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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 15 March 2013: Then why stay, if you cannot change it?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 15 March 2013: Once or twice a year!!!! The way you put it across, it sounded like your GF was like this all the time!!!
Think you have painted a bad picture of her tbh...
Once ot twice a year!...that's funny.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 14 March 2013: From everything you have said about her, it's clear to see that you are not compatible. Life is too short to waste time arguing and getting upset by someone you have so many disagreeing factors with.
Relationships are only worth holding on to wh... (read in full...)
My girlfriend goes into "no contact" mode with me when she's angry...why is that?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a year and everything is good for the most part, except for when she gets angry or upset about something. We are both in our forties so it shouldn't be attributed to immaturity, but it sure seems that way. For ...
A. 12 March 2013: There are a lot of people around who resort to this type of behaviour. Some just want to avoid and argument and want to wait for the dust to settle, others use it as a kind of punishment.
Some people are just used to getting their own way and ... (read in full...)
Why am I such a mess after we went from a relationship, to casual dating to her breaking it off with me to be with a new man?
Q. So my gf broke up with me after 7 months and I don't know why I am so upset? We told each other we loved each other but I could never bring myself to seeing her 2-3 times a week. I enjoy my alone time so I tend to spend it with myself. A few weeks ...
A. 12 March 2013: Seeing someone 2-3 times a week if you are in a committed relationship, is not really enough (or not a whole lot).
She wanted to see you more but because you couldn't do that, she has found someone who can. It's that simple.
Even if she d... (read in full...)
Could he actually be interested? Do guys after a FWB relationship usually make a point of keeping in touch every day, making 'dates' in advance?
Q. Thanks to a lack of willing participants, a casual acquaintance and I ended up having a night out at the pub. We're both single and ended up going back to his place. We had an amazing few hours and crashed out. He was supposed to be heading out f...
A. 11 March 2013: Well maybe he isn't one of those typical 'I just want cold bare faced sex' guys, maybe he wants a little chat...to make it more palitable?...Even Johns make small talk to the prostitutes they visit, because they visit them for years and get to know ... (read in full...)
Could he actually be interested? Do guys after a FWB relationship usually make a point of keeping in touch every day, making 'dates' in advance?
Q. Thanks to a lack of willing participants, a casual acquaintance and I ended up having a night out at the pub. We're both single and ended up going back to his place. We had an amazing few hours and crashed out. He was supposed to be heading out f...
A. 10 March 2013: Be honest with yourself...You want more than FWB and telling yourself your ok with just sex isn't true...how do we know this?
Because you are over thinking the outcome of what you are doing and are working on a plan to raise the issue of having m... (read in full...)
He and I are quite close. Do you think he's telling me he's leaving his wife?
Q. Married man at work rang my mobile whilst I was at work an he at home; I didn't know he had my number, He was very drunk and told me he needed to hear my voice and he missed me then told me he needed to tell me something. So I asked what? He sai...
A. 10 March 2013: Messing about with married men is a waste of time and could really hurt you emotionally. Who knows what he has to say but I expect none of it will be good or healthy.
Go easy darling, this will probably back fire big time!!!... (read in full...)
Sent him an email ending things hoping for a bit of resistance but he accepted it. I am so sad, what do I do now?
Q. Hello I have been involved in a 3 1/2 year relationship. My bf likes to flirt a lot, he is in his mid 40s and in my opinion weak willed. We also work together in the same building and recently on the same floor for a period of time. In this time i...
A. 10 March 2013: Yes it is painful and heartbreaking and your mind will go over and over it for many months to come, but you have to look at the big picture and see that if he could let go so easily, he probably didn't feel the same way about you as you did him!
... (read in full...)
Sent him an email ending things hoping for a bit of resistance but he accepted it. I am so sad, what do I do now?
Q. Hello I have been involved in a 3 1/2 year relationship. My bf likes to flirt a lot, he is in his mid 40s and in my opinion weak willed. We also work together in the same building and recently on the same floor for a period of time. In this time i...
A. 9 March 2013: He was a flirt in your presence, made a mockery of your relationship and you handed him a 'get out of jail free' card.
