A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 2 years raped me and i dont know what to do..I was asleep and he was out, when he came he woke me up and he said things I didnt understand,i could smell alcohol in his breath, the next thing I know he was on top of me and I kept asking him what he was doing, to stop! but he took my shorts off and ripped my shirt. I cried and screamed, and I kicked him but he was so strong, he pinned me to the bed he hit me on my face he raped me and it hurt so bad,afterwards I just layed there didnt move and I was bleeding, I was in some kind of shock but than I started to cry and he told me to shut the fuck up! he needed to sleep... the next morning he told me that he was really sorry, that he was drunk and didnt know what he was doing.. that he'd never do it again... I dont know what to do.. maybe he is right and it wasnt his fault...pls help..what should I do...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): There is NO excuse for what he did. Drunk or not, it's still completely wrong. He could have chosen not to drink and get that drunk, for one thing. But had he been drunk or sober, doesn't matter, it's still wrong, and is still COMPLETELY his fault. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Please know that you did nothing wrong, no matter how he tries to spin it what he did was wrong, and illegal, not to mention incredibly horrible to do to anyone, let alone someone you allegedly care about.You NEED to leave him. Don't let him think that he can do this type of thing and then apologize and make everything okay. Yes, mistakes happen, but he needs to realize there are consequences for what he does, so that he doesn't do it to someone else again.Not only that, I sincerely believe you need to report him to the police. For your own saftey, and the safety of others he could do this to. People fall into the trap of thinking "If it happens again, THEN I'll do something" but that can't happen. What if next time it's worse, or he does it to someone else? Never let those types of actions go unpunished. You need to protect yourself, even when it's a hard decision to make.I hope this helps some, and if you need to talk or anything, please don't hesitate to message me. I hope things get better, that you stay safe, and be sure to get yourself checked out to make sure there's no sereve damage. We're all here to help, you can talk to any of us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Alchohol does not turn men into rapists. Your boyfriend clearly has a problem and is into control and abuse towards you. This is your one warning flag, end this relationship now and tell him to stay away from you forever. File a restraining order against him so you can have him arrested if he comes near you again.
I also would consider pressing charges against him for rape. Further, you really need to talk to a therapist about the trauma that you experienced at his hands to help you process all of this. It was in no way your fault nor should you feel guilty for breaking it off with him.
The next time he could put you in the hospital and there will be a next time guarantee it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): No matter how drunk you get you still have some sort of recollection of what you're doing. He may have been drunk but i'm sure he knew it was wrong. I can't say whether he intended to do this or not but he should NEVER have hit you or spoke to you like that and when you said no he should have stopped. I'd leave him or suggest he get counseling and stop drinking, it sounds like he is aggressive and I'd be concerned for what he may do when he's sober.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): You can't stay with this guy, he is clearly unhinged to be able to do this sort of thing (drunk or not, it doesn't make any difference). What he did was wrong and I'm honestly so sorry that you had to go through that, I can imagine that you are extremely confused. Don't stay with him though, I'd tell a close friend or family member what he did so that you have someone to talk to about it. Good luck, xx
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 September 2009):
 I'd end it. He hit you, told you to shut the f**k up, tore your shirt. This was not play, and is absolutely not allowed. Is this the first time he drank alcohol? If not, he knows how he gets under the influence, so that can't be used as any kind of an excuse for his actions. And people who do these things tend to be controlling and possibly violent in other areas too. Dating or not, rape is rape, and you don't deserve it. If he goes out drinking again, this may happen again, and alcohol as being his excuse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): i'm so sorry for what happened to you. what your boyfriend did was show you that he has no respect for you or your feelings. though he may have been drunk, he can't blame what he did all on alcohol. under no circumstances should he hit you, hurt you like that or talk to you in that way. personally, i would not be able to trust him again for doing something so hurtful to me and i will always be afraid of him as i will know what he is capable of. i can't decide for you but i would say think long and hard if you really want to be with a guy who would treat you like that. hopefully your answer is no. good luck sweetie
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