A
female
age
26-29,
*a professora
writes:i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher is a girl and so am i. i can't stand being away from her it makes my heart hurt. but i know i shouldnt feel this way because im a girl too and she's my teacher (i'll refer to her as ms.. i had ms. for spanish last year and i fell in love with her then. i stop by her office almost every day just to say hi. i think ms. knows how i feel because she backed off a bit last year. i love to talk to her and she likes to talk to me. sometimes i think she flirts with me. she even told me where she lives and said i could come over whenever i needed to talk. when she touches me (friendly way) i feel like a spark of electricity is going through me and she said she feels it too. she hugged me once and i want to hug her agian but that would make it harder to get over her. she always makes a point to tell me she cares about me. i am always fantasizing about her. but i need to get over her because i know she likes me but it would be unethical for her to act on that. how can i get over her and still be around her?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 February 2010):
 I haven't been on for a little while, had some medical issues to tend to.
Love doesn't disappear, why? It is what it is. To really, truly and fully experience love is an exhilarating feeling like no other, and one to be treasured, even when you experience loss.
This hurt won't just go away, but you can refocus. (I have not taught this to someone so young, let me know how it works.) Whenever you feel this hurt coming on, I want you to take a few minutes, not to cry (mourn), but to focus your feelings on who she is, and what she does. Meaning, transferring your love for her, as in being with you, to loving her for what she does to teach students, her excellence in that area, her being a great mother raising her children, etc. It keeping the love alive, but taking it from a personal desired level to a non-personal level appreciating her addition you'd experienced that she adds to what she does.
I'm not asking you to forget. I've used this technique, and she's now married, has a child, and we've remained friends. And I still love that she's healthy and doing so well in her life, although it was not my place to be where her hubby is. OK. I hope this works for you. You don't need to be living with all this hurt. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): :( I don't know what you can do. I understand that the pain won't go away better than anyone. I'm in love with my Spanish teacher too, but she never loved me back. I guess there's not much we can do. Just keep hoping it will turn out alright in the end, no matter how impossible that seems.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (30 January 2010):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the question i am really hurting because i stopped seeing my teacher we were never 'dating' we were just very close. but i don't want to destroy her life i know that if a teacher and student are found to be having a relationship that it could ruin both lives. even though i would give up anything and everything for her i could never ask her to risk her job her reputation and the stability of her children's lives. now i am really depressed and i cry myself to sleep every night. i have stopped going to see her and avoid her completly because it hurts so much to see her. not a minute goes by without thinking of her. is there any way to stop hurting so much because i know that this pain will never go completely away so please don't say that it will.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): I replied to your last post a few days ago, but I guess it never showed up. I have a friend who is Catholic and she said most people don't believe God would send someone to hell for being gay. EVeryone speaks of Him as such a great being and why would people say that if he would turn someone away just for liking someone of the same gender? You can't just let this pass you by. You two might be meant to be together.... You might be soul mates. The fact that she loves you back and is your teacher should say that to you. And I understand you don't want your family and church to look down uopn you, but if they really love, if God really loves you, you have nothing to worry about.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (20 December 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGod said that it is wrong therefore i will probably live the rest of my life lone and lonely.... i also fear hat mychurch will say.... i don't want them to think less of me. and my family is homophobic
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): Aww I'm so sorry :( But you know, if you were born a lesbian, or bisexual, God can't punish you for that. Gay people are born gay, it's not a choice. I understand how you feel, I really do.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (18 December 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit is now christmas break and school has been out for 1 day and already i miss her. i wish that i didnt have this empty feeling inside. we both agreed to drop all contact over break but i cant stop thinking about her. we can never be together because the Bible says that to love a woman as you would a man ( or love a man as you would a woman) that would be as living in sin.. a guaranteed ticket to hell.... and it is true love no matter what others may think. i wish that i didnt feel so empty without her so that i wouldnt feel so bad about myself for being a lesbian / bisexual whatever i am. the phrase " absence only makes the heart grow more fond" never rang so true unfortunately
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): As sad as this is, I've been waiting for a follow-up on this question from la profesora for like two months cause I feel so bad for you and wanted to know how it's been lately... I really hope you two can be together once you've graduated cause it sounds like true love to me. Let me know :)
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (12 December 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondont talk about her like that.... ever she cares about me and i care about her even though it is wrong. and yes i know i have to control myself because it could potentially ruin her life. i dont want her to be hurt and i dont want to hurt myself by hurting her. she is the most amazing woman that i have ever met. but even though i wish that we could be together but i know that nothing can ever really happen legally.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 October 2009):
I'm not going to pity your home life. When I question, I do so to get a clearer view of who I'm talking to and the underlying cause of the question that's asked. Since your picture is religious based, I'm going to touch on your home life from that direction. God doesn't make mistakes, therefore, your birth, your being here, who you are, and who you become isn't a mistake either.
