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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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What do you do if you find out your husband is cheating?
Q. What wil u do if u discover beyond reasonable doubt that ur husband is cheating on you? I gave up so many things i hold so dear,jst to keep my marriage. I was using my husband's mobile phone wen i discovered a txt message he sent to another woman ...
A. 4 June 2010: Ask him if he wishes to remain married. Let him know that his answer doesn't make sense, but if it's true, you'd be happy to call this girl and verify his story. Generally if it doesn't sound true, it isn't. Not saying there isn't any at all, but I ... (read in full...)
Not in love with wife and never have been, very depressed
Q. I became an alcoholic and drug addict when I was 15 years old. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 14. I am now almost 33 years old. When we met, I was drunk and high everyday, and the relationship was for me simply a sexual relationship but she ...
A. 9 May 2010: Actually I am comparing love for one individual to love for another individual. Acknowledging and accepting what love truly is makes the great difference. Intimate feelings are feelings of intimacy, which may lead to the choice of loving someone, ... (read in full...)
I really like my boyfriend and want to stay but he's making it difficult
Q. I have been in this relationship for about 9 months now. both me and my boyfriend are 20 years old. Ive been in long-term relationships before, but his on the other hand have never lasted over 3 months...maybe even less. In the past we have had a ...
A. 5 May 2010: Tell his as you just stated here. Just say, "You're making it difficult for us to stay together. You don't want to sit and discuss things so we can solve issues. Either we get things done together, as I'd hope we could, or I am going to have to ... (read in full...)
B/f thinks he's bisexual! What does this mean for us?
Q. Me and boyfriend recently broke-up because of the fact that he thinks he might be bi-sexual. We dated for a year and he was my high school sweetheart, he says that he's been physically and emotionally sick since the breakup but reassures me that ...
A. 5 May 2010: That would be up to you, and if you trust his love over this mixed sexual identity and if you love him as well. This may be a phase he's in, but who knows. I'd recommend counseling, not to condemn his bi-sexuality, but to sort out why he may be ... (read in full...)
He told me never to call him again and to get tested for HIV! Why would he do this to me?
Q. ive a psoarisis, till my boyfriend found out when we try to fist made up. he felt sorry for me and yet we still have it in protected way. (COndom) the worst part is, he left me hanging dont know why he ask me not to call him anymore and ask me to ...
A. 5 May 2010: Are you talking about having the non-contagious skin condition. If so, I don't see the relationship with aids, as he had mentioned to you. It is auto-immune, but has no relation what so ever to HIV. Are you sure that he wasn't just looking for sex, ... (read in full...)
He says its over but he's still in my bed!
Q. hiya going through a rough time with my bf been with him for 4yrs ive been chatting on line and hes seen my emails there wasent anything in it just boredom really he works away he says its over between us he still lving with me and out daughter hes ...
A. 5 May 2010: It's hard to tell because of his mixed signals. If you don't want to loose him, tell him so. Did you two get into an argument where his saying that may have been an emotional response to the argument? The context by which it's said, can show if it ... (read in full...)
Does my ex still love me? Advice would be so much appreciated here...
Q. I broke up with my uni boyfriend over a year ago now, but we've stayed in touch. We had been together for about 2 and a half years and looking back, I think breaking up was hasty. I did need to do some 'work' on myself (which I feel i now have) ...
A. 5 May 2010: I'd recommend to not forget, but not judge now, with the past. He's asking you to spend time with him. It may be as friends, but that is where you are at now, so treat it as such, and let it redevelop into something more if that's the direction it's ... (read in full...)
Why would I dream of cheating on my boyfriend?
Q. I had the strangest dream last night and i was wondering did anyone know what it meant lol I cheated on my long term serious bf who i adore and love and i would never ever cheat on, with a guy from my past who i never liked or had a connectio...
A. 4 May 2010: I wouldn't worry about it. You're with your boyfriend, love him and wouldn't cheat on him. Our dreams come and often without control. They can be strange and out of character. I don't see it as being a fantasy either, unless its content were ... (read in full...)
Not in love with wife and never have been, very depressed
Q. I became an alcoholic and drug addict when I was 15 years old. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 14. I am now almost 33 years old. When we met, I was drunk and high everyday, and the relationship was for me simply a sexual relationship but she ...
A. 4 May 2010: Maybe it's not that we don't see the whole picture, as much as it may be that we're giving you a broader, outside your box look at possibility.
