A
male
age
41-50,
*night9111
writes:Dear Cupid,Great longing and an aching heart for someone far away brought me to you tonight. I look towards the wisdom and divinity of dearcupid.org to lean on. First, I will get right to the point, then provide support details and describe the internal struggle. Right to the point: I have foolishly fallen in love with a woman who lives far from me in Eastern Europe.I think of her often, occasionally to distraction, and the memories we shared always linger. Although I want nothing more than a chance for this relationship to develop further, she is geographically undesirable and it is best if I move on. How do I move on? How do I minimize these feelings? (Note: feelings have been reciprocated, this is not unrequited)The details: We met in a beautiful, picturesque, and romantic medieval town at a wedding -she, the maid of honor and I the best man. She was a gorgeous and elegant woman with the most radiant blue eyes that could trap a man's gaze and bring him to his knees. After the wedding we began spending more and more time together (7days). We bonded and recognized great potential in our relationship and we begged the universe for more time together for it to bloom. On the last day together we got into a preposterous argument. Sadly and very reluctantly I returned to the U.S and forced myself to move on.It's been over a year since we were last together. My life is active and I've dated other women. Even though her memories lingered with me, I hoped a busy life and another woman would make me forget. Forgetting hasn't happened.We have kept in touch over the months exchanging pictures of each other, flirting, nothing too deep besides recognition of great potential. Our mutual friends lament the situation stating that it is to bad we don't live in the same city. I have an internal struggle -I ache to see her. I consider flying back over, tell her everything and I'm confident she would love it. Words can fall flat and I prefer addressing all matters of the heart in person. My problem is this, if this were to happen, where do you go from there? I'm a realist, practical and love over long distance is complex and the odds of success are not favorable. I'd love to see where this goes, but the distance seems so impractical. Lastly, this is the first time I've turned to the internet for advice. I've harbored these intense emotions. I feel so foolish for developing these feelings for someone so far away and only spending 1 week with her.I'm confused and bereft. Come on Cupid! Thanks everyone for listening,-Distantly in Love
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flirt, long distance, move on, the internet, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Knight9111 +, writes (30 September 2009):
Knight9111 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Thank you to everyone who responded to this post! I found your advice insightful, encouraging and very helpful. You are great people! Another word of thanks to those who shared personal stories of their own.
I truly appreciate this.
Best regards,
Knight9111
A
female
reader, L*  +, writes (29 September 2009):
you have very strong feelings towards this woman but before you act on them make sure that she feels the same way about you. If you both want to take a chance on your relationship, then one of you would need to move into the other's country/visit each other regularly. You won't know if she's the love of your life if you won't try....LDR's usually don't work but that's because one (or both) of the partners are not totally committed to one another. If BOTH partners want to be together, then distance will not stop them.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Long distance is definitely an obstacle to relationships. I have always thought that a "long distance relationship" is an oxymoron. However, if there is something real between you two, which you would regret if you didn't try to pursue to see what it could be, then you need to go for it definitely. However, this means that you need to live together, to see what it would be like. Otherwise, there is no way to take this to the next level. So one of you needs to leave their country and go to the other country, or else alternate between countries, or somehow find more time to be together. You don't really get to know a person and bond truly until you live with them for a while. This is why it is imperative to spend more actual physical time together. So, if in the name of love, you are willing to make a locational sacrifice, or even better if in the name of love BOTH of you would be willing to make a locational sacrifice, then please go for it. In the end, home is where the heart is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009):
I would love to share this with you.
I faced the same situation almost a year ago.
I am an Indian girl and he is a British guy.We are both around 25 and met last year in India.We were attracted to each other and got along really well.He had to go back to London.There was a distance of 4500 miles between us.We stayed in touch by msn/phone calls.We talked to each other everyday.Whatever happened between us is hard to explain but we felt this affinity.We cared so much for each other.It was impossible to imagine my life without him. Whenever he was away on his unscheduled flights and we couldn't talk to each other...we felt that our relation got stronger cuz of the distance.We feel for each other in all ways-physical,emotional.We met recently and he told me that he wants to marry me.We are getting married soon.
To be honest,I thought about cutting contact after 1 or 2 weeks.I had my doubts.The only reason was the distance.I even talked to him about this.But then I decided to listen to my heart.I could imagine a future with him though we don't belong to same country/religion/culture/profession.
