A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!I first wrote for help here 3 years ago with the same problem and it is still going on.My friends husband used to ring me over and over again late at night begging me to talk to him or ring him back. Sometimes he would text. This would happen around the 3 4 or 5am time.He would only do this when his wife was away visiting family. I told him hundreds of times to stop it. I would like to add that never once have i picked the phone up to him or replied to a text. Not even the ones apologising for his behaviour.The advice i got was to tell her whats been happening no matter how awkward it may be because if the boot was on the other foot, wouldn't i want to know? The answer to that is yes.. i would want to know, but my friends situation is different. I feel it would blow our friendship apart. She relies on him for everything. She even works for him from home, so she doesn't even have any financial independence. I think he plays with us both with a kind of unspoken blackmail.. knowing i won't tell. He did stop for around 12 months but 5am saturday morning he does it again. This time he only rang 3 times. I find it scary and weird. I'm seeing my friend on wednesday and it makes me feel sick inside.Im beginning to think i will have to put up with this forever now cos how would i explain why i've said nothing for so long? Its like he has me over a barrel.Any advice would be great x [Mod note: title was changed; OP is not married, original title stated she was.]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): Does he go silent when you are in a relationship? Hes probably afraid your man would go round and have it out with him.
If your friend has taken his side by her not keeping in touch then you are better off with out them in your life. You dont need the drama of their bad marraige getting caught up in your life. Life is full of complications of our own with out others adding theirs into your mix.
Hope you are well x
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 I hope everything is going well for you and the drama has ended. You should be able to breathe freely and not have this weight of the big secret hanging around your neck any longer. I hope he has finally ended his blackmail campaign for good. Sorry for your friend but at least she's onto him now. I hope she's not too naive, but then that's her own life, and she has to lead it, doesn't she?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 April 2013):
 You did the right thing. He blew up because he got caught out and he's probaly doing her a favour by lettingher out of the marriage. The fact tha he dumped her so quickly indicates that their mrriage was over anyway.
Be there for your friend, she's going to need you xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone who took the time to help.
I told my friend... her husband went crazy, called me all the names. He said i wasn't welcome at their house again and told my friend who was at my house when i told her, not to bother coming home and that their marriage was over.
She did return home later that night. I had a text from her the next day thanking me for the meal and i've heard nothing since.
At least her husband has lost his power now, although its all a bit too quiet really, makes me a little nervous x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2013):
At this point, I would get law enforcement involved. This has been going on for 3 years and he persists in harassing you, despite being told point blank to stop?
Maybe a nice chat with a Bobby will alter his behavior.
Or, this is probably what I would do. I would take screen shots of all the texts and messages he's written and I would print them out and go talk to your friend.
Sorry she's got a miserable sad life, but she is in the life of her own choice and just because she's chosen poorly doesn't mean you have to tolerate harassment at her husband's hands.
Time to woman up, be brave and deal with it once and for all. Let him deal with the consequences of HIS behavior.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 April 2013):
 Block HIS number or get yourself a new number.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Ever thought about CHANGING you telephone numbers?
Even reporting him for stalking?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 I would for sure tell the wife. It's on-going, you have asked him to stop.
If you must tell him ONE LAST TIME... IF YOU DO IT AGAIN I will SHOW your wife. YOUR choice.
then if he does it again.. yes you must tell her.
he's a dog thinking because you are not married you welcome this rude attention.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Hi
Re Your Update
As you have no husband, then get a male friend or relative to speak to him.If that fails to stop this,go to the Police,keep all proof on your phone to show them.It's 3 years of sexual harassment.
Definitely tell his wife what he has been up to, could be he has a history of this with others and she just hasn't confided in you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Tell your friend. Keep the texts and tell her you don't know why he is calling. Ask her what she wants you to do. Let HER decide if she wants to stay with her husband because she is dependent on him. She is an adult and can make these decisions for herself. You should not be making these decisions for her. Tell her you love her and you do not want to hurt her, but she needs to know the truth. I would want to know. If I totally loved and trusted my husband, and he did that to a friend... I would want her to tell me. I would consider it betrayal for her not to tell me, because it is a secret she is keeping from me, that involves my husband.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 April 2013):
Hi
What can you do ?
As your married I would definitely get *your* husband to speak to *her* husband and explain to him in no uncertain terms, if he rings or texts again you two will tell his wife.
That way he will know you *have* told somebody and will have no problem telling his wife.
However, as you never pick-up his calls or texts,then you don't actually know what he wants so he could make out it's completely innocent.
Plus his wife has family she is close to and visits - if you and your husband do have to tell her what's been going on she will have their support and somewhere to go if necessary.
Once over the shock I am sure she will see your position and keep the friendship,you have done nothing wrong, her husband has.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies!
There seems to be a bit of confusion here. At no point have i said i am married but the mods have titled it that way for some reason.
I know what he wants if you know what i mean cos he leaves me countless answer messages.. i just dont respond.
Ive seen him face to face to ask him to stop. I have been friends with his wife for 15 years or more and we have know a lot of the same people. I go to there house about once or month or so. He always goes out or hides away when i am there.
Cheers x
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 April 2013):
If he has been begging and calling but you have NEVER answered him or replied back...how do you know what he wants?...is he flirting with you?...and if so, has he continued even though you have NEVER replied?...even though he gets no response...he continues?...for 3 years?
It just sounds a little odd that someone would persist even though they are talking to a brick wall?
If the guy is bothering you, go to the police and have him warned off...I am pretty sure he won't make a fuss or else his wife would find out...
and what does YOUR husband have to say about all of this? oesn't he mind that you get 3am calls? Does he notice? or do you keep it covert?
It's not your concern if it wrecks their marriage, because he is the one with the problem...you can't control that and that is exactly what you are doing, you are allowing the situation to continue because you think you are helping your friend...well if he's bugging you he's most likely bugging other women too, so how is that helping your friend.
Send him a text 'STOP CONTACTING ME' if he doesn't stop, call 101 for the police and have them tell him to stop.
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A
male
reader, BiteMe +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Write her a letter! Letters are great scapegoats when you want to avoid awkward conversations. When you meet with her give it to her after lunch and tell her to read it in private. Here you can explain every single detail on your mind.Just the fact he has be doing it for more than 3 years is more than enough reason to complain about it. You say she's you friend yes, then be her friend in return even if it costs you your friendship. If she cant see the good you are doing for her, then she doesn't deserve you. Friendship is about being their for both the good times and the bad times.Feel free to mention that in the letter ;PI'm a guy and I am sure as hell I would want to know if my wife was calling up somebody else's husband. If my friend DIDN'T tell me, I'm not so sure if I'd want to be friends anymore.Can you really live the rest of your life taking his calls. Who knows, maybe he'll finally get to you one day and you two start having an affair. You never know.All the best!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 I suggest that you have lunch with your "friend" and say to her: "you know, (friend's name here), your hubby has been calling and texting me for at least 3 years, trying to get me to put out for him.... and I don't really think that that is proper... not because you and I are friends... but because I am really not much of a tart who will put out for any guy who asks me to spread my legs for him.... What a DOG he is....is for you and him to work out."
Then, you ask your friend to go and confront her hubby, and say to him, "Hey, Mr Dog-Man, I just noted to your bride that YOU have been trying to get me to put out for you for the last 3 years.... and she would like to use that to trigger a conversation with you... BUT, I don't need to take part... "
... and, then, leave and let the two of them hash things out.... and YOU decide if you really DO want to put out for this guy. AND, if you don't.... then don't ever talk to or communicate with him again... EVER!!!!
Good luck....
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