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*emused agony aunt

*emused

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Hi there.

I am a Canadian girl..originally from the beautiful province of Nova Scotia. I now live in Central Canada. I come from a military background and moved from place to place as a child and it shaped who I am. I have a challenging career which really keeps me down to earth and grounded. I really enjoy reading and responding to the questions on this site.

12345Next > [5 pages, 178 answers]

We had an affair together and he ended it. Why is he still calling?

Q.   Please can I havw advice on how is is acting, should I give up on him. Met a guy, liked him, he got married, we then had affair for many years, he kept promising to leave the wife etc. He said he would get a place for us never did, was still li...

A.   27 October 2009: You should be the last to care. This guy is a bit of a rat with a dismal track record. Find someone available to love you and think no more on this guy. It never went anywhere in the past and it will not going anywhere in the future. ... (read in full...)

Dumped by my married lover...will I ever get over it?

Q.   How long will it take me to get over being dumped by my married lover? I know it was wrong and I never should have got involved but I fell for all the old cliches. My wife and I only share a bed. I'm leaving next year. We are like brother and sist...

A.   4 July 2009: Oh dear. I did not mean to make you cry. I hope I was not cruel. Hang in there hun...one day at a time. If you need to take some time to cry, to feel the pain...then do whatever you need to do...everyone is different. It must be so disorienting. ... (read in full...)

Dumped by my married lover...will I ever get over it?

Q.   How long will it take me to get over being dumped by my married lover? I know it was wrong and I never should have got involved but I fell for all the old cliches. My wife and I only share a bed. I'm leaving next year. We are like brother and sist...

A.   4 July 2009: Hi there. Ok...take a deep breath and stop beating yourself up. I, for one am not going to judge you for this situation. Sometimes in life,when we are vulnerable and alone we make decisions we would not make if we were grounded and sure of your... (read in full...)

Dumped by my married lover...will I ever get over it?

Q.   How long will it take me to get over being dumped by my married lover? I know it was wrong and I never should have got involved but I fell for all the old cliches. My wife and I only share a bed. I'm leaving next year. We are like brother and sist...

A.   4 July 2009: Hi there. Ok...take a deep breath and stop beating yourself up. I, for one am not going to judge you for this situation. Sometimes in life,when we are vulnerable and alone we make decisions we would not make if we were grounded and sure of your... (read in full...)

I need a woman who wants me, not one who just needs me...

Q.   I'm in my mid-forties and am feeling really down. My wife totally went off sex fifteen years ago when our children were born. She likes me to massage her feet or her arms, but that's it. She's quite honest with me about her dislike for sex, and at ...

A.   22 June 2009: While I agree with the advice from Citris it has been my experience that people in long term marriages tend to stay together as the years go on because it is..excuse the expression...cheaper to keep her(or him). As a currently single woman I have ... (read in full...)

I don't want to lose a good friend just because my girlfriend tells me to!

Q.   I have a situation that is becoming problematic. See, I have this friend, we'll call her Sophie. Anyway, Sophie is a good friend, we get on very well, she is funny and interesting and intelligent, and she really doesn't like my girlfriend, Laura. ...

A.   21 March 2009: Hi there. You mention that Laura is an alcholic so your relationship is no doubt no doubt riddled with the extra stresses and dysfunction that this always brings to a relationship. In the same post you say you could never leave Laura. Is your rel... (read in full...)

Cheated on for the 2nd time!

Q.   My husband has cheated on me for the second time. Yes I'm hurt but I love my man. I filed for a divorce a couple days ago but we haven't signed off on the papers yet. We really don't want a divorce but he is still seeing this other female, what ...

A.   8 March 2009: Hi there. I can see two sides here. As soon as I read that you 'love him so much'I really would be surprised it you would leave him. So would he apparently as he blithly goes and has his cake and eats it too. I agree with Natasia that people stra... (read in full...)

Are condoms enough?

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for a while and we have decided we are ready to sleep together, he knows that I am not on the pill (I don't want to) and he says a condom will be fine, which I sure it will be but I am a little concerened....

