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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 11 May 2010: I wish you the best with everything. Recording seems sneaky, but going through this myself at one time, my ex seemed possessed at home, but in public, especially with those who have authority, she'd come across as a "I can do no wrong" angel. Take ... (read in full...)
Will allowing my wife to sleep with other men get her through her mid life crisis?
Q. My wife has came to me with the idea that she wants to sleep with other men. She is madly in love with me and our sex life is incredible. She has been chatting online with other men and has lined up her first "dude" for this Friday night. She is ...
A. 7 April 2010: I think that what she is missing is inside her. Often a low sense of self will cause a misguided direction drawing someone into negative behavior patterns to fill this void. You're right, it's the attention.
Here's what I see. She doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
Will allowing my wife to sleep with other men get her through her mid life crisis?
Q. My wife has came to me with the idea that she wants to sleep with other men. She is madly in love with me and our sex life is incredible. She has been chatting online with other men and has lined up her first "dude" for this Friday night. She is ...
A. 19 March 2010: Isn't this what you need to find out? If you're not looking for a swinger relationship, tell her that's not what you desire. Compromise in a marriage does not include agreeing for your wife to become unfaithful. ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my mother in-law? I cant keep living like this!
Q. I don't know from where I start ,I am tired of the situation I am living in.and I do not know what I should do ,I need help,I want to make a mature and a right decision. Before I get married,I was in different country ,and my husband was living w...
A. 18 March 2010: I'd tell him, get the apartment, and he can come visit you when he finds to fit you into this schedule of his. Let him know that either way, you can't live in this situation. There has to be some compromise because that is what a marriage is. If he ... (read in full...)
Will allowing my wife to sleep with other men get her through her mid life crisis?
Q. My wife has came to me with the idea that she wants to sleep with other men. She is madly in love with me and our sex life is incredible. She has been chatting online with other men and has lined up her first "dude" for this Friday night. She is ...
A. 17 March 2010: This is extremely selfish behavior. She said it's like having a disease, then she needs to set a doctors appointment with a counselor, instead of doing what will have a high probability of being the end of your marriage. It's nice she told you about ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my mother in-law? I cant keep living like this!
Q. I don't know from where I start ,I am tired of the situation I am living in.and I do not know what I should do ,I need help,I want to make a mature and a right decision. Before I get married,I was in different country ,and my husband was living w...
A. 16 March 2010: I can see his side, but in this situation the marriage is what's of value. Can he have a place and visit her daily, but giving you the freedom and feeling of being married that you deserve? I think so. Marriage is about compromise, but it's not ... (read in full...)
Should I continue neglecting my own feelings for my wife and child?
Q. i married my wife because we had a kid and i didn't want to be irresponsible, but i don't think i can do it anymore. It's almost 10 yrs now and words cannot described how i feel! I have try to be the husband that my conscious mind wants to be, by ...
A. 16 March 2010: In answer to jannipeg: I am not married. I am divorced, but a single parent for my children. What I was referring to is pre-set or pre-determination of the reasons behind the marriage. Such as, if I said "I am only getting married, because..." ... (read in full...)
Am I aiming too high to not want a boring boyfriend?
Q. I'm permanently single.. And it's driving me insane... I never get any interest from guys at all unless they're really boring and mundane. Am I aiming too high or something ? Should I settle for uneasy conversation etc? :( ...
A. 16 March 2010: I think you should not look for guys, but join clubs, groups etc. that relate to your interest. Reason not to look, is that by following your life passions, you'll run into meet and find guys of like interest to yours. ... (read in full...)
Two men, one good and one bad
Q. I met back up with this guy that I dated about ten yrs ago. We told and thought that since we are older now we know what we want in a relationship. It started off great he would call and txt all day long. The one night to spent the night nothing ...
A. 15 March 2010: You say this man that you are with "is not for" you? And you are with him why? Why would you put someone else through the pain of finding out the he's not for you later than being honest with him earlier where you can both find someone who may be ... (read in full...)
HE spends a lot of time with me, but says he can't love anybody
Q. Hey all :) i'm in a bit of a situation. there's thing guy i've known for 2 years. i started liking him after a year. he teases me about my other guy friends, talks to me quite a bit, and we spend a lot of time together because of school, tuition ...
