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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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My ex and I have become FWB, he says he wants more but I'm not sure??
Q. I know this will sound incredibly stupid, and reckless but I have been having a purely sexual relationship with my ex and the father of my two children. I know people say it all the time, but it really did just happen. We had taken our childr...
A. 9 September 2013: Stop having sex with him, then see if he still wants you back.... (read in full...)
My ex and I have become FWB, he says he wants more but I'm not sure??
Q. I know this will sound incredibly stupid, and reckless but I have been having a purely sexual relationship with my ex and the father of my two children. I know people say it all the time, but it really did just happen. We had taken our childr...
A. 8 September 2013: Has he actually asked you for another chance to be together?
... (read in full...)
He's 14 years younger than me, is it possible that he might like me?
Q. I need your advice! I am a 46 year old single woman and work with a 33 year old guy. He is nice and kind and helpful and flirtatious towards me. He is always ready to help. Although I am 46 but I look less ( I guess) specially my body looks very in ...
A. 8 September 2013: Wow! you sure wanna know a lot of answers, based on the tiniest amount of information lol!!
Firstly you need to think very carefully about getting involved with someone at work. Think about what would happen if your flirting got out to other st... (read in full...)
Am I going to lose my husband to his female business partner?
Q. I think my husband is in love with his female friend of 2 years. I think I should be worried. I check the phone bill and her number is almost the only one on it that he calls and he calls often. They talk for hours every day. This is strange becau...
A. 8 September 2013: Reading everything you have written and looking at it overall, one thing is clear...
If you were in a loving supportive marriage, you should have trust of eachother and that should mean that you should be able to talk about anything and ask anyt... (read in full...)
Is this a form of verbal abuse or am I being overeactive?
Q. So, I was discussing with my boyfriend how a woman got rescued from being kidnapped. I then proceeded to make a comment that one always needs to be aware of ones surroundings. My boyfriend turned to me and said "No one would kidnap you." I ...
A. 6 September 2013: I dont think it was verbal abuse, I think he just made a bad joke and then tried to make up for it afterwards.... (read in full...)
I feel like there is no way out of this!
Q. husband just wants to go to pub as soon as hes finished work does not spent time with kids just sits and drinks then falls asleep where ever he is ,we don't go any where together any more ,he does not help with house work. he has a hold of the ...
A. 6 September 2013: I agree 100% with WiseOwlE.
This man has you exactly where he wants you and nothing will change unless you change it (or he finds someone else)
I also don't understand how you work, but don't have any money of your own? Does he take your money ... (read in full...)
I sent a male friend a topless photo of myself and the guilt has been eating me up ever since
Q. hi.. so i'm stumped and feeling guilty. i've been with my boyfriend since i was 17 years old. i'm now about to be 22. he's my first real boyfriend and i love him to pieces. the reason why i came to this site, is because in early 2011, my best friend ...
A. 6 September 2013: Well he obviously doesn't have the picture anymore so your boyfriend probably won't ever find out. We all do stupid stuff, but seems like you learned your lesson. Don't beat yourself up about it because you cannot change the past.
If your boyfrien... (read in full...)
Should I ask my girlfriend if she enjoys sex?
Q. Lately after sex with my girlfriend i have been asking her if she enjoyed it or if she had fun. Is this bad? And i don't know why i started asking her that. Maybe i feel like she does not enjoy it? By me asking would that make her less attracted to ...
A. 6 September 2013: It can be annoying if a guy constantly asks you if you enjoyed sex, it makes each love making session like a test and evaluation and sometimes people just want to enjoy the moment and keep their thoughts to themselves.
Turn the tables..... (read in full...)
Why would he ask me if I would be a good girl while he's gone out of the country?
Q. What does it mean when your man goes away on a trip and asks you if you will be a good girl while he is away? Is he worried I will fool around while he is gone? Is he trying to make sure I don't? What do you all think?...
A. 6 September 2013: I think it was probably a throw away comment and you should just forget it. People often say 'Be good' when they say goodbye, it's just something people say!
