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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 15 February 2010: I haven't been on for a little while, had some medical issues to tend to.
Love doesn't disappear, why? It is what it is. To really, truly and fully experience love is an exhilarating feeling like no other, and one to be treasured, even when you ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 30 October 2009: I'm not going to pity your home life. When I question, I do so to get a clearer view of who I'm talking to and the underlying cause of the question that's asked. Since your picture is religious based, I'm going to touch on your home life from that ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 29 October 2009: The boundaries have been crossed. Why do you keep falling for your teachers? I can't recall, and not motivated to read through all the messages, but I believe I asked you what your home life is like. Your relationship with your parents and such. You ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 3 October 2009: Stop allowing yourself to get torn apart. You need to be grateful you have a teacher who really cares what you do, and if it's the best thing for you. She's made an impact on your life. That doesn't mean you two are meant to date.
During your lif... (read in full...)
How can I deal with girlfriend's past
Q. My girlfriends past bothers me alot. I know so much about her past and I always get these images that pop into my head of her doing things with other guys and its all I think about. Just looking at her kills me sometimes. The one time that has ...
A. 29 September 2009: As I said, focus on love and not the other. Jealousy can be a destroyer of relationships. When knowing about someone's past, you feel as if you would have wanted to be the one those experiences were shared with. Most of us get that feeling now and ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with girlfriend's past
Q. My girlfriends past bothers me alot. I know so much about her past and I always get these images that pop into my head of her doing things with other guys and its all I think about. Just looking at her kills me sometimes. The one time that has ...
A. 29 September 2009: If she disgusts you, why are you with her? How do you feel about her? Are you happy she's you're girlfriend?
You understand that what you focus on expands. This image attack is referred to as mental masturbation. If you want to keep her and want... (read in full...)
How can I stop lying to my boyfriend and regain his trust?
Q. I have a serious problem that is causing havoc in my relationship. I have been lying to my boyfriend about money being spent and not telling him about it, taking things like my cell phone without asking him if i can use it and taking him for ...
A. 29 September 2009: Yea, dump the boyfriend. If you can't spend some money, or take your own cell phone, and if he gets angry over little things, this isn't at all you taking him for granted, this is his abnormal control over what is appropriate and not for you to do. ... (read in full...)
How can I help my boyfriend get better at oral sex?
Q. So my boyfriend needs help giving oral sex. He's got the right attitude and loves doing it, but to be honest he's not very good at it. The thing is I've never had it done well so I have no idea what to tell him. Can some people give things to do ...
A. 29 September 2009: I don't think I do that great, but my fiance enjoys it. Guide him like you do with hands. When people dance, you generally have a lead, and a follow. I don't know if this will help you or not, but when giving oral, I'm the follower. I'm lead by her ... (read in full...)
What can I do about a boyfriend that hates my past?
Q. What can I do? My boyfriend hates my past, I never did something wild, but there was a mutual friend involved. It happened before I met my boyfriend. Then that same friend introduced me to my boyfriend. Then after 6 months my boyfriend asked me ...
A. 29 September 2009: First, are you gross and ugly????? Does what a guy say mean that you are? Should it dictate how you view yourself? And yes he's really wrong for calling you what he did.
You're weight loss needs to be for you. I hope your attempts to do so are n... (read in full...)
Geographically undesireable is becoming desireable
Q. Dear Cupid, Great longing and an aching heart for someone far away brought me to you tonight. I look towards the wisdom and divinity of dearcupid.org to lean on. First, I will get right to the point, then provide support details and describe the...
A. 29 September 2009: You don't hear many true romance stories as this one. I believe in true love. I also believe it's not always found in your backyard. Your conflicted because, although from your speech you're intelligent, your mind is fighting with feelings. A song ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's brother molested him! Help!
Q. hi i need help with my boyfriend he was molested when he was n little boy by his brother at the age of 7 to 9 and at the age of 12 he was molested again by a man in the hostel and now he is like a angry bom at work and with me and i really wanne ...
A. 29 September 2009: Let me ask you this. What do you know about trauma, mental pain, that abuse quite often causes in its victims? I'm not asking to offend you or your wanting to help, but to show that some things that happen are greater than a kind word or a hug for ... (read in full...)
