| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Guy I’ve been seeing has just broke it off saying he’s just not ready for a relationship at the moment and wants to leave things as they are for now. Does this mean he’s not interested at all? He’s had a lot on with work and his mum being ill but things were going so well. I’ve replied but he hasn’t. I don’t know whether I should wait for him or forget about him Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2020): First, I will dispel all possible disclaimers and rebuttals given by OP's asking your question. Yes you got along great, he told you wonderful things, paid you a load of compliments, you hit it off well, you had a good connection; and you had tons of stuff in-common. Then why are you here? He just told you it's a no-go! I have to penetrate your hurt-feelings and unmute your inner-voice of commonsense. That's not an easy task. If I can't help you, hopefully I will; but maybe somebody else will benefit.
You're basically asking for a mindreading or a prediction. Only he knows what's going-on in his head; and telling you he's not looking for a relationship at this time should be adequate. If you are, no need for further inquiry; simply try to detach any feelings you've grown towards him, and handle this like an adult. Sometimes it's a hit, and sometimes it's a miss! C'est la vie! You look the same, you're the same person, and he was on borrowed-time anyway. Press NEXT!
Dealing with self-control and desire is difficult; because there are other emotions that come into play when attempting to make romantic-connections with people. Let's start with your pride. It's an embarrassment/insult to be rejected; and insecurities will arise. First question coming to mind is..."what's wrong with me?" Followed by..."am I not good enough?" Don't hinge your value and self-worth on the judgment and validation of others. "Big mistake...HUGE!!!" quote [Julia Roberts (Pretty Woman)] It will turn you into a jiggly-wiggly insecure puddle of human-jello; sadly dependent on what people think of you, and lacking even a molecule of confidence or self-worth. People who are in the pursuit of love better develop a thicker-skin, and a thicker-coat of self-confidence; because you're dealing with the least-desirable side of human-nature, not just their good-side. When you feel yourself coming-apart, dig deep within! Force yourself to pull-it together. That's maturity. You have to practice at it! That's how you develop resilience to bounce-back! He has choices, and a right to pursue them. You do too!
You're young, so your hopes and dreams will be dashed, delayed, or reset from time to time. Deal with it!
Another emotion is our sense of entitlement. When we badly want something, it is very disappointing and discouraging to be denied it. We get our hopes up, and create fantasies about all the great possibilities! To be suddenly brushed-off or discarded, encapsulates us in this nasty little suffocating-bubble; where we swing back and forth between rage and seething-resentment. "How dare you deny me what I want and think I deserve?" "You made me think you wanted what I wanted!" "Why'd you suddenly change your mind, when I still want you?" Some will throw tantrums, some will lament for days on-end; while yet others will stalk and harass people to punish them for having the nerve! Watch-out for these psychos, girlfriend...and try not to be one! Remove him from your social media accounts, delete his messages, block his calls; and pretend you've never met. It helps you to move on. Easier said than done! We tend to hang-on to a thread of hope they'll change their mind! Do you really want to be a second-thought, or somebody's after-thought; when all their other attempts and pursuits fail? Settled-upon as their least of choices! Desperation will tell you to think...maybe? Commonsense will disagree; and tell you to get a grip, and just move on!
It will take time before you reach that final emotion. That being acceptance. You've gone full-spectrum by then. Your conscious-mind, that can see the reality of things, reconciles with your rebellious and stubborn subconscious-mind...who doesn't like to readily accept things that make us uncomfortable. The child denied the cookie wants to throw a fit; but then chills, and decides I'll just steal one when your back is turned! An analogy, not a suggestion!
Does this mean he's not interested? For the sake of argument, lets speculate that he's not. That shouldn't place you on-hold waiting to find-out if and when he decides to change his mind! Time goes forward, and life goes on. He doesn't want what you want, when you want it. Therefore, he is a waste of time and energy at this point; because you didn't wind-up on the same-page. That in itself is an indicator that it wasn't meant to be; but don't allow this particular pursuit to speak for your entire future. That's where most of us go-wrong! Defeat by a single-blow! Letting pride trap us into feeling dismissed and devalued. You have to be able to let-go when you see things aren't going your way. You have to be able to reel-in your feelings; so he doesn't take more with him than he deserves to.
Forgive any presumption here, I only mean well. If sex was a part of this connection; and suddenly he decides to bail-out; then consider sex was his primary objective. Whether that's true or not, that mindset will bring you to a faster detachment and acceptance; than being suspended in a frozen-state of "but what-if?"
You and your time are valuable. You have too much life ahead of you. Allowing this one-guy to leave you in a lurch, worrying about whether he is (or ever was) interested; is a waste of time and emotional-energy. To put it in a nutshell...who cares? He ended it. Let him keep his reasons to himself. They are of no value to you. He is a teardrop in an ocean of men! He wants out. Then summon your dignity and grace, and dismiss him! Pending the appearance of a much better and more decisive replacement. You're too young to let this get you down, sweetheart! I was blindsided and dumped. Told I deserved better. I shook it off, went about my life; lo and behold...someone wonderful showed-up in my life! I wasn't even looking at the time! I was just being me, and doing my best with what the good Lord gave me! Don't waste another thought on that guy!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2020):
 Forget about him.
Why should you wait for him ? Oh sure , things change and he might change his mind at some point and decide that , after all, he wants to be with you.
But this could happen next week... or next year ...or in 10 years or also... never!
If he changes his mind, ... he'll let you know. But in the meantime, it makes no sense that you should be sitting on your hands, waiting for him to see the light. Move on, find someone else . Or be happily and contentedly single .
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 October 2020):
 Forget about him.
If he doesn't have time or energy for a relationship, he really can't expect YOU to just sit on a shelf and WAIT for him to take you down and try again.
Wish him well, block, and delete all contact info.
Don't waste your time here.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (22 October 2020):
 I know its hard, but you are going to have to accept the fact that he simply is not interested in a relationship with you.
At least he was honest and gave you an explanation, and did not just vanish on you.
Ok you have sent a text, he has not replied. I would not send him any more texts. No you should not wait for him, and yes you should forget him and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2020): Oh, so sorry, but he has made it clear. If a man tells you he doesn't want a relationship for whatever reason, believe them. If he wanted you, he wouldn't let you go, no matter what.
Move on and forget all about him. Good luck.
...............................
|
