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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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My online guy is giving me the silent treatment
Q. Hi, Guy’s I hope you can help. I met a guy online. We have been talking for two months now. He asked me if we could become exclusive since we got along so well. I said yes. We haven’t met yet because he lives long distance. I have asked hi...
A. 11 July 2013: How degraded and insecure does a woman have to be to accept someone she doesn't know telling her to be 'exclusive' being abusive to her, telling HER to move closer and pay for the 'privilege'. How much lower can she sink than to become involved with ... (read in full...)
Married man dumped me and I am feeling so used and stupid!!
Q. I had a fling with a married man. I posted here not long ago but I think my question reached a max with 27 answers because I tried to post a follow up and the site would not allow me. This is my follow up. You can say I TOLD YOU SO and I had it ...
A. 9 July 2013: I have never been involved with someone else's husband but my best friend has. She was involved with a family friend for 3 years and knew his wife well. He told my friend he wanted to leave his wife and that they never had sex, but he couldn't leave ... (read in full...)
I finally told my girlfriend about all the concerns I've been holding back. Was I an idiot? Should I have just kept my mouth shut and carried on?
Q. My Long-term GF Leah and I have split up, at least for a while. We've been together just over 7 years now, had a couple of bumps down the road, but nothing we couldn't overcome. I met her in college the opposite side of the country where I'...
A. 9 July 2013: In view of the fact this has only just happened, you seem 100% determined to end the relationship without giving her a single chance to work on things....
This says a lot about how you really feel about the relationship and all the talk of love ... (read in full...)
I was with him for 13 years, once a week, how do I accept it's over now?
Q. I am in a relationship with a man for 13 years. He is 50 and I am 42. He has never invited me out and neither have I met his family or friends. We use to talk on the phone regularly at nights and on weekends. We are intimate once every week from we ...
A. 9 July 2013: Even though you wern't 'official' with him, it was a relationship and like other relationships that brek down, sometimes you just have to accept it's over and move on.
We seem to assume that the length of time we are with someone is an indicato... (read in full...)
Why do I feel like I'm abandoning my mom?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a caregiver for my mom I have four other siblings that really refuses to be apart of this situation with my mom.She is getting older she can't hold her body fluids like she use to so its and often clean up I have to do so my home ...
A. 9 July 2013: I am sorry to say it but I don't think anyone can help you. It's just one of those facts of life that when parents get older and dependant, often a lot of the children turn their backs and it usually falls to one person to pick up the pieces.
... (read in full...)
Swinging gone terribly wrong, am I stupid for staying?
Q. I am a 41 year old married woman for 16 years. I got my husband into swinging then I began an longtime affair for over 10 years. I do not want to swing anymore. I just recently stopped my affair within the last year, my husband is still a swinger ...
A. 9 July 2013: I don't think you are stupid for staying because it's very hard to leave a marriage when you still love someone but I do think your marriage is more or less over because your husband will not quit swinging.
It's a done deal that if you ask him ... (read in full...)
Married man dumped me and I am feeling so used and stupid!!
Q. I had a fling with a married man. I posted here not long ago but I think my question reached a max with 27 answers because I tried to post a follow up and the site would not allow me. This is my follow up. You can say I TOLD YOU SO and I had it ...
A. 8 July 2013: I take it you didn't go with the whole 'stapling a note to his tie' thing lol!!
Whatever terrible thing your life is, that you are allowing a 'cheating pig' to be your only focus for enjoyment, needs to be addressed or you are heading for complete... (read in full...)
I'm a teacher, but I'm not HER teacher. Is she still off limits?
Q. This may sound like a typical college teacher-student case, but it's somewhat different, since I'm attracted to this girl who isn't and has never been my student. We met because some months ago she started working as staff so we see every day as our ...
A. 6 July 2013: It's not good.
She must be 17 or 18 and you are between 40 and 50?
You have absolutely no idea if she sees you in a 'relationship' way and she'd probably be horrified or embarrassed if you made a pass at her.
I think you have created this 'p... (read in full...)
Please help me, have I lost perspective in this clash with my new boyfriend?
