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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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My husband makes me feel like a plain Jane.
Q. I've been married for about three years and I find myself less intimate with my husband. I feel like I always have to compare myself with other women. I have a low self esteem because his eyes wonder even if I'm there. I've seen things on his phone, ...
A. 25 May 2010: That is wonderful news. Some times you just have to give a little nudge to get things back on track. I hope all continues going well for the both of you. Take care. ... (read in full...)
How do I undo the damage I did by keeping contact with my ex wife?
Q. I must have done everything wrong that I could do in regard to my ex-wife. Even though she is now in a rebound relationship with the man she was secretly seeing for several months. The affair has brought out the worst in me. I know I wasn't the one ...
A. 3 May 2010: Your follow up, in a way proved what I stated before with her mental condition. It's not your fault and their is nothing anyone can really do that doesn't include psychiatric treatment. It may be difficult, but the best thing to do is ignore her ... (read in full...)
My husband has an addiction to men and women on Craigslist, am I handling this the right way?
Q. My husband has an addiction to Craigslist, writing and posting to mostly men and occasionally women. I know he loves me like crazy, and I know that he hurts himself even more than he hurts me. He's extremely intelligent (really, he's a brain), and ...
A. 27 April 2010: Through the trauma, I'd recommend, if he has access to a neuro-linguistics programmer. Where traditional counseling has not been proven effective with trauma, NLP, has been proven extremely effective in both traumatized children and adults.
I've ... (read in full...)
How do I undo the damage I did by keeping contact with my ex wife?
Q. I must have done everything wrong that I could do in regard to my ex-wife. Even though she is now in a rebound relationship with the man she was secretly seeing for several months. The affair has brought out the worst in me. I know I wasn't the one ...
A. 27 April 2010: We have all had these moments of weakness, and confusion. It's extremely difficult when someone we love and have history with decides a path that does not include us, as it once did.
I'm not saying her choice was the right one, and I won't sa... (read in full...)
My friend had sex and now she is really depressed. How can I help her?
Q. I Need Some Help about My Friend. Okay, so she's 15 and had a boyfriend who had sex with her when she didn't want to, and then he broke up with her. she has been really down lately and finds it hard to talk about it. everytime I bring it up or w...
A. 26 April 2010: Let her know that it is not her fault. She needs to stop blaming herself for his actions.
Not getting it out, is keeping hold onto the pain and the guilt. Over time, even when not consciously thinking about what had happened, the pain and guilt gr... (read in full...)
Tried to get even with my cheating boyfriend, and now I am pregnant.
Q. Hi, I hope I will not be judged for asking this question as I made a mistake in trying to get even on my cheating boyfriend- something I will never do again!!!! I am pregnant, my last period was on the 1st of January and I discovered my pr...
A. 25 April 2010: October would be 8 months, from the February sleeping with ex date. These dates are only estimates, and have been known to be off.
You understand, although your partner was cheating, by you cheating as well or (getting even, as you put it) you ... (read in full...)
Very confused, am I over analyzing?
Q. Hello Sorry if this is long winded I "met" a nice guy online 6-7 weeks ago and we began online chatting, then texting(lots, quite flirty too), email and a few long phonecalls, seemed to get on well and have a laugh, so finally met up two weeks ago...
A. 25 April 2010: I think it's moving along well. Give it some time. It seems as if each date you are getting closer. I'd maybe go out one or two more times and ask the questions. "What are you looking for?" "Are you married" you know things that are important to ... (read in full...)
He doesn't treat me with respect,, but I don't want to lose him
Q. My boyfriend does not treat me the way I want to be treated he belittles me al the time. I believe is my fault because he has been doing for a while now and I have never been able to defend my self. Now I'm beyond tired of it. I don't even feel like ...
A. 25 April 2010: When he wants to be isn't enough here. You don't deserve to be treated this way, and he has no right to treat you this way. Why do yo want to remain with someone who treats you with such disrespect. You may not want to lose him, but doesn't his ... (read in full...)
Everytime I think about sex I get a mental block because of my past.