And as far as it being a fun game leading kids on, let him spend some time behind bars and see if he enjoys the games other inmates would be playing. It's wrong to mislead.
Sometimes, what you have to do is not what you want to do. You tried to end this, she cried, you felt bad. You're not going to get everyone jumping for joy when making these decisions. But, you recognize that's what needs to be done.
You talked about teachers, and your attraction these two separate times. What about other students, or kids your age? What do you think attracts you to these people who are older? I'm not going to tell you that feeling for someone is wrong. But even though these feelings exist, you have to develop a control over the appropriate time and place for expressing feelings. At school, and with a teacher is not proper time or place.
If she doesn't care about getting into trouble, spending jail time, loosing her career, being tagged for life as a sex offender, I'd really have to question her mental stability. Maybe you're not the one who's just seeking to feel cared for. She may have damaging past experiences that produced a low sense of self, which leads to behavior that are not appropriate and can potentially destroy her livelihood. You need to keep your eye open. People act certain ways for a reason. And being willing to give up that much, for an inappropriate relationship tells me she may have characteristics that you're not going to appreciate down the road. She may become controlling, violent, or have abnormal attachment issues.
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female
reader, la professora +, writes (30 October 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni don't know why i keep falling for my teachers the one 2 years ago was a mistake he was just leading me on because as he put it "it's a fun game to play" ms.C doesn't do that and never would.i didn't reply about my home life because you would probably say i just like feeling cared for because i am not wanted st home.and yes my parents have said i was just a mistake and wish i wasn't born. does that answer my home life question? it is not an embarassing thing for me but i don't like to talk about it because i don't like getting pitied. i do care and i re-read what i wrote and i don't think i made it clear but i did tell her that we shouldn't meet anymore because i don't ever want to get her in trouble.i also explained to her why it is wrong for us to want to be together. i told her i will always love her but that we can't keep doing this. she started crying when i said this. i feel horrible because i hurt her which in turn means i hurt myself. if you are going to ask why i think this i will answer this question now. when i hurt the ones i care about i break my own heart. i went to my spanish club meeting and she handed me a note and left with tears in her eyes. i followed her and comforted her and i think that was a mistake because she said she loves me more every second than the second before. the note was a poem in spanish. it was the most beautiful love poem i have ever read. it was all about how she knew she loved me from the first day i talked to her after class. i wish that this would stop. not the love but how uncontrollable it is getting.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 October 2009):
The boundaries have been crossed. Why do you keep falling for your teachers? I can't recall, and not motivated to read through all the messages, but I believe I asked you what your home life is like. Your relationship with your parents and such. You never answered. Is that an embarrassing or difficult subject to discuss?
I understand, your young, experiencing these feelings that develop more with puberty, and sometimes the feeling of acting on these feelings may be desired, but this is where self control comes to play. Your boundaries crossed, you kissed. This being your first kiss, I'm sure other things the teaches may want to progress and do, you haven't done either
She doesn't care if she gets in trouble. That's fine, but do you care if she does? I understand you're a teen, and she's an adult, but now I'm going to ask you to act as the adult. If you love her, you must care for her well being, so ask yourself, is it your desire she looses her license, and spends jail or prison time for allowing this to continue to engage. I may be a little hard, but by answering the number of times I have, I care what happens to you, and that your teacher keeps her career, and stays out of trouble.
I hope everything works out for you. Although you got your first kiss, do what's right for your long term benefit, and to protect your teacher.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (29 October 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice i have tried all of it but it isn't working. i only fell more in love with her as she says she has with me. i have another problem now because i was geting ready to head home and she came out of her classrom and asked to talk to me.she asked me why i have been avoiding her and i explained that even though i love her it is unethical for her to keep meeting with me and that i don't want to get her in trouble. well as it turns out she doesn't care if she gets in trouble as long as i still love her. i had to lie and say that i don't love her anymore (i forgot that i already told her i love her)and she looked very hurt because quite frankly i was blunt even if it was a lie. when i got to the door she said Chica... thats her pet name for me.i took a deep breath and turned around and she was right behind me. i asked her what she needed.then it happened.... she kissed me. my entire body went weak. at 15 this may sound odd but that was my first kiss ever. she felt it to and she said te amo which for those who don't know any spanish means i love you. and my mind was still reeling from the kiss and replied te amo tambien....i love you too. and she said i knew it. i knew you still loved me too. please help i can't control myself around her
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (5 October 2009):
 If you stay away for a few weeks it WILL begin to go away. I mean, how do you think you're gonna feel when you graduate? It's gonna hurt; it always does.and keep in mind that going to see her often can get her in trouble too if suspicion arises... and trust me, it does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): you are a 15 year old child. you may not want to admit it but that is actually who you are. this woman will be in so much of hot water , with the law, parents, and HER HUSBAND when she is found out. you are underaged and she is making /doing inappropriate sexual acts with a minor. she is not your friend or your great love she is a predator but nothing i say to warn you of her will will work. you just cannot see how wrong this work thing is. going to her house in then pretence of being a mere student is just so appauling. you are the third party in her marriage and you are destroying her home. stop before you also destroy the innocent kids lives. you are not totally blameless in this affair and just becareful what you wish for.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (5 October 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont go to her house or anything because i dont want to get her in trouble. but no one would understand and they would think the worst and probably get her fired and arrested. and i know its wrong but this torture at least lets me know im alive.any other time i just feel numb and nonexistant
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (4 October 2009):
hmmm... well that was out of line for her to tell you that, considering your not-even-close-to-legal age and the fact that she's you teacher.