Q. I am in a very new relationship (5 weeks) with a guy. I met him via an online dating site. We get on extraordinarily well... when we see each other. In this five weeks, we've had separations of 10 days (his vacation), 5 days (my vacation) and now ...
A. 6 July 2013: OK everything I am going to say to you, you already know! I can tell that by your words, so maybe you just need someone to reiterate the main points!
Five weeks IS NOT a relationship, five weeks is 'getting to know you' time, going out on a few da... (read in full...)
Our son is confused about his sexuality. How can we help him?
Q. We live in Stockport, in Greater Manchester, and have a 20 year old son. He told us last night he was confused about himself sexually. Not professionally. He's enjoying his university studies in business systems and marketing - wants to go into PR ...
A. 5 July 2013: I also don't think he needs counselling, I think he just needs time to mature a little as his views on his sexuality seem quite immature and fragmented.
It's a good thing that he isn't in a relationship with anyone yet as this will give him more... (read in full...)
My girlfriend dumped my because I wouldn't add her as a friend on Facebook.
Q. My Girlfriend dumped me because I wouldn't add her as my friend on Facebook. I don't understand what everyone's obsession over Facebook is. I like to keep my private life private. I think she is just too jealous. I don't feel I should have to add ...
A. 5 July 2013: I agree with all the other aunts, I think you are hiding something.
I keep my facebook for family and friends, but if I had a boyfriend whom I was serious about, then I'd add him because I have nothing to hide.
I think you are fooling yourself... (read in full...)
Married man dumped me and I am feeling so used and stupid!!
Q. I had a fling with a married man. I posted here not long ago but I think my question reached a max with 27 answers because I tried to post a follow up and the site would not allow me. This is my follow up. You can say I TOLD YOU SO and I had it ...
A. 4 July 2013: Get a piece of paper and a big marker pen and write in HUGE letters
YOU ARE MARRIED
YOU WONT LEAVE YOUR WIFE FOR ME
YOU JUST WANT SEX
YOU ARE JUST USING ME
I WANT YOU TO P**S OFF
IF YOU DONT STOP HASSLING ME, I'LL BE CONTACTING TO YOUR WIFE. ... (read in full...)
My friend promised me she'd get me items on her trip and I'd pay her. She's been back a week and hasn't contacted me!
Q. Why have I not heard from her? What should I do? So my friend went on holiday and I asked her to get me some MAC products cause they are alot cheaper where she's going. She said that's fine. I texted her the things I wanted and said I wou...
A. 4 July 2013: She's probably avoiding you because maybe she didn't really have the spare cash to buy make up for you and she may not have wanted to do a special shopping trip for you while she was having her holiday. I think that's fair and you probably should ... (read in full...)
I can't have a relationship with him but I can't stop thinking about him.
Q. Hi, I know this may sound crazy, but it is true. 2 years ago I had a problem, and I needed help. He was the only one to help, he's so decent, clever and gentleman. I noticed him staring at me sometimes, so I tried to make it brief talking t...
A. 1 July 2013: Are you the lady who posted that this guy is in his 70's and married?, It sounds like a similar post?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-professor-seems-interested-in-me-how-should.html
You said he was your professor?
Maybe you can re read... (read in full...)
How to bounce back and move on after lots of disappointment?
Q. In late October/early November 2012, I ended things with my boyfriend of nearly 4 years. To be honest it was an up and down 4 years where he cheated on me and I worked to forgive him only after I did and fell in love with him again he still ...
A. 1 July 2013: I don't think you are alone in this. It seems to be a modern phenomenon that more women are stuck being single in their 30's and 40's because men seem to have much more choice and choose to play the field for much longer before settling down. (I ... (read in full...)
He's a liar and a hedonist but I love him
Q. Is there any hope for us? I love my fiance so much, he is my best friend and we laugh together so much and when things are good, I have never known so much happiness. But...he has been a womaniser all his life. He was married for 26 years and ...
A. 1 July 2013: 'This is more love than I ever had'
You accept very little and put up with A LOT!!...Don't you??
The question is WHY??
Your post sadly has all the hall marks of a woman deeply in love with a HUGE side serving of denial and excuse!!
H... (read in full...)
My ex is stalking my Facebook, does he miss me?
