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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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The thought of this man really excites me but I don't want to lose my husband
Q. I am riddled with guilt, anxiety, and excitement. I am married 15 years to a man I have known 20 years. Recently I met a man at a place I usually shop. We struck up a conversation, and met almost every day there. Finally he asked me if I am ...
A. 29 May 2013: If you don't want to lose your husband then stop messing around with another man...it really is that simple. There is no alternative, no magic wand to make it all go away...you are an adult, you know what you are doing and only you can make it stop.... (read in full...)
Is marriage a deal breaker?
Q. I've been with my partner for 3 1/2 yrs now and we still don't live together because of both our situations. He going through a divorce and almost at the end and me because 'im not working. I love him very much and he loves me too, i would really l...
A. 28 May 2013: Most people who come out of a divorce are not keen to jump right into another marriage, some would rather just have the relationship without the bit of paper and there is nothing wrong with that.
I think he is committed to you to a certain ... (read in full...)
Why do I miss my abusive ex boyfriend?
Q. I have been dealing with a personal and confusing issue with my now ex-boyfriend, and have no idea what to do. We started dating a year ago. It was a very high and low relationship. Many fights. He did not want me to be friends with any male ...
A. 28 May 2013: When someone is with an abuser (physical or verbal) life becomes a cycle of gaining approval from the abuser. If you do something right and he/she gives you some positive attention...it sets up a pattern that you crave the positive attention.
... (read in full...)
Why does he keep trying to communicate with me?
Q. my boyfriend broke up with me 3mths ago. I get to find out he had another woman beside me, and when it became public cause he and I works the same place and the lady comes to him and will be in his vehicle. That's when I realize that our ...
A. 28 May 2013: He's playing dumb games, it don't mean anything, your relationship with him is over so block him or change your number and move on.
Don't read too much into him texting and calling you...some people just do that because they need the attentio... (read in full...)
I feel confused as to what he is thinking!
Q. I need help my new relationship confuses the hell out of me! I have been seeing someone for four months and I don't get my relationship!. I've been divorced twice have three kids. I started seeing my little boys friends Dad in January he split wi...
A. 28 May 2013: I agree, he's too soon out of a relationship, probably don't know which way is up at the moment and got involved with you to fill a 'gap'...now he's doing a 180 and giving confusing messages and actions so you will end things.
I also think he... (read in full...)
I'm married and a married hottie came onto me at work. What should I do?
Q. I work in the same company as this woman. Never really took any notice of her or talked to her, but I knew she was married. One day we found ourselves alone together and she made it plain she fancied me. In fact she put her hand on my thigh, I ...
A. 28 May 2013: So what do you need help with?... (read in full...)
He didn't want a relationship, so why has he contacted me after 2 months of no contact?
Q. I had a relationship with a man for 5 years. in the beginning we had sex, but after 6 months it became just friends as he didn't want a relationship with me. For the next 4.5 years I struggled with being just his friend as I loved him deeply. ...
A. 22 May 2013: I's a shame that he feels so hurt, but what did he expect?, surely he can see your point of view and if he was that good of afrind, he'd back right off and let you heal the unrequieted love you feel for him. You will be suffering much more pain than ... (read in full...)
Sometimes he can be the sweetest person I know and sometimes he can act like a complete and utter pig.
Q. It's driving me mad. There this bloke that I really, really like. Sometimes he can be the sweetest person I know. He laughs at my jokes and I laugh at his. We've got quite a bit in common and I have known him now for 5 years. Sometimes though h...
A. 3 May 2013: Keep your chin up darling, you are a young girl and there is still loads of time to meet the right man.
Don't make someone a priority, who only sees you as an option...You can do better xxx Em... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to stop yelling at me all the time?
Q. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and in the beginning he would never yell at me, but now it's like everything I do is wrong. I can't talk to certain people otherwise he gets really angry and threatens to leave me, if I don't do ...
A. 2 May 2013:
http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Behaviors/subtle_control.html
Copy and paste this link and read what it says (it's not too long)
If your boyfriend is doing any of these behaviours then you are in a controlling relation... (read in full...)