A. 15 March 2010: O.K. He said he's afraid because of a girl turning him down. So, if you really like him, and you want to break through this rejection. I don't see anything wrong with you asking him out. He only says he can't love anybody. At your age may have some ... (read in full...)
Should I continue neglecting my own feelings for my wife and child?
Q. i married my wife because we had a kid and i didn't want to be irresponsible, but i don't think i can do it anymore. It's almost 10 yrs now and words cannot described how i feel! I have try to be the husband that my conscious mind wants to be, by ...
A. 14 March 2010: I agree with the other poster. I commend you for being one who has stepped up and has gone through this, instead of taking of as we know so many do. Although I agree totally with the other poster, I was to at least take you into a different ... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with my boyfriend not trusting me!
Q. im 15 and i have a 16 yr old b/f and he treats me like a queen buys me anything, nd always by my side but he doesnt trust me for what reason idk b/c im never cheated b/c im not that type of person. we been together for 2 yrs now nd im really geting ...
A. 14 March 2010: I'd advise that you end it as well. His behavior is the type that when he gets older he's really going to cause problems to women he dates. You are too young to be controlled by a guy although it's not condoned at any age. If he doesn't first trust ... (read in full...)
Am I aiming too high to not want a boring boyfriend?
Q. I'm permanently single.. And it's driving me insane... I never get any interest from guys at all unless they're really boring and mundane. Am I aiming too high or something ? Should I settle for uneasy conversation etc? :( ...
A. 14 March 2010: Why don't you give a little more information. How exciting, or what activities you find are exciting to share with another. How do you see them boring, and how much time to you give them before deciding their boring? I know from meeting girls in the ... (read in full...)
How can tell my man that I'm not cheating or doing anything wrong???
Q. Hi just quick advice from u would help i been dating my boyfriend over year now and we actually live together and everything is so beautiful between us. i dont hide anything from my man becuz we trust each other. the other night an old friend c...
A. 13 March 2010: If he calls again, choose your words carefully. "I'm busy" is comparable to "now is not a good time", "caught me at a bad time" etc. but leaving it open for an invitation to call at a more convenient time.
I would assure him again that nothing ... (read in full...)
16 years of deceit and manipulation...
Q. I lied about my past to my boyfriend of 8 years, now husband of 6 years about my sexual past. He left for college 18 mths after we met with the promise that he will return, in fact he made regular visits back home and each time i would let him feel ...
A. 13 March 2010: It takes courage coming on here and telling your past. Generally we hear of people who have been deceived, and not the one who was in the wrong. Doing so, and facing the past is a huge step in healing from it.
Let's discuss why deceit and mani... (read in full...)
Torn between two brothers ...
Q. Before anyone judges me please understand my reasons for what i have done. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and the past 6 months, i've been sleeping with his younger brother who is the same age as me, 21. A little over a year ago i found...
A. 8 March 2010: You can't seem to think that getting back at someone for what they do, by replicating behavior will help to heal the hurt they caused. He's still cheating!!! Time to say goodbye to him.
You gave your reason, I understand it, now I'm going to... (read in full...)
Should I be in this relationship when I can't stand to be touched
Q. About 4.5 years ago i was seriously hurt by a crazy ex. Sex was abuse, and it was cruel, and as soon as i could escape i did. I moved to a different city, sacrificed my friends, my job, my life and developed an eating disorder. My way of handling ...
A. 7 March 2010: Let me ask you this. How long are you willing to allow your ex control your life now? Accept that you deserve to be loved. Accept that you deserve to feel good when intimate. This is not your ex, but your blocks are pushing him away as if his touch ... (read in full...)
I am dealing with my best friend's death
Q. I was best friends with this girl for over seventeen years; since we were nine. She met this guy in junior year of high school and I actually really liked him at first; as in, I gave my "approval" as best friend. He treated her very well the first ...
A. 7 March 2010: Sorry for you loss with your friend. Sounds like being an advocate will help in your healing process. If you do, remember domestic violence doesn't discriminate. Men and women can both be victims, although society as ignored male victims to a ... (read in full...)
