A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend Max and I have dated for seven months. I thought he was the "one." He was always very attentive, we have wonderful fun together and we spend lots of itme together. As the relationship progressed I noticed that each time we went out to party, it usually ended in him drinking excessively to the point of if I left a swallow in my drink he had to drink it and called it "alcohol abuse" if I left it. In January he was so drunk after a football game that he became verbally abusive and beligerant at the pub we were at. It got so bad that a server asked if I needed help or wanted them to call the police. The next day he said he didn't remember anything and had a blackout. It wasn't the first time he confessed to having a blackout. Three weeks ago we went on a vacation with another couple and spent ten nights vacationing. Most of that vacation was spent drinking. We didn't do really much other than that, I had to steer him away from pubs on ocassion and when we went out he drank like a fish. Three of those ten nights he became abusive and even one night called me a whore. I am not. He did apologize when I demanded it, but he never brought up his behavior again. He has also pinched me hard when drunk and smiled when I said it hurt. I don't understand how a loving man can become so evil. Should I try to work it out with him or leave?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2013):
 HUGS OP... it takes a strong person to walk away from someone you love when they are toxic. I wish I had your strength.
A
male
reader, reed  +, writes (26 March 2013):
if u think that he loves alchohol more than u leave him, if he loves you more than alcohol , he will stop consuming it, alchol is like another woman, an competition for u..... its better he divorce alcohol or u...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all of you who responded to my question....you just helped validate what I already knew and helped me stay away from a man whom I love, but know is not good for me. The first time his abusive behavior happened, I said "not again." And then it happened again and it seems it was I trying to smooth things out. I love your openess and frankness because although someone can be loving and kind, it is possible for them to be nasty and abusive another time. Again, thanks!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Work out what ?, the guy is an alcoholic. Run for the hills. He does not need you- or any gf in general, he needs specialized professional treatment for his addiction- which I doubt he is going to seek because it seems he does not even see his habit as a problem, so even less he'll want to get rid of it. Your love and patience won't heal him, they will just make you bear the brunt of his verbal and physical abuse.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Did you ever hear of Dr Jeckle and Mr Hide? Some say that was a parable about drunken husbands.. you have a lot of life lrft why waste it with a life of anxirty and fear? Save yourself..while the saving is still posible. Or, wait for the worst to happen.My advice is haul buggy outa there!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (24 March 2013):
 It sounds like your boyfriend has a problem with alcohol. Some men are like that: add alcohol and they turn into instant jerks.
And it sounds like when he does drink he does lose control and you wind up on the receiving end of his bad behavior. Given that this has happened multiple times I think you need to ask yourself:
1) Does your boyfriend know that he has a problem? Has he admitted that once he does start to drink that you wind up suffering as a result? Does he have a history of alcohol abuse: DUIs? Drinking more than he intends, etc? How often does he drink, daily?
2) Can your boyfriend abstain from alcohol? Most people can take or leave alcohol, especially if it is causing a problem.
3) Is your boyfriend willing to change or talk about the issue?
Ultimately, the choice is yours on whether you want to remain with him or not. Hopefully you have the courage to ask yourself if he is truly the man of your dreams and if he is worthy of taking a big risk on. Making the wrong decision could lead to a lifetime of worrying about how drunk he is going to get or if you are going to get physically abused.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 March 2013):
IF you stay one day he will PUNCH you (instead of PINCH) when drunk or worse KILL YOU.
everything I try to type to explain this too you is too personal.
Do not stay with an alcoholic.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 A problem with alcohol is something only he can sort out. I've seen many lovely women stand by their alcoholic partners but until he decided to do anything about it your relationship will continue this way. He does need support to stop and change but think about what you need, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Do you want to sacrifice everything you want for a man who may or may not change.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 March 2013):
 How old is Max?
The addition to alcohol is probably not new to him and neither is the abuse that goes with it. If he's around your age he's probably set in his ways and this can be hard to live with.
It's one thing to drink...it's another when you can't live without it and you resort to abusive behaviour.
The guy needs to accept he has a problem and then seek help...until then, things probably won't get any better.
Saying sorry after each abusive outburst does not make it all ok and you probably know this already.
You actually cannot work this out on your own, but what you can do is tell him you are removing yourself from the danger until HE fixes his problem. The alternative is putting up with it but as history shows us, this kind of thing seldom gets better on it's own.
Don't stay where there is abuse and don't listen when he says he will get worse if you leave...this is HIS problem and maybe he needs a wake up call. If he wants to remain an abusive drunk...let him be it by himself.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (24 March 2013):
 My motto is: when in doubt, just say no.
You're feeling shaky about this guy, and that's enough of a reason to end the relationship.
Conversely, if you do want to give your boyfriend a few more weeks of a chance, then I definitely recommend a) stop taking him places where he'll be tempted to drink and b) tell him about your concern.
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