A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently I found out off my friend [a girl in work] that she's been having an affair with my dad.What she said next was the kicker - she told me she's pregnant, and that she wants to marry him, and they're in love!!!I feel sick, disgusted and upset - and I told my mum about this yesterday.I noticed she'd looked a bit fat, but thought that was just festive overindulgence.Unusually, she didn't kick him out, or file for divorce, but said she wanted to work on the marriage, after all, 'it's for better or worse and I will not give up...' in her words. My mum won't divorce - she says marriage is hard work, in a good way, something to cherish and enjoyThis girl in work's 24, and younger than my mum, which makes me feel sick.She said she's keeping the baby. This situation's stressing me out - the girl's been a good friend to me for the past 3 years and now this happensHow will I ever cope?thanks,Rae
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You will cope, as you have to. It's hard when your parents dissapoint you but they are real people who can get themselves into the same problems as anyone.
It sounds like early days so you don't really know what your mum or dad will do. But this baby will be your sister/brother so you will need to have a relationship with them regardless of how you feel about your dad or his mistress.
Somehow things will work themselves out...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You mention you told your mom.... what did your dad say?
You say your mom is not leaving and wants to save the marriage (good for her for taking her vows seriously) what DOES YOUR DAD WANT?
You telling your mom was not your place. What did you expect her to do kick dad out?
who are you most angry at?
dad for cheating (on mom, he didn't cheat on you dear)?
mom for forgiving him?
your "friend" for being a lousy friend and a woman of low character?
or yourself for feeling duped into doing your dad and former friend's dirty work by telling mom?
How do you cope?
I would strongly suggest some professional counseling for yourself. I am sure your parents will require some counseling if they are going to save the marriage (and it sounds like your mom will forgive your dad and if you didn't know about it, perhaps dad was just having a mid life crisis.... who knows....
This girl is going to be the mother of your half sibling. Her child and you share a dad.... your mom is the step mom
dad will pay child support at bare minimum to this girl for the child.
so what in your world would be the best thing that would happen?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (20 January 2013):
Hi Rae.
She’s younger than you even, judging by your stated age here. What’s missing from all this is what your Dad has to say for himself? Do you know it’s true? Has he had a chance to explain himself? What does he plan to do: he’ll need to support the child if she keeps the baby. He needs to account for this. Also does he want to marry her too or stay in his marriage to your mother?
This must be absolutely horrible for you but you must try not to let it get on top of you. Your Mum has clearly decided that she wants to concentrate on maintaining her marriage, whether this is denial and disbelief, or she really does understand the enormity of this and wants to forgive him, isn’t clear and probably won’t be for some time. That’s why you need to draw on any other friends and relatives you can trust for emotional support because you can’t predict how this will unfold over the weeks and months to come. Quite possibly if he’s got a history of cheating (which you may or may not know about), she’s used to it and does wish to overlook this. But whatever your Mum decides, you’ve every right to tell your father how his actions have made you feel. How on earth did he expect this not to come out when you work with this girl? And did he think about how hearing from her as you have done would make you feel? Whilst your feelings of disgust and anger are understandable, you should try to calmly talk with him and let him know what this has done to you. With a baby on the way, this is something you’re all going to have to learn to live with. If that seems unfair, he’s created this situation and his actions have had consequences for everyone.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Hi
What a complete bitch this so called 'friend' is.
Sadly there isn't much you can do, it's down to your parents to get through this.You have to take a back seat now.Your Dad and this girl have hurt you all but the marriage is your parents to deal with.
You were used,as a messenger, this girl was probably hoping the outcome would be your mum throwing your dad out.
If your parents split then your Mum will need your support, that's all you can do to help.
Keep a low profile round your parents unless they approach you.
Don't talk to or ask this 'friend' anything. Hard I know, but best all round for now.
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