Sometimes he can be the sweetest person I know and sometimes he can act like a complete and utter pig.
Q. It's driving me mad. There this bloke that I really, really like. Sometimes he can be the sweetest person I know. He laughs at my jokes and I laugh at his. We've got quite a bit in common and I have known him now for 5 years. Sometimes though h...
A. 2 May 2013: It sounds as if you are in the 'friends' zone. Like other friends, sometimes you talk to them a lot, and sometimes you don't. He is picking and choosing when he speaks to you...he isn't chasing you.
You should not do so much for him, it isnt goi... (read in full...)
My siblings seem to think finding a relationship or using a vibrator will make me happy what is their problem?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been sex free for ten years now I am not in a relationship with anyone my sex drive is shot due to being abuse by men in my life mentally and physically and I just gave sex up period right long with drinking and smoking pot .I ...
A. 30 April 2013: Whenever your siblings make a comment about your private life, just politely give a little smile and go aboutyour business...ignoring them and keeping them guessing is the key.
There are a couple of down sides to being single...but there are a ma... (read in full...)
I'm trapped in a loveless relationship. Should I just pay him to leave?
Q. Trapped in a loveless relationship. I am not married. I've been in a on/off relationship for 8 yrs. my problem is that after a split of around 9 mths I stupidly got back with my ex. He had lived with his mother most of our relationship which had ...
A. 30 April 2013: No you should not pay him to leave, you should just ASK him to leave. If he has nothing, no home or money then that is his prblem and it is up to him to sort himself out. Some people are just leeches who expect others to support them.
Is he worki... (read in full...)
Why does someone leave a good marriage, or relationship for someone yonger?
Q. i need help understanding something. why does someone leave a good marriage, or relationship for someone yonger? and i dont mean just a few year either. im talking 20 years or more. and why would anyone want someone that much older? i have read all ...
A. 29 April 2013: I always think it's funny when these young women bag themselves an older guy:
Shes' 20 and he's 40 but one day she's gonna be 50 and he's going to be 70 with one foot in the grave...and when he's upped and died, who's gonna wat to be with her??
... (read in full...)
I feel ignored by my boyfriend.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for several months. We live about 30 miles from each other and used to see each other 2-3 times a week and we would communicate daily through text. Right now I have not seen him in two weeks and only hear from ...
A. 29 April 2013: I agree, rather than brooding over not knowing...let him know that you would like a bit more contact when you are apart. It's an easy fix and maybe he doesn't reaise things are slipping!... (read in full...)
Thirty Three Years of Marriage with the last 6 years of no sex...
Q. My husband and I haven't had sex for 6 yrs. I brought a vibrator and love using it... I've tried to make my husband want me by posing naked and doing sexual dance moves ... He is still not moved by my moves, does this means he doesn't want me? ...
A. 29 April 2013: He may have some sort of medical problem or he might just have come to the end of his sexual life and lost his libedo.
Ask him if he'd like to go to see a sex therapist or a counsellor to see if a solution can be found. If he has complete... (read in full...)
I'm homesick and need a comfort zone!
Q. Well this isnt a relationship question. I just moved to a new city to study and I am so homesick. Its my first semester here and its almost getting over, but I just want to go back home now. Although I can't. My home is far away. My room-mates ...
A. 29 April 2013: Getting involved and signing up for college events and clubs is a great way to meet people...and the more people you meet, the more friends you make. I think most people find their first few months at college very tough and even though most people ... (read in full...)
He didn't want a relationship, so why has he contacted me after 2 months of no contact?
Q. I had a relationship with a man for 5 years. in the beginning we had sex, but after 6 months it became just friends as he didn't want a relationship with me. For the next 4.5 years I struggled with being just his friend as I loved him deeply. ...
A. 29 April 2013: Stay strong, why not get yourself out and about on the weekend, arrange something with your friends and have some fun...life is too short to let one person eat at your emotions...there are so many other people to meet and places to go...so dontwaste ... (read in full...)
He didn't want a relationship, so why has he contacted me after 2 months of no contact?