if she ever gets a divorce in the future, it would be fine to date her, but you're definitely right about doing so now.
perhaps you should also stop going to her house and on outings with her, and if you really can't stop torturing yourself by visiting her office, you should see someone about that... or at least talk to your parents or guidance counselor.
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female
reader, la professora +, writes (4 October 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes she said she loves me romantically. we both feel the same way about each other but i won't let her dsetroy her life and her dreams because of me. i couldn't live with that guilt
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (3 October 2009):
she told you that she loves you romantically? because everything she's doing could just be friendly.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (3 October 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe has told me she loves me and i know that we can never be together but i still love her too.she and i talk about many things including things of this nature and i told her i loved her when she said she loved me and she said she was glad it wasnt just her feeling this way. please dont be judgemental towards her. but she always hugs me (if no one else is around us) and she has invited me to her house numerous times and invited me to meet her at the mall and hang with her and her kids (minus the husband)but we both know that a relationship would neer work. so we just satisfy our need to be around each other by me visiting her after school for a little while every day. to put it simply she feels the same way i do but she can control it a little better than i can. she has told me all of this herself and i dont know how i should respond.... well i know how i should but i cant make myself do that unless she finds a way to break my heart which is very hard to do because it has many layers of armor around it.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (3 October 2009):
Stop allowing yourself to get torn apart. You need to be grateful you have a teacher who really cares what you do, and if it's the best thing for you. She's made an impact on your life. That doesn't mean you two are meant to date.
During your lifetime, you're going to meet so many people that each in their own way is going to leave their mark on your life. Seems as if this teacher is one of those people. That doesn't mean it's time to date her. It means, you take the impression she left and treasure what it's done in your life.
We've all had people like that. At your age, we may have looked at that person different than as an adult. Many teachers care for students. You need to separate that caring for meaning something that it's not.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (2 October 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i ran into ms. again recently and we started talking about how school was going. i told her a was going to a career school next year and she got really worried. i don't know why. when i told her i was just going to do the half - day program she looked relieved. i dont know why this is and it confuses me. i feel like my heart was torn apart because after that she said that she didnt want me to do the full day program because she would miss me too much. it hurts to hear her say this because i know that nothing can ever happen between us. she just got married at the end of last year and she has 2 kids from her previous marriage. and even when i am legally old enough to be with her it would still be wrong because we are both females.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 September 2009):
Why do you think feeling the way you do is wrong? It may not be acceptable to act on these feelings, but how you feel can't be judged as being right or wrong.
I've worked where clients or co-workers were attractive making the mind wonder. What I do in those situations, which I have never dated or done anything with a co-worker or client, is keep in your mind all the time what type of relationship you have. This is a teacher/student relationship. It's important this relationship remain that way. You as the student, and she as the teacher. If she crossed her boundaries, she'd loose her license to teach. All the education she put into her dream of doing so, and could be sentenced to jail or prison. That's a lot to lose. So you as the student, and your feelings, you need to justify your feelings against if you'd feel all she has on the line is worth it.
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A
female
reader, la professora +, writes (26 September 2009):
la professora is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat's the problem i can't stop going to see her it's a compulsion and i can't seem to stop myself from giving in to it. i'm just too. weak but i don't want to be. i know that it's wrong to feel the way i do
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (25 September 2009):
in order to truly get over her, you'd have to stop going to see her.
i know that for me, my teacher-crushes tend to feel less intense during the summer when they aren't there everyday to remind me of how funny, attractive, etc. they are.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 September 2009):
I want you to think about this question thoroughly, and not let it go in one ear and out the other. Do you love her, or you do love the feeling of being cared for?
I've found teens who lack physical affection at home, fall for authority figures who show a caring they're lacking. So before I go any further: How is your home life?
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