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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 22 April 2010: Good luck to you two, and just remember how your heart got heavy in the first place. I'd have to agree with q1605, in that the bill of health is not clean, but you're coming clean with what had happened is a step in the right direction. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 20 April 2010: Going from, "how will he respond?" to, "Hey honey, slept with your brother, hope you don't mind if it continues?" When you got married, did you vows say, "be with your husband, and sleep with who you lust over?" If that was what you were wanting, ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 18 April 2010: The only way to heal a marriage is to have a marriage that is based off honesty. You're sleeping with his brother and not telling him is dishonest. It is soooo important for you to tell him what had happened to have any chance of having your ... (read in full...)
First time cheater...
Q. I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been dating for 2 years. He is out of the country right now and I am home without him. I cheated on him this week with a friend of mine. We were really drunk and i was indiscriminate, we were making out at a ...
A. 18 April 2010: I believe this is an in person occasion. Certain things are disrespectful if discussed by other means, and I think this is one of them. ... (read in full...)
First time cheater...
Q. I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been dating for 2 years. He is out of the country right now and I am home without him. I cheated on him this week with a friend of mine. We were really drunk and i was indiscriminate, we were making out at a ...
A. 18 April 2010: Approach with empathy, guilt, remorse, and humble yourself to him. These decisions you made are not small attacks. I get hard on people who cheat, because working with so many victims of cheating, I know the damage caused. Many people cheated on ... (read in full...)
First time cheater...
Q. I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been dating for 2 years. He is out of the country right now and I am home without him. I cheated on him this week with a friend of mine. We were really drunk and i was indiscriminate, we were making out at a ...
A. 18 April 2010: The first time cheating could be believable, but where you repeated the act, why?????
I believe you need to be the one who tells him first. Don't wait for the rumor to get around and reach him. That's shows trying to avoid it, and makes your int... (read in full...)
Please help, I'm dreaming about my teacher
Q. Im a junior at highschool yes im young but i have had a crush on my anatomy teacher, i used to just think he was an interisting humerous man untill my best friend(who had him for biology her sophmore year) confided in me and told me she thought he ...
A. 17 April 2010: You are going to have so many influence during your life that looking at how you are now, you'd have a huge list of people you're dreaming about. Teens who fall for teachers, begins when your body changes, and hormones begin changing. It's a new way ... (read in full...)
Life of misery
Q. i hate the people hurt me and every day i get sadder and sader and more unhappy no body cares about me home.i have be going counsellors since i could read,i have been bulled,attack,called names, rejected,ingorned,even stacked,no body cares abut me ...
A. 17 April 2010: Are you still seeing a counselor? If I told you that you have better potential stored inside you, that what you described, what would you say? If I told you that you can turn all this around, and begin working on areas of your life, and taking steps ... (read in full...)
In My New School Should I Tell People I'm Gay or Not? and Advice
Q. Hi I am 13 and Im gay. Recently I've been getting more and more attracted to men and not at all women and I have been looking at gay sex and straight sex and I've always been atrackted to the penis never the woman and although many people say that ...
A. 17 April 2010: First, with school, if you're gay, don't hide it, if you're not don't say that you are. You need to learn early, it's not okay to hide who you are, because that's a form of not accepting yourself.
I'm not gay, so I can't advise you on telling ... (read in full...)
He accused me of cheating when I wasn't and then broke up with me!
Q. How can he do that?? thats soo cruel:(? my ex boyfriend and I were together for 2years..he started accusing me of cheating when i wasn't and then the other he told me hes got a girl/wifey and he has given her a ring, he loves her soo much. ...
A. 17 April 2010: Always remember, when you're not cheating, if you are accused of doing so, and his behavior changes, he's the one who has someone else.
This is cruel. It does hurt. But you have to allow him to make his choices. It may not be the one you would ha... (read in full...)
I fell in love with him then found out he was married!
Q. i am a seperated woman with 1 daughter of 5 years old. my husband left us 2 years back and has filed a divorce case. i'm contesting against it as i want him to come back home. in the meantime i met a man who is 3 years younger than me on the net ...