Q. My husband and I have been married for six months. we bicker a lot and this is the 4th time we have split up. I am 4 months pregnant. when we broke up three weeks ago we were still talking, but when he told me he doesn't want to reconcile I changed ...
A. 1 July 2013: You obviously don't want to divorce him or else you would ignore any of his attempts to contact you (even as a mystery FB person) so my advice would be to call him up and ask him if he's willing to give things another go.
It sounds as if your rel... (read in full...)
Cheating casual relationship goes wrong.
Q. OK I'm not innocent and I know this, but I have been seeing a guy off and on for about 3 years who has a girlfriend. At first he didn't tell me about her and I soon found out and ended the casual relationship. Last year he got back in contact with ...
A. 30 June 2013: I think the whole guilt thing is a bit late...she now knows and you have resolved with her.
He was cheating and he got caught and he did what most men do...they stick by the woman they are in a relationship with.
You feel alone because he was g... (read in full...)
Ex with benefits, is there more into this than I am realising or not?
Q. I am confused. My ex boyfriend who dumped me 3 months ago has phoned me once a week why? no idea. Anyway he invited me around to his place for lunch and he cooked me up a lovely roast and we had a chat etc then ended up having sex. We did have a ...
A. 30 June 2013: 'so have come to the decision that we will be ex with benefits until one of us starts having sex with another person or gets bored or gets into a relationship'
All the while you are sleeping with him, you won't meet someone else because everytim... (read in full...)
My ex is stalking my Facebook, does he miss me?
Q. My husband and I have been married for six months. we bicker a lot and this is the 4th time we have split up. I am 4 months pregnant. when we broke up three weeks ago we were still talking, but when he told me he doesn't want to reconcile I changed ...
A. 30 June 2013: Your husband has filed for divorce and if he was planning to get back with you, I think he'd be a little more direct than making a fake FB account and pretending to be someone else!!...that just does not make sense.... (read in full...)
Should I ask my guy if he ate alone or with a "friend"?
Q. Dear Aunts I need advice, I have been lied to by my BF over a year ago never sure if he cheated but was definetly keeping company with a friend, a girl that he has known a while. Well all was worked out and things have been great, lately very grea...
A. 29 June 2013: I think you feel so emotional because you cannot control the situation and it IS difficult being in a relationship with a guy who has a close female friend. Sure we should all accept out partners friends but that's fine if they are the same sex...it ... (read in full...)
Should I go back on Facebook?
Q. I used to be on Facebook and closed my account about 3 years ago, looking back i can say i did it because I didn't feel it was my thing, but at the same time I could see the advantages of having easy access to people that you wouldn't necessarily go ...
A. 28 June 2013: I really love being on Facebook as it's a handy tool for keeping in touch with your family (mine live all over the country) I also have a lot of my work friends on there too but I never add anyone I don't know.
I love looking at all the wedding ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my guy if he ate alone or with a "friend"?
Q. Dear Aunts I need advice, I have been lied to by my BF over a year ago never sure if he cheated but was definetly keeping company with a friend, a girl that he has known a while. Well all was worked out and things have been great, lately very grea...
A. 28 June 2013: Hmmmm, I had to think really hard about this one before I answered, so here goes...
It must be really hard work for you being in this relationship where you have absolutely no trust for your boyfriend...there I said it...YOU DON'T TRUST HIM, eve... (read in full...)
Fat Issues and lots of Tissues: Question is, why would I stay in a relationship where I have to change to suit his ideals?
Q. Fat issues and tissues So my SO keeps calling me a fatso. Mmm that's abusive. I need to loose, for myself, 20 lbs Also in menopause and also 52 years old. But I'm very active, trying now to boost my metabolism I have put my relationship...
A. 28 June 2013: I really liked this post because it shows a perfect example of how an otherwise, happy intelligent foward thinking woman can be plunged into self doubt and low self esteem by the negative comments of a man!
I admire you fighting back, losing t... (read in full...)
Will he ever say "I love you"?
Q. hello everyone.....I have a question which may sound silly but its really messing with my emotions right now. I met this guy we have been officially going out for nearly 2 months. I told him I loved him which I know I do so please don't say I cant...
