A
female
age
36-40,
*utterfly22
writes:I have a serious problem that is causing havoc in my relationship. I have been lying to my boyfriend about money being spent and not telling him about it, taking things like my cell phone without asking him if i can use it and taking him for granted. I lie because i am scared of his reaction if i do tell him the truth because either way he will get angry over the situation. He likes to hold grudges against me over things that happened several years ago and it would be over the dumbest things. How can i stop lying to him and regain his trust. He wants to leave me but i want to make a conscious effort to make the relationship work. Do you have any strategies for me to overcome this serious problem?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Yea, dump the boyfriend. If you can't spend some money, or take your own cell phone, and if he gets angry over little things, this isn't at all you taking him for granted, this is his abnormal control over what is appropriate and not for you to do.
Let me take a wild guess here. It's okay for him to do the same things he gets mad at you for doing, and doesn't feel he has to ask permission to do them. Does that sound about right? He's not your boss, owner or keeper. Has no right to tell you what to do and what not to. You know, the girl I'm marrying doesn't have to tell me not to cheat for me to not do it. I love her and respect her, so I just don't. Just as I don't have to ask her permission to do something for her to know whatever I do, I'm remaining faithful to her.
So, is this relationship really a healthy one to be in? or is the foundation fear and control?
A
female
reader, mattie90 +, writes (29 September 2009):
 ok first off why in the world why would you have to ask to use your won cell phone thats just dumb in my book and it sounds like hes controlling you which isnt good at all. i got out of a relationship about 5 months ago because he was controlling but i didnt notice it until about 2 months before we broke up because i was as people say all the time blinded by love. i say screw him you can find someone better that wont make you feel guilty all the time. and with the whole lying thing if you start a new realationship you wont have to worry about that.
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