Q. I had a relationship with a man for 5 years. in the beginning we had sex, but after 6 months it became just friends as he didn't want a relationship with me. For the next 4.5 years I struggled with being just his friend as I loved him deeply. ...
A. 28 April 2013: I agree, he's coming round to stir the pot, because some people just need the attention. Do not be fooled for one second...nothing will have changed and he still wont want a relationship, he will just get his 'attention' fix and it will leave you ... (read in full...)
I want him to end the friendship yet he won't. What can I do about this situation?
Q. I have a male friend who is currently going through a divorce. We were friends for several years, however, he tends to be a bit self absorbed and while I have listened to his problems for the past several years, he has not been exactly atte...
A. 28 April 2013: Why feel guilty???...the guy is obviously an emotional sinkhole and he has taken advantage and not offered any support in return. Just tell him you are cutting him off or go the easy route and just let the friendship slip...forget to answer texts ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my x boyfriend, but married to another, what should I do?
Q. To make a long story shorter.. I met Brac about twelve years ago in a chat room. He was my friend that listened to all my guy issues. Was there for me all the time.. He is getting his masters degree soon, but when I met him he didn't have that in ...
A. 28 April 2013: If you are not happy and fulfilled in your marriage then you should leave if you can. As for the other guy...well he is married and its far harder for a man to leave a wife rather than a wife to leave a husband so the odds are not in your favour.
... (read in full...)
Husband has gone away again to think... I really need some help and strategies
Q. My husband of two years has left the family home again for a few days to "clear his head" and to "sort himself out" and I'm bewildered! We have had discussions (not arguments) with one another recently as we understand the marriage is not as good ...
A. 28 April 2013: He is looking for an excuse to leave the marriage plain and simple...all the confusion and staying away is just smoke and mirrors.
Tell him that if he leaves, he won't be coming back and the court will give you the house for the sake of your chi... (read in full...)
I suspect my husband may be gay or bisexual and now he's told me to leave the house! What should I do?
Q. Hi I will be married almost 10 years soon, my husband hasn't taken me out very much, usually we go away a few days once a year. We don't go out socially but he goes out with his male friend. We haven't been sexually active for almost a year! He ...
A. 28 April 2013: You should not leave!! If he is now claiming he is gay, that is abandonment and you should not be put out of your home. Consult a family solicitor and find out what your rights are. If you think you can continue this relationship, you are in denial ... (read in full...)
He's moved on and he's happy. What do I do? How do I stop missing him?
Q. About a month and a half ago my boyfriend broke up with me. Over Facebook. We were "that" couple and everyone loved us. We got along on every level and always had such an amazing time together. The last couple weeks we had been fighting because ...
A. 27 April 2013: Drling you are doing absolutely the right thing by NOT responding to him.
It kinda makes me sick how some people can break up a relationship and not have the decency to leave the other person alone to grieve...it's cruel and misguided.
I tink ... (read in full...)
It's over, but he still wants me around?
Q. My ex boyfriend of 5 years dumped me 4 months ago and won't let me go. He broke my heart. He told me he wasn't fully sure I was the one for him and he couldn't go on feeling these feelings of uncertainty any longer. He told me he loved me and...
A. 25 April 2013: I'd definitely cut him off and not have anything more to do with him. He is stringing you along until someone better comes along...and when they do, he will drop you like a ten ton weight...and it's going to be painful.
You are a young woman. Y... (read in full...)
Should I stay in my marriage with 3 children? Or step out with someone who makes me happy?
Q. I have got myself in a real dilemma and could really use some advice. I have been married for fourteen years and have three of the most beautiful children a woman could ask for but I never really loved my husband and got married for all the wrong ...
A. 24 April 2013: Of course you should leave your husband, you do not love him, so why stay? If you do go, your children should stay with their father because he has done nothing wrong and therefore he should not be separated from his children.
You sound a little... (read in full...)
How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 22 April 2013: I guess there is oogling!! and downright blatant OOGLING!!!.
