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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I'm married and a married hottie came onto me at work. What should I do?
Q. I work in the same company as this woman. Never really took any notice of her or talked to her, but I knew she was married. One day we found ourselves alone together and she made it plain she fancied me. In fact she put her hand on my thigh, I ...
A. 28 May 2013: So what do you need help with?... (read in full...)
My married friend's husband keeps calling me! What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone! I first wrote for help here 3 years ago with the same problem and it is still going on. My friends husband used to ring me over and over again late at night begging me to talk to him or ring him back. Sometimes he would text. This...
A. 7 April 2013: You did the right thing. He blew up because he got caught out and he's probaly doing her a favour by lettingher out of the marriage. The fact tha he dumped her so quickly indicates that their mrriage was over anyway.
Be there for your friend, she'... (read in full...)
My ex wants me to apologize to his mother for raising my voice to her. Why should I?
Q. my ex have a woman while he was with me. i asked him about he said nothing. i ask him about our relationship he said nothing. i found out and keeping to my self, he have made attempt to pull me in back after the two days i found out. i didn't b...
A. 4 April 2013: Why are you still in contact with an ex who cheated on you?... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend said we had something special now he's confused and wants to be friends?
Q. When I met a guy widowed with a daughter I was expecting unresolved grief. How wrong. He's 47 and his daughter is 14 and within two years of his wife passing on had moved a woman with two children in. He loved this woman and she drank and he tried ...
A. 3 April 2013: Yes he's using you for definite!
This is a guy who replaces one woman with another quickly, before he has dealt with any left over feelings...he does this because he gets bored and doesn't like being alone.
I bet he came onto you quite strong... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend completely over his ex?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. He is 30 and I'm 29, and we started living together about a month ago. It was around this time when he first told me he loved me too. Things are going really well. We get along great and are very sex...
A. 1 April 2013: The fact that you are snooping on FB, second guessing his convos and obviously do not trust him suggests you shouldn't be with him.
Relationships dont come with guarantees at any moment, anyone who's in a relationship could meet someone else or ... (read in full...)
The elephant in the room: is he my boyfriend?
Q. I met a guy on a dating website and we have been dating for 2 months. We speak to each other everyday and say goodnight before bed. We sleep at each other's houses and have sex twice a week. He seems very loyal and committed in his actions and has ...
A. 1 April 2013: If you are still seeing the guy in 6 months then it's probably fair to call him boyfriend. Two months is not long enough to know if someone is right for you or even if they will stay. People tend to show their true colours at around the three month ... (read in full...)
This pregnancy is making me miserable! Am I normal?
Q. Hi. I am currently 41weeeks preganant and completely MISRABLE. I cry every single day, i am in pain, fat, i can barely walk or even stand up, tired, bored, uncomfy, the list is endless! It's got to the point now where i just want to get back to ...
A. 1 April 2013: Don't worry about the predicted weight by the scan, mostly those are wrong. I work in maternity so I know that the weight is usually inaccurate. Bigger babies tend to be easier to birth than little ones ( I had a 6lb and an 8lb baby and the bigger ... (read in full...)
Let this April Fools joke slide? Or break up with him?
Q. Boyfriend pretended to break up with me as an April Fool's joke? Well, apparently, he said it was an April Fool's joke. Should i leave him?. I think that's a cruel joke....
A. 1 April 2013: I agree with OB, if you have other issues with him, it could be the last straw, if not, just take the joke and get him back by the end of the day :-)
(I suggest filling his slippers with shaving foam)... (read in full...)
Are my good intentions possibly hurting her in a way I didn't intend? Do I need to step back and let her do these things instead?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and everything has been great. We are able to discuss any issues that come up calmly - something she was never able to do in previous relationships. Due to a rather unscrupulous ex of hers she has been ...
A. 1 April 2013: Yes, take a step back and maybe don't do everything for her. I am sure when you begin work again, you will get into a more 'sharing the chores' type of arrangement.
Give her a chance to cook for you or treat you because some women like to do that.... (read in full...)
My married friend's husband keeps calling me! What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone! I first wrote for help here 3 years ago with the same problem and it is still going on. My friends husband used to ring me over and over again late at night begging me to talk to him or ring him back. Sometimes he would text. This...
