A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I recently started talking to someone in a friendly way , he lives in another city to me and asked me, if I am I going to keep him up an night if he stays at mine as I said id like to spend the night with him, im just wondering if he will have meant this in a sexual way as I don't want to rush things if anything happens and im slightly confused to what he may have meant if he did mean anything . Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2020): OP, it seems kind of strange to me, that at your age that you would be so naive as to not understand that asking a man over to your home because you want to spend the night, with him, would be taken as anything other than a sexual green light invitation. Also his question to you as to will you keep him up, all night? His double entendre is quite obvious: will you keep him up all night, as in awake all night? Then, will you keep him up all night, as in with an erection all night? It is very dangerous to have a virtual stranger come into your home, because you don t even know this man! You only know what this guy tells you. He may very well be a great guy, but he just could be a Jack The Ripper! Follow the advice of the Aunts! Meet him in a public place like a restaurant or a bowling alley, after the lock down. If he is a good and decent man, he will understand your caution! He will want to take you out on true dates, to public venues, and never be ashamed to be seen in public, with you! Be Safe n Have Fun!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (1 June 2020):
 I wonder why you didn't tell him you would like to spend some time getting to know him, or you would like to spend a DAY out with him, rather than telling him you would like to spend a night with him? I think the majority of guys would take this to mean you want to have sex with him.
You need to tell him you think you might have given him the wrong impression when you suggested spending a night together BEFORE you meet up.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (1 June 2020):
 He is not your pal. He sees sexual or romantic opportunity here. He may say he understands you want to take tings slow, or just want to be friends, but you knowing his interest and the fact that you've chosen to stick around equals hope in his mind.
He's not traveling out of town to visit a new buddy he hardly knows. He wouldn't do this for another man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2020): You're being very naive!
Of course that's what he meant.
Why is it you're inviting him to stay over please?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2020): Ask him what he meant. I had dates 50 years ago who spelled out her rules. Some didn't. But I sort of liked when they did. You knew not to go too far. Us guys are always thinking lets have sex, but I don't want to offend her. I found when there was sex on the first date she had a way of going there.
Give him your rules, you can always break your own rules -- or not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 June 2020):
 Look OP, you don't know the guy but you are inviting him to stay over night?
And if you are saying you want to go slow, inviting him to stay over AT your place - you NEED to spell that out or better yet, arrange DATES in the daytime that doesn't INVOLVE overnights.
He definitely thinks that "spending the night" means something more than just sleeping on your couch. Most people would make that presumption. Because for many sex is regarded as something casual.
Personally? I think you need to be more considerate of YOUR own safety when dating. You don't know this guy from Adam and you are inviting him to spend the night? And then you think that he will have read your mind and KNOW you are not offering or looking for sex when he spends the night?
Slow down. You NEED to take the time to GET to know this guy IN PERSON, which means GO on dates. Do things in public. Leave sex for when you BOTH are sure you want a relationship with each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2020): Did he mean it in a sexual way? Absolutely!
If you tell a man you'd like to spend the night with him, what do you think he's going to think YOU meant?
That's not exactly the way you initiate a courtship; if you want a guy to get to know you first. If sex is on a guy's mind from the start; getting to know you is secondary. If he bothers to at all! You've set yourself up for a "hit and run!"
I suggest you straighten him out, my dear!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2020): Have you ever met? Do you know him to be safe? He most certainly meant he wants sex and I expect that he is very pleased and probably somewhat surprised that he got what he will most definitely translate as a 'green light' from you. He isn't talking about playing scrabble all night.
If you have never met this person then please (and even if you have) then please consider that he may not have your best interests at heart. He may harbour all kinds of sexual fetishes, kinks or worse he may exhibit some downright violent behaviour towards you.
You don't know him. Please don't have him stay with you. And to be honest he sounds like a creep. He expects sex with a stranger on first meeting. Come on. This guy could be ANYONE! Watch some of the CBS reality programmes about women who stupidly and trustingly meet strangers form the internet and end up cut up into pieces in a suitcase.
Take more care of yourself than you are doing and use WAY more discretion over the kinds of very dangerous positions you could be finding yourself in. I mean this man isn't suggesting meeting for coffee is he? He wants sex and he gonna be very glad he thinks he's found it. I don't think for one second he is imagining you are so innocent that you are intending to treat his visit as a sleepover. He's gonna be ready with whatever he hopes you're into. Sex toys, videos, perhaps a knife.
Grow up and wake up to the possibility of what you could be getting yourself into here.
If you want to meet him, do so AWAY from your house, during the day and in a public place and let friends etc know where you are. If he loses interest when he realises that it's just coffee he's getting, then you'll know what he's really after. Set the record straight. Tell him you think there has been crossed wires and that you would like to meet him for coffee. That's ALL.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2020):
 It sounds like sexual banter to me; he is flirting. I guess he said it in a joking way, but yes, he means
" something " . You say that you'd like to spend the night with him,... and he gets ideas, it's normal . Considering that if basically, you don't even know this guy who lives in another town, ( maybe you haven't even met him yet )- it would be not just inappropriate but imprudent and foolish to have a sleepover , no matter how much unsexual in your intentions, with a semi- stranger , so if you arrange for him to come and visit you, I'd advise you to help him find some other accomodation for the night. At least for his first visit.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (1 June 2020):
Pretty sure that's what he meant but then would have guessed it was what you meant too when you said you wanted to spend the night with him. To save embarrassment, crossed lines and subsequent bad feelings, always say what you mean. Don't be vague. Don't be a tease if you don't just want a quick left-over.
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