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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I know my man is going to meet this woman tomorrow. I am going to confront them
Q. The man I have loved for the past 10 years is once again cheating on me. I confronted him and his lover last year , funny enough about the same time of year. Since he has promised not to see her or meet her. Last weekend I picked up his an...
A. 6 February 2013: It's been almost a year since you first wrote here of your troubles. You seemed to take on board what advice people had given you and seemed determined to move on from this man. He has obviously kept in touch with you and this has given you some ... (read in full...)
What does friends with benefits mean to you?
Q. I have a question for you lovely people.. Me and my ex stopped talking for a long time all of a sudden he missed me ( so he says) he asked me did I wanna be friends with benefits and told me I can't sleep with nobody but him... What is friends with ...
A. 26 January 2013: He isn't missing you...he's just missing someone regular to screw. Giving in to him will NOT make him want you back or make him love you.
He is telling you that you can only have sex with him? My advice would be to tell him to piss off and take... (read in full...)
Who could care and have feelings for 3 year affair?
Q. Is it easy for a man to have a 3yr sex fling with a woman and care nothing for her? My husband has been sleeping with this hoe for 3yrs.I know its only sex. She now has feelings for him but he cares nothing for her. She can't get that through her ...
A. 25 January 2013: Yes it's very easy for a man to have sex with a woman and have no feelings for her...millions of men do this every day.
When a man does fall in love with a woman, it has little to do with just sex.
Women form emotional attachment with ... (read in full...)
I met one of my students at a bar and now I can't talk to her
Q. Hi i'm 24 years old and just got a job as a history teacher. Over the summer, I met this amazing girl. I met her in a bar so I just assumed that she was over 21 so I never bothered to ask for her age. She's beautiful, smart, funny. The most gorgeous ...
A. 25 January 2013: It was just a mistake..it happens.If she lied about her age then there wasn't much you could do.
Carry on as usual, let your superiors know what happens so it doesn't look like you are being covert or underhanded...the more you panic, the weirder ... (read in full...)
Why cant my boyfriend tell me that he loves me?
Q. i have been going out with my boyfriend for 21 months hes 45 I'm 44 I'm divorced, he never married no kids. Last year after a scuffle and a very emotional deep conversation he mentioned that the only reason he never said I love you is because he ...
A. 24 January 2013: I agree with Cindy... take more notice of his actions rather than his words because they are a truer indication of how he feels about you.
If your a smart woman you will try and see how some people just cannot say the words 'I love you' because ... (read in full...)
Should my husband go to the funeral of his ex girlfriend's father?
Q. My husband's x-girlfriend's father passed away. They have two children together. She tried to trap him into marriage.. Didn't work. She has also tried to cause many problems between us.. She hates me.. Should he attend her father's funeral? I ...
A. 21 January 2013: Yes he should go because it sets the right example to his children. If you trusted him and believed in the strength of your marriage then it would not be a problem for you that he goes.... (read in full...)
He says he still has his ex on his mind, but only when we fight! What does this mean?
Q. Hi, What do you do if your boyfriend of 6 months is saying he still has ex in his mind? If he is still in love with her then why does he give me headgames, why mess with me at all? He has showed jealousy, when other men check me out etc. Is he ...
A. 21 January 2013: It means he isn't for you.
Lot of drama for a 6 month relationship...it shouldn't be that messy so soon, so I'd say he's not the right guy for you.... (read in full...)
Marriage has broken down. He won't talk about it, won't try to fix it but hasn't moved out of the house. The pain is overwhelming.
Q. I have been married for 10 yrs, a stay at home mom for 8yrs. Two months ago my husband told me he doesn't feel anything for me anymore and doesn't want to be with me. We still live together, I still cook and clean up after him. We still share th...
A. 20 January 2013: He is the one splitting the marriage, so he should move out. Playing the martyr now and telling him you will move out will not change anything, you have to fight for your rights and protect the roof over your childrens heads and the other aunts are ... (read in full...)