A. 17 April 2010: If you were his wife, what would you want to have happen? The only way for this to continue is if his wife agrees that it is okay for him to see you as well. If not, or if he's not truthful with her, as he was not with you, I'd let him go. You may ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my live in boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend who is 42 moved in with me 5 months ago due to his business going under and was pretty much broke. So I felt I needed to help him. He had high quality furniture and mine was not that nice but it suited it's purpose. Well since he is a ...
A. 17 April 2010: These are difficult times. We can agree on that. The economy isn't good, and the job market isn't good either. He has $25k in furniture. You know, my couch was $200. I think it's about time for him to get rid of the "fine", replace it with not so ... (read in full...)
Flirting games...
Q. This is about a guy I work with, I knew him for 3 years and a week ago we were just joking around about flirting. He's married and I'm married so he asked me a question in a message "do you want to satisfy my curiosity? so I reply back to him "Yes" ...
A. 17 April 2010: You were doing flirting games. Is there a chance you were taking this serious, as an affair may pursue with your saying yes, or do you consider that as only being part of the game? Some who innocently flirt, have no intention of taking it further ... (read in full...)
Horrible Pain when trying to finger.Help Please!!!
Q. *OP's own title* I'm a virgin 16 year old girl and when I try to finger my vagina I can't because IT HURTS A LOT.I can't even stick my entire finger in my vagina,I have tried but I can't,I have been trying to finger my vagina since I was 12 year...
A. 17 April 2010: I'd recommend trying lube. And are you in the mood when you try, or are you just trying for the sake of doing? In studying the female anatomy, when in the mood for pleasure, the vagina tends to ready itself for the process. Remember too, when you ... (read in full...)
20 and never been kissed!
Q. Twenty and Never Been Kissed…. Ever since I was about 15 I’ve been on a “waiting quest” . What’s a “waiting quest” you ask? Well a “waiting quest” is a journey of sorts that doesn’t involve searching or moving or action…it just involves time an...
A. 17 April 2010: You said it yourself, "wild dreams", so what experience is really needed? A kiss is natural, it's not something that is rehearsed to gain perfection. When it is right, the time and place is right, your "instinct" will guide and complete the process. ... (read in full...)
I feel sick that she might be cheating on me.
Q. Well this is what I got. My girlfriend and me are getting married next year hopefully. She will every once in a while go out with a girl friend and go to parties and what not. I know she loves sex this trust me i know, we both do we are very healthy ...
A. 17 April 2010: These feelings stem from "real or imagined" fear. Real stem from changes of behaviors displayed by a partner, such as from party to party, may seem to be more and more distant. Imagined stem from the possibility of something happening. But, when ... (read in full...)
20 and never been kissed!
Q. Twenty and Never Been Kissed…. Ever since I was about 15 I’ve been on a “waiting quest” . What’s a “waiting quest” you ask? Well a “waiting quest” is a journey of sorts that doesn’t involve searching or moving or action…it just involves time an...
A. 17 April 2010: Actually I see what you're doing as beautiful. Waiting for that first kiss, and not just running out to do it with just anyone. It's a level of self esteem, often not seen in today's relationships.
I can tell from your writing, you're not look... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 17 April 2010: I disagree with the other poster. Honesty and trust in a marriage are foundational. That is they are an "absolute" to the foundation of a healthy marriage.
You don't feel guilt for what you had done. That's fine, that's you, and if you don't se... (read in full...)
Sister broke up my b/f and I because she was mad at me but he won't believe me!
Q. well my boyfriend who i live w and has helped me so much w my 3 kids( not by him) on saturday found in my email that i had made a post on craigs list looking for a guy...but i didnt do it i was at work when it happened i tried 2 explain this 2 him ...
A. 17 April 2010: Good for you. I know change can be sometimes hard. Just remember, any change that moves you to control of your sense of self, has better value than to allow someone dictate how much of your sense of self you're allowed to carry, just to be with ... (read in full...)
The love of my life actually hates me...
Q. I was in a relationship with somebody for a year. Don't laugh, but it was only ever an online relationship. We talked on the phone, we talked every day on messengers, we had webcams, all of that stuff. Honestly, she was the first person I've ever ...
A. 17 April 2010: If she's willing to end all contact, than the term, "off balance" comes to mind. She uses relationships to fill a void that she's missing within her sense of self. We see this all the time in relationships. It's a form of living by dependency.
... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin, waiting till marriage, but I want to lose it with him!
Q. So I'm a virgin and I've been wanting to wait till marriage for that special night but recently my boyfriend of about 2 years has been wanting to have sex with me. He says he really loves me and I really love him as well. The other night while ...
A. 17 April 2010: I honor your saving yourself til marriage. I also greatly honor following your heart. Maybe your desire to have this with him, is a sign that he is who you've been waiting for. What you don't want is to regret whichever decision you make. Be honest ... (read in full...)
Saw mom watching a movie with a naked women
Q. I'm in a really akward situation, I live at home with my mum, dad and older sister (when she's home from uni) My parents have been together since they were 16 and 17, and have two children together, me and my sister. The other night I was downstairs ...
A. 17 April 2010: I want you to know, from a professional prospective, this behavior in men and women is normal. I know she is your mom, but she is also a woman. There are ways of expressing one's sexuality that are not openly available to the public. Such as, in ... (read in full...)
Sister broke up my b/f and I because she was mad at me but he won't believe me!
Q. well my boyfriend who i live w and has helped me so much w my 3 kids( not by him) on saturday found in my email that i had made a post on craigs list looking for a guy...but i didnt do it i was at work when it happened i tried 2 explain this 2 him ...
A. 17 April 2010: You control what you do. He can decide where his life is to take him. Apparently he's made his choice to end the relationship with you, but he's rubbing in is as if he's playing a game. Coming by for an outfit, etc. Because you have kids witnessing ... (read in full...)
Told him of my past, idk if he really loves me or not?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 6 monthz almost 7 and im really in love with him but its not the same as before.he use to treat me really good but after awhile he started treating me really bad because of things i told him about the past n til this ...
A. 17 April 2010: First!!! What is your fault. I really don't get where people can have past experience, but then from person to person to person, experience to experience to experience, be blamed and blame themselves for experiencing something with someone else that ... (read in full...)
We don't have sex and he says he needs condoms to jerk off into. Is he cheating?
Q. I am 51 years old. I have been married for 30 years. I met my husband 30 years ago and married him in 2 days. We remain in a marriage. This is not a marriage I want to continue as is. About 15 years ago, I decided to stop having sexual ...
A. 16 April 2010: Really, where is the foundation of your marriage, or what would you consider such foundation to be? This marriage is really just reading between the lines. "You won't give sex, so I found it elsewhere." etc. I believe under the circumstances and ... (read in full...)
I confronted him about another girl and he spat on me and shoved me down the stairs. How do I move on from this?
Q. I am not sure how to get over this so im asking for everyones opinion. I just recently broke up with my ex saturday because I confronted him about texting this girl and deleting messages from her. he got all pissed off kicked me out of his house ...
A. 15 April 2010: Relationships can take harsh turns. I'd feel free, if I were you. You are no longer with someone who has proven, he doesn't care, and has shown a violent disrespect toward women. You are free from that, so take a deep breath and enjoy the relief you ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant from oral sex?
Q. I recently gave my boyfriend oral sex and he did the same for me, but since then I've been feeling strange. Could I be pregnant?...
A. 14 April 2010: not from oral sex. if you are asking questions, such as this, you should find out answers before doing something that may not have the end result you are hoping for.
... (read in full...)
Is it too late to back out now I have filed for divorce?
Q. 13 April 2010: I filed for divorce last week. Is it too late to back out? Have I made a horrible mistake? I am so confused! My husband was a good man. He treated me like royalty I just lost my attraction for him. We've been separated for 5 year...
A. 14 April 2010: It's not too late. You can file to withdraw the application. Are you two together now? Cold feet is normal, because you don't know what's around the corner. You didn't give enough information to provide you with much more than that.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sister doesn't want him to better himself!
Q. my boyfriend and i have had quite a lot of problems, but we always manage to get through them. and as far as i'm concerned, that's all that matters. he's had a lot of stuff to deal with and he's only 20. he's been living with his 22 year...
A. 7 April 2010: This is about him, not about his sister. We always have influences around us, some positive and some negative. With those influences we personally have to make a choice of which one we will accept into our experience.
If school and betterin... (read in full...)
Will allowing my wife to sleep with other men get her through her mid life crisis?