A. 28 June 2013: Some men never say it, but it doen't mean they feel don't feel it.
If it's a really big issue for you and you are getting so worried over it maybe you should end the relationship and find someone who is more emotionally expressive.... (read in full...)
Do women get wet panties without physical stimulation?
Q. Women do you get wet panties - in a sexual sense - without getting physical? By this I mean without someone physically stimulating you. Several years ago a girl I was friendly with came round to my flat and had a quick shower after work.W...
A. 27 June 2013: She may have had a vaginal infection. Some like bacterial vaginosis can emit a thick discharge which can have an offensive odour, it may have been dislodged from the vagina when she showered.... (read in full...)
Married man dumped me and I am feeling so used and stupid!!
Q. I had a fling with a married man. I posted here not long ago but I think my question reached a max with 27 answers because I tried to post a follow up and the site would not allow me. This is my follow up. You can say I TOLD YOU SO and I had it ...
A. 26 June 2013: What can I say (I also answered your last post) Life isn't fair and we all make stupid mistakes...and some of us make monumentally stupid mistakes.
The way I see it, you are torturing yourself with self loathing because your mind is trying t... (read in full...)
How can I deal with an emotionally damaged "boyfriend"?
Q. Dear cupid, I am 20, I met a guy in December. I was in his town and I met him through a friend, I then went back to my city a few days later, we have been speaking ever since, we started to like each other, we are now doing long distance, we're no...
A. 24 June 2013: It sounds very much as if he has Asperger's syndrome, which is a condition that makes social interaction difficult. People with Asperger's often miss social cues and find it hard to relate emotionally to other people.
They are often very intellig... (read in full...)
New to "this dating scene" please help
Q. Why is it that at 27, i finally decide to get into the dating scene after feeling guilty about missing out by not having the college, dorm life, on top of having to deal with jerks usually dating girls that I like. Already girls don't care, and are ...
A. 24 June 2013: You arn't too old to date, but to make you dateable, you have to look at what you are offering. If it is a shut-in gamer who doesn't have much conversation, then it's not going to attract girls.
You don't have to go to bars and clubs, although... (read in full...)
Would it be alright to buy presents for the son of my ex?
Q. I dated a lady for 20 months, I got her with one child a son. Her son loved me a lot and now we broke up a month ago and pn the 30th pf june is this boy's birthday. What I will like to be help on is, can I buy this Boy some presents for his birthday ...
A. 24 June 2013: Depends why you broke up. 20 months isn't that long, it isn't like you raised the child and you need to be honest about why you want to buy him birthday gifts...
If it is to somehow win his mother back or to interfere with her life then you shou... (read in full...)
Single Mom, please help - why is my daughter behaving like this?
Q. I am a single mom... I have a daughter who is 13 yrs of age. For the past year her behavior has been really unusal. She walks around the house with a robe all of the time...And its like 80 something degrees, it seems she uses this robe as a clutch s...
A. 23 June 2013: Counselling?...Nope, she doesn't need it. She's just a teenage girl who's becoming more aware of her body and the changes that are happening.
You must leave her alone and ignore anything you think is odd or strange or you will do more harm tha... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong of me to contact her, considering my position as a teacher/adult in her life?
Q. I used to student teach at a local high school. While there, i fell head over heels for a junior (now an upcoming senior) in one of my classes. Over the past month, after my internship finished, i found myself falling more and more for her, and...
A. 23 June 2013: Here in England, a teacher has just been jailed for 5 years for running off with a student. I think it's inappropriate for you to make contact with her because it breaks teaching codes and could cost you your career and much more.
Saying you don'... (read in full...)
How can I get closure and move on?
Q. Good afternoon. I went to get my alimony from my ex the other day. had to drive one hour and fifteen mins. to get it, way too long. I told him that it was too far to drive, he than said I can mail it, mailing it was not an option earlier for him. ...
A. 22 June 2013: I want to send you a huge hug, because I know what it feels like to lose someone you love and to be betrayed...it's hard times and it's confusing and upsetting, but you got to keep moving foward (I know you know this)
Maybe it's better you don'... (read in full...)
In a relationship with a married man for 7 years .... Is it true love or am I kidding myself?
