A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who told me years ago he liked me then i got really drunk one night and kept messaging him, his best friend told my best friend that he really liked me. This got me really excited as more feelings for him came out of me ,he had also been out that night but went home early. i apologised a few times for messaging so much and being well over the top. He hasnt spoken to me since, its been 2 week since any contact, i really miss him and was hoping we could have seen how things could go. ive given him space hoping it would help but i dont know what else i can do , i know i only have myself to blame. what else can i do ?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 February 2020):
 Anon female reader of Feb. 11 th: that's a curious way of reasoning, and it disposes of the need and usefulness , not only of Agony Aunts sites, which would not be such a huge loss- but also of any kind of counseling / advice / input, either formal or informal, professional or just experience -based.
I wish it were so simple, that any time a person has a doubt or a dilemma, - they'd just have to " trust themselves ", yay, " trust your gusts ".... When most of the times, if they are in a pickle, what led them there is just because they " trusted themselves ", … which often means they blindly followed their irrational impulses … In fact, asking advice it may be very helpful , even if the people whom you turn to for help do NOT have brilliant or convincing solutions, or have answers for you which you don't like….because at the very least you can see there may be other perspective than your narrow and ( necessarily ) very self involved one….
Case in point, this poster : she seems genuinely surprised that a man can be totally turned off by drunken shenanigans . Because to her , and in her own experience and environment, that's no biggie, just some rather adorable quirk of a fun-loving lady. Well, newsflash : there are *tons* of men ( even in very drink- friendly cultures ! ) who, in fact, find this behaviour very off -putting , and deserving of an immediate hard pass. That the OP may not want to engage with these men, and stick to other ,more tolerant, kinds of people - that's another story. But at least, know she knows that tolerance for drunken shenanigans is VERY FAR from being universally endearing to everybody, so she can decide whether to play it safe and drink less, or to carry on as she pleases , but knowing that not all men will be amused .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2020): That's the problem OP, you post on here and the agony aunts think they are experts, know you better than you know yourself and add their own slant on it. Trust yourself more because you have worked it out yourself
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 February 2020):
Far too serious ? I guess it's a matter of points of view.
For you a grown up woman who can't control her drinking , and gets so sozzled to become a romantic, over-emoting text pest, it's a haha-funny laughing matter. I am not saying it can't be just that… but maybe this guy ( …. or one million other guys ) think that, no, with all the attractive, personable, available ladies that are out there looking for a date , or for a relationship… well, why choosing just the one who after two ( or eight ) drinks becomes stalky and makes such a fool of herself . In short , … maybe you scared him off, - and if he had good enough grounds to get scared / turned off / disgusted , that we could debate forever without reaching a conclusion. Maybe in your social circle
such behaviour is normal , acceptable and no big deal ; - let me assure though that many other people / environments / culltures do not see it your way. So, at the end of the day, we can agree that , if you think there's nothing at all to change in your behaviour, that's fine, but you need a "braver" kind of man, and to not feel surprised / upset when you meet those who do get scared off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2020): OP here . Seriously i have 1 night of drinking and now im an alcoholic according to everyone. I wasnt negotiating through our best friends. This guy happened to be an old friend and had already told me he liked me , he just so happened to also tell his now best friend and he wanted to share the news with my best friend. I only drunk texted that one night that i drank. Clearly its not ment to be with him, most people i know would have laughed it off and moved on. Hes obviously changed over the years and takes things far too serious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2020): He did the right thing, and you've learned a good lesson.
Maybe you have a drinking problem? Even if you don't, you gave him that impression. Alcoholism brings a lot of heartache and drama. If you see it coming your way, you run!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 February 2020):
 What else can you do?
GROW UP!
Who over the age of 25 drunk text/message someone their fancy? Seriously!
Control your drinking. If you feel like you do DUMB shit while drunk, then maybe you need to accept that you need to cut the booze.
He might also have moved past his feelings for you, from being interested to being neutral, so maybe your messages would have given him more of a WTF moment than being flattered. And then you sent apologies for being drunk when saying these things. NOT exactly a good way to present yourself, is it? Or for him to think, great when she is drunk she can talk to be and be all sweet but sober she apologizes.
I had an ex who would occasionally call drunk and declare his feelings for me. Very awkward, especially since we had had a pretty mutual and amicable break up (we just didn't share anything in common). It was 2 or 3 in the mornings. Waking me up (or leaving a message on my machine) and then pretending it never happened or apologize the next day or a week later. It was pure CRINGE. He thankfully met someone and the late drunk calls stopped. NO ONE is impressed or flattered by calls/texts like that. It put YOU in a pretty bad light.
Leave him be. Live your life.
If he was interested in you now, why hasn't HE made any moves?
I think you need to let this one go, and look at your own behavior.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2020): Perhaps this man knows that it is impossible to reason with a drunk! I myself am a recovering alcoholic, with 17yrs of sobriety. I will talk with any person about sobriety, prior to their drinking, but once they begin drinking, I refuse to have a conversation with them! I understand that is not the topic regarding your post, but just maybe the man you care about, refuses to take up with any woman, who goes over the top with alcohol. Again, I will not discuss politics, religion, business dealings,money, or relationships with any friend or family member, who is drinking alcohol! Of course I have family members and friends who are able to drink responsibily, and in moderation, but serious topics deserve sober and attentive conversation! You may have ruined your chances. Give this man plenty of space. If you encounter him, give your most sincere apology and if he is single, then tell him your feelings. Then accept what he tells you! That is all you can do. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 February 2020):
 I once had an ex's best friend tell me the ex had died a horrific death, it affected me greatly because the ex was somebody I respected and liked.
Maybe the best friend in this case was also telling lies to your best friend and now you both (not the best friends) find yourselves in awkward situations.
All you can do is back off and try and regain some dignity, and maybe cut down a little on the alcohol consumption.
Next time don't try and establish a relationship via your best friend and some guy's best friend …. that sort of negotiating is doomed to fail, mainly due to miscommunication, and is best left where it belongs, in the school yard.
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