A.   8 March 2009: Hi hun. Condoms alone are ok. I agree with Army Medic that in tandem with spermicide...pretty good. There is, though a margin for error if they slip off or tear. There are more reliable forms of birth control out there but a condom should alwa... (read in full...)

I am worried that my new husband is a verbal and emotional abuser.

Q.   I am worried that my new husband (of 3 months!) is a verbal and emotional abuser. He seems to go through a calm cycle and then will get tense and run me down, it seems as though he has nothing positive to say about what I do. He is only like this ...

A.   7 March 2009: Thanks for the update hun. The extra information was helpful amd Wonderingcat has given you some sound advice. Gambling, criminal record for assault, harassing your mom..to my mind...you need to leave. I would agree that you need to start to som... (read in full...)

I am worried that my new husband is a verbal and emotional abuser.

Q.   I am worried that my new husband (of 3 months!) is a verbal and emotional abuser. He seems to go through a calm cycle and then will get tense and run me down, it seems as though he has nothing positive to say about what I do. He is only like this ...

A.   7 March 2009: Hi hun. I don't think youwill be judged here. People, for the most part are trying to help. I read your question a couple of times. Does your husband have any addictions? This can cause mood swings for many people. Might he be bipolar? Judging from... (read in full...)

My Boyfriend has just had a baby with his ex....I need to know where this relationship is going!

Q.   i am in a dilema i met a guy last May, we hit it off straight away, started seein each other end of August last year just casual we are both divorced,i have two daughters he has a son. However i have since found out that he split from his live in ...

A.   3 March 2009: Hi hun. I am no expert but you are not kidding when you mention that this is an additonal complication in your relationship. You mention it was casual. Was it then by mutual consent that he continued to see( and sleep with obviously) his ex. No ... (read in full...)

I found out about his affairs a year ago, do you think my husband is sorry and should I forgive him?

Q.   I have written on this site before so i hope you can help me out again. It's been just over a year that i found out about my husbands 3 affairs one was 3 years into my marriage that lasted 2 weeks, one that lasted between 5-7 years(not every we...

A.   3 March 2009: Hi hun. Heartbreaking post, heartbreaking situation. What struck me when I read your post was the number of times your husband cheated and how it seems as though neither of you have really scraped the barrel to find out why. You mention you are ... (read in full...)

Husband has went into the military and I am suffering from separation anxiety!

Q.   I'm having some issues. My husband has been away at BCT (Basic Training or Boot Camp) for 2 weeks. I know it hasnt been that long, but it feels like a month already. I thought I could rely on the comfort of family while he was away, but instead I'm ...

A.   1 March 2009: You are welcome hun. Keep us posted... (read in full...)

Should I feel bad for "doing things" with a married man?

Q.   Last night me and my friend went clubbing, i ended up meeting this guy who brought me a few drinks and we ended up dancing, then he was grinding against me and was touching my chest, then he ended up fingering me in the corner of the club, and we ...

A.   1 March 2009: Hi hun Ok..he was married. You did not know then. You do know now. That should be the end of it. I guess I am a little out of touch but what why would you go as far as you did in the presence of total strangers? Is this your general style? You are ... (read in full...)

Husband has went into the military and I am suffering from separation anxiety!

Q.   I'm having some issues. My husband has been away at BCT (Basic Training or Boot Camp) for 2 weeks. I know it hasnt been that long, but it feels like a month already. I thought I could rely on the comfort of family while he was away, but instead I'm ...

A.   1 March 2009: Hi hun. There is not much I can answer to the excellent response from Emilyanswers. I would agree that living on base would give you extra support. In Canada most bases have a family resource centre which offers caycare, activities for wives and ... (read in full...)

I feel like an old stupid woman!

Q.   I am a 53 year old caucasian woman. Been married for 28 years. My husband is 58. Have four adult children lost an only son to suicide. My husband cheated on me for 1 year with three asian young women. He had a five month affair with one and took ...

