certain situations, should they rise. They are: 1. If I caught my son or daughter experimenting with the same gender, how should I go about handling t...
A. 30 August 2009: You are going to have so many situations that isn't really shocking, because kids experiment, but it reminds you there growing up and you won't always be right there to offer protection. The best thing to do is teach them what's appropriate.
... (read in full...)
G/f had been in a MMF threesome..how do I compete with that?
Q. Found out that in her past my girlfriend had been in a MMF threesome and thought it was pretty hot. Makes me uncomfortable. I mean, how could I EVER compete with that? (that's a rhetorical question). I want to believe that all the best sexual ...
A. 29 August 2009: When she said that and thought it was pretty hot. Did she at all inquire the possibility of having another one? ... (read in full...)
I've just had an abortion, and I'm having trouble coming to terms with it
Q. I've decided to have an Abortion.. how will I ever get through it? I feel so hopeless. My boyfriend broke up with me. I feel so alone. I didn't want this, but I know it's the best choice for me. I am young.. and my boyfriend (well ex) is a big ...
A. 26 August 2009: Have you talked to your parents about your decision? If your boyfriend was still in the picture, would that have made a difference in your decision? I am fairly stumped how so many people who decide they can't be a parent right now jump to getting ... (read in full...)
His ex is a manipulator but he wishes that her and I were friends!
Q. I have been going with my guy for over a year to this day, but yet, I still feel worried about his crazy ex. Yes I know my guy would never cheat on me, but this "bitch" has tried everything in her power to break us up, and gain him back. The worst ...
A. 25 August 2009: He needs to acknowledge your feelings. He's being disrespectful and inconsiderate of how you feel. Now, I have kids from a previous marriage. I'd never ask the love of my life to be friends with her. Maybe just not claw her eyes out when we exchange ... (read in full...)
Is this inconsiderate of him or do you think I'm overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend has no problem telling me that other women he comes accross or sees on TV are better looking then me. I would prefer believing that in his eyes I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I know there are women more attractive then me, ...
A. 25 August 2009: It needs to be kept to himself. Why compare? So, some are better looking than others, and on tv, some are still better looking than others. Who cares??? He's with you and not them, so it's pretty rude and degrading for him to bring up what he has ... (read in full...)
Every time I get too close to someone I lie! I'm horrible. What to do about my online friend?
Q. ok this will be long. And i have to clear this first because it's the main reason of this whole thing: I have problems with lying, since i was a younger, i was under treatment but i stopped going, i was raped when i was 13 and i'm pretty much ash...
A. 25 August 2009: You understand your faults, your actions and you're responsible for them. Why are you taking responsibility for her actions as well? Also, changing to get her back is not going to work. You need to change for yourself, because you want to do things ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, pregnant and scared of having an abortion
Q. I'm fifteen years old and I am two months pregnant. I've been in a rocky relationship with my boyfriend for the past nine months. My boyfriend doesn't come from a stable enviroment. Has yet to get a job, and ever since I found out I was pregna...
A. 25 August 2009: If it's against your beliefs, why not placing the baby for adoption. DO NOT DO ANYTHING THAT IS AGAINST WHAT YOU BELIEVE.
With what you've said. Let me tell you about being thankful in the longrun. I'm sure they kept this out as well. Years of... (read in full...)
I'm 16, what is the oldest man I could date without being frowned upon?
Q. What is the oldest partner a 16 year old girl in the UK can date without it without frowned upon socially?...
A. 25 August 2009: Personal opinion. Who are you interested in? Their age? When being in a real relationship, you find someone you fall in love with, would you be with them to please society or is that the person you'd want to be with. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to remain just friends after an affair?
Q. My situation is this, I am best friends with a married man and we have crossed the boundary. We both know what we have done is wrong and have committed to each other that we would stop. We would like to remain best friends without the sex part as we ...
A. 25 August 2009: When you say it's retreivable, some mistakes are to a certain extent. This extent involves a married man and his wife. The only way I could see this being an honest friendship is if the wife knows the situation and agrees to the friendship. Anytime ... (read in full...)
Should I take advantage of her?