Unless of course you have cheated on him in the past, then obviously you are giving t... (read in full...)
He isn't well off financially and spends most of his time with his children. This things bother me. How should I feel?
Q. Hi Everyone, I have been in a relationship with a man for about 7 months. I really do love spending time with him, we have a lot in common and we get along very well. He is funny, fun-loving, smart, understanding, reflective, and I find him very ...
A. 6 September 2013: I think you are in a relationship with someone who is incompatible with your lifestyle.
It's annoying when we meet someone really great but they just so happen to have a crappy or akward lifestyle, or are busy with kids or work...but that is life.... (read in full...)
This guy I have spoken to online is already pressuring me to do things
Q. I recently had a conversation with a guy online and he kept asking me for my email address and I told him that we just started chatting. The other guys get mad if you don't have Yahoo messenger or Skype. I'm tired of these guys getting mad at me an...
A. 5 September 2013: Online dating is not the best place to meet someone for a lasting relationship. There are a lot of perverts and creeps on the sites and they know just what to say to intimidate you into giving personal information.
I disagree with Cerberus... (read in full...)
Why is he being cruel? Is his ego just bruised?
Q. I was getting along well with this man, and even agreed to go on a date with him. He made it pretty clear he liked me as more than a friend, although nothing had ever happened between us that went beyond talking. The night before our date, a mutu...
A. 4 September 2013: Just another cheating idiot looking for an ego boost.
Glad you got away from him.... (read in full...)
I need help leaving my emotionally abusive boyfriend.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 and a half years and I want to leave him but I don't know how. In a sense I am frightened of what he'll do if we break up. About 2 years ago, we broke up for 4 months. I moved on and dated someone else,...
A. 3 September 2013: Domestic abuse is not just about hitting!
Manipulation, control, verbal abuse, controlling movements, blackmailing, threatening, pushing, shoving,keeping you short of money or not allowing you to see your friends and family (or making you feel gui... (read in full...)
I'm confused as to where my loyalties lie regarding friends!
Q. hi guys, just needing some advice regarding my best friend and an ex 'friend' of mine. Firstly i'm not a person that would ever expect my friends to choose between friends, but i'm confused as to where my best friends loyalty lies, loyalty is a big ...
A. 3 September 2013: Then tell her straight NOT to lie to you. If she's that good of a friend she will listen.... (read in full...)
Am I burdening my husband with my own fears and resentments?
Q. I’d love to help my husband with his family problems, but I fear that I may be projecting my own fears and resentments. Putting out a fire with gasoline. I feel so angry whenever these problems arise. I’m trying to see what my deeper issues ar...
A. 3 September 2013: Yes you are burdening your husband with your own fears and resentment, whether you have issue to or not.
It seems neither of you come from a 'complete' or 'ideal' family dynamic but lets be honest, not many people do these days, what with divorce ... (read in full...)
I'm confused as to where my loyalties lie regarding friends!
Q. hi guys, just needing some advice regarding my best friend and an ex 'friend' of mine. Firstly i'm not a person that would ever expect my friends to choose between friends, but i'm confused as to where my best friends loyalty lies, loyalty is a big ...
A. 3 September 2013: I don't think there is much you can do. Your best friend may not have as bigger issues with the other friend that you don't like, so it's not really any of your business if she chooses to spend time with her (whether it's a secret or not)
She p... (read in full...)
I'm the older sister at the younger sister's wedding and I need advice on how to deal with the intrusive questions!
Q. My younger sister and her fiance are getting married in december, (interstate.) As well as their friends, and my brother and his family some extended family members,are also travelling to attend, its not a big wedding about 60 ppl. I am si...
A. 3 September 2013: I think it's sad when people are so small minded that they can only equate happiness and a fulfilled life only if there is a 'relationship'
I have been married and I have been divorced for some 9 years. Whilst married I was fulfilling other pe... (read in full...)
He's moved back in with an ex and says he needs to spend days or weeks without me so he can miss me. Huh?
