A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think i know what people will advise but its better that i hear it from other people and their views. I joined a dating site 4 month ago met a man had a few dates then he decided he wanted to be single he had split from his girlfriend 5 months earlier. i couldnt be bothered to go back on this dating site as ive been on and off for a few years and its always been a fail. The man i had the dates with said he does like me in that way as i do him its just the timing and he doesnt want me to delete his number. Recently over the last 3-4 week ive noticed i do all the messaging first, maybe once or twice a week at the most so for the past 2 week i have only sent him a quick hi message. I have a feeling hes just holding on incase hes ready at some point but this is wasting my time and im starting to think should i delete him and not say anything. Should i point out im always messaging first and why does he have my number if he never uses it ( im more of a talker to find things out ) or should i just delete him without saying anything ( i doubt he would even notice ) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2019): Block ! Delete ! Move On ! Don’t go back on the site - put your energy in taking up a new hobby where you can meet people face to face. Your obviously sociable and pleasant and deserve better than that creep.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2019): No need to state the obvious. Our first inclination is to give people a piece of our minds or tell them what-for due to hurt pride. You owe him nothing. No explanations, no admonitions...nothing!
Block, delete, and move on! That speaks for itself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 September 2019):
 Yes, block his number, then delete and move on.
He wants you as a "back up" in case he doesn't find what he wants. Don't do that to yourself.
And yes, he might LIKE you, but he doesn't want to date you. So if you are looking to be dating, HE isn't the one for you.
Like Aunty Cindy says, if he IS NOT ready to day why is he on a dating site going on dates? Sounds like he either ISN'T really single or that he is not really wanting to date.
You can either let this guy WASTE your time or just move on. The longer you spend talking to this one, the more opportunities you miss out on meeting someone who Is worth your time.
And if that dating-site is full of duds, try something else.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 September 2019):
 Yes, he has you on hold. Delete him and yell out NEXT!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 September 2019):
 Telling someone that the timing is off is a polite way of saying you’re not the one. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. No ifs, ands or buts.
Delete and move on, you’re wasting your time here.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2019):
 Yes, I think you should. My guess is that he is keeping you on the back burner, waiting to see how things proceed with other candidates, and if things don't pan out for him, ... just in case, he always has got your number.
He sounds insincere ( or diplomatic, it depends from one's point of view ), I mean, if he is not ready to date after his break up, and wants to be single…. then what was he doing on a dating site !, wasting everybody's time ?. Perhaps it could be that he tried dating, °then° he realized he prefers being single atm - but that would only go to show how he does not think things through and is too impulsive for a man his age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2019): Of course the aunts are also right but I think another option is keep him on your friends list but don't initiate any contact yourself. Let him initiate if he is interested at the same time keep your options open. There is plenty other fish in the sea.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (19 September 2019):
 What do YOU want to do? This is YOUR life. WHY is it better that you hear it from other people? They are not living your life.
That said, I will tell you what I think. Timing is crucial in relationships and, if this guy is telling the truth and just doesn't feel ready to date, then he just isn't ready. It may mean he will NEVER be ready. HOWEVER - and this is a big HOWEVER - I would have expected him to have come to that realization after the first date, rather than after a "few" dates.
I suspect he is just trying to keep you as a Plan B. In other words, he wants to keep his options open and, if he gets no better offers down the line, he may contact you again. OR he has decided that you are not right for him and just doesn't have the bottle to finish things properly, hoping you will just fade away if he doesn't contact you again.
Sweetheart, you deserve better. In your shoes, I would just not bother contacting him again. Sounds like you won't hear from him again if you don't make the effort. I am sure he WILL notice, but will he care? Sadly, it doesn't sound like it. Delete his number so you are not tempted to contact him again.
If the dating site you have been using is not working for you, try others.There is plenty of choice these days. You don't have to stick to one.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (19 September 2019):
 Delete ! He's not interested sweetie. If he is he would write to you everyday. Be the lady, always let men chase and do their job. Sit back and just relax ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2019): There’s no point in asking of course. He’s already told you he’s not ready and he’s now showing you by his actions that he’s not ready (by not taking initiative). What more do you need besides his words and actions? You don’t need to know the whys by pointing out the obvious to him (that you leep initiating), you just need to take his words and actions at face value and walk away.
Stop texting, messaging, talking to him. He’s the one who apparently has decided that things will go according to his plan and timing, so why are you hanging around! Move on and and if he wants, he knows where to find YOU.
Don’t waste anymore time on him. This situation is not healthy for you.
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