Q. I've been in a relationship for about two weeks with a girl that I met online. We are compatible in a variety of ways, and we find each other attractive. However, even before we met in person, I realized that I don't want a relationship, and that I ...
A. 24 August 2009: Be honest with her and let her know where you stand. Just because she feels one way and you do the other, doesn't mean your obligated to feel the same way or try to make her feel as if you do. Tell her honestly how you feel then it'll fall into ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to remain just friends after an affair?
Q. My situation is this, I am best friends with a married man and we have crossed the boundary. We both know what we have done is wrong and have committed to each other that we would stop. We would like to remain best friends without the sex part as we ...
A. 24 August 2009: Depends on what you want. What does he want from his marriage? I generally recommend if someone is trying to work on or have a satisfying marriage that contact ends with those who might compromise that happiness or the goal the person is working on. ... (read in full...)
Every time I get too close to someone I lie! I'm horrible. What to do about my online friend?
Q. ok this will be long. And i have to clear this first because it's the main reason of this whole thing: I have problems with lying, since i was a younger, i was under treatment but i stopped going, i was raped when i was 13 and i'm pretty much ash...
A. 24 August 2009: You're not horrible. You need help, and apparantly she does as well. You've heard that people with issues generally attract those who also have issues. I don't know why. It may be knowing the person you're with is more screwed up than you. Who ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me, how can I prepare for that?
Q. I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me, how can I prepare for that? He says he's tired of my insecurities and behaviors (because sometimes I have problems controlling anger or sadness... I cry a lot and yell sometimes). We were talking ...
A. 24 August 2009: Why would you take the blame for his wanting to break up. So, your insecure, who isn't? Even "fun girls" have a mental battle of insecurities going on.
What sort of things are causing this crying and anger? Does it have to do with him. Other th... (read in full...)
My younger cousin touched me in my sleep, and is now threatening to tell her parents that I made her do it!! Help!
Q. I have a problem I'm 18 and my cousin has a girlfriend she's like 40 and she has a lil girl that's about 10 I think I know them about 2 years now they all ways come over to my house and about a month ago the lil girl (madelin) came over the house ...
A. 24 August 2009: I agree, talk to her parents before she does. Assure them, this is not something you'd want to have happen, or why would you be briniging this to their attention. She's only 10 dabbling with this. That is also a little young to be experimental. I'd ... (read in full...)
When I tell guys I'm dating that sex is important to me, they laugh! Is what I'm saying weird?
Q. Hello So, i have been single for around six or seven months and it does not bother me (right now), i get alot of attention from guys and go on many dates, the problem is if im not sleeping with the guy on the third/fourth date or time i see t...
A. 24 August 2009: It's not weird. You have morals and a set of standards around your body that you should be proud of. When you find the right one, he's going to wait patiently because sex isn't the main thing he'd be looking for. With personal standards, don't give ... (read in full...)
Have I lost my virginity or not?
Q. Hi. I am a 19 year old female. I have been with a guy now for a little over 8 months and We both know that we will be together for life. We play around sexually like 3 or 4 times a week. I was a virgin when I met him. At first it started off just ...
A. 24 August 2009: This does sound like a younger person's question. From my understanding, penetration = loss of virginity. I don't know if there is a specified distance that penetration would have to be. ... (read in full...)
We're getting divorced...so why is she flaunting our wedding pictures on Myspace? Is there more to this?
Q. I'm going through a divorce right now and I'm just confused by what my ex does. It was her decision for the divorce and all that, which leaves me more stunned by her Time and time again she makes her default picture on her myspace,facebook...
A. 24 August 2009: I don't think she's ready to let go. A part in her that wishes to remain married. What should you do? I'd ask her. Aparantely she's trying to send a message, who knows what that may be, but you won't know unless you ask you what this means. It ... (read in full...)
I'm scared that if say the wrong thing, he'll beat me again! Please help
Q. dear cupid i've been seeing a guy for almost 3 months now , and on saturday, he beat me.. i dnt how to forget the images of when he beat , i love him and dont want to leave him, i love him too much, how do i go about getting things back to n...