Why is he so extreme?
Q. Everytime my b/f and I have an argument, instead of us calmly discussing what went wrong and solving it like two mature adults, he starts shouting at the top of his lungs, trying shift the blame to someone other than himself, and then when he can't ...
A. 29 September 2009: Let me ask this, "Do all women stay with abusive men?" He's shifting blame, so apparently hasn't reached a level of maturity to accept responsibility for his actions.
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(I apologize, I... (read in full...)
Why is he so extreme?
Q. Everytime my b/f and I have an argument, instead of us calmly discussing what went wrong and solving it like two mature adults, he starts shouting at the top of his lungs, trying shift the blame to someone other than himself, and then when he can't ...
A. 29 September 2009: Let me ask this, "Do all women stay with abusive men?" He's shifting blame, so apparently hasn't reached a level of maturity to accept responsibility for his actions. ... (read in full...)
Are there any devoted and patient guys still out there?
Q. frustrated...im 19 years old and i think i am attractive the thing about it is ive never really been serious with a guy... and im wondering if theres any good guys out there that is still devoted and patient to wait for a girl who is only gonna ...
A. 29 September 2009: You know, there is a guy out there waiting to meet someone like you. I agree it's rare to find people, who anymore don't just want to jump into bed, but there are some out there.
Continue holding this dear to you, and you'll find him. ... (read in full...)
I can't take this marriage anymore!
Q. We got married december 2008 we met on the internet, hes too controlling..i see red flags, emotional ones, i came back once before he gave me an std. I feel dirty dont want to pursue my marriage with him no more..dont want to have sex with hi...
A. 29 September 2009: So, what are you asking. I don't see an actual question, just venting. If there is a question, please provide more detail of what you're looking for, and more history that led up to it. ... (read in full...)
Son can't get job because of semi pornographic photos found when he was younger
Q. My 19-year-old son applied for a job this week, I wished him good luck. He did OK in the interview until the interviewer said they would not be able to hire him due to a background check. They said they'd found pictures of him "in the raw" on ...
A. 28 September 2009: I would set up a hearing, since he was a minor, and get an order of the court to have it removed. I don't know if your country has a slander type laws, where the actions or inactions cause harm to way of life or potential to create way of life, but ... (read in full...)
She wants to get married even though she's told me she doesn't love me. What?
Q. She has asked me to marry her even though she hs told me she doesn't love me and that she is not 100% with me. What should I do now? A month ago I read my partner's notes (they were left laying around when I went to her place at her request to c...
A. 28 September 2009: I'd reject her offer. Not just from what you found but her ideas that, no kisses, saying you love her etc.
Did you know "love" is the only so called emotion where the word "in" works preceding the word "love." That's because love isn't an emoti... (read in full...)
We love each other but don't make each other happy
Q. Okay, so I'm gonna try to condense the past 5 years into a few paragraphs! haha So my boyfriend and I met in 2004 when we were both much younger and immature (18 and 20), we practically lived together and dated for 6 months, then broke up. We wer...
A. 28 September 2009: It's not going to work out. You state: "not sure if they will." and "scared I might be wasting my time" It's true when said that negative thoughts CANNOT produce a positive outcome. It's not going to work out because you doubt it will. When you do ... (read in full...)
I'm about to lose my best friend my sister!
Q. How do you get a 21 year old girl to see your point of view and worries? My sister left right after work straight for a party then she didn't come home till 11:30 in the afternoon and she was obviously to drunk to drive. Then a few days before t...
A. 28 September 2009: If you read through answers to questions on this site, you'll generally see that most don't dictate what should be done, but gives reasons that change should happen.
I know you're scared for your sister, and with good reason. It's difficul... (read in full...)
How can I trust anyone? Including my husband?
Q. I've never been able to fully trust my husband; when we first started dating, I had had several bad relationships and family issues, where I felt that most people hurt me and let me down, or just left me. When I met him, he was still getting over ...
A. 28 September 2009: First, you tell your husband that if you're the only one that has to change something this marriage is not going to work. You need to work together to improve the quality of your marriage, not one person needs fixed and the other one is "perfect." ... (read in full...)