A. 1 April 2013: If he has been begging and calling but you have NEVER answered him or replied back...how do you know what he wants?...is he flirting with you?...and if so, has he continued even though you have NEVER replied?...even though he gets no response...he ... (read in full...)
My much younger girlfriend goes dancing with her ex boyfriend
Q. I have had a girlfriend for over six months and in all that time she has been very affectionate at times but never once said she loves me. She likes to go dancing and occasionaly has men call her and ask if shes going. Recently ske has had an ex bo...
A. 1 April 2013: Men who date much younger women tend to be insecure about the situation because they are aware of their age and worry that she'll meet someone her own age who she likes better (same for older women who date younger men)
Here she is going dancing ... (read in full...)
I don't want kids and I'm concerned I'll end up alone
Q. Feel like I am going to be permanently single. Been single 5 years. I don't want kids, so my dating pool is much smaller and even on online dating sites there are so few women who don't want or don't already have kids. Have lots of friends but i...
A. 1 April 2013: Date someone who already has kids, maybe someone a bit older who is done with having anymore children. There are lots of older women out there hoping to date and get to know someone nice so give it a go.... (read in full...)
Why did this girl walk away the minute she moved into the house with her boyfriend and not speak to me for a couple of years and then get back in touch, mess me around and fob me off and then shut me out again?
Q. Hi there. Four years ago I had a relationship with a girl who was about to move in with her long term boyfriend. I know it was wrong but I was lonely and inexperienced and she had issues with her bf and had recently lost her father. We met at ...
A. 31 March 2013: I do believe, from what you have described, that she is a user...she has used you in the past (and you have been like a rock) and she's come back to use you again, with no care or thought or understanding of your feelings.
Why has she done thi... (read in full...)
I know there's plenty of fish in the sea but I want this cold fish!
Q. So there's a (busy) guy, we met at university; we're in student council and other organizations. I know him for 5 months, and after 3 months, I got feelings for him. I told him I liked him (which he already knew as we flirt). He told me he had...
A. 31 March 2013: Maybe he just sees you as a friend and is happy to hang out with you and introduce you to family and friends. It's just tough luck that his feelings don't go beyond friendship.
He knows you like him more than he likes you but maybe he's just hop... (read in full...)
What is vanilla sex?
Q. Hi What does people consider "vanilla sex"? How does mostly practise it and do you find it unattractive or not excited?...
A. 31 March 2013: Vanilla refers to straight sex without any BDSM.... (read in full...)
Should I text the guy I had first date sex with?
Q. Hello I asked a question last week after I (stupidly) had first-date sex and I am still not sure what to do. This is my original post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sex-on-the-first-date-how-can-i34.html OK the thing is, we had sex and...
A. 31 March 2013: The good thing about him not coming back is, you have a clean slate. No akward explainations, no back tracking if he thinks you will jump into bed again, no worrying about him taking you the wrong way...you can just use it as a learning curve, think ... (read in full...)
My partner says I'm too heavy for sex!
Q. We cannot have sexual intercouse because my female partner has told me that I am too heavy for her. What is the best way to lose weight? Is it a good idea for me to go to the gym? Has this been a common problem for other couples when hav...
A. 30 March 2013: Try a slimming club like weight watchers or slimming world. I am sure your wife would be happy to help you out preparing healthy weight reducing meals and maybe motivating you to take more exercise.
Men at slimming clubs are a bit of a novelty ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my good friend and he knows this. But he is not yet available. How can I deal with the despair I feel over this?
Q. I really need advice I am so in love with my good friend and he knows this Last year he confided he was having issues with his girlfriend of 5 years. He said he was really unhappy we got a bit close and kissed twice I was so happy Then he s...
A. 30 March 2013: His message is screaming out that he does not want to be in a relationship with you...im sorry!!
He obviously likes you as a friend but he is in too deep with his girlfriend at this time (whether they are together or not)to be looking in your dir... (read in full...)
Could he be falling in love again with his ex? I am so afraid of being abandoned all over again
Q. So devastated I can't eat, or sleep, am an absolute mess. Suppose you're in a relationship with a divorced man... His ex-wife is aware of your relationship, and she harbors hatred and spite towards you... they get on well and see each other ...