A.   28 February 2009: Hi hun. As I read your question I think you will get a number of thoughtful replies on this one. Some may disagree with me but this is not an unusual situation. This may well be a case of checks and balances. I agree with the previous poster that ... (read in full...)

My online man's advances are so sexual, how do I tell him that he's turning me off?

Q.   i've been chatting to this guy over the last 3-4 months, he seems really nice, we just talk about school, family, parting the future.... recently he's started asking to see me on webcam (i havn't let in, yet) i kinda wanna do it because i feel like ...

A.   22 February 2009: Hi hun. A lot of people seem nice on the internet as it is safe. They do not have to establish relationships with others in the usual say...face to face and that is what can make it dangerous. I agree with the other posters. What do you know about ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and the Dad wants me to have an abortion or give it up, what to do?

Q.   Im four months pregnant by another man which was a one night stand. at the time I was not with my kids father now we are back together and he knows about it because I told him, now he wants me to have an abortion or to give up the baby after birth. ...

A.   22 February 2009: Hi hun. I will give you my opinion but I would strongly advise you to get some counselling on this one. I note you are from the States...would there be a planned parenthood in the phone book. Birthright is another option but they always advise ... (read in full...)

I feel so miserable all the time because I haven't been with anyone for going on 3 years now.

Q.   Please can someone point me in the right direction, I feel so miserable all the time because I haven't been with anyone for going on 3 years now. I'm on several social networking sites and people are always leaving comments about how I look but I'm ...

A.   4 January 2009: Hi hun Funny that I was just talking to a younger gal...your age the other day about the very thing of which you speak. She finds the guys her age( and yours) pretty insenstive and is burning out of dealing with the whole thing. Like you she is attr... (read in full...)

He says if I don't have sex he's "outta here!"

Q.   This is kind of long so please bare with me as i really need some advice! im in a sexual relationship with (fred) and we have a child 2gether. i care for him more than anything. we have been in this open relationship for over 4 years. with xmas and ...

A.   31 December 2008: Hun..you are not even out of one relationship and you are talking about getting into another. Listen...you need to stand on your own for a bit...the world will not come crashing down if you are without a man. If you leave Fred, you should not run to ... (read in full...)

Resolution Number 1 Equals The End of The Affair?

Q.   Well, I've gone and done it. I've put an end to my affair. Full stop. Thanks for help Dear Cupids. Your advice and guidance have given me strength to resolve my feelings (or, at least, make a start). Resolve not revolve. Finished going round in...

A.   31 December 2008: A lot of people are going to jump all over me but I think you should have told her in person..face to face. People who have affairs with married people are not always monsters...they may have made a genuine mistake in judgement, in some, but not all ... (read in full...)

He says if I don't have sex he's "outta here!"

Q.   This is kind of long so please bare with me as i really need some advice! im in a sexual relationship with (fred) and we have a child 2gether. i care for him more than anything. we have been in this open relationship for over 4 years. with xmas and ...

A.   31 December 2008: Hi hun. I see that you are young...for too young to be settling for this compromised situation. You mentio n that this 'gods gift to the world' has done a lot for you. I am assuming that this would be something financial...cannot for the life of me ... (read in full...)

I don't know what to do so that the whole family stays together...

Q.   hello everyone! i need ur help on this. Wednesday is new year's eve and im in a tough situation: a very long story short, my father is cheating on my mother, we all know that, she even know it and decided to stay for me and my sister. where i live e...

A.   27 December 2008: Hi hun. I was almost in tears as I read this...I must be honest. Your home life sounds rough and stressful and it sounds to me like you are yet another 'adult before your time', forced to grow up faster because you are living in chaos and because ... (read in full...)

Why do people sleep with each other after they have split up?

Q.   why do people sleep with eachother after they have split up,? Thats what me and my ex have been doing for the past 3 months, and i dont think there is any chance of getting back together as hes in a long distance relationship and has never meet her...

A.   27 December 2008: I think what you describe is a part of human nature. Is there anyone else on your horizon you are interested in? I would suspect not if you are still hanging on to this old relationship. Why are you hanging on to it? I think because you are human ... (read in full...)