Every couple is different.But I have found my soulmate by taking risk of being left with a broken heart.It wasn't easy in the beginning.I didn't want his heart to be broken if it didn't work out.But it was a risk worth taking.The chance of love is worth the risk of a broken heart.
Hope my experience helps you in some way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): The answer is very simple. If you don't bet you wont win. What is it that is so important in your life that keeps you in the US? Go to her. At least for more time to discover who she is, and what you have. Invite her to visit you in return. And then one day, move. At these times you must set your priorities. What comes first? Love? Or the security of things known at your home? Or your career maybe?
I also love someone far away, and if he doesn't move here within a year, Im moving to him. There's nothing that will keep me away. Distance can be covered, and where there's a will there's a way.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (29 September 2009):
 You are truly stuck because the relationship exists in a romantic, idealized world rather than reality.
The only way to make it a reality is either she comes here, or you go there. Extreme sacrifice of one of your current lives a must. And, a quick decision to get married in order to remain w/ each other.
How to get to know one another more in person?
Is there an American company close to her country that you could get a job?
Can you afford to take the necessary time off and be there? E. Europe is very cheap. Go in and out of the country to keep visa active.
Her here?
Will she come here? She obviously speaks english, get her a job somplace on a work visa. My wife's Romanian cousin got a job at a Chic Fil-A run by a Romanian. She spent an entire summer here. Whatever her nationality, find a business owned by same nationality and get her a job.
I would ask her first if she would be willing to move to the states in the future (unless you want to live there.) If not, then its doomed.
I wouldn't rush there to tell her ( I know you will anyway.) Check Vonage, they have added E. European countries in their unlimited plan or find another phone plan. If you get to know her better, you may find that she is more an ideal in your mind rather than a reality. It is possible to find this out through a long distance relationship.
Both of you need to be on the same page, aware of all the things that must be done by both in order for this to work. I would not commit until all things were understood and agreed upon. And, wow, those are some major things.
The cards are stacked against you, but...............
This could be the love of your life. The greatest fulfillment you will ever have. If you don't try, it will bug you till the day you die. If there was a chance, I would do it.
If there is a reason why this will never work out, identify it early so you don't waste anymore time, and yes, you will always have this ideal in your mind. You can vent the pain through a muse if you are so inclined. Time will eventually fade it.
This is really stretching a bit, but if this doesn't work out, maybe date a woman in your area of the same nationality as this girl. Hey, you never know. I am drawing at straws here and will stop.
Best of Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): I think rcn has made some great points, and I think that I too would rather struggle to overcome the obstacles, rather than spend forever thinking "what if?".
I also wanted to add that I don't think your feelings are foolish at all. You have fallen in love with this woman. It happened. So what's next? It is difficult, but I believe that these things can be overcome. Maybe if you try and develop a clear plan, a way forward with this woman, it might help.
I have developed feelings from someone who lives very far away too. Every day, those feelings seem to grow stronger. And I've never even met the person physically! So can you imagine how foolish I feel? But from my experience of this, we don't choose it. I know I certainly didn't. I was quite happy as I was, but this has just happened. I'm kind of scared about it too, as there are so many questions, but like I said, I don't think we choose who we care about, who we love.
Perhaps it is impractical, but why not give it a try? If it just seems too unrealistic, then at least you would have tried. But to give up before giving things a real shot, just because of all these doubts...you could be missing out on a wonderful opportunity.
I really hope things work out well for both of you, and that this seemingly impossible situation becomes possible. x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 September 2009):
 You don't hear many true romance stories as this one. I believe in true love. I also believe it's not always found in your backyard. Your conflicted because, although from your speech you're intelligent, your mind is fighting with feelings. A song from the REO Speedwagon, "I can't fight this feeling."
As I said, you're intelligent, but I want you to stop thinking and analyzing. Actually, think this thought, "I couldn't possibly have feelings for her." Now tell me if that changed the way you feel. Why? It's like the saying, "truth will prevail" That thought is an untruth, while your feelings are of absolute truth.
Long distance is certainly more difficult than a local relationship, but if you really love her, wouldn't a difficulty be an obstacle to overcome, and not an excuse to move on. Remember, feelings are truth, therefore, replacing with another woman won't change the way you feel about this lady.
Answer this two part question. To you, is she and the way you feel worth (1) overcoming obstacles or (2) living with the nagging feeling of "what if?" If I were to choose, I'm more into overcoming obstacles than I am at choosing to live with regret.
I hope this helps and that either way you make the decision that's best for you. Take care.
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