I'm playing with fire with an 18 year old co-worker that also works with my wife
Q. I'm 36 and have been married for 15 years,we have 3 children and have been happy for most of our married life. I've recently been getting feelings for an 18 year old girl at work and we have been flirting by text and she claims she fancies me ...
A. 19 January 2013: OK!! Just try and step outside of La La land for a minute.
No point telling you to STOP because secretly you are loving this and enjoying getting away with flirting and being the 'be all and end all' to this young silly girl.
She may need ... (read in full...)
Husband obsessed with teenage girls, trying to be ok now but I feel depressed I keep getting images in my head
Q. I am 28 next month, my husband is 30, we've been together 13 years, we have 2 children and he has constanly cheated on me!, all of them much younger, mostly teenagers!, I have gone through his phone and emails and facebook and found out there's ...
A. 19 January 2013: I think you are confusing love with need.
I also want to know what it is about him that you love because the picture you have painted of him is of a cold uncaring serial cheat with a proclivity for young girls who shows you absolutely no respect.... (read in full...)
If I confront my husband, who cheated in the past, with these texts, he'll take issue with my snooping. What do I do?
Q. About 3 years ago I found out that my husband had been joining dating sites, and chatting and cheating on me with other women he had met on these sites. This had been going on behind my back for 5 years. I realise how good he is at keeping secrets ...
A. 18 January 2013: Let's face it, you are never going to trust him again...and why should you unless he is showing you 100% commitment, but you can't expect him to have zero contact with the entire female population forever...cos that's just stupid. He, however needs ... (read in full...)
Is my new Bf asking too much? He's upset because I don't want to sell my old wedding ring.
Q. I am currently going through a divorce. My ex and I have been separated for a year and a half. I started dating my boyfriend 6 months after my separation started. I have recently fallen on hard financial times and lost my job. My current boyf...
A. 18 January 2013: Your boyfriend may not harbour the same sentimentality to personal items as you do and it's probably irking him that you are borrowing money from him to 'get by' whilst you still have items of monetary value that you can sell to help support ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for feeling guilty?
Q. Am I crazy for feeling guilty? My husband and I are separated. Many things led up to the separation including verbal and emotional abuse, lack of trust, lack of communication, and a lot of resentment. At the very end however, I told my husband ...
A. 17 January 2013: For you the marriage is over...for your ex husband, he still sees a chance to reconcile and that is because he is contolling, had not addressed his own abusive behaviour and still thinks he is entitled to an opinion over your life.
He will use... (read in full...)
Marriage has broken down. He won't talk about it, won't try to fix it but hasn't moved out of the house. The pain is overwhelming.
Q. I have been married for 10 yrs, a stay at home mom for 8yrs. Two months ago my husband told me he doesn't feel anything for me anymore and doesn't want to be with me. We still live together, I still cook and clean up after him. We still share th...
A. 17 January 2013: I agree with all the aunts here, your marriage is over and he is only staying because he doesn't quite know what to do next and maybe he is worried about losing contact with the kids.
As YOUWISH said...you need to get tough and realise that he ... (read in full...)
Getting over a divorce: how do you just stop loving someone after 19 years of marriage?
Q. has anyone else had a problem getting over a divorce. it has been almost one year since our split, and 3 months since the divorce. how do you just stop loving someone after 19 years of marriage? everyday i get better, but i dont stop thinking about ...
A. 14 January 2013: MistiqueK said it all and in such a beautiful way.
You are in grief and depression because your heart still longs for the past but it is like clinging to the Titanic...ships gone down!! and you can either let it drag you down and drown you or s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he's over his ex but I don't think so! What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone! I am so sorry for the length!! I have been with my bf for 3 years, we live together for 2 years now. His ex lives in another country with her fiance. My bf and her broke up about 1 year before we met. They still talk...i have no p...