A. 30 March 2013: Some men hang onto their ex for the sake of the children, some do not.
It's really hard to have a relationship with someone who is divorced but still hangs out with his ex wife. They share little jokes and know eachother much better than anyone e... (read in full...)
What are the best options for me, if I don't want more children? I do want to get back to dating and put my life back together. What if my soul mate wanted children?
Q. I thought about getting back into the dating scene but I might meet the guy of my dreams my soul mate but I don't want to have anymore children. I have three and I have experienced a hard time with their fathers. My oldest daughter and son share th...
A. 30 March 2013: Seems to me your life IS together. You've had three kids, managed to get away from their fathers and have survived to tell the tale, you have had a reasonable period of celibacy and you have made up your mind not to have more children...seems all ... (read in full...)
Should I text the guy I had first date sex with?
Q. Hello I asked a question last week after I (stupidly) had first-date sex and I am still not sure what to do. This is my original post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sex-on-the-first-date-how-can-i34.html OK the thing is, we had sex and...
A. 30 March 2013: No contact for 4 days?...and this is a new guy who should be keen?...should be chasing if he's interested?
I think he's gone...or worse, he's put you on his 'shag only' pile and you might get a drunken 3am call when he's feeling lonely!!... (read in full...)
I think my husband might be cheating
Q. I just want to hear other thoughts to my husbands actions. Ok in december 2012 my husband was supposed to be at a certain place getting fencing post for a friends farm. ok so when he got home i noticed he didnt look dirty and i just had that fee...
A. 30 March 2013: To be honest from what you have said, I don't think you have any firm evidence that your husband is cheating, it seems to be very much your own insecurities that are convincing you that something is going on.
As tempting as it is to keep on at a ... (read in full...)
How should we handle this rude and nosy neighbour?
Q. Can anyone please off me any advice on how to deal with my competitive and rude neighbour? Basically my husband and i moved to our house about 2 years ago and we get on with all our neighbours but we have 1 particular neighbour who is very ...
A. 30 March 2013: Why don't you want to fall out with him? It's obvious from his comments that he intends to fall out with you, and the sooner the better because then he will keep away from you.
There are people in the world who are pig headed, arrogant, nosey an... (read in full...)
Dilemma--ex girlfriend pregnant wants me back but I'm dating someone else now
Q. Well, in late nov I met this rlly cute gurl n we really hit it off and we had sex for first weekend and we had sex again a week later n she told she took birth control. And she had her period in the same week. And then she blew me off n hurt me n we ...
A. 29 March 2013: Get a pregnancy test, then a paternity test after the baby is born. If the child is yours, you will need to arrance child support (50% your responsibility) and child access. If the baby is yours, it's not his/her fault that he/she has irresponsible ... (read in full...)
Fiance not into me any more?
Q. Hi, I have been with my fiance for two and a half years, we have had our up a and downs but mostly, we have had a great time - but lately, I am worried that he is just not that into me any more. We live together and I gave a great relationship ...
A. 26 March 2013: Maybe he feels the glam career girl has now turned into unemployed girl and this seems to be his biggest bother. The thing is, anyone can become unemployed at any time...it could even happen to him and by being mean to you, he's kinda throwing the ... (read in full...)
I'm in pain over someone who doesn't even think of me
Q. hello, well met someone last year lasted 3 month ,treated her like an angel. Wrote poems, dancing, open every door,sweet talker, romantic. her ex beat her all the time. it was going great i thought, fantastic. went on a 3 day trip, that weekend ...
A. 26 March 2013: I am so sorry it didn't work out for you...sometimes we do too much for people...I know this as I have done it myself. Its very hard to get someone out of your head when you felt you had a special connection and sometimes it just takes a little ... (read in full...)
Temptation - married man - the devil is toying with me!
Q. Dear Cupid,I am a young single woman looking for real love but the wrong type of men seem to keep approaching me they are MARRIED and to me it's not a good thing.Five married men have come my way so far I don't know what they see in me that makes ...
A. 25 March 2013: If you are looking for love, put yourself where you have a greater chance of meeting single people, try a singles club or a paid dating site which asks you to do a personality test.
