A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My new gf of 6 months told me that her and her friends have been to a few male strip clubs and that she enjoys them and would continue to do so.She also said that she enjoys looking at other men and does it even more so when she's in a relationship as it makes her more confident and she enjoys how they look back at her.Both things make me really uncomfortable as I am someone that personally disagrees with strip clubs and wouldn't go to one and I also only have eyes for the person I'm with. I genuinely have no interest in looking at other women, be that in real life or on TV. My focus is on the person I'm with.I was upset and told her so but she said I was overreacting and that it's normal for both of those things, just that most people aren't honest about it.Am I wrong for being upset? It took me totally by surprise as it seemed completely out of character and I can't help but think differently about her Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 November 2020):
 Nightclubs ( and stripclubs too ) have been closed *in UK* since when Boris Johnson declared a national lockdown in late March, and they were still closed at the time when the OP posted his question.
So, if his (ex ) GF enjoys male stripclubs , she can't have enjoyed them during her tenure as the OP's GF.
Just saying. Naturally, two lovers could also argue about matters of principle, not strictly related to what's actually going on IRL, but just to something that's happened in the past, or that's going to happen in a distant future, i.e previous , or future , visits to male strip clubs . Unluckily, this peculiar timing may very well make this post sound somewhat " artificial " and contrived.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2020): If your post is real, I'm very sorry that male-strippers broke-up your relationship. I'm just trying to imagine where clubs of that type are viable during the covid-19 pandemic? Male strip-clubs are few and far-between; and women don't really flock to those kind of places. Not comparable to how men waste their money on pole-dancers and lap-dances. I've never felt compelled to throw money at somebody on a pole, or squirming in my lap. While the same people will step over a hungry homeless-person with a disgusted look on their faces. To each his own, I guess!
Most of our OP's are women with relationship issues; so the majority of their complaints are about men. I guess men deserve equal-time. Even if some may have to create scenarios of questionable authenticity.
If your girlfriend is that avid of a patron for male-strippers, she's a very rare breed! I've been here at DC a long-time, and your kind of post isn't common here. To be honest, I'm still skeptical of it's authenticity; in spite of your denial it's not related to those posts cited by Code Warrior. You deserve benefit of the doubt. It's neither here nor there, as far as I'm concerned.
If there were similarities in your post and that of some other post; or it's a subsequent post submitted to throw us off, due to a lack of acceptable responses. Rest assured, keen eyes will pick it up; and you'll be called-out for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 November 2020):
 OP, thanks for the update.
You do know staying friends might not be great for any future relationships, right?
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses everyone. There were a few referring to a previous post about someone being dumped after going to strip clubs. I don't know if I misinterpreted them as being directed at me or if they were communicating with each other but i don't know anything about those posts and that wasn't me if that's what people thought.But for the rest of you, we did end up breaking up a few days ago. It wasn't unpleasant and we agreed that we aren't compatible in many ways but are still in contact as we enjoy each others company (without the pressures that being in a relationship with differing opinions brings).She still enjoys strip clubs and I no longer have to be concerned by that (or at least I don't have the right to be!) but we seem to be ok checking in with each other and casually chatting as friends. Thanks for you comments everyone!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 October 2020):
To anon female,
I don't think the majority here would tell a woman to "suck it up" if her Bf went to a strip club.
Most of us would tell her to DECIDE for herself if it is a deal breaker or not. If it is... then the BF should be out the door.
I don't think it matters whether the poster is male or female.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): She likes male-strippers; and you like hanging-out with your buddies at strip-clubs getting lap-dances.
You're even!!!
I thought you said you broke-up?
Which is it? Male-strippers or lap-dancers? Maybe you two should switch-up and make it interesting! Either way, I think your posts are bogus!
Could it be she broke-up with you, because you're the one who likes male-strippers?
Come on, dude!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2020): I suspect you are actually the person who posted recently about being dumped after 5 years for going to a strip club and fondling the same stripper a few times.
Have you turned the post around in the hope of finding double standards to justify your actions?