I got an abortion, should I tell my ex?

Q.   This October I got drunk and had sex with my ex and I ended up going to the hosptial for an absess on thanksgiving, I found out at the hospital that I was pregnant.. to make a long story short when I got out the hospital the day after thanksgiving I ...

A.   25 December 2008: Really harsh unnecessary response from another reader here. Mistakes were made here, decisions made and from what I gather the father...in THIS case, not too interested. Some decent points made by that reader...but go easy on this young woman...she ... (read in full...)

I got an abortion, should I tell my ex?

Q.   This October I got drunk and had sex with my ex and I ended up going to the hosptial for an absess on thanksgiving, I found out at the hospital that I was pregnant.. to make a long story short when I got out the hospital the day after thanksgiving I ...

A.   24 December 2008: Hi hun You have not done anything wrong by having an abortion. We live in a time when women have free rein on their sexuality and have the right to steer their own course in terms of reproductive options. Do not obsess about what ifs...you had to m... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is an escort, am I crazy that I continue to stay with him?

Q.   My boyfriend is an Escort. He meets with much older guys every so often, either on long trips or one hour sessions. I am "ok" with this because we have an open relationship, and, its' guys that I am not threatened by. However, I have confided in...

A.   14 December 2008: Well, if I were you and someone special in my life was working for an escort agency I would not be ok with it. There is a limit to how compromising I could be and this would be a deal breaker. But I am not you. You are clearly distressed by this. ... (read in full...)

Confusing FWB relationship with my boss

Q.   Hey frnds Please help me out! I have been in FWB relationship for 2 years with my married boss. He is very handsome, sexy and intelligent.WE are engaged in oral sex only. I love him very much, but he clearly says that he don't want emotional bond. ...

A.   14 December 2008: Oh boy hun...this is a kettle of fish you are in. You are obsessed here I think and it is this obsession which is blinding you to reality. He may be handsome and sexy but he is not coming your way is he? Nor will he I can tell from your post that ... (read in full...)

She doesn't know me but I like her.

Q.   Hi, I really like this girl in college but she doesn't even know I exist, we are in the same class together but never talked, help please!...

A.   23 November 2008: You have written a short and to the point post but there is not a lot of other info you give. You say this girl does not know you exist so that is either your low self esteem talking or you have not made it apparent to her in any way that you are ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is pregnant but I also have feelings for another...

Q.   I am in the armed forces and left for deployment with my relationship being rocky at best. Half way through I managed to get home for a week and all seemed better. 3 weeks later I recieved the news my partner was pregnant I was overjoyed and still ...

A.   18 November 2008: This is a dilemna of the biggest order. You in NO way sound like a scumbag...just human. The fact that you are confused shows that you want to do the right thing. Agreeing to a period of no contact with the new person was a wise move. The time apart ... (read in full...)

Any advice on what I do next?

Q.   I went out with this guy for two months and then we broke up. He said it was because it was hard staying together when he was in one town and Ii was in another.(He lived in the same town as me when we first got together then 3 weeks later he moved 2 ...

A.   16 November 2008: It is apparent to me at least that the two of you still have feelings for each other and it sounds like he misses having you in his life. Was the distance the only reason that the two of you parted company. I think the reason you are hesitating is ... (read in full...)

Everytime I feel like I'm over him he does something to make me like him again! Why does he act this way?

Q.   One of my friends, who is also my ex confuses me so much. For months (since about June last year) we flirted continuously except there was a catch. He started to like one of my other friends too and 2 of my other friends liked him. I know th...

A.   15 November 2008: Hi hun. I read your post twice just to get a sense of it. I guess what really hit me was the fact you are so young, at a time in your life when so many new opportunities and experience are still to come and it seems you have fixated, shut down and ... (read in full...)

Where are all the decent men who don't lie? Do they exist?

Q.   Where are all the decent men who don't lie? Do they exist? If they do where would they be or how do I find them?...

A.   14 November 2008: I am going to wade into the fray here. There are good guys out there for sure. I might even venture to say there are more that a few. Where, my dear are you meeting these losers who have hurt you and shattered your trust. I would not give up on men ... (read in full...)

