A
female
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anonymous
writes:Everytime my b/f and I have an argument, instead of us calmly discussing what went wrong and solving it like two mature adults, he starts shouting at the top of his lungs, trying shift the blame to someone other than himself, and then when he can't win by using this strategy, he starts yelling profanities and tells me I should just "get out of his life". Later when he calms down he realizes how wrong this behavior is and feels horrible about the things he has said during the fight. But why is he so extreme? I don't react because I know he doesn't really mean these things but they are hurtful just the same. I guess not all people know how to "negotiate" during a fight, so they don't fight fair. He pulls out all the stops even when it's a trivial issue, and then later looks move foolish later. You'd think he would learn from this, but he seems incapable of doing so. Do all men fight like this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
No, not all men do. But men who are not suitable certainly fight like this. I think you would be better to get out of this relationship. He is abusing you and shifting blame onto everyone else but himself. Find a better guy. They are out there. This guy will only hurt you.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Let me ask this, "Do all women stay with abusive men?" He's shifting blame, so apparently hasn't reached a level of maturity to accept responsibility for his actions.
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(I apologize, I didn't mean to submit the comment. And although this question includes taking responsibility, my early submission was not to prove a point or meant to be construed as part of the actual answer.)
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Okay, back to what I was saying. lol This behavior, which not all men do, can be woven in his actual personality or learned. Either way it presents an issue, and always a slight possibility where if not worked on could last for year and years.
What you need to decide is if you're willing to continue being treated this way. How long before you want to solve issues as an adult with someone who chooses to do the same? Take his advise and "get out of his life." From my view, he apologizes, so??? you shouldn't be talked to that way in the first place. This is a form of verbal abuse. What if a girl was punched, broken nose, jaw, missing teeth or whatever may happen, and she told you, "It's okay, he felt bad, he apologized." What would you tell her? Whatever your answer is, I'm telling you that with the mental abuse. You said it hurts. Well, you're scars will last longer than the punch.
You need to set boundaries of how you are willing to be treated. It's up to you to decide what you accept and what you don't. When you do, DO NOT COMPROMISE THEM, stand firm, demand to be treated good, ro tell them "see ya" Being treated good is up to you, and if I were you, I'd decide to start now.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 September 2009):
Let me ask this, "Do all women stay with abusive men?" He's shifting blame, so apparently hasn't reached a level of maturity to accept responsibility for his actions.
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