Q. Hi. My question is basically how do I get over my bad sexual experiences and give sex a fresh start with an open mind? This is my sex experience so far though...I grew up next door to my cousins who were a couple years older than me. When i was ...
A. 25 April 2010: Watching porn is one thing. What I want you to do is to close your eyes, and develop your own personal fantasy. What this does is a remaps your view of sex. We use mental visualizations a lot in neuro-linguistics programming. When done with intent ... (read in full...)
So many failed relationships. What am I doing wrong?
Q. I'm almost 23 years old and have had a lot dating experience over the past 4 years of college. I have no problem attracting men. They start off very interested, always telling me how attractive and smart and great I am but they always end up ...
A. 25 April 2010: Are these relationships, with or without having sex? I'd be firm about who you are and what you're looking for. If you want a just play around friendship, agree with the guy before hand that is all you're looking for. If you're looking for long ... (read in full...)
My husband is selfish, ... or maybe it is me?
Q. My husband is a good man he works hard and takes care of me and our daughter. He is a good person but, sometimes he is just selfish or maybe it's me. All we ever do is go accross the street and hang out with his friends and I watch him play com...
A. 25 April 2010: You're not being selfish at all. I really don't know how porn can take the place of physically having sex. It's a strange concept, but it happens. Be direct with him. Tell him that you know what he's doing, and you wanna know why he's choosing that ... (read in full...)
I think that my teacher is flirting with me. What should I do?
Q. So, i'm almost 14 years old, and english is not my language, so sorry if it is bad written. Since 2 school years we have a german teacher, he's pretty hard with all the class except me. First half year i was almost afraid of german class, cause he ...
A. 25 April 2010: If all it takes for you to fall head over heals is to stare in your eyes, you'd better work on building better resistance.
We've seen many questions of student to teacher crushes, but rarely of this magnitude. In my view, he's gone from "innocen... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling so worthless???
Q. Hi dear cupid audience, how are you all? I want to ask for advice, since this is truly destroying me inside. I need help dealing with regret and guilt, i don't know how to stop me from feeling like im worthless. =( The problem is when i go out. I...
A. 25 April 2010: You're doing what I look at as being guilt driven. You'd already done some things, feel bad about doing them, so it'd not a big deal to do them again and again and again. But as you're now noticing, it's not one size guilt fits no matter how many ... (read in full...)
My husband has an addiction to men and women on Craigslist, am I handling this the right way?
Q. My husband has an addiction to Craigslist, writing and posting to mostly men and occasionally women. I know he loves me like crazy, and I know that he hurts himself even more than he hurts me. He's extremely intelligent (really, he's a brain), and ...
A. 24 April 2010: I would work through it a little different. You need to keep in mind that an addiction is addiction, and the form is only the method used to fill whatever void or piece of self he lacking. Take an alcoholic, if you tell them to get help, state ... (read in full...)
Office problems...
Q. 10 years ago I had a HUGE crush on a girl I worked with. I'm not exaggerating when I say she was the sexiest girl I've ever seen. She had a bf when we met, but even after I was pretty sure she was free, I didn't dare come close. I am shy and you ...
A. 24 April 2010: In any setting, people tend to know who the shy ones are. That's the reputation you don't want to follow you, but you don't want to be so out there where the girls are nervous around either. You want to get to know people in your office. She is an ... (read in full...)
Wife constantly text messaging!
Q. My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years, and we have what I think is a mostly healthy relationship. Lately however, she is constantly sending or reading text messages. When we go out to eat, even with our friends, throughout the entire ...
A. 24 April 2010: First, a defensive reaction, I generally see as admitting guilt to something she know as to being rude or inappropriate. I cannot believe that you didn't question who is more important than those physically there, that she believed it's okay to ... (read in full...)
Why can't I just forget about this?
Q. Recently, I have been dwelling on something that happened to me when I was a little girl. It started out with me just remembering bits and pieces of it over a course of a few years but, now I could go as far as a few days to a couple of hours wi...