Q. A man and woman have been living together on and off for four years; the man moved out a year ago, however they have maintained contact and have stated they both want to work on the relationship and renew it.. the man had no place to go (he has no ...
A. 3 September 2013: He's doing exactly what she asked for...having sex with you but going home to her.
He is emotionally invested in her, you are just there for the sex.
Remove yourself, because nothing good can come from this.
(Not bad for a low life who doesn... (read in full...)
Why would a married man flirt with an employee if his marriage is secure?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice so here goes..one of my managers at work constantly plays and jokes around with me unlike with any other employee..for example.. he makes sexual comments..he has given me a tight side hug..he gives me compliments ...
A. 3 September 2013: Smart woman...leave the rat in his sewer. He obviously has a problem, lets hope it bites him in the arse!!... (read in full...)
He needs space, I am giving him that but worry he will forget me.
Q. Thanks for reading in advance. My bf and I have had a great relationship for the past 4 months. We had a small argument over text two weeks ago. I didn't know if we were broken up or not. We have declared our love for one another and have ...
A. 3 September 2013: He isn't an emotional abuser...he just wants you out of his life but is avoiding telling you (most people will avoid the actual 'I dont want to see you anymore', they will throw up clouds of confusion, get annoyed, be mysterious, ask for ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to text a FWB every day?
Q. I am recently out of a relationship, but I would still like to find a guy to have a no strings attached kind of relationship. I have met this person I think. I think he may actually care about me which is great and makes me only not sure what is ...
A. 2 September 2013: Ahhh Sage, I am not a guy but sometimes I wish I was. Sadly I have learned from experience. I hate to tar all with the same brush but sadly the odds of finding a decent guy who won't play this particular game are slim and its much harder as you get ... (read in full...)
How do you get over the one that first broke your heart?
Q. I have been asking this question to myself, over and over for a long time now. When I think I found an answer, something else comes up and places me back where I do not want to be. We were together for 10 years. We were going to be married....
A. 2 September 2013: Ten years is a huge chunk of your life, but it does not compare to the remaining 40 or 50 years of your life remaining.
You have experienced what almost everyone else has...a bad relationship where you got hurt, yours just probably went on for a... (read in full...)
Why would a married man flirt with an employee if his marriage is secure?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice so here goes..one of my managers at work constantly plays and jokes around with me unlike with any other employee..for example.. he makes sexual comments..he has given me a tight side hug..he gives me compliments ...
A. 2 September 2013: I also want to add:
Why do married men cheat?...Because there are always willing fools like you out there to allow them to do it. If all women said NO to married men, we wouldn't have the problem.... (read in full...)
Why would a married man flirt with an employee if his marriage is secure?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice so here goes..one of my managers at work constantly plays and jokes around with me unlike with any other employee..for example.. he makes sexual comments..he has given me a tight side hug..he gives me compliments ...
A. 2 September 2013: You like the attention but you don't want the drama????
You are flirting and conversing with a married man for christs sake...what do you thinks going to happen???
Stop fooling yourself, you want him, plain and simple and you are going to tel... (read in full...)
He needs space, I am giving him that but worry he will forget me.
Q. Thanks for reading in advance. My bf and I have had a great relationship for the past 4 months. We had a small argument over text two weeks ago. I didn't know if we were broken up or not. We have declared our love for one another and have ...
A. 2 September 2013: I am assuming his ex and his kids were part of 'his deal' when he met you, so he can hardly use that as an excuse to ask for space now!! OK his father's ill but again, no reason to exclude you or not let you know what's going on if he really loved ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to text a FWB every day?
Q. I am recently out of a relationship, but I would still like to find a guy to have a no strings attached kind of relationship. I have met this person I think. I think he may actually care about me which is great and makes me only not sure what is ...
A. 2 September 2013: I don't think you know what you are getting yourself into.
The biggest lie women tell themselves is that they are OK with no-strings sex and they WON'T get attached.
It's actually almost impossible for a woman to have sex and NOT form an atta... (read in full...)