You're right, you won't fall in love with her, because love is not a falling. Love is greatly misrepre... (read in full...)
How do I undo the damage I did by keeping contact with my ex wife?
Q. I must have done everything wrong that I could do in regard to my ex-wife. Even though she is now in a rebound relationship with the man she was secretly seeing for several months. The affair has brought out the worst in me. I know I wasn't the one ...
A. 3 May 2010: Your follow up, in a way proved what I stated before with her mental condition. It's not your fault and their is nothing anyone can really do that doesn't include psychiatric treatment. It may be difficult, but the best thing to do is ignore her ... (read in full...)
I love them both but I can't have them both!
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend who recently asked me to marry him for 3 years now, he is the kindest and most loving guy and he treats me like a princess. However over the past 8 months i have been getting feelings for an old friend of his, and the ...
A. 3 May 2010: q1605: I'd see that as more of a probability than a possibility.
Exactly my point. You can't choose, so tell him, he'd leave, then you'd be left with one guy to choose from.
There are so many guys out there. You need to keep to your choices, an... (read in full...)
I love them both but I can't have them both!
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend who recently asked me to marry him for 3 years now, he is the kindest and most loving guy and he treats me like a princess. However over the past 8 months i have been getting feelings for an old friend of his, and the ...
A. 3 May 2010: Why don't you include your boyfriend in this process. He may choose for you, then you wouldn't have to worry about it much. The old saying, "With friends like him, who needs enemies" holds true here. Over the years, I'd had friend who have had very ... (read in full...)
My Husband Doesn't Support Me Emotionally
Q. I am married to an army soldier, who does not seem to understand my needs at all. We have been married one year , and there has never been much romance in our relationship, just strong feelings. He doesn't understand my emotional needs; writes them ...
A. 3 May 2010: You two are married, but it seems as if their is no partnership in your marriage. Ask him, "Do you want to be married?" It's simple and only requires a yes or no answer. If he says he does, set a time to sit and discuss your relationship and ... (read in full...)
What do you do if you find out your husband is cheating?
Q. What wil u do if u discover beyond reasonable doubt that ur husband is cheating on you? I gave up so many things i hold so dear,jst to keep my marriage. I was using my husband's mobile phone wen i discovered a txt message he sent to another woman ...
A. 3 May 2010: 1 st confront him. Then go from there. You'll be able to tell in his behavior which direction to take next. If you can forgive and work on your marriage, or if it's time to hang it up and say goodbye. The main thing, get it done so you'll stop ... (read in full...)
I said things I shouldn't have said and now he won't talk to me! This is so painful!
Q. I am going through a pain like i have never felt before. I'd rather experience physical pain then the feeling i have right now. I had been seeing someone for 3 months. We had a lot of fights and mostly because of me because I would question him on a ...
A. 3 May 2010: I think he is slightly temperamental. You weren't expecting him at that time, so there is no reason why you should have to stay home, while he's out wherever. You did not lie. A lie must include an intent to deceive, which it doesn't sound like you ... (read in full...)
3 years on and I still want to be with my step-brother so much!
Q. About three years ago I was having sexual relations with my step brother, this went on for about a year. Before people jump to conclusions here let me just define this relationship for you. We are not blood related and we were not brought up in the ...
A. 2 May 2010: I'd say that you need to live today for today. Their may be a chance down the road for your coming together, when the chance arises, tell him how you feel. Until then, just live, and enjoy life for yourself. I feel you're wasting time away by ... (read in full...)
Happily married but also in love with my possible half brother!
Q. I have been happily married for nearly six years and have two wonderful children (one from a previous relationship; and one with my husband). A couple of months ago, I made friends with a young couple through friends and over time I fell in love ...
A. 2 May 2010: In reading this. I really feel sorry for your husband and your kids, that they don't have a more committed individual in their life. Let me tell you why. If I take everything you wrote, and put it only in the context of the message that comes ... (read in full...)
Why won't he commit to anything when he loves me?
Q. I meant this guy over 5 years ago,he became a close friend and I ended up falling in love with him and he fell in love with me. During the time I meant him I was in a horrible relationship that I was having a hard time getting out of. To say the ...