I have had advances from a few married men in my time and I ni... (read in full...)
In loved with a guy that is spoken for but unhappy
Q. Hello guys. I've known this fella for 3 years. He's in a very unhappy (unmarried) relationship.Unhappy on BOTH sides. They've been together 10+ years with property, finances and a business in both their names. He has feelings for me and he knows I ...
A. 25 March 2013: '....As for change, it's obvious I'm too comfortable and boring. Hmmmmm.'
What's he telling you?...That he isn't going to budge.
The fact that he didn't answer when you suggested change kinda puts the lid on it...he definitely isn't going to b... (read in full...)
Should I leave my alcoholic boyfriend? At times he blacked out and acted evil.
Q. My boyfriend Max and I have dated for seven months. I thought he was the "one." He was always very attentive, we have wonderful fun together and we spend lots of itme together. As the relationship progressed I noticed that each time we went out to ...
A. 24 March 2013: How old is Max?
The addition to alcohol is probably not new to him and neither is the abuse that goes with it. If he's around your age he's probably set in his ways and this can be hard to live with.
It's one thing to drink...it's ano... (read in full...)
He suggested a threesome; I'm feeling uncared for
Q. Hey, just curious what it means of what my husband said; we have been married 15 years - last few years a bit shaky; suggests to me on a holiday when chilling out at a nude beach where we both went together that we should try a threesome and get ...
A. 24 March 2013: Say you will do it only if the third person can be another man!
When your husband starts complaining 'Oh but that would not be any fun for me'
Just say 'Ahhh yep, I feel the same way about you bringing in another woman...guess the threesome th... (read in full...)
Should I keep seeing this guy? He doesn't contact me for 4 days and then addresses me by my friend's name?
Q. Not sure if I should see this guy again. (Or maybe I expect too much) I have been seeing this guy for about a month now. It is very casual. He has shown interest in me. He would text every two days or so which is fine with me. This week he didn't ...
A. 23 March 2013: Yep they might have long term BF and be getting married...but happy??...probably not.
They are probably in long term things because they consistently put up with their Boyfriend's bad behaviour, over and over!! Why do they do this?...... (read in full...)
Should I keep seeing this guy? He doesn't contact me for 4 days and then addresses me by my friend's name?
Q. Not sure if I should see this guy again. (Or maybe I expect too much) I have been seeing this guy for about a month now. It is very casual. He has shown interest in me. He would text every two days or so which is fine with me. This week he didn't ...
A. 22 March 2013: I agree with Tisha...he's being a bit flaky with his excuses and absence, so I'd say it's not a certain thing at this time.
If he contacts you again try not to appear too eager (offering him food and to wait for him) because it enforces bad beha... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want anal sex with my wife?
Q. Is it normal to want anal sex with my wife, she's got a lovely arse and she's the only person I want it with, we have been together for 20 + years and have a fantastic sex life, I'm just wondering if my penis would be too big for her, it's 6 ins but ...
A. 22 March 2013: Go to a sex shop, buy yourself a dildo that looks similar you your own penis and some lube...go home. Have a play around and try the dildo up your own anus...this should give you some idea how much pain you will be putting your wife through. ... (read in full...)
Do you think the man I'm cheating on my husband is in love with me?
Q. I've been having sex with him for three months. I'm married, he's single.I fell hard for him and he knows it. Despite knowing my feelings, he still wanted to meet me and have contact with me. He told me he'll never become attached to a married ...
A. 22 March 2013: Do I think he loves you?...Nope
Do I think he has backed off because you mentioned feelings?...Yep
The guy is using you for sex my dear. He has told you that he would never become attached, so even if he did feel something, he has done what he... (read in full...)
Why am I still hurting from getting fingered a week later
Q. I am 16 yr old sophomore and my senior boyfriend who is 18. We really hadn't done anything else but make out. Until this year, last week was spring break and we went to the beach and we had talked about doing more than kissing but I ha no idea it ...
A. 22 March 2013: If someone is sticking their dirty fingers up you and it happens on a beach, you could have an infection caused by either dirt or sand. Go to your doctor and have a test. A lot of boys/men have very bad personal hygiene and if he has wiped his butt ... (read in full...)