Three and a half years is a long time to invest in someone...were there really no other signs he wasn't as invested as you?
... (read in full...)
I've been branded as a "person of suspicion" and have been banned from seeing my husband at his work. Is his boss crazy?!
Q. As if my life was not weird enough my boyfriends boss is singling me out for harassment. He is a teacher at a local school. She is the principal. I am not at all sure how to deal with this. I noticed about 2 years ago when she started working ...
A. 9 March 2013: Hooray!!! I am glad she is out of your hair for good!! and probably best to just avoid talking about her ever again to your husband...he's on the wrong side of the fence for not supporting you, but I am sure it will die down x... (read in full...)
Surprise! I just found out I'm pregnant and I'm freaking out!
Q. Well, Dear Cupid, I just found out that I'm pregnant. It's not as bad as it usually is on this website. I've done everything in order. I got married, have my degrees. I'm 26 and I guess it's about that time. My fella and I have been married for...
A. 7 March 2013: Were you trying for a baby? or did you get pregnant whilst on birth control?
It is normal to freak out a bit when you first find you are pregnant, after all it's a massive life changing event, however it is NOT a 'life over' event.
When th... (read in full...)
I'm married, got drunk flirted with a girl at a bar and now can't stop the feelings! Help!
Q. I'm a happily married man who loves his wife very much. Last weekend I was in a bar and flirted quite a lot with a girl. Nothing happened which given my now sober state I'm very happy about. The problem, I can't stop thinking about it or the girl. ...
A. 7 March 2013: If you want to join the legions of people who cheat on their spouse just for a quick thrill, you also have to be prepared to accept the huge torrent of crap that comes with it.
Separation, divorce, CSA, child maintenance, inspection of your wag... (read in full...)
Drunk and excited in the pool and now I can't stop thinking of my wife's cousin!
Q. wifes cousin came over for drinks and stuff we got to buzzing and all got in the pool and things got freaky her hubby didnt want to get in but me and wifey and her cousin did. after a while we were more drunk and started to play dare games under ...
A. 7 March 2013: Didn't you post here before a while ago saying you wanted sex with other women but your wife doesn't wish to be a swinger? I think on that occasion you just did whatever you wanted and didnt give a crap about your wifes feelings...so I have no idea ... (read in full...)
Money isssues between my partner and me
Q. My girlfriend and I are having issues over finance.The circumstances are as follows: I run my own business, which has suffered a lot in the recession.I still make a profit, but not vast amounts.I probably earn just above the national average ...
A. 7 March 2013: Holidays and restaurants are luxuries, household costs and food are not. I think you should contribute towards the living expenses and food if you are at her house and maybe share the costs of holidays or eating out.
He son is her business... (read in full...)
He abandoned me in a strange city!
Q. I could do with some wisdom/isight/davice/thoughts on this...thanks Last weekend it was arranged that myself and a man I having been casually seeing on and off (he lives in another country) would meet in Milan. This involved me flying over from...
A. 6 March 2013: The guy you are seeing abandons you in a strange city and you are wondering whether you over reacted??? Jesus!! have women really become so delusional and pathetic that they cannot feel totally vindicated at blowing their top and tellthe guy to f**k ... (read in full...)
Was I dumped on Valentine's Day and I just didn't realize it?
Q. I've been dating a woman since Nov 2012 and we are intimate. I sent her a Valentine's day card where I refer to her as my girlfriend and tell her how I appreciate her. She never responded to my Valentine's day card even though she did receive it. ...
A. 6 March 2013: Maybe! its possible she was put off by you saying you didnt want anything serious but all your efforts to pull her back in have failed since so I think it's safe to say she doesn't want to date you anymore.... (read in full...)
Husband is in love with younger woman but want's to work on us.
Q. Help! My husband (22 years together, married for 18) recently confessed he had been having an affair for 18 months with a younger mutual friend. He says he thinks he had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years as he was unhappy with our...
A. 5 March 2013: Your commitment to him is admirable and I can't help thinking you'd have a much better chance if he wasn't in love with another woman who is still on the scene.
