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anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 10 years recently got together with a friend he went to high school with. This "friend" Mark, cheats on his girl, hits on everything that walks (embarrasing - he is such a loser)and encourages my boyfriend to cheat (boyfriend says he does not). I can't stand the guy but my boyfriend is obsesed with him, lying/withholding that they went away for 5 days (did not mention Mark was going with him)told me it was work but never mentioned Mark went with him. He runs all Marks errands and races to get out of work early to go see his "best friend" and then shows up late for dinner.. I am soooo confused, I have never heard of a man being this obsessed with a another man....especially when the the guy is such a lowlife loser. HELP! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): Yes, I do live with him. I thought we would be together forever but this behavior is sickening. He is a truck driver and has no set hours so it makes it very easy for him to lie (I have caught him more than once). I am becomming Jumpy/paranoid and I don't like it. My gut is saying end it but my heart is saying no.
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reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Do you live with your boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): Thanks for the replies.....unfortunately I now think everything he says is a lie. I am struggling so with all of this....the sneakiness is just too much for me, I love him but cannot go on this way. I am not sleeping, spend a majority of time sick to much stomach and am generally feeling very unworthy and very undesirable. How I could allow a man to do this to me is unthinkable......I used to be a very strong woman but this blatant deceitful ness is taking a serious toll on me.
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reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Some guys can get obsessed with their so called ‘Best Friend’ or a new found friend for different reasons, and it’s not until something is awakened in them by that other person, that they start to drift… Leave early from work, show up late for dinner and start withholding the truth etc…Although not all boyfriends drift and adopt their (loser) friends cheating mentality! Only you know the strength of your relationship on this. However, if your boyfriend is withholding the truth or lying; he’s either uncomfortable talking to you about him, knowing your opinion of his friend and how you’d react, or he’s up to something!? Again only know how he normally behaves. If he becomes ‘obnoxious’ in defending his friend, or was coerced into lying about those 5 days, then you’ve got a problem! The loser has a strong negative influence over him. Meanwhile, it’s not okay to withhold the truth of any kind, period! Hopefully he just needs to refocus his priorities and modify his behave a little?Take Care – CAA
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reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 April 2013):
I agree with Eddie...you need to give him enough rope to explore this 'friend' but a lot rests on the strength of your relationship. A man won't necessarilly cheat, just because his friend does!!...not if he loves you and not if he cares!
Sure the friend is showing him a taste of 'what if' but that kind of lifestyle often comes with many complications and troubles and most peple prefer to be settled and having someone to rely on. I suspect that something will happen to open your boyfriends eyes...lets just hope it's nothing illegal!!!
As the saying goes, if you love someone let them go, if they come back, they are yours forever!!
Good luck xxx
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reader, eddie85 +, writes (18 April 2013):
 From your description, it appears that your boyfriend has a bit of a man crush on his friend. They probably ran together in school and I imagine your boyfriend is thinking about times they had in the past and how free and easy life was. I am sure part of it is nostalgia and part of it is new so he doesn't mind being the gopher boy.
His friend also reminds him of the things he could've had. It sounds like this other guy calls his own shots and isn't accountable to anyone. That can be a very appealing lifestyle to many men -- especially those your age.
I think you have to tread very carefully. On one side, you want your boyfriend to have the freedom to make friends and associate with friends of his choosing. By telling him he can't see him, he may view you as controlling or even a buzz kill.
At the same time, birds of a feather often flock together. While your boyfriend seems to be on the straight and narrow now, he could get caught up in his friend's lifestyle. You can judge a man by the company he keeps... at least some of the time.
If you are concerned, you should express your worries to him. Tell him you don't want to see him get caught up in that lifestyle and working as his alibi when his friend goes on a cheating rampage. Allow him the freedom, though, to continue or end his friendships, which will ultimately reveal his true character and whether you have a man who is a keeper, or one who wants to live the party lifestyle.
Eddie
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