I want to have an open marriage but don't know how to discuss it with my husband
Q. I know I will probably hear a lot comments like just leave him, and find someone else. But that's not why I m telling you my story. The thing is that I am more and more think about having an open kind of relationship with my husband. I know ...
A. 19 March 2013: First it's just about the sex...then emotions get in the way and your marriage will fail anyway. Not too many men about who would be happy to share their wife/mother of their children.
Not sure what this other man has been telling you and you have... (read in full...)
I'm unhappy with the lack of support from my g/f. How can I deal with this?
Q. Hey guys, My father is suffering from some serious medical issues that came up suddenly and there is a chance that he may not ever come out the same again. He is in the hospital and has been for a month, and we're not sure how long he'll be th...
A. 19 March 2013: Yep you are certainly confused and going off in emotional tangents and thrashing about (justified to your own personal circumstance) and as much as it would be great to have a GF or partner who was a 'rock' for you to lean on, the fact is that most ... (read in full...)
I'm married and a married hottie came onto me at work. What should I do?
Q. I work in the same company as this woman. Never really took any notice of her or talked to her, but I knew she was married. One day we found ourselves alone together and she made it plain she fancied me. In fact she put her hand on my thigh, I ...
A. 18 March 2013: Here's the news:
YOU ARE MARRIED, that does not give you a GOD GIVEN right to cheat with other women.
I really liked the part where you said:
'discretion is important to me'
really???? I guess it would be, that way you can cheat all y... (read in full...)
Broke up with my BF because of his indiscretion, was I right
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, I have left my jobs to. Follow him wherever his job takes him. Last year I had a miscarriage. Since then we have been living in qatar. I was unable to work without a visa so I have been a house GF ...
A. 18 March 2013: Christ, he sounds like a grade A lying arsehole!!!
It's one thing to make up a little white lie but to tell a huge whopper! in the face of such devestating evidence is not only insane, it's disrespectful, cruel and a bare faced cheek.
I don't... (read in full...)
I should marry him, yes? or marry him not?
Q. Should I marry my boyfriend? Reasons for I love him and know he loves me He is willing to take on my thirteen year old daughter He loves my family He cooks well, haha He loves my cooking He is warm and loving in his ways generally Reasons ...
A. 17 March 2013: I agree with the other aunts, if you have doubt then don't.
His kids will always be his kids and it's his right to see them and spend time with them, despite what you think.
The sex thing will eventually drive a wedge between you, so if he isn't ri... (read in full...)
Should I listen to him and start to get more aggressive? Or just stop telling him what's happening?
Q. I don't like conflicts. I don't care if people talk trash about me, because if I know it's not true, I won't make a big deal about it. Bottom line, if my true friends know the truth, I let people talk. I've had situations where there were girls ca...
A. 16 March 2013: I think aggressive is the wrong thing to be if you are trying to sort out a problem. Maybe a better thing to be is calm and direct.
There is nothing to lose by standing up for yourself...we live in a world of conflict and see aggression all arou... (read in full...)
I feel totally empty in this relationship
Q. I have been in a 3 year relationship with a guy. We do live separately. I am in need of some help and advice please. Something has happened to my feelings, before i really loved him a lot, adored him. At work recently ( we worked together for 6 m...
A. 15 March 2013: If he broke the trust, only he can mend it and it will take a lot of effort to do.
You feel lost because the trust has gone...things are familiar but not the same and all your reactions and feelings are normal for someone who has been betrayed... (read in full...)
My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 15 March 2013: Then why stay, if you cannot change it?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 15 March 2013: Once or twice a year!!!! The way you put it across, it sounded like your GF was like this all the time!!!
Think you have painted a bad picture of her tbh...
Once ot twice a year!...that's funny.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 14 March 2013: From everything you have said about her, it's clear to see that you are not compatible. Life is too short to waste time arguing and getting upset by someone you have so many disagreeing factors with.
Relationships are only worth holding on to wh... (read in full...)
My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 12 March 2013: There are a lot of people around who resort to this type of behaviour. Some just want to avoid and argument and want to wait for the dust to settle, others use it as a kind of punishment.
Some people are just used to getting their own way and ... (read in full...)
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