A. 24 April 2010: Forcefully being touched is called, sexual assault.
He acts this way toward you, because he too knows what had happened, and as you get older, more wrong, embarrassment and guilt from what had happened develops. In a way, it's a delayed response... (read in full...)
My husband farts on me and thinks its funny
Q. My husband farts on me. He thinks its hilarious, and its really annoying to me. It makes me feel like I am one of his frat buddies instead of his wife, who he might like to have sex with again at one point or another. I don't know how to make him ...
A. 24 April 2010: Be firm with him. Tell him, what he does it not funny, if the one it's being done to does not find it to be so. This is a form of being a bully, and in a marriage it need to not be there. Talk about an intimacy killer. That's what I'd do though, be ... (read in full...)
His mother hates me and controls him!
Q. I am almost 22, and have been with my boyfriend, my third 'long term' relationship, for about two and a half years. We have an amazing relationship when it is just us, he got around a bit before me, but I was the one he chose to settle with. We ...
A. 24 April 2010: Sounds like a situation where no one is good enough for mamma's boy. This reminds me of the movie "Mother in Law", if you haven't seen it, watch it.
It sounds as if you come across as a threat to her. Such as, with his love for you, takes he... (read in full...)
Pregnant and hated, but my ex wants to take the baby
Q. so me and my ex dated for 2 years... it wasnt the best relationship, i loved him but he wasnt too affectionate and we had fights because i was jelous of his ex who was always in the way. he recently moved to another country and after 2 weeks of ...
A. 23 April 2010: This is your baby. I'd let him know that taking the baby is a NO. Go where you need to. Live you life the best that you can for you and your baby, and it is very important that you stay away from your ex. I don't know what country you live in, or ... (read in full...)
My husband makes me feel like a plain Jane.
Q. I've been married for about three years and I find myself less intimate with my husband. I feel like I always have to compare myself with other women. I have a low self esteem because his eyes wonder even if I'm there. I've seen things on his phone, ...
A. 23 April 2010: That's great to hear. I hope all works out for you, take care. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 22 April 2010: Good luck to you two, and just remember how your heart got heavy in the first place. I'd have to agree with q1605, in that the bill of health is not clean, but you're coming clean with what had happened is a step in the right direction. ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I want my wife back but I want revenge!
Q. I have posted here before and have liked the advise, I'm giving it another try since I'm still having issues with my wife. I am the original poster of "should I confront my wife or let destiny run its course" To minimize I caught my wife c...
A. 22 April 2010: Remember these words, "anything you say can be used in a court of law." Revenge is out of the question if you're seeking custody. I would call and speak to an attorney, and see what your options are. You may have grounds that are solid for a custody ... (read in full...)
My friend is putting alot of rules on me making it difficult to see my boyfriend
Q. Ive posted quite a few questions about this guy...well things flourished between us and we are now a couple. He is about 6 years older than me and has two kids and an ex wife. He also works with me. I never thought we would see each other out side ...
A. 22 April 2010: Stop making promises. She's not your keeper and isn't a parent to control your life. The rules should be simple. You choose what's best for you, she chooses what's best for her, if you need someone to confide in, then you can go to the other person. ... (read in full...)
My husband makes me feel like a plain Jane.
Q. I've been married for about three years and I find myself less intimate with my husband. I feel like I always have to compare myself with other women. I have a low self esteem because his eyes wonder even if I'm there. I've seen things on his phone, ...
A. 21 April 2010: You're not selfish at all. You have every right to a satisfying marriage. You deserve to feel beautiful inside and outside. You deserve to be desired, respected and treasured. Women are not property, just as a relationship is not a tool to control ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 20 April 2010: Going from, "how will he respond?" to, "Hey honey, slept with your brother, hope you don't mind if it continues?" When you got married, did you vows say, "be with your husband, and sleep with who you lust over?" If that was what you were wanting, ... (read in full...)
My husband has been cheating all this time
Q. Hi, I'm in a lot of trouble and need some advice soon. I'm married for just over one year and pregnant with my first child. I married long time boyfriend. I had a feeling he does things with other girls behind my back even before we got married. But ...