I think I had unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should be
Q. I'm currently in a relationship with a girl (I'm 17 and shes 16, I'm a junior she's a sophomore)l that I do really like but lately things just haven't been working out. I think I may have found the exact reason why... This is actually my firs...
A. 7 March 2010: Open relationships are simply, you're still together, but both are able to date other people as well. With her feelings for you and your feelings for her, how would you handle knowing she has a date with another boy? I can tell you, at this age, ... (read in full...)
My parents have rules but my boyfriend thinks I am treated unfairly
Q. So I have a curfew. Tonight was my boyfriends birthday, so I went out. I told my parents I would be home by one, not knowing if that would happen or not. My boyfriend knows my parents are strict too, and that I had to be home. So, Im at the party ...
A. 7 March 2010: When you told them you'd be home by one, you didn't state that it would be a tentative time, did you. Did you call them to let them know you'd be staying out a little later prior to 1 PM. You are still their daughter, so even though you are an ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend seems more distant. What should I do?
Q. I dont know how to say this. i realy need good advice. I am madly in love with this guy who loves me too. problem is he is a married man and is too good. we been dating for 6 years. Now he gets too tied up and phones less. says he loves me still bu...
A. 6 March 2010: Someone else has the same first thought, is saying that he is seeing some else, his wife. Six years, still married, no changes there. Who truly has right to this man, you being the other woman, or his wife? Can you trust what he says? Let me ask you ... (read in full...)
15 with a 10 month old baby. I feel so lonely.
Q. I have a 10 month old baby and im 15. When i was about 8 months pregnant i left my high school. Im in indepenent studies though, im so depressed I have no friends at all I only talk to my boyfriend, I do everything with him. I just feel so trapped ...
A. 6 March 2010: Life changes with having a baby. It can be difficult and stressful. I will tell you from experience (having 4 children), watching my children grow and being part of their grown is the greatest pleasure I've ever had the opportunity to be part of.
... (read in full...)
If I really loved him would I be able to lose weight??
Q. Hi Guys! I am really upset and hoping for some help. I would love to get some answers from guys as well on this one. My LTR BF (8 years) has asked me to lose weight before (I am approx size 14/16 and was this size when we met and I am quite tall ...
A. 6 March 2010: Weight loss is something that is personal, with how one feels about ones self. I relationship is not purposed to mold you into anyone's view of who they want you to be. That's be as if you were to toss away your identity in any relationship and ... (read in full...)
He hates me now!!!
Q. He hates me now... hmm...? To keep it short... my ex hates me because he thinks he's the one who broke it off, not me. i wanted to talk to him about this and asked him for dinners but he asked me to "wait till he's free". we haven't been tal...
A. 5 March 2010: I think his sign of "wait" for his to be ready is a sign that you may have no choice but to let him go. Call now, and see how it goes, but keep in mind the possibility that you two may not come back together. The fact is, you two are not together, ... (read in full...)
He is nasty and vindictive and uses our son as a weapon
Q. Hi there. I was wondering if anyone could help? 10 years ago, my life was great. I was studying to be a lawyer, I had bought my own house, I had great friends and was pretty happy. Some friends were working overseas and I decided it would be fun ...
A. 4 March 2010: First, record date time and what he has done or said. Check the laws for audio recording equipment. If legally evident, recording devices on your phone, and a hand small recorder in your pocket to gather anything that is said in person between you ... (read in full...)
His daughter is so jealous of us.
Q. My boyfriend has a daughter that is 7. Her mother and my boyfriend have been apart for sometime. The mother has had a boyfriend living with her for the last year. Recently me and my boyfriend have moved in together. When his daughter comes over ...
A. 4 March 2010: She doesn't do that at her moms because she's daddy's little girl.
A dad is the first male a daughter loves, and puts her trust into. These bonds are important because in cases I've researched where the dad doesn't build a positive relation... (read in full...)
Should I just not tell her...?
Q. Hey, I met this girl and we hit it off and became very close, anyway she confided in me that she had been sexually abused when she was young by her father, things were going reall good but then we broke, some of the relationship problems stem form ...
A. 4 March 2010: I think, in this instance, it'd do more harm that good to tell her. I don't say that often, because truth is what it is. You needed someone to confide in during your hard times, and it is true that sexual abuse can present behaviors making it hard ... (read in full...)
