A
male
age
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*ochiro343
writes:I have had a girlfriend for over six months and in all that time she has been very affectionate at times but never once said she loves me.She likes to go dancing and occasionaly has men call her and ask if shes going. Recently ske has had an ex boyfriend pick her up and take her out for the evening to a regular dance venue.She gives him a peck on the lips hello and goodbye I have told her this is not ok with an ex but she just tells me thats nothing but dancing.I am a builder and have been working on her house for over 5 months at no cost to her, in all my spare time and I spend over 4 nights there every week. Just yesterday after we had an argument over this other guy, before she left for work, she asked me to pack up my stuff.I am 17 yrs older than her but in excellent health, do gym every second day and look good for my age. I don't know what to do ???
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male
reader, Here2HelpU  +, writes (2 April 2013):
First of all going out partying with an ex and she pecks him on the lips. That is really not on, its near enough disgraceful. I would really advise you to move on and find someone that will appreciate you much more.
I no its easy said than done and i no you really do have feelings for her, but i really do think she is messing you around.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 As the older partner in my age gap relationship, I am normally very supportive and encouraging of age gap relationships. My husband is a mere 13 years younger than I am but I do not do anything with anyone (male or female) if he expresses a discomfort with it.
THIS leaves a BAD TASTE IN MY MOUTH….
You don’t give ages so let’s assume she’s 21-23 and you are therefore 38-41.
Age gaps are normally not a big deal for me once all parties are over 25… she’s probably on the young side if she still NEEDS to go out dancing and is willing to leave her partner behind for such a weekend activity. If she was doing it as lessons or midweek, I’d not be so concerned.
An ex-boyfriend PICKING HER UP and TAKING HER to the dance venue (and then returning her home) REEKS of a date to me. Especially if she’s kissing him hello and goodbye on the lips and you have told her it bothers you and she ignores or poo-poos your discomfort.
The fact that you are working on her house for 5 months with no cost to her is part of my concern. Is she at least paying for materials or are you providing them as well. I just had my house refinished (walls, floors, doors, a new bathroom and a few other things) and it ran nearly 50k in materials and workmen costs. Her getting you to fix up her house for FREE is bothersome to me.
you had an argument and she asked you to pack your stuff? You asked her to what? Stop kissing him on the lips? Stop dating him? Stop going out with him on Saturday nights dancing?
I would pack my stuff.
I would NOT work on her house for free.
IF she is over and done with you send her a bill for materials and show her the CREDIT you gave her for your time when working on the house.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): I go dancing. I now have a boyfriend, but he is learning to dance so he can go to dances with me. He doesn't like to dance as much as I do, and I find it frustrating and a hinderence. Dancing is JUST dancing...I will dance with anyone that is good at it....young or old, and it means absolutely nothing more than like having a game a tennis with a friend. So, you should feel safe and secure having her dancing with other men, even her ex. However, I agree with you that it is NOT appropriate for them to kiss on the lips. This is a given. If your girlfriend is not kind and loving enough to refrain from kissing her ex on the lips, out of respect for you, then I wonder if you want to continue a relationship with someone like that?
I think it would be nice if you went along to dancing with her, if you are worried. I loved my boyfriend watching me dance before he started lessons. but DON'T GET JEALOUS....that will make her NOT want you there. It IS JUST dancing - nothing more. I highly recommend you learn. Anyone can learn to dance because I DID...it took me a LONG time to 'click' with the groove, but now I love it, and I didn't start to learn till I was 38 years old.
I suggest you stop working on her house till your relationship is more secure.... that is very kind of you to give her that gift, but maybe she is taking that a bit for granted? relationships HAVE to be roughly equal, you can't GIVE too much or TAKE too much... What does she GIVE you in return for the work on the house? A meal? does she do some sort of work on your house? She won't respect you, if you GIVE more than your fair share (or close to it...give and take)
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 It does sound like she is taking advantage of your good nature. She is out 'dancing' and having fun while you are fixing her house - for free?!!! Can you come round and do mine while I go out and have fun lol!
I'd just take a step back and look at what you are getting out of the relationship, is it really love and respect and everything you want from a relationship?
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A
male
reader, justaguy71 +, writes (1 April 2013):
I think you are being too nice to her. Find someone that appreciated all the stuff you're doing for them, shes not the only cute girl in the world u know.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Men who date much younger women tend to be insecure about the situation because they are aware of their age and worry that she'll meet someone her own age who she likes better (same for older women who date younger men)
Here she is going dancing and you at home working on her house...but is she really up to anything but dancing? Do those pecks on the lips mean anything else?...they probably don't but it's going to make you worry isn't it, because it's insensitive and inappropriate.
I agree with Aunt Denise...you should ask to go dancing with her and see what she says?
She probably thinks you are being controlling by commenting on her going out and having fun, but there is an age gap here and she probably sees your objections as parental rather than partner!
This has nothing to do with how fit you are or how good you look, this is about the differences in your life goals that age dictates. She's young and flirtatious and you'd rather her be at home....someone's going to lose out here and unless you can let her have a bit more rope, it's probably going to be you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 If you girlfriend likes to go dancing why haven't YOU taken her? Have you offered to and been turned down perhaps?
I don't think going out dancing with other men, and especially an ex, is appropriate if you're both living together.
If she wants to end it with you, I don't see that you have much choice but to agree - unless the two of you can talk and come to a resolution IF the issue is ONLY about dancing, that is......
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