Q. My wife has came to me with the idea that she wants to sleep with other men. She is madly in love with me and our sex life is incredible. She has been chatting online with other men and has lined up her first "dude" for this Friday night. She is ...
A. 7 April 2010: I think that what she is missing is inside her. Often a low sense of self will cause a misguided direction drawing someone into negative behavior patterns to fill this void. You're right, it's the attention.
Here's what I see. She doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
I worry what the meaning of marriage is for the new generation.
Q. I am only 17 but I worry what the meaning of marriage is for the new generation. I have seen married couples into this new trend with the threesome. Correct me if iam wrong i thought when you marry its only to one person not sharing your mate. what ...
A. 7 April 2010: Marriage is not about a generation or being new as such. You're marriage will be about you and your husband. Who cares about what's outside your marriage, when you'd be the creators of inside your marriage. I believe marriage holds a great deal of ... (read in full...)
This not knowing is really eating me alive!
Q. I am going crazy right now. I was seeing this guy for a few months and everything seemed fine. We were happy, we enjoyed each others company. I felt a connection and I thought he did to. Three weeks ago he sends me a text message saying he is a ...
A. 7 April 2010: Focus on you right now. You're working on your depression, and that's good for your benefit, and [if] this relationships begins again, the work you do on yourself will benefit any relationship you may have.
Some people, when times get difficul... (read in full...)
How can I stop worrying what others think of me?
Q. i want to be in a relationship very badly but im afraid. i always think about being rejected and what my friends will think. i know that feeling like that is wrong because i shouldnt care what other people think of me but i cant. i would also lik...
A. 7 April 2010: Start living for you, and not in the reflection of others. Rejection is not personal, it's not rejecting you as an individual, but is turning down an idea or an offer presented. This happens to all of us, in different areas of life. It's a learning, ... (read in full...)
He doesn't believe I was a virgin!
Q. Alrite so theres this guy .. we've been dating about 7 mnths now... and we had sex for the first time ... he was a virgin and so was i !... i've never been physical with any guy in my life expect him. then after the sex he tells me that he does...
A. 7 April 2010: This is true, not all girls bleed their first time. My ex wife, "virgin" didn't bleed, and I never questioned her because I trusted her word. ... (read in full...)
Please help with the guilt of a breakup!
Q. i feel super guilty about breaking up with my bf of a year and a half. the last 2 months we were fighting constantly, and even though we both loved each other, we weren't happy. i felt he only had time when it was convenient for him, and when i was ...
A. 6 April 2010: I'd say, the breakup was the right thing to do. What I don't see as being okay is spending 1 1/2 years being ignored and treated with such little respect for that period of time. Relationships are a wanting and a desire to be with that person. That ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to make a move on my hairdresser?
Q. Hi, my situation is a little complicated. I asked another similar question a few days ago but I couldn't find it, so I'm going to ask again and add some details I wanted. To make the long story short, I have a huge crush on a hair stylist who...
A. 6 April 2010: Why can't you just ask him? If not, say something like, "Do you cut your girlfriend's hair, or send her somewhere else?" Hairstyle/client rules, I'm sure are different than if he were to be a person of authority, or in a position, such as ... (read in full...)
Should I call ex and wish her a happy birthday?
Q. Well this is my second attempt at this question. It was rejected because there wasn't enough detail. I didn't want it to have detail. It was a simple question should I or should I not call my ex and wish her a happy birthday. Now because of this I ...
A. 6 April 2010: I think it'd be okay to wish her happy birthday. The reason for more information is to get a background. With your friendship, and trust and communication you have with her at school, a friendly happy birthday wish is appropriate.
... (read in full...)
Please help with the guilt of a breakup!
Q. i feel super guilty about breaking up with my bf of a year and a half. the last 2 months we were fighting constantly, and even though we both loved each other, we weren't happy. i felt he only had time when it was convenient for him, and when i was ...
A. 6 April 2010: Then the question is: Why were you fighting? What changed around that time. You lasted so long without fighting all the time, so what happened? Looking at the issues, addressing the issues, and solving the issues is much better than having a ... (read in full...)
Please help with the guilt of a breakup!