A. 20 April 2010: Why would you even consider that his wrongdoing is your fault? What I notice here is that you and he have pieces missing in your sense of self, or self esteem. I have come to find, what we lack within ourselves, we seek outside of our sense of self ... (read in full...)
My husband makes me feel like a plain Jane.
Q. I've been married for about three years and I find myself less intimate with my husband. I feel like I always have to compare myself with other women. I have a low self esteem because his eyes wonder even if I'm there. I've seen things on his phone, ...
A. 20 April 2010: Only 3 years, and it's "blah"? This is not how a marriage should look. It'd tell him, something needs to change. Be firm. Tell him this is your marriage too, and you will not be part of one that makes you feel the way you have been. A marriage needs ... (read in full...)
Unappreciated and never good enough.
Q. *Op's own title* Why is it no matter what I do my girlfriend allways has negative feedback to say to me? She has 3 kids n I moved here in november from across the states and have taken on the responsibilities that her exhusband don't do. I baby...
A. 20 April 2010: I know what you're going through. I accurately state what may be going on, I'd need to know her past. It sounds as if she may be one who has negative behaviors toward others, due to past traumatic experiences. These could range from childhood trauma ... (read in full...)
My flat mates wont clean, ...the filth is affecting my health, ... is there a way I can get out of the lease?
Q. Ok, so this isn't a relationship question but I don't know where else to go to for advice. Any help greatly appreciated. I am currently a student living in the UK and share a house with 4 other students. At first things were good and we woul...
A. 20 April 2010: Speak to a solicitor. I live in the U.S., and with your pics and such, I believe their are laws which justify an early termination. I know the U.S. and U.K. are fairly close in our legal system. Property leases are fairly touchy, because you're ... (read in full...)
Troubled about her sexual past
Q. Well, i just got married 5 months ago with the one i'm in love with but i started having a problem when i think of her ex-boyfriends with whom she had sex before we knew each other. Before our marriage she told me everything about her past; wh...
A. 20 April 2010: You love her? You've been married for 5 months? How about treating the day you got married as the first day of the rest of your lives, with the woman you love, without anything coming before the date you said, "I do."
Not being happy in your mar... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't want to marry until until I get a better job
Q. My boyfriend of four years hasn't proposed yet and doesn't know when he will. We had a discussion last night about it because I'm tired of waiting. Basically he's told me that he can't marry me unless I get a different job that pays more and is m...
A. 20 April 2010: You're absolutely right. Let's not use "shouldn't" to represent this issue. Use the word, "isn't", because that speaks for its self. Love and marriage is not, in any way shape or form based on career choice or $$$$$$. You're young, and have time to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 18 April 2010: The only way to heal a marriage is to have a marriage that is based off honesty. You're sleeping with his brother and not telling him is dishonest. It is soooo important for you to tell him what had happened to have any chance of having your ... (read in full...)
Found out that he is divorcing and he didn't tell me
Q. My boyfriend of five years got into some trouble as of late. Anyway, to make a long story short, I had to ask about a court date for him and they said that the only one they had on file was for his divorce. He never told me that he was married. We ...
A. 18 April 2010: Listen to him and hear him out. My ex was the same, to an extent. Couldn't get divorced until later because to track a sailor down to sign was quite difficult. She had however lived 2+ years separated and not residing with him at any time. I don't ... (read in full...)
Is this true about the black rose?
Q. I was told along time ago that there were a group of people like a club or a gang, that would sleep with you then send you a black rose or some flower that would say some thing like you have aids now welcome to the club is this true? and if it is ...
A. 18 April 2010: That does sound awful. We know, here in the United States, if someone infect another, knowing they are infected, the may spend the rest of their life in prison to prevent from any other intentional and malicious behavior.
In Africa, a minister... (read in full...)
I'm 18, is it bad that I masterbate and watch porn daily?
Q. I am VERY young and I watch porn daily and masturbate. Is that bad?...
A. 18 April 2010: Depends on if you see it as being bad or not. At 18+ you may be reaching your peek of sexuality, therefore I'd say it'd be more normal that, if single you'd release the built up tension in this way. ... (read in full...)
