A
female
age
51-59,
*atheriner
writes:I need help my new relationship confuses the hell out of me!I have been seeing someone for four months and I don't get my relationship!. I've been divorced twice have three kids. I started seeing my little boys friends Dad in January he split with his Partner a year ago. At the time he was waiting to move back into the family house after having bought his ex Partner out. Their relationship was chaos to say the least. I had always had their kids over to play as I used to live on the same street as them but didn't know either of the mum and dad that well at that stage. We started chatting when I collected his Son for my Sons birthday. When we started seeing each other he said he had planned to move into his house work and look after the kids not meet someone and that was the way I had felt. But we got on really well and he ended up coming back to mine every night to stay for the last three months. His Ex sent me lots of abuse stating it was sick that I was seeing my Sons friends Father despite the fact that she had cheated on my boyfriend with her current Partner she also told me to stay away from her kids!. A few times whilst he was staying at mine he let me down when we were supposed to go out with my friends or my kids he went out with his friends and he said he would help my Dad with the fence at my house but he didn't turn up despite me helping him. During the time we spent together at mine initially he constantly told me he loved me was affectionate attentive. Then the opportunity arose for him to move back into his house which he did and he changed he started telling me just before he moved that I shouldn't make plans and not to say I love you too much because it becomes meaningless. I am an affectionate person so I found that hard. He stopped texting me as much in the day saying he was busy. He never came up early to see me in the evenings even when he could he still goes to his Mums every night for dinner even when I ask him to mine he usually says I'm going up my Mums. He turns up about 9pm and after a couple of hours we go to bed and he leaves for work at 6 am. We occasionally do things with the kids but Im wary about him leaving them with me until his ex gets used to us being together. Now he needs to work seven days a week to keep the big house he bought from his ex. He asked me to take my kids to his on a Friday night to stay overnight he would need to go to work at 6 am and be home at two pm. I said I couldn't as Id have to make my three kids sleep in his house then get them all (five kids) back to mine by 10 am on a sat so my ex can pick the oldest two up. Sat is the only day of the week I have any time to myself I have three kids work full time I get no financial help from my ex at all and often have to work very late as I balance work with my three year old. I would help anyone but I still had doubts about looking after his kids as his ex would go mad too and she may say I hurt the kids or something let alone the way he had been acting towards me. If I did it once that would be it Id be committed. He got really funny saying why should she rule him not seeing how difficult it was for me let alone how dangerous she is. He asked his Mum in the end. Since that he has been on and off with me. He said his mates at work were having bets on when Id move in with him I said we need a long time seeing each other as it wouldn't be right for our kids or us to rush in. I confronted him the other night as I don't want to wake up every day feeling like I don't know where I stand and he said he had doubts about us where we were going to end up/ whether his ex would ever settle with us/ whether it was too soon for him after his ex/ whether our kids were too young for us to get any time together! He did apologise a few days later and said he had treated me badly he took me out for lunch and has texted me a bit more but not much has changed. I don't get what's going on in his head
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at work, cheated on my boyfriend, divorce, his ex, I love you, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (29 May 2013):
 Looks like he has all the bases covered; Mum cooks every night for him; he sees you as an instant baby-sitter until you object, you keep the mattress warm between 9pm-6am while he works 7 days a week to pay off HIS big happy future, since he’s back in his home he can now withdraw affection and conveniently scratch his head when he has doubts about it all being too soon etc. Well of course it’s all too soon and how can anyone possibly manage a relationship with working 7 days a week? His priority is elsewhere and everyone is slotted into their place while he figures out what’s going on in himself.Ditto; he needs a friend, but without the complications of a girlfriend/relationship, cause you’ll only get further confused or messed up from this situation.Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 May 2013):
 I agree, he's too soon out of a relationship, probably don't know which way is up at the moment and got involved with you to fill a 'gap'...now he's doing a 180 and giving confusing messages and actions so you will end things.
I also think he cares...but he is considering his options and what is best for his situation and he probably needs a lot more space to sort his life out.
Don't feel hurt, he isn't in the right place to give you what you want and probably will have changed his mind by the time he is in the right place.
Stay friends if you can bear it but don't expect much more, because it looks like there isn't more available.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Hi
I think he's confused too, he is newly single, working all hours and has the children to see.
I feel he needs a friend more than a wife or girlfriend. A FWB arrangement.
If you want more then he isn't for you just now.He cares but his hands are full and he knows it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): I honestly believe that you should back off of this one. He has way too much emotional baggage and he is sending mixed emotions. He is fresh out of a relationship and he is not in the right head space. The baby mama drama isn't going to stop anytime soon. I think you should cool your jets and don't put all your eggs in a basket on this one. Leave your options open. Best wishes.
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