My ex says he wants me back, I love him but I'm afraid he'd hurt me again. How do I move on?
Q. My ex called after 4 months of break up. He dumped me and was very mean when he broke up with me. He said he misses me and still loves me. I'm always the one he wants to marry. I told him I'm not going to get back with him because he hurt me t...
A. 1 September 2013: He's probably bored and horny, four months is about the mark for loneliness to set in and for a person to discover that it's not always so great on the other side of the fence. Don't get sucked in unless he's battering your door down on bended knee ... (read in full...)
Broke up with BF but think he was my soulmate
Q. Broke up with my ex bf over 6 months ago (we were together 5 years) because we had different lifestyles and he wasn't there for me when I needed him to be. I know breaking up was the right choice but I miss him so much now. He's haunting my thoughts ...
A. 1 September 2013: It's a common assumption that it is possible to have a soul mate but not be in a relationship with them. Some people even find a soul mate with someone of the same sex and it has nothing to do with sex or romance.
Its obvious that your relation... (read in full...)
Is it ok to text a FWB every day?
Q. I am recently out of a relationship, but I would still like to find a guy to have a no strings attached kind of relationship. I have met this person I think. I think he may actually care about me which is great and makes me only not sure what is ...
A. 1 September 2013: FWB is just a casual hook up. I think it's usual just to text to arrange a time and place...there isn't really any need to get friendly, chatty or involved because it's just about sex. If the guy just wants you for sex, he probably only wants to ... (read in full...)
How much will it cost per month to have a girlfriend? Outings,gas, gifts, clothes? I need to factor the cost into my budget
Q. How much does a girlfriend cost per month? Do not bother replying if you say "priceless" or "too much" as those sayings are far too old and a scapegoat. Women, don't bother replying with bs that you are free, and don't tell me that you always pay ...
A. 1 September 2013: On paper you could budget as much or as little as you want on a girlfriend but I doubt any woman would want a relationship with you if you are so cold calculating and cut throat about the whole thing. You say women never pay for themselves...this is ... (read in full...)
What can I do to publicly turn him on to the point where he just can't stand it anymore?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend is the sweetest guy ever. I so glad that I found him when I did.. Every girl in my town wants him, he makes music, art and he makes everyone around him feel amazing! He's leaving for University in three days and we are going to a ...
A. 1 September 2013: Excuse me for saying so but you come across as very naive and immature.
We get that you think he's the bees knees but why do you have to turn him on publicly?...wouldn't that be a little embarrassing for the guy when he's still a virgin?.... (read in full...)
We had a fight and now I have to beg for sex but its been a month!
Q. Dear Cupid I am with my bf for 3 years, we had our ups and downs. Currently i live 3 hours drive from him cause of work, will be going back in max 6 months. A month back we went for a weekend trip, it was a diaster as he was hanging out in...
A. 1 September 2013: Some men get really hung up on how a woman acts or dresses when she is out, even though women are entitled to act and dress however they wish. He obviously saw something in you that night which he didn't like and now he is punishing you...even ... (read in full...)
Am I going to lose my husband to his female business partner?
Q. I think my husband is in love with his female friend of 2 years. I think I should be worried. I check the phone bill and her number is almost the only one on it that he calls and he calls often. They talk for hours every day. This is strange becau...
A. 1 September 2013: I think sometimes we cannot see what is blatantly staring us in the face because we get 'love blinded'
To be honest, all the signs are there and if he hasn't cheated yet, there is a good chance that he is thinking about it and the fact he is getti... (read in full...)
Normal to miss my ex so much?
Q. I am feeling so terribly empty in my life and wondering if this is normal. I was in a marriage for almost two decades and went through a divorce that I did not want. For some years after the divorce I felt free of the problems that led to the ...
A. 26 August 2013: I think you are right! Now things are more happy and settled, your mind has allowed thoughts and feelings to resurface and you are having to deal with them.
When you were going through all the troubles with your ex, you probably shut down a little... (read in full...)
Guys are attracted but never want to date me or have a relationship. Could this guy be different?