I hate my rotten existence
Q. i hate the people hurt me and every day i get sadder and sader and more unhappy no body cares about me home.i have be going counsellors since i could read,i have been bulled,attack,called names, rejected,ingorned,even stacked,no body cares abut me ...
A. 18 April 2010: I believe this is a duplicate question. I had answered and extended my services if emailed to develop a program to start redeveloping in a positive direction. ... (read in full...)
His mom is sufficating us, how do I make her disappear?
Q. I am currently living with roommates and one of them is my best friend. Whenever him and I want to spend some alone time together, his mom throws tantrums and calls him and I very nasty names. My friend has tried to spend some alone time with his ...
A. 18 April 2010: sounds like she's having periods of mania, such as in a bi-polar type disorder. It's difficult to deal with, and I'd ask your friend if she's been to a doctor, or had been diagnosed with that disorder or one which is similar in nature. ... (read in full...)
I lost my virginity to him, but I can't imagine spending my life with him.
Q. I've met a guy I think I really want to be with. I've never been in a long relationship before. He has, he's been in a few year type relationships where i always do months. I lost my virginity to him recently, although he had slept with 4 people ...
A. 18 April 2010: take it one day at a time, love laugh and enjoy today, and if you do that enough, and not thing about way down the road, you may just end up down that road, and not realize that time had gone by. ... (read in full...)
First time cheater...
Q. I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been dating for 2 years. He is out of the country right now and I am home without him. I cheated on him this week with a friend of mine. We were really drunk and i was indiscriminate, we were making out at a ...
A. 18 April 2010: I believe this is an in person occasion. Certain things are disrespectful if discussed by other means, and I think this is one of them. ... (read in full...)
First time cheater...
Q. I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been dating for 2 years. He is out of the country right now and I am home without him. I cheated on him this week with a friend of mine. We were really drunk and i was indiscriminate, we were making out at a ...
A. 18 April 2010: Approach with empathy, guilt, remorse, and humble yourself to him. These decisions you made are not small attacks. I get hard on people who cheat, because working with so many victims of cheating, I know the damage caused. Many people cheated on ... (read in full...)
I really like my colleague, but I'm afraid he might reject me.
Q. I hope someone can help with my problem I am a married woman for many years and I have a massive infatuation on my male colleague. I can't remember how it started, but all of the body language is there from him, deep blushing when I look at him...
A. 18 April 2010: There is nothing proper in what you're doing, while your husband is at home, and uninformed. You haven't committed adultery yet. If you wish to pursue this, that's your choice, but the ONLY fair way to proceed it you tell your husband your plans, ... (read in full...)
First time cheater...
Q. I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been dating for 2 years. He is out of the country right now and I am home without him. I cheated on him this week with a friend of mine. We were really drunk and i was indiscriminate, we were making out at a ...
A. 18 April 2010: The first time cheating could be believable, but where you repeated the act, why?????
I believe you need to be the one who tells him first. Don't wait for the rumor to get around and reach him. That's shows trying to avoid it, and makes your int... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I have had sex with his brother?
Q. hi, i had a question just before. the matter was about my husbands sex with his aunt during his early ages. he tells everything to me openly. but i do have a big secret and i really cheated him. his younger brother stayed with us and was v...
A. 17 April 2010: I disagree with the other poster. Honesty and trust in a marriage are foundational. That is they are an "absolute" to the foundation of a healthy marriage.
You don't feel guilt for what you had done. That's fine, that's you, and if you don't se... (read in full...)
Everytime I think about sex I get a mental block because of my past.
Q. Hi. My question is basically how do I get over my bad sexual experiences and give sex a fresh start with an open mind? This is my sex experience so far though...I grew up next door to my cousins who were a couple years older than me. When i was ...
A. 21 February 2010: You say sex as "going after" a "challenge" or "competition", it's not. People in your past took what they should not have had access to, their gone, so it's time to start working on you to reduce these behaviors. The one I saw stick out the most was ... (read in full...)
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