Q. I am in love with a married man and his wife knew about us. His son knows too but did not believe it is true. My relationship with this married man is still on going till this date and we could not stop this relationship. We have been together...
A. 22 June 2013: It probably is true love...but it's also never likely to be what you want it to be.
Married men (some)do meet and fall in love with other women, you only need to look at history throughout the ages to see that...Men and Mistresses, they have alw... (read in full...)
They say I should go for him, but he's head over heels for my friend
Q. My friend has a friend who is super cute and really likes her a lot, but she has made it very clear to everyone that she only likes the guy as a friend. And my friend's mother says she knows the guy and says that he reminds her of me and we have a ...
A. 22 June 2013: No it's not wise to crush on him and your G/friend and her mother are wrong for trying to set you up when he doesn't even know you. He may have completely different tastes and if you approach him, you are more likely to end up looking a fool.
... (read in full...)
He confessed he was married then deleted his email account! How do I get over the shock and heartbreak?
Q. How do I forget this guy?! He emailed me yesterday confessing that he was married and hadn't been fair with me the past 6 mos. He then deleted his email acct so I can't reply to him. I have his cell number but don't want to appear desperate so ...
A. 22 June 2013: I think it's staggering, the amount of people who can look you in the eye and lie so cooly and so adeptly.
(I was chatted up by a guy in a bar once and he was so convincing, telling me how his wife left him and he had his daughters on the weekend.... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to a webcam girl?
Q. Hi all, I'm a 26 yr old male virgin. I saw this girl on one of her online webcam shows and found out she's a flight attendant flying into my city. She made a proposition that she will offer sex for money. I am a virgin and want to know what sex fe...
A. 21 June 2013: Haha you beat a scammer!...good on you x... (read in full...)
Am I using him? Am I worthless?
Q. I want to know if I am out of line. My husband and I have been married for 6 years now he has three kids and I have three . We only have four of the kids living with us because his two older children are adults. I work four months of t...
A. 21 June 2013: You probably did discuss finances before you got married, either that or you were both on cloud 9 and not really looking at the long term picture!
Whatever the situation, he's brewing a storm of resentment and that's going to cause damamge.... (read in full...)
Should I give this jerk who dumped me a piece of my mind or not give him the satisfaction?
Q. I would love your opinion about this. I was dumped today by a low life, cheating prick. He came to my house to tell me. I am really upset by not only the fact he did it but by how he did it and how unfeeling and cold he was about it. He came t...
A. 21 June 2013: I thought all the answers here were excellent (especially Cindy who nailed it IMHO)
OP you are angry and upset, that's understandable. Perhaps you will be better served to read what the aunts here have said in a few days when you are a bit calm... (read in full...)
Should I give this relationship more time or just walk away now?
Q. Should I give this relationship more time or just walk away now? I am 31, a single parent, rent a house of my own and work 5 days a week. My bf is 29, lives with his parents and works part time. We been dating for almost 2 years. Things started ...
A. 21 June 2013: You are 31, you have a very long life ahead of you and many experiences and opportunities to meet in your life...none of which you can enjoy or proceed with all the time you are tied to a dead weight.
This guy has had two years to build and grow... (read in full...)
Ideas for fun first dates?
Q. You have probably read my other questions recently about my online potentials! Well, I've been talking to this girl recently who sounds really nice, and guess what, she asked me when we are going to meet up! I have been out with younger women be...
A. 21 June 2013: For a first date I think people just want to talk and not be distracted by doing something active.
I always think a dinner date is nicer than meeting for a coffee, you can find out about eachothers tastes in food, enjoy the more relaxed atmosphe... (read in full...)
He confessed he was married then deleted his email account! How do I get over the shock and heartbreak?
Q. How do I forget this guy?! He emailed me yesterday confessing that he was married and hadn't been fair with me the past 6 mos. He then deleted his email acct so I can't reply to him. I have his cell number but don't want to appear desperate so ...
A. 21 June 2013: If he contacts you again and you start up with him again, your life is going to descend into a new type of hell...believe me!
If he had any intention of leaving his wife, firstly he would have told you he was married from the go get. Then he would... (read in full...)
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