A
female
age
36-40,
*loudysunshine
writes:Hi, i need some unbiased advice!..... basically, i was in a relationship from a young age, 15. At the age of 20, i fell out of love with my boyf, and fell totally for my best guy friend who id known for three years. I ended my relationship nt knowing what wud happen as my friend had a gf and i didnt want him to leave for me. However, he kept on telling my other friend how crazy he was about me, and had been for years. He sed he'd finished with his gf, but after a while, felt guilty and got back. He sed he was ashamed of what he did and didnt speak to me as much as a result. They ended up finishing last summer, and it was weird coz id suffered loads of anxiety which made me dwn throughout the year, adjusting to life without my ex, and my friend reli. then in sept, we gt close again and moved in with our other best friend whos a girl. We get along so well nw, and he and i have kissed on a number of occasions. However, i always want to take it further ie relationship, sex and he backs off, and says he scared he'll mess it up like before. I brought it up the other day and he went nuts. He sed he wasnt ready to deal with his problems yet. He got upset. Its been a few days and we're talking but nt the same. I just miss him when hes at his best, he text me tonite and didnt put kisses which hurt. We live together, its my bday in a couple of days, and i dnt want us going back to last year, and i dnt want to be made to feel guity for bringing it up coz hes always blowing hot and cold, and without meaning to, upsetting me :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 Each relationship, we learn what to do, what not to do, we love, hurt and develop fears. Love is extremely strong and we act or reaction from the desire to be loved or the fear of loosing it. It sounds as if he's confused with his direction, or by having sex he may fear loosing a friendship with you as so many do when taken to the next level then it doesn't end up working out. So, your friendship may be more meaningful to him than having a physical relationship.
On the same angle, I wouldn't keep bringing it up, because that type of pressure, if it went further may be out of feeling obligated to, which would be one that would not end well. Be the best friend that you can be, let him find his place in what he wants to do, and if that includes getting physical and you having what you've desired, let that naturally form. I hope this helps and have a happy birthday. Take care.
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