A
female
age
36-40,
*atezen8
writes:I am divorced and recently had sex, I guess, with a guy I had been talking to for awhile but just met for the first time. He would go in shortly while not fully hard and when, I asked him what was wrong he said he was really nervous and afraid he'd get off too quickly. I said it was okay. He was in for not even 30 seconds but still not fully hard before he pulled out and came. It doesn't make sense why if he kept saying he was nervous that he got off so fast if he was nervous and not fully hard. I don't know if it's an insult to me or what. Does this happen to other guys? Especially when nervous?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2020): Typo correction:
"Not all people have the same sensitivities in the same parts of their bodies."
By this I mean, you may not have erogenous-zones in the same places as the next woman. Your response may not be as intense to certain stimulation; when others go wild! You may be sensitive around the neck or ears; while it has no affect on another female. You may have insensitive nipples, or hate being touched in certain places; while other women want to be touch and explored everywhere. You don't know until you get to know each-other better, you get comfortable intimately, and you don't feel under any pressure to perform a certain way.
Gauge and measure your expectations, and learn more about each-other as you go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2020): Wow, how critical you are! Sex-wise, you can over-generalize or stereotype if you like; but you can no more assume what is normal for all men, anymore than you can assume what is normal for all women.
Do all women take forever to orgasm? No! Do all women fake orgasms! No! Because everyone has a different threshold to reaching sexual-climax. No all people have the same sensitivities in the same parts of their bodies. If a guy has refrained from having sex for a very long time; he may release quickly, and sometimes it may take him awhile before he gets there. Who knows until they have sex? Not all people choose to masturbate as a form of sexual-release. The mind and body adapt to the period of celibacy and restraint. Some people wait, and would prefer to have real-sex; over self-gratification through personal-manipulation, for whatever reasons. The longer the periods they go without sex; the more likely they build-up sexual-tension; and when it's time to perform, he may be nervous with a new partner, or feel pressured to perform. It was explained to you by the guy himself, why you would be insulted puzzles me? Have you never been nervous with a new sex-partner? Should he form some kind of opinion about you, for the fact you didn't seem nervous at all? How do you think he'd judge you if he read your question?
Different strokes for different folks. As some men age, erections are not as firm. Some men with diabetes or on certain medications may have minor or slight erectile-dysfunction. Your partner attributed what happened to nerves. If you don't trust him, then how can what we say matter? We don't know him, and have never met or had sex with him. I guess it has to be your judgement-call.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2020): Is he in the same age group as you or older? actually yes men suffer erection problems as they get older also there are other causes of errection problems other than age such as cardiovascular problems that prevent blood reaching the penis, diabetes, being out of shape, anxcity, nervusness, too much masturbation.. etc. and yes definitly you can cum w\o being erect. believe me you will do him great service if you can convince him to have a thurough checkup at the doctors and not to give up till he is fully functional.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2020): He had performance anxiety. The first time naked, seeing a new girlfriend naked is too much overload. His mind is all over the place `luck me, don't f up, look at her gorgeous tits, don't f up, is the door locked -- should have checked, wish my penis was bigger.~
It might take 2 or 3 times for him to get over his good luck. Maybe give him a back rub as foreplay.
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A
female
reader, Katezen8 +, writes (16 July 2020):
Katezen8 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy reason for being insulted was because he even very hard so I figured him getting off had nothing to do with me because I've never had sex with a guy who was that soft. And then got off from it. He seemed to want to high tail it out of there. I was extremely confused.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 July 2020):
 Well, that's how premature ejaculation works . At least, what complicates it. He is nervous because he fears that he will finish too soon , and he finishes too soon because he is nervous. Sort a self fulfilling prophecy. Probably he would not last much anyway, -but performance anxiety shortens his already scarce lasting time. Who knows, maybe once he got used to you and feeling more comfortable around you, he would last longer. But you'd have to wait and see , you can't take that for granted.
If you don't want to bother with a premature ejaculation sufferer, I really don't blame you , not every woman can have enough patience for that. But feeling insulted , why ?? Where's the insult in being nervoys / having ejaculation problems??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 July 2020):
Do you control his body? His mind?
No?
Well, why would it be an insult to you?
The fact that he came after only 30 seconds might mean he reacted strongly to feeling your body, he didn't even need to be fully hard.
Can it be nerves? Of course!
It was the FIRST time you two met in person and you had sex? There is a bit of pressure (for you both) to make it good!
If he came after only 30 seconds did he make sure YOU came too? Or was sex over after that?
Did you go for a round two?
And are the two of you using condoms? Because it doesn't sound like it that and that is plain stupid! Pull out method is NOT 100% safe and you can STILL get an STI!
You are in the 36-40 age group, so you ought to know about common sense and safe sex.
Also you TOLD him it would be OK if he got off "too quickly"... so he did.
While the two of you have talked for a while (over tech I presume) you are still strangers and having to perform can be stressful for some.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2020): I'd be more worried about the fact that he's 'pulling out'. Are you not using protection? It's not exactly the smartest idea having unprotected sex with someone you've just met for the first time is it? Pulling out doesn't prevent pregnancy and certainly doesn't stop you getting STD's! If you're planning on seeing him again make sure you use a condom next time!
As far as his 'problem' goes, does it happen to other guys? YES IT ABSOLUTELY DOES. It's extremely common. The important thing is not to make a big deal about it because it will only get worse if you pressure him. Once he gets to know you better he should become more comfortable and relaxed to perform better.
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