A. 14 January 2013: I agree with So Very...you arn't angry and sick to death of the situation enough yet and sure love is important, but how much will you love him if he lets her even further into your lives?...it's a ticking time bomb!!... (read in full...)
What does it mean if you send a facebook friend request to a guy and he didnt deny or accept the request?
Q. Please advice me: What does it mean if you send a facebook friend request to a guy and he didnt deny or accept the request? When I send this facebook request I also send a message to him asking him if he is on a dating site, and told him if he ...
A. 14 January 2013: If you tell a guy that you are on a dating site, he will always assume you are looking to date someone else and that will put him off you (men do not like competition where women ae concerned), he plainly isn't 'into' you in the relationship sense ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he's over his ex but I don't think so! What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone! I am so sorry for the length!! I have been with my bf for 3 years, we live together for 2 years now. His ex lives in another country with her fiance. My bf and her broke up about 1 year before we met. They still talk...i have no p...
A. 14 January 2013: Firstly you have my sympathy for having to put up with this situation.
Whether he is still in love with her, or just hanging onto her so there is a chance he may get his money back, whether he just can't help himself or just enjoys the cosy cha... (read in full...)
I'm reacting very badly to this breakup. I'm depressed and anxious, can't eat or sleep. How can I get back to functioning normally?
Q. I'll keep it very short. Advice needed please to overcome this break up which has caused me depression. I am 34, my Boyfriend who is 29 decided after 2 years together (a year of which living together) he just doesn't love me anymore and in a...
A. 13 January 2013: You are right to compare it to a death...to your body and mind it is exactly the same type of grief and it's normal to feel so down and crappy...but it will pass if you give yourself enough time to deal with your feelings.
If you think you are ... (read in full...)
Where do I from here? Unhappy marriage. I've fallen for a married man I met on a dating site.
Q. I have been married for over 23 years , with 2 kids and have been unhappy in my marriage for over the last 15 years as my husband had a drinking problem As a result I have lived in an abusive relationship. He gave up drinking about 4 years ag...
A. 13 January 2013: Brenda my dear. you seriously need to read your post over and over again until you yourself understand that you are in a web of lies that you are expecting to turn into a dream ending.
I am assuming you don't see this married man on a daily ba... (read in full...)
Why did he string me along for 2 years?
Q. I started dated this guy 2 years ago. In the beginning everything was great. Then after couple of months he said we are taking it slow. So I have been patient. Then after 9 month dating I got a letter from him saying that he never broke up with the...
A. 11 January 2013: You should have broken it off after the first couple of months when he asked for things to slow down. A couple of months is usually the line where a new relationship will begin to show stress lines if it's gonna fall apart...but you chose to hang on ... (read in full...)
How can I sort things out with my g/f and tell her that we need to compromise and both take blame?
Q. Hi everyone.. I really need some advice about my relationship. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years now and over the past year, its not been as good and a week ago we split up. The niggles that we have are often over silly things, we ...
A. 11 January 2013: Auntie Suzie is spot on!!
It seems you have matured more than your girlfriend has and because you cannot change her, it could be you have reached an impasse and there is no choice for the relationship to go further.
You seem like you are pre... (read in full...)
Is change possible? What can I do to persuade my abusive husband to change?
Q. My husband is very controlling and abusive. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I left, thinking he would miss me and stop the abuse but he is just as bad if not worse. He still calls me names and degrades me. He accuses me of cheating on hi...
A. 11 January 2013: The thing about controlling men is that they are fuelled and satisfied by having their partner EXACTLY where they want them...under the thumb and cowering.
To have a woman in that position is absolutely PERFECT for the controller and they will do ... (read in full...)
I'm the wife of a crossdresser and my life is a mess
Q. I need help i have known for 2 yrs now that my husband is a crossdresser, we have been together 11 yrs and have 4 kids. Everythung was good until he started crossdressing. He is a hard working great man but my needs are not met like they used to be. ...