A. 24 August 2009: Get out of this relationship. You don't deserve to be beat, and if he were any real boyfriend to you, it would have never happened. If he did this after 3 months, stay, you'll get years of his beatings. He's an abuser, and you need to be safe for ... (read in full...)
Should I try and make it work with my boyfriend of 2 years, or move on and see if me and friend have a chance together?
Q. Ok I'll try and make this quick. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We've been happy throughout most of those years, but of course have had our downs too. He is a year and a half younger than me and I can definitely feel the ...
A. 24 August 2009: First of all, no seeing army boy while things are still going with your boyfriend. If you choose to see him, you must end your relationship first.
If your stress didn't begin until this army guy came back into your life. It's not your boyfrien... (read in full...)
This girl said she only appeared interested, to get at her ex. What should I feel or do about this?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've never been good at talking to girls, so when if found someone who seemed interested in me, I went with it. I asked her out, but she always had some kind of excuse to get out of it. Then one day when I asked her out agai...
A. 24 August 2009: Releived you're not the ex. Seriously a girl who'd hurt someone to get someone is selfish and self centered, is that what you'd want from a girl. Someone who'd step on others to remain in a relationship. Now, it does hurt to know she did this, but ... (read in full...)
How can we improve things in our sex life?
Q. when my boyfriend and i have sex its great i love it but i wish he would show me more moves and get in to it more he said he is in to it but sometimes i dont think he is and i like to talk to dirty but he has a hard time doin that and i dont know ...
A. 24 August 2009: I use to be not as experimental. Guys, as being who we are, look at a girl and it may cross our minds how we'd like to do XXXX, XXXXXX, and XXXXX to her. But we don't say it. Cause to say it = what we want + reation from who we tell = possible ... (read in full...)
Mum is being judgemental and treating me like a child
Q. Hey everyone I need some serious help! I'm in my early 20s, going into my last year of university. During the summer months I live at home w/my parents but during the year I live on my own. I've noticed during this summer at home my mom is becoming...
A. 24 August 2009: tell her NO!!!!. I am an adult and I will not call you at these specific times. You want a relationship with her, but at the same time she needs to let go and have faith that she gave you the tools growing up which will allow you to make good ... (read in full...)
Gran chose a horrible man over us and I want to know how to fix this!
Q. I am having so much trouble recently, my Gran is with a man who has done horrible things but she won't leave him, it has been going on for so long and my parents have resorted to not letting my Gran in our lives anymore, the problem is, I miss her ...
A. 24 August 2009: Sounds like your mom is doing something that is really difficult for her as well. Tough love. My daughter's grandpa was a heavy drinker. When she was born, we made it clear, he wants to visit, he has to be sober. Needless to say, they met when she ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to feel like I was lied to?
Q. I had plans with my boyfriend to cook dinner for him on a Wednesday night. He gets out of school at 5:30 and I called him 2 or 3 times between 6 and 7 when he hadn't shown up. He finally calls me at about ten after seven stating he had been talking ...
A. 23 August 2009: It's not wrong to feel this way. You had plans. The "professor excuse" okay, but could have waited until a time where you two didn't have plans. "Going for a beer???" When he has plans with you, that's not excusable. No, you don't need to know his ... (read in full...)
We're ready to get married but his parents won't consent - is there a way around this?
Q. I am an 18 year old mother of 2 beautiful boys and their father is only 17..we are trying to get married so he can go of to the army but its becoming impossible because his mother does not approve..we have been together for 4 years now and were ...
A. 23 August 2009: Depending on the state, some consider a level of being emancipated if a child is born. Even so, states consider 18 to be lawful age of marriage, without parental consent. Even if he had the legal decision making as an adult, he'd still have to wait ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to confide in my sister?
Q. I think my sister has seriously thought about killing my husband. My husband is not a good person, and the more i confide in her, i think it just makes her angerier, and if he was gone it really would be better for me and the children. He isn't ...
A. 18 August 2009: If you're working on getting out, I wouldn't confide in her. She kills him, you leave, then you'd be out of a sister. I know what you mean by strategic planning. My ex was not all there mentally, due to a major behavior disorder. I had to plan. Did ... (read in full...)
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