Why why why?????
Q. Ok I asked a question some hours ago... I'm having so many problems understanding this, and I just feel so bad! The thing is, I had lied to my boyfriend in the beginning of my relationship, and ever since he has judged me for being a liar, but last ...
A. 27 September 2009: The image society has portrayed as the perfect woman is wrong. Your boyfriend is not the best person for you. It doesn't matter if it's about the size of your boobs or what his behavior is regarding. He is totally disrespectful to how you feel. Get ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been away for three weeks, and I feel hollow and vulnerable without him. Is this feeling normal?
Q. This is really strange but, my boyfriend has been away to Canada for three weeks out of 10 and without him I just feel very hollow, and like half of me is gone/ just no here. I don't know why I feel like this but I feel very vulnerable. And I just ...
A. 27 September 2009: Taking him completely out of this picture, how do you feel about yourself? High or low self esteem? What happens often is when someone is not really happy with themselves, they depend on someone else to fill the void. This can be cause by depression ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 27 September 2009: Why do you think feeling the way you do is wrong? It may not be acceptable to act on these feelings, but how you feel can't be judged as being right or wrong.
I've worked where clients or co-workers were attractive making the mind wonder. ... (read in full...)
I'm acting like a psycho ex girlfriend!
Q. Hi again aunts and uncles, im in real need of help. I am staring to hate the way im behaving right now. I recently ended a relationship, and instead of acting mature i act like a total jerk sometime: I call him and ask him stupid questions, i fight ...
A. 26 September 2009: Sounds like you brushed a lot of what happened while you were together aside, so these unresolved issues are trying to get resolved through the anger you have now. I agree with the other poster about the single email. Get it all out, not to be ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend was drunk and raped me
Q. my boyfriend of 2 years raped me and i dont know what to do.. I was asleep and he was out, when he came he woke me up and he said things I didnt understand,i could smell alcohol in his breath, the next thing I know he was on top of me and I kept ask...
A. 26 September 2009: I'd end it. He hit you, told you to shut the f**k up, tore your shirt. This was not play, and is absolutely not allowed. Is this the first time he drank alcohol? If not, he knows how he gets under the influence, so that can't be used as any kind of ... (read in full...)
Love/hate relationship with many breakups
Q. My boyfriend and I have this love/hate/break-up/make-up relationship, but he is always the one breaking-up with me because I can't "handle my emotions" and "I'm crazy". I'm going through a really rough time ( don't have a car/job/live with my ...
A. 26 September 2009: It's wrong to do the break up, back together, yoyo behavior, but at the same time, sounds like there are some issues that need faced in this relationship. He breaks up then turns it on you, "It's whatever you want it to be" okay then. If that were ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend falling for his roomate?
Q. My boyfriend has moved in with our mutual friend, who is a girl. They are also living with two of his guy friends. They have been getting really close. They are extremely flirty. In fact, they are closer at this point than I am with him. The...
A. 25 September 2009: I think your right to be upset at this situation. I also think you're right that he's not physically cheating. Reason being, I don't know to many guys that will bring up and talk about the girl they're cheating with to their girlfriend as he has ... (read in full...)
His reaction to my unintended pregnancy has made me doubt him!
Q. I'm not exactly sure what i'm asking for here, but i couldn't find any 'answers' from any other source, so i thought i'd give it a go. I have just experienced a miscarriage. I think the most part came yesterday but i have been having a lot of ...
A. 25 September 2009: This has been a real rough week for you. I feel for you having this experience. It's tough and it's not something where you're just going to pop back into being normal.
You think he's hurting to. Are you sure, or have you not asked? You said you... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 25 September 2009: I want you to think about this question thoroughly, and not let it go in one ear and out the other. Do you love her, or you do love the feeling of being cared for?
I've found teens who lack physical affection at home, fall for authority figures ... (read in full...)
How can I control my sexual urges better?
Q. I don't know exactly what I'm asking here, but I'll try to explain it. It's been a while since I've been in a relationship, about a year, and I don't really feel particularly lonely (although I would love to meet someone nice). My problem is that ...