A. 10 January 2013: A chat with him is not going to put this right. Men cross dress after years of secrecy or desire and it is part of them, like having blue eyes or long legs. Some women do find a way to compromise in order to keep their relationship going, but where ... (read in full...)
Her marriage has ended but husband won't leave!
Q. I've been involed in a relationship with a married woman and we have fallen in love with each other. Her marriage has ended but he won't leave. They were only married for just about 2 yrs. been bad from the beginning. I've never felt love like we ...
A. 10 January 2013: Why can't she come and live with you...or you both get another place together? I can't see the problem here?... (read in full...)
I gave up my job, my apartment for him but his controlling wife won't let him go
Q. Since 2 years I am in a relationship with a man. After a while I found out that he is married and has a 9 years old daughter. We were leaving in different countries and he didnt tell me from the start that he is married and has a kid. His marriage...
A. 10 January 2013: To be honest I think you have got a damn cheek to think you can get in the middle of this mess (partly your doing) and start making demands and judgements about his wife and child.
You hve absolutely no right to speak to the child to try and extr... (read in full...)
My married lover has given his wife 6 months to give him more sex. What should I do?
Q. Im 35 and single and I met this 38 year old guy that has been married for 15years, we started off just being cool and each time we saw one another he would always talk about his wife saying things like how bad she treats him, how he let his wife ...
A. 10 January 2013: I think you need to speak to his wife to find out how 'perfect' he is!!!
He is a cheater...that makes him NOT perfect at all, in fact it makes him a low down dog who is stringing you along with one sob story after another...and you are lapping ... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling self conscious about my chest size?
Q. Hi all, I'm feeling a little self conscious about my chest size. I'm an A75/34AA, which is pretty flat. I always thought they'd grow a cup bigger but sadly that has been my bra size since I was 13. My boyfriend doesn't mind my chest size, but I ...
A. 8 January 2013: I don't think you are seeking approval from others about your breast size, it's very much to do with how you feel inside of your own skin, so seeking help from a specialist counsellor may help you cope.
Many women have had breast augmenta... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 8 January 2013: I also wanted to say 'Good on you' for having the courage to actually find out exactly what the problem was...a lot of men would have given up, so I truly hope you can find a resolution. ... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 8 January 2013: I must admit that it would be a turn off for me too. It has nothing to do with being a gold diger and most women are happy to share the cost of dates, but those first few dates are about making a good impression and ladies do like to be mde to feel ... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? How do I go about finding a new bf this year?
Q. So lonely, Why can't I seem to find anyone to be with? It has been 3 years since my BF and I broke up. ( he cheated on me). I have tried to get over it but am still in counseling. I am outgoing with a great personality so my friends both mal...
A. 8 January 2013: Is it a relationship you seek or just male attention? Because they are very different things and will shape how you feel about yourself and men in general according to your experiences.
FWB almost never leads to a relationship, afterall 'why buy... (read in full...)
Is it silly that I ask boyfriend for money every month?
Q. I got divorced bought a house. My bf got divorced lived at his moms then I asked him 2 move in when I made the decision that my kids were to live w\their dad. My bf helped me with my house since I first bought it....he helps around house..gets ...
A. 7 January 2013: I wonder what I would do in the same situation. If I invited a partner to live in my home, and one who fixes things, I wouldn't expect them to pay rent but I would ask them to contribute towards gas/electric/water/food and the phone bill if they ... (read in full...)
I know my man is going to meet this woman tomorrow. I am going to confront them
Q. The man I have loved for the past 10 years is once again cheating on me. I confronted him and his lover last year , funny enough about the same time of year. Since he has promised not to see her or meet her. Last weekend I picked up his an...
A. 6 January 2013: Yep eventually you just get sick of the lies and shit that go on and often it's only when you get to that point that you are able to lets go. It's a shame you wasted almost another year of your life on this man...but there you go.
Good luck on ... (read in full...)
