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My live in boyfriend is allergic to my cats.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2020) 8 Answers - (Newest, 18 January 2020)
A female United States age 30-35, *erxess66621 writes:

Hello and thank you for any advice and opinions.

I have a beautiful family of 5. My bf 3 cats ( midnight, xena, and princess) and a dog ( max). I have had my first cat midnight for about 4 years, my cat xena for about 3 years, my cats princess for 2 years and my dog max for 2 yeard. And just recently my bf of 7 years tells me he cant live with the cats any longer. I am left with the decision of should i keep them and hurt my bfs health (but he also said if i kept them he would move out). Or get rid of them but it seems impossible becuz i love them and dont want to get rid of my babies. You see my bf has asthma and it had only been getting worser and worser to them point he is sofficating each day coughing non stop and coughing blood every now and then cuz of so much coughing. His inhaler no longer causes him relief or efdects him. I clean daily and vacuum. He has tries air purifiers but nothing seems to help. Bottom line do i really need to get rid of my babies? And if so where would i send them? How can i make sure they find a good happy home? Thank you

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (18 January 2020):

CindyCares agony auntOh sure- the guy did not pop the question , so he deserves to feel sick, cough blood and die suffocated in his sleep ! Actually, since we are at it,- let's have him hanged, drawn and quartered ! that will teach him !

( Btw : has anybody noticed that the poster's age is 22-25 ? Maybe the reason why they haven't married yet is because … they are young and way under the average age for marriage even in quick-to-marry USA ? just saying .)

There may be reasons why they are living together but not married. One of which, of course - could be lack of committment on his part; maybe he IS waiting for a better offer. Then again, personally I don't know if I'd commit to someone who 'd rather see me spit out my lungs than rehome her cats...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2020):

They're your "babies" you say but you are going to get rid of them to accommodate a man who's not even made any commitment to you after 7 years. What's he waiting for? A better offer? And why has he allowed his health to get so bad before giving you an ultimatum. You can still have a relationship without living together. Doesn't sound like this relationship is really going anywhere anyway.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (17 January 2020):

CindyCares agony aunt I think before deciding , he should see a good allergologist and have tests done ( blood tests like PRIST and RAST , and/ or prick-test on skin ) to see if it's really cats he is allergic to , and up to which level. Often cats get blamed as the most likely culprits,- and then it turns out that the person was in fact allergic to dust mites or to pollen or to ? and removing the cats did not help. Also, the quantity makes a difference : even with a conclaimed allergy to cats, most people can manage ONE by using the usual precautions

( washing hands frequently, airing the house often, not letting the cat stay in one's bedroom etc. etc. ) - but 3 of course is another story, - maybe you'd be able at least to keep one.

Then, there are different medications which could solve the problem, or at leat greatly decrease it. There isn't a final, resolutive cure for cats allergy, but there are shots to desensitize you to allergens, and corticosteroids, or cromon based drugs... different solutions for different cases, and only an allergologist could decide which is the best for yours.

If alas nothing works- I think your babies will have to go. I mean, I like cats myself,- but the poor guy is coughing blood ! If he has a really bad asthma , and a severe allergy, - is not excluded he could die ! Sorry but IMHO ... always human beings first , THEN pets.

Yes I guess your bf could go live on his own, ( but he should never visit you, then ; you should always go to him and never viceversa ) and it's true that people manage to have good relationships without living together- but it sounds like a very expensive solution , particularly for a young couple . Suppose then that these two actually °enjoy° living together, physical closeness, sharing space etc... renting another place sounds to me like totally an overkill, after all we are not talking about °real° babies , I am sure they are lovely cats who are cherished and nurtured, STILL they are animals. Now there's also people who say they greatly prefer animals to human beings, and so be it; but normally, like I said, it's humans before animals, and with no qualms too.

Where would you send them- it depends. If you were in my city, the cat shelter here is absolutely wonderful, with fantastic, committed volunteers, and a very feline-friendly and hygienic environment, - but I have no idea how cat shelters are in your area and their policies,- maybe you should first visist your local one and see if you find it acceptable.

Otherwise, word of mouth start pestering all your relatives, friends, coworkers, neighbours, your hair salon, your gym, your grocery shop,- ( you got the concept ) until you find someone who wants them and who looks in your eyes willing and able to take good care of them. Sure, you'll have to trust your instincts, you cannot ever be 100% sure that your babies won't go to a feline Cruella DeVille ,- but, what else can one do ? Only your best, not the impossible.

Another option is , if your cats are purebreed , contact their breed rescue if there's one in your area ( you may have to travel a bit , maybe. It depends ). As a matter of fact, where I live there are private organizations also for normal ( mixed breed ) cats rescue and rehoming; theer , Internet is your friend, a bit of Internet browsing should give you what you look for.

Finally, you could place an ad on some cats magazine, Catster, Modern Cat, or others, to seek adoptive parents in your area.

But hopefully, all this won't be necessary- see an allergologist , and maybe a dermatologist, first.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2020):

Honestly OP, I think you have to get rid of them. I don’t think there’s any way you can justify putting your boyfriend’s health at risk to the point he’s coughing up blood to keep your cats around. It’s not like he’s not given it a good try for you but he must be miserable living like that.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it must be so hard, but asthma can be really dangerous even when inhalers can effectively control it so I think that has to take priority. Is there anyone you know that could take them in so you could still see them regularly?

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (17 January 2020):

mystiquek agony auntHas your boyfriend ever tried getting shots? My nephew is allergic to cats but his wife loves them and he takes shots and has no problems.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (17 January 2020):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSadly (based on your last question) it sounds like you have already decided it will be the cats who will go.

I would just give you this food for thought: if you have been with this guy for 7 years, why are you not married yet? He is your boyfriend, not your husband.

Have you considered him getting a place of his own? Many couple have a completely satisfactory relationship without living together.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2020):

You must ask yourself, do you love your bf and do you plan to be in a committed long term relationship? Seven yrs is already, pretty long term. I understand your dilema, because I too, share your love of cats and dogs! Your bf can die from asthma, and him coughing up blood does not sound good! As hard as this is, it is a no brainer, if you adore your bf, and do not want him to move out or get sicker and die! Pet dander is one of the very worst triggers for asthmatics. You can post on line, or in a newspaper, to adopt out your pets, to good homes. Ask neighbors, family, and friends, if they would give a loving home, to your pets, and that way, you could still visit your Babies! If all else fails, these pets could go to the SPCA, but that should be the very last resort, since animals that do not get adopted, in the given time, must be humanely put to sleep. I think that you yourself can find homes, for your Lovely Pets! May GOD Bless You OP!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2020):

Cats are not babies. They are animals and by the way I love animals. You can find a good home for them and let them go. I can’t believe how insensitive you have been to your boyfriend health. He could stop breathing all together in one of these attacks. My kid had asthma and allergic to cats and dogs. The first few days that we moved to our new house he started having problems and I didn’t know what was causing it. I cleaned the house before we moved but later found out the previous owner had cats! So even if you clean it doesn’t matter.

If you decide to stay with your babies then let your boyfriend go and when you need help or get sick your babies can take care of you.

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