A. 25 September 2009: It's okay to desire. What is harmful is when that desire gets out of control. I was single for over 3 1/2 years, and refrained from sex during that time. I did that by choice to learn to respect what I didn't have. What I found most during this time ... (read in full...)
Guys: Is monogomy a myth?
Q. guys have you ever been completly faithful to a woman throughout your relationship-I'm starting to wonder whether faithful men are a myth,all my boyfreinds have cheated...
A. 25 September 2009: I am completely faithful. I could have opportunities not to be, but I choose to be. She's the love of my life, everything I desire and want is in her. Any type of pleasure, she's the one I want to share it with. She's also my best friend. Someone I ... (read in full...)
What is the best thing for everyone in this situation?
Q. I am overwhelmed. Nine months ago or so, who I thought was my best friend started dating the guy that I had a huge crush on for over three years. I know he wasn't an ex-boyfriend, but he was still a huge part of my past. He and I always had a mor...
A. 25 September 2009: why were you waiting for his stubborn feelings? i think, with how strong your feelings were, you should have made the first move. So often we hear of people loosing out cause they don't step up and say something, they wait to see what happens.
... (read in full...)
Should I give him another chance?
Q. I recently ran into a guy that a year ago I had a relationship with for about 6 months and I thought we could become more. We spent 4 days out of 7 together usually on a weekly basis and he called me everyday. He was married for 6 years and just ...
A. 23 September 2009: You said you believe him, love him and wanna give him a shot, so why come here and attempt to question what you say you already know? You seem set on giving him another shot, and if that's where your heart leads you, I wish you the best, and all the ... (read in full...)
Do I tell her I saw her asleep, under the covers, with her shirtless (but with trousers on) ex on the top of the covers?
Q. Just before I get started, I known this girl for 9 years, she always wanted me and I wanted her, we date 6 years ago, didnt last cause she was busy with school. Now we are dating again, and Im the first person she fell in love with and I love her...
A. 22 September 2009: I'd bring it up to her. there's no reason why you shouldn't. I'd have to agree. She said she wanted to be alone, that I don't believe includes having your ex over.
I know you don't want to confront her. You want this to disappear as if you neve... (read in full...)
Still numb from past, don't know how to go on in the present or future
Q. hi im back. ive been on here before. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-lost-and-numb-to-the-massive-pain.html that is my last question and this is a update of sorts. i took everything i got out of that and just bottled it up. now i seem to act ...
A. 21 September 2009: You're such a good friend, not to fool around with their girlfriends. That is something to be proud of.
You are getting all this attention, because from your changes and getting back to the way you were before, you've become someone people e... (read in full...)
My husband is jealous and controlling. How do I deal with this?
Q. First off my husband is and has always been the jealous and controling type right down to hitting me and making sure I'm isolated with no female friends unless he's with me and can oversee everything and even then he gets jealous. For the first ...
A. 20 September 2009: When you got together, especially got married, did you do so with the idea of being there for your husband while he's there for all women? Why have you been with him for as long as you have, when he treats you this way? This isn't a marriage, it's ... (read in full...)
I was upset, went off alone, was raped and none of my friends even bothered to call me to see if I was ok!
Q. On Saturday night I went out with 3 of my friends and was supposed to be staying over at one of their flats. I've never really felt like these girls like me that much, although they say things that make me feel like they do ("i'm soooo excited that ...
A. 16 September 2009: I think you're right. What I really want to know is, how are you doing now after what happened. I have daughters. I fear these traumatic experiences happening to them. Being a man, I walk at night, by myself, without worry. I wish girls had the same ... (read in full...)
Everyone thinks my ex b/f was so great but he abused me!
Q. I am struggeling to deal with the break up with my ex abusive bf. I feel so confused as my feelings are very conflicitng. It hurts to love someone who abused you. It doesnt even make sense. I know i shoudlnt feel this way but I do. I love him. ...
A. 16 September 2009: Think about this one. Those who answer your question, not knowing you, never being intimate with you, are treating you better than this guy you claim to love.
What I find to be scary with his behavior is his conscious knowledge about what he's doin... (read in full...)
How do I heal myself after getting out of an abusive relationship so I will be ready to date again?