He said we met at the wrong time. Then stopped talking to me. What should I do?
Q. Hello. I need advice on my four month relationship that my Man 'out of the blue' put a stop to three weeks ago. We are both 55yrs old, both been on our own for some time but wanted a relationship again. We instantly clicked and felt right togeth...
A. 5 January 2013: Hmmm it sounds like a simple case of 'he's changed his mind about you'
Men tend to come on very hot and heavy at the start of a relationship and often regret their actions when the fire has cooled down a little.
There are a couple of red fl... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend come through for me or will he bail out?
Q. I'm married he's not. He says I shouldn't divorce just to be with him. He talks about our future together. Its not that much sex but it is good sex. We've been seeing each other for 2 plus yrs. He tells me to have patienill all work out. I know I ...
A. 5 January 2013: He talks about your future but doesn't want you to leave your husband?...it seems he is happy with the arrangement as it is. It would be better if you could sort your own life out without having to rely on men to tell you what to do.... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 4 January 2013: Read the first line of your original post...
Were things really perfect and magical...you said they were awful...so which is it...magical?...or awful?
You are in a state of confusion it seems and contradicting yourself.
You were professing l... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 3 January 2013: Unless you get over your ex, it will be impossible to move on, but some people prefer to carry the torch for their whole life.
Would you want to be involved with someone who wasn't over their ex?...it just doesn't work.... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 3 January 2013: Oh so now it turns out you were just stringing the woman along because really you were in love with your ex...nice guy!!
I agree, you will probably be alone forever because you seem to like punishing all women for the misgivings of one.
Probabl... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 3 January 2013: I disagree with the male commenter TOOMUCH LOVE.
Just because SOME men cannot handle the truth about a womans sexual past does not mean that you should feel the need to lie to other potential future partners. By doing so, you take responsi... (read in full...)
How can I get through to my wife?
Q. How can I get through to my wife ? For 6 or 7 years now I've been trying to get her to talk to me and discuss many things including our virtually non existent sex life. She's refused. She seems to want to live in some odd scenario which is more like ...
A. 1 January 2013: Nobody can use the law to make someone have sex with them (that was not my suggestion), but knowing how you stand legally if the marriage comes to an end is useful.
... (read in full...)
How can I get through to my wife?
Q. How can I get through to my wife ? For 6 or 7 years now I've been trying to get her to talk to me and discuss many things including our virtually non existent sex life. She's refused. She seems to want to live in some odd scenario which is more like ...
A. 1 January 2013: Google 'conjugal rights'
look for web pages from the UK and see if there is anything legal that might help you.
I think it's fair that if one partner withdraws sex for no reason and is not actively seeking to resolve the problem (like counse... (read in full...)
I got pregnant from a drunken night with my ex and he doesn't want me to have the baby!
Q. I broke up with my ex at the start of the year a few months later I met another man, things with him seemed great at first but quickly got worse as we were both still hung up on our ex's. Things came to an end but we stayed in touch and about a ...
A. 30 December 2012: I agree with all the other Aunts...do what is right for you.
Don't base any of your decisions on how the ex will feel, he has made his choice loud and clear.
If you want to raise the child, then you have to accept that he is entitled to acce... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 7 December 2012: You are REALLY REALLY INTENSE...
Do you know that?
Ok I get the mistrust of women. I have a fair amount of mistrust over certain men through being treated badly, but you have now found a woman who you like and want to give things another t... (read in full...)
I know my man is going to meet this woman tomorrow. I am going to confront them
Q. The man I have loved for the past 10 years is once again cheating on me. I confronted him and his lover last year , funny enough about the same time of year. Since he has promised not to see her or meet her. Last weekend I picked up his an...
A. 22 April 2012: Anyway you look on it, your man is a cheat and will probably continue to do so, even if he says he loves you.
You have to accept that nothing you have done or said in the past and nothing you may do or say in the future is going to change him. You... (read in full...)
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