Together for 6 months, he wants to live together, says no marriage in short term future, should I dig deeper,if I want more?
Q. I’ve been with my BF for just over 6 months. A while ago we talked about marriage in general and he said that he sees it as a label mostly and that getting married doesn’t mean all will be fine in the future. He’s also said that he doesn’t see ...
A. 4 March 2010: He says no marriage in the short term future, which is the same that you had said. Husband and wife are titles and to many, they are precious titles. I'd take it slow and go with your heart. If you have to ask where he stands, that'd be fine, but ... (read in full...)
My mom and dad want to use my credit and then have me go bankrupt, any way I can stop them?
Q. So I have sort of a financial problem... Apparently my dad and mom want to work up my credit then have me go bankrupt I have no specicfic reasons why so dey want to ... But I have no control and if I say no they stop talking to me... Why would I ...
A. 4 March 2010: if they talk to you or not, say no!!! I say, let the pout and not talk all they want. your credit is yours and yours alone. they have no right to your credit and they don't have the right to tell you to file bankruptcy, and for what? ... (read in full...)
My adult daughter's boyfriend "gropes" her in front of me... How can I deal with this?
Q. I recently welcomed a young adult daughter back home after she started self harming because her same age boyfriend was disregarding her sexual wishes. He wanted to do some things she did not and forced these things on her. She is still his girlfr...
A. 2 March 2010: Lets talk assertive. People, generally don't like hurting the others feelings, especially when related. So often things don't get said. Two months ago, I told my own mother to get checked for situational anxiety disorder. She didn't talk to me for ... (read in full...)
If I don't have sex with my boyfriend will he go elsewhere?
Q. I'm afraid that if i dont have sex with my boyfriend he will go somewhere else.Help?...
A. 1 March 2010: Then your boyfriend needs to go else where. No guy is worth tossing away what you believe and your principles for. If they aren't with you, just for you even if sex free, they're not your type. ... (read in full...)
What should I do? give him space? wait for him to reach out?
Q. My boyfriend and I were discussing past relationships when he stopped me and started to yell at me stating that i did NOT tell him about one of the guys. I know for a fact that I did, i remember the conversation clearly but he is so set saying that ...
A. 1 March 2010: Have you been with anyone since you two have been together? If not nothing has changed from the time you did or did not tell him to the time you say you did and he says you didn't, right? I'd wait for his to contact you, then I'd say, "I feel strong ... (read in full...)
I hit him, he hit me -- should we try to work it out?
Q. My boyfriend and I got into a petty arguement which esceladed and then he ended up tossing me around the house. Although I hit him first I still feel its wrong what he did to me. He was abused as a kid and abandoned by his mother. He cried to me and ...
A. 1 March 2010: That would be up to you. This situation is a little different than many I've talked to people about, in the sense of the level of responsibility he accepted for his part. From what you'd said, I wouldn't recommend against you staying with him, while ... (read in full...)
My adult daughter's boyfriend "gropes" her in front of me... How can I deal with this?
Q. I recently welcomed a young adult daughter back home after she started self harming because her same age boyfriend was disregarding her sexual wishes. He wanted to do some things she did not and forced these things on her. She is still his girlfr...
A. 27 February 2010: Lets talk a little bit about the "why" verses the action. I'm worried about the behaviors of this guy your daughter is with. When you look at the prior abuse, forcing into sexual acts that she was not wanting to do, that shows a definite controlling ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be romantic with a boy who likes me, I just want to get dirty with him!
Q. So this boy likes me but I think I just like him because I want someone to make out with and have fun with. I've known this boy since middle school and he liked me in middle school too but I NEVER even thought of liking him. Now we're in hi...
A. 27 February 2010: I'm not going to state what you should do, because I won't be an adult figure giving you "getting dirty" advice, where you're parents may not extend such advice. I will answer this in general terms as far as where you said it'd would be fair to ... (read in full...)
My husband is very rude! Am I doing something wrong?
Q. I have noticed that when my husband goes away for work 1day or so and he is coming home he doesnt call me nor let me know he is save. Then i kinda freak out and say to him if been worrying if you're ok. I will kiss him then if he say something like ...