Q. Hi, ya'll- My heart is too beaten up to date right now, even though I am desperately lonely. I'm 35, would love to meet and marry someone, and pop out a kid. What are some things for me to do to heal myself? And what should I do in the meant...
A. 16 September 2009: When you say booty call, did you give up booty the first date? Reason I ask, giving it up quickly, not even the first date but within the first few, sets the boundaries of the relationship around sex, so it's harder to see if they are there for you ... (read in full...)
How do I get a chance with this girl?
Q. i just met this girl in class and we talked a bit on that day as well as the second day we saw each other in class, it only during this class that we see each other and i have found out a few things about her commercial model, rich and an actress so ...
A. 16 September 2009: Be real with her. Don't treat her as a model, actress or rich. Keep her in your eye as being who you enjoy talking to and take it from there.
We look at those individuals as being out of reach. Over the years I've had acquaintances who are cele... (read in full...)
Newly married and found graphic texts on my hubby's phone!
Q. Just a month ago, I married the love of my life. We have been together for 5 years and I thought things were great. Now I am realizing that he is not faithful. He left his phone laying around one day and I read some of the text messages this ...
A. 16 September 2009: I agree to confront him. He may be upset about you snooping. But I look at it like this. If you have to keep things private in a marriage, you're probably doing something you shouldn't be doing. Being married that short of period and not really ... (read in full...)
Is wanting to have sex all the time normal?
Q. Ok so im 16 going to be 17 in the spring and i have developed an obsession with sex.ive had about 4 partners.i want to have sex all the time i feel like im addicted,im guessing its just my hormons but it still dosent seem normal.but the thing is, ...
A. 16 September 2009: Desire for sex is not abnormal, but can be. If your desire is to the point of negatively affecting your general life activities. Wanting the extra things like handcuffs, not bad either. You're expressing your sexuality, and being open. A sign of ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant, but my boyfriend isnt the father. Its his brother. Should I tell him?
Q. I'm 15 and im pregnant My boyfriend is not the father of my baby, it is his brothers, his brother knows about it and he too thinks it might be his. Should I tell him the truth or pretend that it is his?...
A. 15 September 2009: You should never pretend. That's wrong period. Tell him that it may not be. Doing that keeps you honest, and releases the guilt that will build up more and more by keeping the secret. ... (read in full...)
Part of me wants to give up on her but my love for her won't let me.
Q. I was married for fourteen years and got a divorce and stayed gone for seven months. So we got back together for another year and a half. I left again due to her going to bars with her girlfriends two to three nights a week. Now we have started ...
A. 15 September 2009: Do you go around for sex those times she wants you too? If so, why have a relationship? why get married? why be committed? You're giving her what she needs or I should say desires. Be free to party, and use you for your sexual abilities. When she's ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I feel she see's right through me...
Q. I just wish she loved me. We've been together for 7 years and have 2 children. I love her, in love with her, she isn't. It's reaching obsession point now and I'm craving affection and her love. I want to marry her but she won't marry me. I adore her ...
A. 15 September 2009: As seeing right through you pertaining to "being invisible"? That generally is a term of seeing through someone being dishonest or acting as if they're someone they're not.
You're being honest here with us. Although you may not like the answer f... (read in full...)
How can someone who says they love you leave you in the dirt?
Q. In April I found out that I was with child. I knew who the father was because I had not had sex with anyone but him. He was the first person that I ever sleep with and the same goes for him. We were each others first. We always stayed in touch with ...
A. 14 September 2009: Yea, with your having a daughter as well. That was always my rule with my kids. If we weren't good together, they wouldn't be good for my children. So I've kept the same where I wouldn't introduce people to them either. I believe the other way ... (read in full...)
How can someone who says they love you leave you in the dirt?
Q. In April I found out that I was with child. I knew who the father was because I had not had sex with anyone but him. He was the first person that I ever sleep with and the same goes for him. We were each others first. We always stayed in touch with ...
A. 13 September 2009: When you two had sex, was he in any other relationship? Did you take the time to verify that he was not? Getting together after 20 years, are you sure he was referring to getting back into a "relationship" with you after that time, or friends with ... (read in full...)
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