Most men will look at other wome because it is carved into their DNA. Most, if they catch themselves, will stop and look elsewhere, but some other guys are permanently looking and I gu... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was annoyed by my FB post. Did she over-react? Was her reaction immature? I thought the post was light fun.
Q. Three days ago, I wrote on my Facebook Wall that "If you can't change the girl, change the girl!" . My girlfriend (for two years) didn't like it and called me jerk when she met me later. She is talking to me but can see some change in her at...
A. 22 April 2013: Girls read between the lines...Boys do not!!
Of course she was going to react, it was a dumb thing to write and it was insendiary.
Was she being immature...nope
Were you?...yup!
If she posted something similar questioning your manhood, wo... (read in full...)
I love him still and want him in my life but have come to the realization that for now I have to let him hit rock bottom and pray that he finds his way back to my heart..hopefully soon enough.
Q. The man I love with who Ive been off and on (not because we argued all the time, just because he has not been ready for a relationship because of many aspects of his life). 1- When I say he's not ready for a relationship is because he isn't...
A. 22 April 2013: 'I LOVE HIM and I know that most of you are going to say to just move on and forget about him but I'm honestly looking for more objective answers.'
Unless any of us has a magic wand that we can wave and make it all better...there are no other an... (read in full...)
He seems to be overreacting -- could there be more to the story?
Q. i met this man online almost two weeks ago and after exchanging phone numbers we clicked instantly. We were both smitten by each other texting all day calling every night telling each other how much we missed each other it was crazy we had such good ...
A. 22 April 2013: Because he was just looking for sex. He built you up pretty good with the initial meet (to see what you looked like in the flesh) followed by the calls and texts.
He rushed you into seeing him on the Thursday, because he couldn't wait (to have... (read in full...)
Sexless marriage and clinically depressed.
Q. I have a problem that seems to be just the opposite of some recent Q and A's. We have been married for 33 years and busted our humps to correctly and lovingly raise our Daughter and Son, now 31 and 24 years old respectively. Nobody could ask for a ...
A. 22 April 2013: This really bought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat. I am so sorry that things are going this way for you and that you are so unhappy and lost.
I apreciate that there are always two sides to every story, but your wife seems cold and disa... (read in full...)
He never told me earlier. Is he really gay? If so , why be with a woman to begin with? What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and no sex! He was in prison for 15 years before we meet and while he has never told me he had sex or was raped I have a strange feeling. He did try once to have sex with me the first year and I...
A. 21 April 2013: You are not the first and neither will you be the last woman to be used by a confused gay man who is in denial.
A friend of mine who has 4 children discovered her husband and faher to her children was gay...and he left her for a much older man!... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex my true feelings? We broke up recently and since then he's phoned me and asked if I am sleeping with anyone.
Q. My ex(it's been two weeks since he left,he broke it off) spoke to me last Tuesday 5 days ago (for my birthday). We had a nice chat and at the end of the conversation he asked me if I was sleeping with anyone which I thought this was strange ...
A. 21 April 2013: Depends on the reasons you split up in the first place?
Him asking you if you are sleeping with someone is a bit disrespectful to be honest!...it doesn't mean he cares, it just means he is being nosy, because even if a guy dumps you, he will sti... (read in full...)
Am I blowing this out of proportion? Should I confront him? He's my LDR and claims he forgets to text as he's "busy". But never explains what that means.
Q. Dear Cupid May be i'm blowing this out of proportion? I wanted to write here and check before i fight with my bf (of 3 yrs). My bf works in a different city, few days he stays with his friends and few days he stays here with me. I ask him t...
A. 21 April 2013: It's a bit odd that you have been his girlfriend for 3 years and he has never introduced you to any of his friends. It's also not unreasonable to expect daily contact if you are that close, so maybe you need to examine all parts of the relationship ... (read in full...)
I feel like a dating mess. Insight welcome. How can I meet someone new?
Q. I was in 11 year marriage that was dying a slow death. I wasn't happy neither was wife but for some reason neither of us knew what to do. I was approached by coworker and had affair. At the same time wife was too. She chose affair over marriage...