You are a good woman indeed because you are standing in the face of dissapoi... (read in full...)
Husband is in love with younger woman but want's to work on us.
Q. Help! My husband (22 years together, married for 18) recently confessed he had been having an affair for 18 months with a younger mutual friend. He says he thinks he had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years as he was unhappy with our...
A. 4 March 2013: I will be honest with you. In all the years I have been an agony aunt on Dear Cupid I have never seen one single post from a man or woman who said that their husband came back after cheating and all was forgiven and rosy again!!!...it just does not ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my partner of six years.
Q. HiI`m asking for some advice. five months ago I started an affair with a woman 20 years younger than me.I`m in a 6 year relationship with another woman who has constantly accussed me of having affairs.I have never had an affair until now. It sta...
A. 4 March 2013: Seriously you arn't worried about hurting your partner of six years...you just don't want to get caught and have your own life disrupted.
It just makes me crack up when people have affairs and blame others for 'making' them do it...nobody makes an... (read in full...)
Was I dumped on Valentine's Day and I just didn't realize it?
Q. I've been dating a woman since Nov 2012 and we are intimate. I sent her a Valentine's day card where I refer to her as my girlfriend and tell her how I appreciate her. She never responded to my Valentine's day card even though she did receive it. ...
A. 4 March 2013: She doesn't want to be your girlfriend. People are intimate with eachother all the time but there are lots of them who change their minds afterwards...you need to leave her alone because she has made it clear that you arn't for her.... (read in full...)
Can you please suggest some advice on productive and positive things I can do to deal with how I'm feeling about this betrayal?
Q. I posted a few months ago when I found out that the girl I'd spent three years talking to on the phone had sent me photos of someone who wasn't her. In the end, I kept digging, and found that things went a lot deeper. I ended things, but things w...
A. 3 March 2013: Sorry that happened to you, there are some real sad and desperate people on the internet...and the world in general, but online there seems to be a growing problem of people pretending to be someone else.
This woman betrayed and hurt you but real... (read in full...)
How do I get to the point where I can trust my fiance again?
Q. I dont mean to keep repeating myself, but im living in complete agony. Ever since I found out that my fiance flirted with a girl on a jobsite and got her number. And then text her and called her beautiful. Him and. I have been together seven years ...
A. 2 March 2013: I just wanted to add that no woman can stop a man from straying if that is what he wants to do. It has nothing to do with trust or doing something wrong...once a person sets their mind to cheat or pursue someone else, they will throw all reasoning ... (read in full...)
New to university and trying to read girls' signals
Q. am a guy of 22 who just in to the university. Enntering my department in the university 90% of them are girls. Some girls who never knew me but have bein seeing me during my registration welcomed me and started taking photograghs of me in class i ...
A. 2 March 2013: Perhaps they just want to be friendly towards you because university is a lot about making friends. ... (read in full...)
My married crush says he's divorcing his wife for me. Should I leave my fiance or wait and see what happens?
Q. I have had a crush on this guy since I was 8 years old (I just turned 36) A couple of years ago we reconnected and started conversating early on I admitted to him the crush I still have on him. We started chatting for hours a day sharing everything ...
A. 2 March 2013: Personally I wouldn't bother with the crush...he's married and despite what he says, people tell lies all the time to gain attention and he could just be stringing you along for the fun of it...also he's in another country so how realistic is ... (read in full...)
I feel suffocated in this relationship! I don't know what to do
Q. I have been dating my bf for 6 months now, when i first met him he had lost his gf of 7 years due to terminal illness, he was a total mess and pretty depressed obviously. I made it my mission to somehow bring him back to "life" and went through a ...
A. 2 March 2013: It's easier for him NOT to accept the help of a counsellor because it will drag out painful reminders from his past and force him to confront his grief, it's much easier for him to play the victim and keep you on 'egg shells' because that way he can ... (read in full...)
My married crush says he's divorcing his wife for me. Should I leave my fiance or wait and see what happens?
Q. I have had a crush on this guy since I was 8 years old (I just turned 36) A couple of years ago we reconnected and started conversating early on I admitted to him the crush I still have on him. We started chatting for hours a day sharing everything ...