A. 1 May 2010: Sounds as if the pain you caused each other is still present. How is he to know the same that has happened before won't take place again? When his hurt took place the first time, the brain automatically triggers a red flag, if he may be entering ... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 4 months, he says he loves both me and his wife and now she's coming back!
Q. Hi there! i have a serious problem here. i met this guy in december 2009, he told me his wife has left him for 14 months, then we started dating, now were are so emotional involved he just told me a week ago that the wife is coming back from ...
A. 1 May 2010: Is she coming back to be with him, or is she only returning to the country? If she's coming back for him, I'd cut him loose, which includes no more "romance".
This is a difficult situation, where he's married and she's out of the picture.... (read in full...)
I think he's cheating and he won't discuss it!
Q. My guy and I have been together for 23 yrs several years ago he started doing drugs, working late, anger always, money loss, not call, weird unexplainable misc. things, social scene I never new about, went to bars, hung at home socializing when I ...
A. 1 May 2010: SeaCalm is correct that "it's time for you to decide what you want and how you want to be treated in a relationship." It's your choice. No one has the right to treat you less than what you choose. This is how you protect your self-esteem, is by ... (read in full...)
Can I trust my girlfriend again after she left me for another man?
Q. do i trust my girlfriend again my girlfriend left me for another guy, she slept with him , then a week later told me she had made a big mistake...she was working away with him, so it took her 5 months to finish her contract and return to me..in t...
A. 1 May 2010: Don't look at it as you becoming sad, just caught up in desire. This desire stems off two areas, actually "relationships" in general do. (1) The desire to be loved, (2) The fear of loosing love. Sometimes I see that we get caught up in between the ... (read in full...)
Acai berry scam.. how to get out of it?! please help!
Q. hi! i am totally aware that this isnt a relationship question, but i didnt know who else to ask! i ordered the acai berry pills online for a free trial.. which ironically is actually legit, but the trick is that in the small print, it says that ...
A. 1 May 2010: What's your age? Check in your country how old you have to be enter a legal contact.
This is the information I found. I didn't know exactly which product is yours, so I listed each one.
Product: Acai Burn
Common Complaints:
Fraud... (read in full...)
Accused of cheating but we aren't having sex!
Q. Why does he accuse me of wanting to cheat and tell me he doesn't think I want to be with him and and that he thinks I am not turned on by him anymore. Is this a projection and this is how he talks all diverse areas of our relationship, his ideas are ...
A. 1 May 2010: Get something clear. If he does not want to be there anymore, it's not because of what you have or have not done. He can blame it on you, lusting after others or whatever, that's only a way of not accepting responsibility.
Id ask him directly... (read in full...)
I think he's cheating and he won't discuss it!
Q. My guy and I have been together for 23 yrs several years ago he started doing drugs, working late, anger always, money loss, not call, weird unexplainable misc. things, social scene I never new about, went to bars, hung at home socializing when I ...
A. 1 May 2010: I'd say it sounds as if he is. Cheaters generally come back and accuse their partner as well, which is interesting when you don't show any signs that can point toward that conclusion. And what past is it that you won't let go of? His cheating past ... (read in full...)
Not in love with wife and never have been, very depressed
Q. I became an alcoholic and drug addict when I was 15 years old. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 14. I am now almost 33 years old. When we met, I was drunk and high everyday, and the relationship was for me simply a sexual relationship but she ...
A. 1 May 2010: I'd have to agree with AuntyEm. There are not may people out there who would stick with someone who's gone through what you had with addiction.
What I'd recommend is you begin to have a real relationship with your wife. You'd never had one, so ... (read in full...)
Two lovers, One Broken heart!
Q. ok so this is how it is. im lost between two men that i am deeply in love with. the first guy i met 4 years ago we dated and do to uncontrolable stuff we broke up and decided to stay friends, and until a couple days ago we were just friends who ...
A. 1 May 2010: Have you addressed the changes with your fiance? That should be your first step, instead of just allowing the way things are to continue as such.
I'm thinking your confusion has nothing to do with these two guys. It stems from your low self est... (read in full...)
I kissed a co-worked. Feeling guilty and don't know what to do.
Q. I am completly to blame for what I've done but I need advice. About 2 months ago a new guy started working in my office. We hit it off straightaway and flirted, it was harmless and I have a boyfriend and he has a girl friend. We we...
A. 30 April 2010: It may seem okay to not tell your boyfriend, but as guilt works, not doing so will take its tole. Guilt expands when keeping this secret. You may not notice it now, but later on it will be quite evident.