Is this teacher behaving innappropriately? Or just being friendly?

Q.   Long story cut rather short, I have the best friendship with my ex head of year. He know alot about one another, can read read me like a book! We have a very mature and brilliant relationship, some students actually envy as he is an amazing man. ...

A.   12 November 2008: I am in agreement with the other posters here. I am a high school teacher and as teachers we are supposed to be role models twenty four seven. Not realistic and hard to live up to but this guy is really playing with fire if he is doing as you say. ... (read in full...)

Am I so wrong for wanting to leave my husband and make a better life for me and my kids?

Q.   I still care about my husband but I am ready to move on and better my life and the lives of my children. I have been with my husband 9 years now but for the last 6 years my husband has not worked and I have been the one supporting our family ...

A.   9 November 2008: I am going to add my voice to the other posters here. Irish 49 states it clearly. A marriage union is all about mutual support. Your husband has not understood this in the past and continues to not understand it. You mention you are tired, depleted ... (read in full...)

My and my ex bf have feelings again for one another... but he's engaged!!!

Q.   Me and my ex have a very odd past, he dumped me to go out with an old friend but we have still remained very good friends... now the thing is, he has feelings for me again and I think I have fallen for him again, after spending some time together... ...

A.   9 November 2008: Mmm...a tough one. It is good you have maintained a friendship with your ex but did it prevent you from moving on. Were you hoping that this friendship might lead back to a rekindling of the romance. I am not saying this is the case but consider ... (read in full...)

Should I tell her or not?

Q.   i've been madly in love for this girl for a lot of time. and i guess she feels just a bit attracted for me. but i suffer from an early case of borderline personality disorder. it makes me a very problematic person. but i care so much about her that ...

A.   8 November 2008: Well,you are honest about the things in your life that you are dealing with....many people would not be. I would hold off on saying anything to her at this point. You say you are in love with her but how well do you know her? Have you spent much ... (read in full...)

I'm scared to have a boyfriend because the doctors don't know what's wrong with me.

Q.   this is sort of complicated.. i bet its a new question.. anyways. im 14 and i have VERY bad stomach problems. ive had a colonoscopy to get checked for colon cancer.. and they found a polyp but thats besides the point. they cant find whats wrong with ...

A.   8 November 2008: Hi hun You have not picked the best 'life card' for a seventeen year old...life is complicated eonough at your age and factoring this in really must be making things complicated and confusing for you. You are correct. There will be some guys who ... (read in full...)

After I dumped her, she said that having sex with me is a bad idea and I couldn't handle her anyway. What do I believe?

Q.   My girlfriend told me she wanted to have sex with me several weeks ago. I ended up dumping her for another girl that I like but still like my other girlfriend. Now she says to me that having sex with me is a bad idea and I couldn't handle her ...

A.   3 August 2008: Hi there Given the turn of events, are you surprised that your ex girlfriend has cut the ties with you. Really, you rejected her twice, once when you turned her down when she wanted to move on to a sexual relationship and then when you imme... (read in full...)

How can I make my LDR less painful for the times when we are apart?

Q.   I just got back from a month staying with my boyfriend overseas (we're in a strong, loving LDR, it's been two years now) and of course I'm feeling pretty emotional and depressed. I know I'll be okay without him, because I've done it before and I'm ...

A.   1 August 2008: Well....I stand corrected. You guys sound pretty committed. Hang in there. It seems there are a lot of couples in your age range going through this. Good luck hun!... (read in full...)

How can I make my LDR less painful for the times when we are apart?

Q.   I just got back from a month staying with my boyfriend overseas (we're in a strong, loving LDR, it's been two years now) and of course I'm feeling pretty emotional and depressed. I know I'll be okay without him, because I've done it before and I'm ...

A.   1 August 2008: Hi hun As I read your post the thing that struck me that you are missing in your life right now is balance. You are astute enough to see that you have perhaps over focused on your relationship because other things in your life are not going that... (read in full...)

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