A. 2 March 2013: Will you take your children to Australia? If you do, how will they see their fathers?
So you want to be with someone else husband, I don't expect that your children or your fiance or the woman who's being cheated on get a say in this?...... (read in full...)
Should I get the morning after pill? Or am I just being silly?
Q. I had sex on Wednsday night, I'm almost 100% certain we used a condom but I cant be certain as we had both been drinking. My period started today but I'm still worrying about being pregnant although the chances are really slim . I'm thinking of ...
A. 1 March 2013: It's free for you to take, speak to the pharmacist. She/he will be able to advise you. You can take the MAP up to 72 hours after intercourse.... (read in full...)
To text or not to text... help!
Q. Ok, so I went out on a first date for drinks with someone I met online a few days ago. Things went really well, because he kept asking me the whole time about going out again to a movie or dinner. The next morning, he texted me and told me to have a ...
A. 1 March 2013: His actions scream ' I am a time waster' or 'I will just keep you dangling as a time filler'
It's very irritating when someone isn't clear and to the point...
Go for broke, ask him if he would like to go on another date with you...the answer... (read in full...)
I need help overcoming my addiction to prostitutes
Q. Hi I've been seeing prostitutes for 15 years. It started off out of boredom. I have always had a strong sexual appetite, I started masturbating from a young age. Every time I use a prostitute I beat myself up about it. At first I had protecte...
A. 1 March 2013: Stop looking on the internet. You have a serious addiction and your route to help is your GP or local GUM clinic.
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/STIs/Pages/VisitinganSTIclinic.aspx
This is an NHS site which will list your local clinic.
You r... (read in full...)
I feel suffocated in this relationship! I don't know what to do
Q. I have been dating my bf for 6 months now, when i first met him he had lost his gf of 7 years due to terminal illness, he was a total mess and pretty depressed obviously. I made it my mission to somehow bring him back to "life" and went through a ...
A. 1 March 2013: I agree...his problems are way too deep and complicated for you to sort out. If you try to carry on, you will just reinforce his behaviour and make things much worse for yourself.
The fact that you are not interested in sex with him and don't kn... (read in full...)
He leaves me goes to ex..rinse, repeat. How can I trust him?
Q. i feel so lost. i was married and very unhappy, i met a guy at work and at first site it was as if i stopped breathing, i instantly loved him! butterflies fireworks everything! it signified the end of my.marriage as i felt if i was in love with my ...
A. 26 February 2013: Nobody can tell you if he will go again...it's possible because he has kids, but who knows what will happen. The thing that everyone should realise is that if you get involved with someone who is already in a relationship, is newly separated or has ... (read in full...)
Why is that when you're with someone, attractive and available guys are everywhere, but when you're single, they are nowhere to be found?
Q. This is a pretty straight forward question that hopefully somebody could answer... I've came out of a 7 month relationship about a month ago and i've not met one decent guy, or anybody at all who i've found myself attracted to! It's strange bec...
A. 26 February 2013: Same reason that when you have money you can't find anything you'd like to buy but when your skint you see loads of things...life is just like that.... (read in full...)
Should I try to continue this workplace friendship after he got sacked or quit?
Q. Hi I've got a friend at work, well we recently started chatting as of jan. I would go down to his class room(he's a teacher) and we would chat on his free afternoons about music and other random stuff, we were both into steampunk, he without my kn...
A. 26 February 2013: If it were me, I'd leave it. I am assuming he's a bit older than you, so maybe he was enjoying the attentions of a younger woman (some men need the ego boost).
One thing in all of this is glaringly wrong...he's married but flirting with you?...m... (read in full...)
What are the options to deal with our rude confrontational neighbors? They stir up trouble and it's wearing me down.
Q. Hello, I'm really confused about my neighbour. I just can't work her out! For the last 18 months the person living next to me has made my life quite difficult. We have got to a point that we have resolved some issues but I am really wary of her!...
A. 26 February 2013: Crikey she and her brrod sound like a complete nightmare, you have every right to avoid them and really you should NOT be beating yourself up for feeling so upset over them.