A. 20 April 2013: The 't' on my comp seems to be sticking so here's a few for you to fill the gaps tttt
:-)... (read in full...)
I feel like a dating mess. Insight welcome. How can I meet someone new?
Q. I was in 11 year marriage that was dying a slow death. I wasn't happy neither was wife but for some reason neither of us knew what to do. I was approached by coworker and had affair. At the same time wife was too. She chose affair over marriage...
A. 20 April 2013: It kinda goes with the territory that you go a little nuts after seperation and divorce. I have been divorced for 8 years and in the first year I did alot of crazy shit that I am not proud of so I am in no position to judge.
Maybe now you have had... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems obsessed with his low-life loser friend
Q. my boyfriend of 10 years recently got together with a friend he went to high school with. This "friend" Mark, cheats on his girl, hits on everything that walks (embarrasing - he is such a loser)and encourages my boyfriend to cheat (boyfriend says he ...
A. 19 April 2013: Do you live with your boyfriend?... (read in full...)
Broken hearted over a truly nice guy who backed way off by overhanging things on his own without talking to me
Q. I started dating a man i have liked for years, about 3 months ago. He knew I had kids and my age (43) when we started dating. We live about an hour away, don't see each other alot, but texted every day. Things have been great, he's said i am ...
A. 19 April 2013: To be honest he sounds majorly confused about what he wants...MAJORLY!!
On the face of it, he seems to be going through some sort of crisis, maybe weighing up if he should be involved with someone who has kids, or meet someone he can have his own ... (read in full...)
A 22 year old marriage over due to my disabilies?
Q. Please help, Iam a 45 year old man , I have had type1 diabetes since age 3 this plays a huge part in what I need advice with , I have been married to the same super beautiful wife for 22+years . I met my wife when I was 22 and she was 17 at the time...
A. 19 April 2013: People marry for better or worse, in sickness and in health but the reality of caring for someone who is disabled long term whilst being responsible for the family income can be intolerable to most. Love is often the only thing that keeps a person ... (read in full...)
We never get a minute to have fun together because his grandmother always interrupts!
Q. I am a early fifties female that works in a beauty shop, for 5 years now. I met a younger male there 4 years ago that brings his 82 year old Grandmother to the shop. We became casual friends. He lives with his grandmother to help her out, and does ...
A. 19 April 2013: She's old selfish and stuck in her ways...it would be hard to explain to her that she should allow him more time to himself. Old people can act like young children and you know there is no reasoning with them. I think you should just try to accept ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems obsessed with his low-life loser friend
Q. my boyfriend of 10 years recently got together with a friend he went to high school with. This "friend" Mark, cheats on his girl, hits on everything that walks (embarrasing - he is such a loser)and encourages my boyfriend to cheat (boyfriend says he ...
A. 18 April 2013: I agree with Eddie...you need to give him enough rope to explore this 'friend' but a lot rests on the strength of your relationship. A man won't necessarilly cheat, just because his friend does!!...not if he loves you and not if he cares!
Sure ... (read in full...)
We never get a minute to have fun together because his grandmother always interrupts!
Q. I am a early fifties female that works in a beauty shop, for 5 years now. I met a younger male there 4 years ago that brings his 82 year old Grandmother to the shop. We became casual friends. He lives with his grandmother to help her out, and does ...
A. 18 April 2013: Oh dear what a pain in the butt she is...I can see why you are upset. She is probably terified that he's going to stop caring for her, if he becomes closer to you, so she's acting up!! When your old, you can get away with the bad behaviour and who ... (read in full...)
I'm married and a married hottie came onto me at work. What should I do?
Q. I work in the same company as this woman. Never really took any notice of her or talked to her, but I knew she was married. One day we found ourselves alone together and she made it plain she fancied me. In fact she put her hand on my thigh, I ...
A. 18 March 2013: Here's the news:
YOU ARE MARRIED, that does not give you a GOD GIVEN right to cheat with other women.
I really liked the part where you said:
'discretion is important to me'
really???? I guess it would be, that way you can cheat all y... (read in full...)
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