Q. I just recently got a text from a guy who I use to chat with online. We use to talk all the time. One of our conversations led to phone sex and he told me that we would look good together. One day I noticed that he had closed his account. So I ...
A. 25 August 2013: I agree, I think you are choosing the wrong guys. Too young, too far away and you are going right in with the sex before you even met them...it's no wonder you cannot find a guy to stick with you.
Also referring to yourself as a girl? You are in m... (read in full...)
Nothing has been said since I reminded her of her sexual past, should I bring it back up?
Q. I am upset over something but don’t have the right to be. I posted last hear on Dear cupid and got some good feed back. Let me explain and get your reaction. I have suffered from retroactive jealousy for a number of years. I realize the p...
A. 25 August 2013: I think that there is nothing anyone here can say to help you.
Your issues are massive and controlling your life and what is 'normal' for some people apparently is not normal for you.
A trained psychotherapist may be able to unravel why it i... (read in full...)
Any advice for swinging? I feel jealous of the rapport between my b/f and the female
Q. My boyfriend and I have had a few "swinging" encounters and we want to continue in the lifestyle. I enjoy being with other women without a doubt. Once I am in the heat of the moment I also enjoy being with other men. The problem is that the last ...
A. 23 August 2013: Maybe have a pre arranged talk with your husband about boundaries and let him know how you feel. Like with most sexual fetishes, a safe word should be used and this goes for feelings also.
I am assuming that with the swinging that everyone... (read in full...)
We discussed a FWB relationship but now he's running hot and cold!
Q. I have a coworker who's been hot and cold with me for about a year now. The past month, he's come on strong, being very physical and sexual. I would like to have a friends with benefits situation with him. I'm single, and not interested in a ...
A. 23 August 2013: If this is messing with your head NOW, I can tell you lady that you are not strong enough to bear a friends with benefits arrangement at all...AT ALL!!!
It's a very bad idea to get caught up with men just for sex, you will end up feeling used and... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any insight into the communication (or lack of) in this relationship?
Q. I met a man through my brother in law. My father recently died and this man is selling the house I inherited. We started communicating through facebook for a week. Last week , he drove three hours to meet me. We had a pleasant time. The weather was ...
A. 22 August 2013: I agree with Honey...he came out to meet you but, for him, it's not going to happen, maybe because he's not into you.
Stop texting him, finish up your business with him with no fuss and then move on. If a man isn't into you, communication will be ... (read in full...)
He says he wants to see me and then backs out every time! What is with him?
Q. I met a guy a few months ago. He started texting me me a short while after. Our texts became pretty steamy. But he seems to go hot and cold. He says he wants to meet up. Three attempts have been made and he chickens out. Late Friday night he texte...
A. 19 August 2013: Call him up and ask him:
'Why do you keep dropping me when we agree to meet up?'
Just ask him, or are you scared it will chase him off?
Something fishy going on here and just because he's messaging you at 3am, it doesn't mean he isn't in... (read in full...)
Why do I still feel sad, miss him and think about him?
Q. After three months of breakup, my ex contacted me saying he misses me and still loves me. He dumped me without giving me any explanation. A month after we broke up, i asked him for closure and he told me i was clingy, insecure and controlling (we ...
A. 17 August 2013: I think I'd be tempted to ask him why he's back if he thought you were clingy, insecure and controlling...thats not the kind of thing people say to their 'one'. You didnt trust the guys so I doubt he was your 'one' either.
Sometimes people j... (read in full...)
What do I do?! Do I just pack up and mosey on or wait it out or what?!
Q. About a month ago I started dating this guy from work. Things were going really well. We actually started forming a relationship quite quickly. I would hang at his house all the time. I met his family and closest friends. Things were going great... ...
A. 10 August 2013: I agree, you should just quit it and walk away. He's probably thinking he had a lucky escape and its a shame you work together because you will probably be forever known as the 'Crazy Lady' (guys talk ya' know)
Do damamge limitation and back off... (read in full...)
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