It reminds me of when I was a child, we lived in a cul-de-sac next doo... (read in full...)
This seems unfair to me. Is this how things work in the restaurant business? Is my Supervisor Biased? And what can I do?
Q. I have been working at a restaurant for about 3 months now. I'm still considered a "trainee" because I haven't passed the written exam. Therefore I only receive a maximum of 10% of total gratuity per shift. If there is more than one "trainee...
A. 26 February 2013: If your supervisor doesn't think you are ready for the test, he should give his reasons why, both to you and your manager. On the face of it, it does look like he is being obstructive because of the tip situation, but if you feel you are being held ... (read in full...)
Multiple Dating Questions: can you help me please? What to do?
Q. So I guess I need some dating advice! I realize every person is different and I'm also a lady who dates ladies but I think anyone would have a good perspective on this. I've been dating women for several years but usually I was pursued by them or ...
A. 26 February 2013: I think the whole courtship thing is the same for everyone whether you date men or women. If you like her, ask her out on another date. Take things slowly, don't rush into sex and just get to know her.
I find most people reveal their true selves b... (read in full...)
How can I tell if my BF is telling the truth or not? What lengths will some men go to, to tell lies?
Q. How can you tell if your boyfriend is tellin the truth whether a "friend" is just a friend orwhether he has slept with her. He denies anything happened that hey were just friends. I somehow believe him, just want to know to what lenths will you ...
A. 26 February 2013: Whether he's lying or not, if you don't trust him then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him.
If he's cheated on you before and he suddenly has a special female 'friend' then the picture don't look good.
If he loves you he wil... (read in full...)
To text or not to text... help!
Q. Ok, so I went out on a first date for drinks with someone I met online a few days ago. Things went really well, because he kept asking me the whole time about going out again to a movie or dinner. The next morning, he texted me and told me to have a ...
A. 25 February 2013: Hmmm tricky!!
Firstly don't invest too much thought to him right now. People you meet on dating sites very often date a few people at a time to see who's out there and despite what they say to you on the actual date, if they are really wanting ... (read in full...)
My girl who had been raped before is asking me to do rough role play with her. It feels wrong.
Q. So my sex life with my GF has always been pretty vanilla, she doesn't really like kinky stuff and hates things like dildos or porn or anything that is in anyway a little wild. in the past I had often found that she seemed bored during sex and simply ...
A. 24 February 2013: If it feels wrong and you don't want to do it, you have a perfect right to say no to her.
If she asks you why, it should be enough to just say no and leave it at that.... (read in full...)
Found girlfriend on dating site after 5 years together
Q. I have been in a relationship for 5 years with a 41 year old professional woman (a maths teacher in Worcester UK who goes to church and acts like she has high standards) where we have drifted due to stresses that happened such as burglaries, ...
A. 24 February 2013: I have been through the same thing but with a guy I dated for 3 and a half years(we lived together).
It was devastating to find him on a dating site and like your partner first he said it was for a laugh, then the pictures went up and then cam... (read in full...)
I've been branded as a "person of suspicion" and have been banned from seeing my husband at his work. Is his boss crazy?!
Q. As if my life was not weird enough my boyfriends boss is singling me out for harassment. He is a teacher at a local school. She is the principal. I am not at all sure how to deal with this. I noticed about 2 years ago when she started working ...
A. 20 October 2012: I'd say she definitely has a personal issue with you and is exerting her power to 'punish' you.
I have seen lots of petty issues in schools, the worst is the PTA...made me shudder to see such bitchiness and snobbery (my kids went to a church s... (read in full...)
I've been branded as a "person of suspicion" and have been banned from seeing my husband at his work. Is his boss crazy?!
Q. As if my life was not weird enough my boyfriends boss is singling me out for harassment. He is a teacher at a local school. She is the principal. I am not at all sure how to deal with this. I noticed about 2 years ago when she started working ...
A. 18 October 2012: Sounds like your guy doesn't want o make waves because maybe he fears for his job.
As you have previously had access to volunteer and there has been no incident to raise suspicion, I think you should contact the school governers or the educatio... (read in full...)
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