You won't find it. Grow up and accept you did wrong.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2020): The responses here are quite funny considering how many times wonen with the same complaint are told that it means nothing and they should accept that men need ‘ visual variety ‘ double standards wow
Op yes you should end things with this woman . You have completely different values and approaches to a relationship . You two are incompatible and you deserve better
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2020): I can't help but suspect that when people say these extreme things, that they're doing it to get a reaction, to see if you'll stand up for yourself, to see how far she can push you. Also possibly to make the other person insecure, therefore giving them the power in the relationship.
Either way, real or fake, her views are not yours and you have every right to feel upset to find out that your girlfriend cares not one jot for how you feel. That's the crux of the matter.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (17 October 2020):
 No this is certainly not normal behaviour, If your in a relationship, and your really into each other then going to strip clubs would be the last thing on your mind.
Can i ask, is she considerably younger than yourself?.
Not that it makes any difference really, as your both in a relationship, its just from what you say she seems rather purile.
I would say that going to a strip club while in a relationship is being unfaithful. I don't think they are just propping up the bar and having a drink when they go. I would think that full on lap dances are involved as well.
I think its wrong of her to say to you that this is normal, its far from normal.
I would not put up with this, and whats more i would not imagine that many guys would be ok with this.
She knows your upset about this, and still she goes ahead anyway, so she has got zero respect for your feelings.
Should you leave this girl/woman, of six months. Yep i think you certainly should, and run for the hills.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 October 2020):
Maybe she isn't the right fit for you?
I personally could care less about ogling some semi nude sweaty men. I think strip-clubs are gross, they smell like piss and cheap beer, drinks are overpriced, and the "performers" don't REALLY want to be there doing what they are doing.. Regardless of whether it's men or women performers. Add in that drugs, prostitution and human trafficking are often a part of the bigger picture, only makes me stay far far away from anything like that.
And yes, I have been to ONE strip club some 30 years ago, we had all been told it was a night club... it sure wasn't... but that is a whole other tale....
The whole idea the people PAY to watch someone almost naked strut around, dancing and faking sexual acts for money is about the biggest scam there is. Looking at people like they are just a piece of meat is a bit foreign to me.
I have friends who back in the day went to several Chippendale shows (male strippers) and spend a TON of money on seeing these shows. I just don't get the waste of money nor the fascination. I mean, just go the beach in summer and you will see people in next to nothing?
But back to you...
You are still in the "get to know you" phase. You have only been dating 6 months. You had an IDEA of what she is like and in this aspect... you were wrong.
I don't think it's "normal" to go to strip clubs. Whether you are single or not. I think it sounds a tad pathetic to want attention from someone you PAY to pay attention to you.... while he takes his clothes off and pretend you are the hottest thing.... I mean come on. Like strippers don't fake things for money?
Maybe there are other things you two don't agree on. You have to decide if THIS issue is a deal breaker or not.
One thing I will say is this, People don't go blind when dating or being married. They still notice a good looking person. Those with manners, self control and respect for their partner leave it at that. they notice but do nothing further. We are just human. It's a WHOLE other kettle of fish when you PAY another human to take their clothes off.
As for "are you wrong to be upset?" no. But I think it's a little unrealistic that she will change her view on this topic, which is why YOU have to decide if this is a deal breaker or not.
She basically told you;" my friends and I do this "thing" and I will continue to do so regardless of how it makes you feel. What I want to do... is more important to me. Going to strip clubs is more important to me than your feelings, and respect for our relationship."
Deal breaker? No or yes?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2020): This seems a bit odd for a female. It almost sounds as if shes trying to get a reaction out of you, which worked. Unless shes very open sexually, like swinger status. Honestly, being a female myself id almost bet shed be upset if you went to a strip club regularly.
Either way, male or female, the universal advice for these situations is that youre possibly incapable and have very different values. Being a female its easy for me to understand why someone would be upset about this. It doesnt take more than one man to fill a chicks needs. So its only in my nature to assume shes the complete opposite of most chicks orrr shes just seeing how you'll respond. No grey area imo
...............................
|