As the other poster said, you're feeling ... (read in full...)
Help! My husband is a workaholic!
Q. Is there any solution to this tricky situation? My husband is a workaholic. I know, it is so much better than a guy who does not pay the bills. But if you have one if these husbands, you know what I'm talking about. Because of his work, he totally ...
A. 30 April 2010: At one point in my life I was the same way, and it was not intentional. I felt, as being the "man" of the house, it was my responsibility to assure the bills were paid, and that my wife had her share of spending and shopping cash. That was my duty ... (read in full...)
I'm very attractive and always being hit on!
Q. i am a very actrive female and all my friends boyfriends and husbands try to hit on me. I dont come around and that is the reason. It makes me feel good that i am beautiful, but i dont like the people who i get it from. I have modeled some in the ...
A. 30 April 2010: When you accept popularity, you accept what come with it. I'd recommend ignoring those who make the advances, be yourself and live for yourself. ... (read in full...)
Why after 8 years do I feel jealous that my wife has dated a black man?
Q. my wife of 2 yrs (together for 8 years), had mentioned casually that she dated a black guy in colllege. Now i feel like Im not good enough to satisfy her beause he was so much bigger. She also has dated a lot mofe guys than me and it makes me ...
A. 30 April 2010: I don't think you're as jealous as much as you are insecure of yourself. Who's married to her? Who did she choose to spend her life with? To her, you're good enough to walk down the isle with and be married to. If she felt you were not, would you be ... (read in full...)
What do guys consider a friend with benefits?
Q. What do guys consider a friend with benefits. I don't see a problem kissing someone, touching and possibly maybe giving a hand job or him fingering me as friend with benefits even if it happens a lot. I do think giving blow jobs, him going down...
A. 30 April 2010: I think you need to stick with your principle. It's against your character. 1st, define character, "way of being...the foundation of who you are." At no time should you change your character to please someone else. Changing or reformatting who you ... (read in full...)
Can I trust my girlfriend again after she left me for another man?
Q. do i trust my girlfriend again my girlfriend left me for another guy, she slept with him , then a week later told me she had made a big mistake...she was working away with him, so it took her 5 months to finish her contract and return to me..in t...
A. 30 April 2010: Her not wanting you to come to the wedding. I'd be weary about what her reasons or intentions are. You're trying to put this behind you. Really, I wouldn't just ask, "what is the truth", I'd state the truth,"It doesn't take much to see when ... (read in full...)
She says she cant have a relationship coz he ex is stalking her!
Q. I met this girl through playing tennis. We were just friends at first. She gives me her number. We speak regularly on the phone, text, e mail etc. Eventually we go on a date. It goes well. There is flirting from both of us, she tells me she ...
A. 30 April 2010: In a way you can compare it to alcoholics, stalking is a control addiction. That's one thing I can't figure out, I know, if they do love it's a distorted sense of it, or it may not be the person, rather the control, they are actually in love with. ... (read in full...)
She says she cant have a relationship coz he ex is stalking her!
Q. I met this girl through playing tennis. We were just friends at first. She gives me her number. We speak regularly on the phone, text, e mail etc. Eventually we go on a date. It goes well. There is flirting from both of us, she tells me she ...
A. 29 April 2010: I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself. I can take care of myself as well. Only saying their is a difference between a normal confrontation, and being confronted with someone who may have psychosis, or other psychotic abnormality. I spend a ... (read in full...)
She says she cant have a relationship coz he ex is stalking her!
Q. I met this girl through playing tennis. We were just friends at first. She gives me her number. We speak regularly on the phone, text, e mail etc. Eventually we go on a date. It goes well. There is flirting from both of us, she tells me she ...
A. 29 April 2010: [If] she is being stalked, that in itself puts up a flag of danger. She could be saying that to protect you, more than not wanting a relationship. If you haven't been going out that long, the "L" word may cause her to back up a little. Take it slow. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he could never marry me because I hate my own mother.
Q. My mother does not support me in anything. I'm in my 3rd semester in college working on a crimal justice bachelors degree. Shouldn't I parent be proud? I guess they should but she isn't. She calls me "worthless" and worst things. So I have tried to ...
A. 29 April 2010: Family is important, very very important, IF they act as a family. That means no belittling your children, and making them feel worthless, or at least telling them that they are. That's not a family, it's dysfunction. Who does dysfunction benefit? ... (read in full...)