Q. i feel super guilty about breaking up with my bf of a year and a half. the last 2 months we were fighting constantly, and even though we both loved each other, we weren't happy. i felt he only had time when it was convenient for him, and when i was ...
A. 5 April 2010: Why feel guilty? Did you make the right choice for you? (don't say "us" because this seems the decision is not mutual) There is no such thing as had to break up, where it is your choice to do so. (had is a term of single direction without allowing ... (read in full...)
He told me he may even let me rape him..what is that all about??
Q. Hi all I have a bit of a problams im kinda falling for this guy i met through a friend who told me 2 add this guy on facebook Yes i no its also bad but i have already slept with him, but i dont regret it one bit Anyway my problam is im not ...
A. 5 April 2010: Guys enjoy being seduced (not raped) by someone they find attraction to, just as women do. I think he's just being playful with you. If you want to know how he feels about you, just ask him. ... (read in full...)
How do I keep a man's interest while saving my virginity?
Q. My significant other recently broke-up with me, and the underlying and unsaid factor? Why sex, of course, or rather the lack of. EVERY single serious relationship I've ever gotten into has ended because the man was frustrated that I intend on savin...
A. 3 April 2010: Should you give in? Only if doing so is right for you. It can be difficult where we live in a society where keeping a virginity has not been the norm. There are people out there though, of the opposite sex, who share these values and are saving ... (read in full...)
Emails, texts, phone calls, a date, texts now nothing.
Q. Happy Easter to all the wonderful people on Dear Cupid! I signed up on Plenty Of Fish a week ago. i was inundated with 100s of emails. One guy stood out and we have been on two dates in a week. We had a blast both times. The conversation was...
A. 3 April 2010: Give it time. He and his son may be out doing things, hanging as guys or whatever it may be. Sometimes when people have their children over, less communication takes place with someone they are dating, because of the opportunities presented to enjoy ... (read in full...)
How can I handle my undeserved jealousy towards my current husband?
Q. I am now in my 2nd marriage. And I go through my husband’s communications all the time and he doesn’t know… But let me tell you the whole story… My 1st marriage was a terrible one. Mentally and physically abusive. Lasted 5years before I eventua...
A. 3 April 2010: Have you found anything yet??? You are not seeing your husband as the man he is, but as the cheater he's suppose to develop himself to be, as your ex was. Some people are just not good people. Some people, as it seems your husband is, are good, but ... (read in full...)
Will allowing my wife to sleep with other men get her through her mid life crisis?
Q. My wife has came to me with the idea that she wants to sleep with other men. She is madly in love with me and our sex life is incredible. She has been chatting online with other men and has lined up her first "dude" for this Friday night. She is ...
A. 19 March 2010: Isn't this what you need to find out? If you're not looking for a swinger relationship, tell her that's not what you desire. Compromise in a marriage does not include agreeing for your wife to become unfaithful. ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my mother in-law? I cant keep living like this!
Q. I don't know from where I start ,I am tired of the situation I am living in.and I do not know what I should do ,I need help,I want to make a mature and a right decision. Before I get married,I was in different country ,and my husband was living w...
A. 18 March 2010: I'd tell him, get the apartment, and he can come visit you when he finds to fit you into this schedule of his. Let him know that either way, you can't live in this situation. There has to be some compromise because that is what a marriage is. If he ... (read in full...)
Will allowing my wife to sleep with other men get her through her mid life crisis?
Q. My wife has came to me with the idea that she wants to sleep with other men. She is madly in love with me and our sex life is incredible. She has been chatting online with other men and has lined up her first "dude" for this Friday night. She is ...
A. 17 March 2010: This is extremely selfish behavior. She said it's like having a disease, then she needs to set a doctors appointment with a counselor, instead of doing what will have a high probability of being the end of your marriage. It's nice she told you about ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my mother in-law? I cant keep living like this!
Q. I don't know from where I start ,I am tired of the situation I am living in.and I do not know what I should do ,I need help,I want to make a mature and a right decision. Before I get married,I was in different country ,and my husband was living w...
A. 16 March 2010: I can see his side, but in this situation the marriage is what's of value. Can he have a place and visit her daily, but giving you the freedom and feeling of being married that you deserve? I think so. Marriage is about compromise, but it's not ... (read in full...)
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