A. 26 February 2010: What is your idea of a good marriage? If you were to close your eyes and imagine how you'd like your marriage to be, does it look like the reality of yours? He's a very controlling person. It's as if he can do what he wants, and you just wait home ... (read in full...)
If you have genital herpes, should you expect to be alone or hope that someone will accept you?
Q. Should a person with genital herpes expect someone to accept them or should they expect to be alone?...
A. 26 February 2010: Depends on if you look at it as a plague or if you look at it as an obstacle. The way you view yourself and enjoy life it the way others will view you looking from the outside in. By living, someone will want to live with you and only want you, ... (read in full...)
We often go out as a foursome and I fell in love with the other guy
Q. So i fell n love with someone that is not my husband. I know it does not sound possiable but it was. Im still n love with him but we broke things off. One reason cuz he and I both know that im still n love with my husband and i never would leave hi...
A. 25 February 2010: Two ways to go, (1) end contact with them, (2) The four of you sit down and talk about what's going on here. Or, I guess you could keep it quiet, hang out in silence and allow this secret to keep tearing you up inside. ... (read in full...)
Everything I have done has been for him, now I find he is having an affair
Q. I found out very recently that my husband was having an affair for the last 6 months. I am not sure if I can forgive him or ever trust him again. It's not like it was a one time thing. He wasn't even the one to tell me, I had to find out when I ...
A. 25 February 2010: First, you deserve better, and second you better start treating yourself better too. You're not property. Where do you think its going to control what he does or doesn't do by waiting on him? Making sure you don't gain weight would be okay if it's ... (read in full...)
I can't work out my boyfriend's brother
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years now, and i moved in with his parents and his brother 1 year ago.I think that his brother likes me but i hope I'm just being paranoid. Every time he gets drunk he finds a way to come talk to me and ...
A. 25 February 2010: I think he's crossing the line, and where alcohol is involved it may be something that you may have to worry about later, if you don't. I won't say, for sure that he would try to get more physical with you, but by these signs there's always a ... (read in full...)
Going to get married soon but now I'm paranoid she may be lying about her past.
Q. Hello Aunts. I need some insight. Currently I am engaged and in love. She is everything I could ask for in a woman. Our relationship went through one huge road bump. She used to keep in contact with her ex boyfriend even though she knew i...
A. 25 February 2010: Who is she with? What matters now, her past or your future? You've had how long to decide the truth and call it off if that's what you wanted to do? Isn't that kind of like saying, "she's good enough to sleep with, but not good enough for marriage?" ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is way too sensitive for me!
Q. I'm 18 years old and involved in a healthy, loving relationship. This guy is amazing, sweet, kind, and a beautiful person. We've been together for 5 months. However, he is a bit too sensitive. Sometimes I think he is almost spineless. I'm a very ...
A. 25 February 2010: In a way I'd say you're looking to much into this, as far as stereotyping how you see a guy should behave, instead of respecting him for his individuality. He's not controlling you, beating you, or walking all over you, that's a huge plus when ... (read in full...)
Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 25 February 2010: Your welcome. I hope all works out for you, the kids and your wife. I've had experience with those who have BPD, but don't know what it's like being the one who looks through the eyes of turmoil as people do with this disorder, and setting the ... (read in full...)
My mother says my hanging out with a 19 year old is the same as statutory rape!
Q. My mom says that I shouldn't be able to hang out with my guy friend whos 19 and im 14. She says its " stagetory rape" but I looked it up and its only if you do sexual intercourse things. I wanna hang out with him but she says its just " bad news" ...
A. 24 February 2010: Hanging out is not considered statutory rape. Now, lets look at this age gap, and see what is considered in a broad context under the law as statutory rape. "physical contact", such as holding hands, even kissing can be construed under the law as ... (read in full...)
Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 23 February 2010: To the other poster, not nuts, but about as close as you can get with a trauma related disorder as you can get to nuts, or at least from where she is now to developing "multiple personality disorder."
I'm sure with some of her behaviors, you've n... (read in full...)
Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 20 February 2010: Definitely start the cam to record. How long has she been this way? I would like to ask if you know anything traumatic that has happened in her past? Such as childhood sexual, physical of mental abuse. Also if anything has happened to her as a teen ... (read in full...)
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