I said things I shouldn't have said and now he won't talk to me! This is so painful!
Q. I am going through a pain like i have never felt before. I'd rather experience physical pain then the feeling i have right now. I had been seeing someone for 3 months. We had a lot of fights and mostly because of me because I would question him on a ...
A. 29 April 2010: Good luck with your conversation tomorrow. ... (read in full...)
Our daughter went missing whilst oversea's 4 years ago. How do I let go?
Q. Everything I'm about to tell you is true. Four years ago, we had a horrific tragedy occur in the family. We lost our 19 year old daughter to human trafficking. She was a very bright girl; got A's in all her classes and even graduated third ...
A. 29 April 2010: It's not that often that in reading a story or question where I become lost for words. My heart goes out to your family and the difficulties you've had to endure. I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through.
England could be a great op... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got so jealous she threw an iron at my head. Should I dump her?
Q. I have been dating someone for a year now and it has gotten to be very serious. I work the graveyard shift at a resturaunt and a few weeks ago I was very sick and didn't finish my shift. One of the waitresses is a very dear friend of mine liv...
A. 29 April 2010: I'd say follow your heart, but how many irons would that line up for you in the future? There's a difference between being jealous and being violent when jealous. I'd be weary about her inability to control her temper. She may love you, but if ... (read in full...)
Wondering whether to be honest about 'cheating' before he moves in
Q. i need advice...bad! i have been with my boyfriend for two years now and we have been through alot together and still have remained in a relationship. things were going to so well but then i kissed another girl. you see i am bi. but this isn...
A. 29 April 2010: After reading your followup, I wanted to ask a question. You said you need time to experience, and you're not looking for commitment, is that true, or is it that based on your past you're afraid of what being committed may look like?... (read in full...)
I said things I shouldn't have said and now he won't talk to me! This is so painful!
Q. I am going through a pain like i have never felt before. I'd rather experience physical pain then the feeling i have right now. I had been seeing someone for 3 months. We had a lot of fights and mostly because of me because I would question him on a ...
A. 29 April 2010: The tongues is like a double edged sward. I agree with the other poster, sounds like a lot of drama. You need to slow down, sort out what's going on, what happened, and especially your emotions. When I read questions, I attempt to read into the ... (read in full...)
Wondering whether to be honest about 'cheating' before he moves in
Q. i need advice...bad! i have been with my boyfriend for two years now and we have been through alot together and still have remained in a relationship. things were going to so well but then i kissed another girl. you see i am bi. but this isn...
A. 29 April 2010: Why not be honest and give him a short time place to stay? Dating for two years, you two must have a friendship as well. Come to an agreement of where your relationship lies. But whether you keep going, but a little more open, or not, if he does ... (read in full...)
My husband has an addiction to men and women on Craigslist, am I handling this the right way?
Q. My husband has an addiction to Craigslist, writing and posting to mostly men and occasionally women. I know he loves me like crazy, and I know that he hurts himself even more than he hurts me. He's extremely intelligent (really, he's a brain), and ...
A. 27 April 2010: Through the trauma, I'd recommend, if he has access to a neuro-linguistics programmer. Where traditional counseling has not been proven effective with trauma, NLP, has been proven extremely effective in both traumatized children and adults.
I've ... (read in full...)
How do I undo the damage I did by keeping contact with my ex wife?
Q. I must have done everything wrong that I could do in regard to my ex-wife. Even though she is now in a rebound relationship with the man she was secretly seeing for several months. The affair has brought out the worst in me. I know I wasn't the one ...
A. 27 April 2010: We have all had these moments of weakness, and confusion. It's extremely difficult when someone we love and have history with decides a path that does not include us, as it once did.
I'm not saying her choice was the right one, and I won't sa... (read in full...)
My husband has an addiction to men and women on Craigslist, am I handling this the right way?
Q. My husband has an addiction to Craigslist, writing and posting to mostly men and occasionally women. I know he loves me like crazy, and I know that he hurts himself even more than he hurts me. He's extremely intelligent (really, he's a brain), and ...
A. 24 April 2010: I would work through it a little different. You need to keep in mind that an addiction is addiction, and the form is only the method used to fill whatever void or piece of self he lacking. Take an alcoholic, if you tell them to get help, state ... (read in full...)
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