A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend just started dating this guy and he seems to be actually a really nice person. Only unusual part is that he's a real live Republican (guns, God Bless the USA, etc) and we're all raving mad Democrats (including my best friend). All seems to be going well but since we're so close to the history making election I kept making snide political comments in his presence (including jumping up and shouting LIARS LIARS while Fox News was on the tv and it didn't really click that it bothered him until my friends mom brought out some homemade jewelry and wanted to give him one. He couldn't decide which one so without thinking I picked up the necklace that was red white and blue and held it up to him and said "Your mom is a Republican right? Bet she will like this one, and he laughed nervously and said "F*** you, (my name). Sounded like he was joking but since he doesnt really swear much I knew he was upset. And the thing is he is pretty cool to hang out with, so I feel really bad that I've been talking nothing but politics in mixed company. It is just so close to election time and I'm so emotionally charged. How do I make this right? I feel really bad!
View related questions:
best friend, liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2020): Modern politics is divisive, unscrupulous, hypocritical, corrupt, and nasty. Politicians no longer feel they should be held to any standard; and lying is almost a job-skill.
Your friend's boyfriend was not necessarily insulted about politics, you made a snide comment regarding his beloved-mother!
Surely he would cut you off for that! He will hit the mute button on your angry-speech; because you're all too generous with your opinions! You're spreading the divisive-poison our hateful-leadership is spreading upon our nation.
Divisiveness was not invented by Republicans, and Democrats do their own share of hurtful-politics. Being an Independent doesn't absolve anybody of any of those sins committed by partisanship and divisive-politics.
I have never in my entire life seen so much evil and corruption; but being a Christian, scriptures in the Bible have taught me that people are people. It was prophesied love would abandon us, and we would reject the truth. Whether you choose to believe that or not; it's unfolding right before our very eyes!
I am taught to love them and forgive them. That seems impossible and stupid to a nonbeliever. Not if you truly have God's love in your heart. People ascribe to mindsets, ideology, and beliefs others don't share. They will condemn their opponents or adversaries, if not kill each-other, to be right or the ruling-majority. That's not the kind of America I want. Nor what God in His power and mercy will allow; even if we think He stands-by quiet and unconcerned. If He was, why did He bother to warn us Christians such days would come? Nonbelievers of the faith wouldn't pickup on this. Those who claim to be Christians should know better!
What you did was wrong, but we are in a very combustible atmosphere for the moment. Let him cool-off. You just don't talk about someone's mom in a negative-sense; and not expect to highly offend them! Right in her presence (although you were on your device); when she might have even overheard it with her own ears! What if you were on speaker at the time?
People are guaranteed the right to exercise our freedom of speech; but the Constitution was written on the principle of goodwill and personal-responsibility. It was not written in consideration of people who don't give a damn about your rights, and use the Constitution for toilet paper. The hell with anybody, as long as they have whatever self-proclaimed rights they desire to give themselves!!! They'll raise hell, wave guns, make death-threats, and cause chaos to impose their will on others!
You have a right to voice your opinion; but you also have a personal-responsibility to consider the rights, feelings, and opinions of others. The pandemic almost rests like a curse on our mean-spirited society; whom collectively have lost all perspective on human-decency, tolerance, and respect. That's not only in these United States, but the world over! Where is all the craziness coming from? Seems the devil is having a field-day, and I mean that literally!
Jesus Christ: Matthew 12:25
"Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand."
I think you owe your friend and her boyfriend an apology! Even if you have to show-up at her doorstep; and stand outside and say it in-person. Once you say something, you can't take it back; and sometimes apologies ring hollow when people are oversensitive or unforgiving. That's the risk we take when exercising our right to express our negative-opinions; and taking it upon ourselves to aim them at individuals we love and care for. Not even at strangers does anyone have to right to direct racial-epithets, cussing, and threatening; yet there are those who lead us and incite such wicked behavior.
As far as politics are concerned, I choose to voice and express my opinion and principles through the power of the vote. God is in-charge, in spite of the horrid behavior we witness coming from human beings. We as citizens, no matter what part of the world we come from; must treat our fellow countrymen with love, respect, and dignity. In spite of those blowing dog whistles to hate groups and inciting hatred and bad-behavior. Goodness will prevail, and hatred will fail. That's how God planned it. He said it, I believe it, and that settles it!
Just apologize if you are truly sorry. Bite your tongue in the presence of fellow citizens; and feel free to scream whatever you like at the TV! Even if confronted face to face by angry unruly-people; maintain civility, and show no fear. Their anger and hatred will be their own destruction. In life, you'll eventually get what you deserve; and everyone will eventually reap what they sow. An apology is required, whether it will make things right or not.
I pray God will intervene, and bring forgiveness into everyone's heart. He knows you were kidding; but he also realized that you didn't use respect and restraint when you aimed your poison at his mother.
Forgive yourself, and God will forgive you; even when forgiveness is delayed, or not forthcoming from others.
Give him a little space and time. Practice social distancing and wear a mask; if you choose to make a personal-visit to your best-friend to deliver your sincerest apology. If no-one bothers to answer the door, but you know they're home, leave a note. The apology stands, because you made the effort. You can't control what people do, or refuse to do; but the tongue has the power to kill. Those who spread hate and cruelty will meet their judgement; and God's vengeance will fall upon them. Don't place yourself among them, sweetheart! You meant no harm, but you did harm. It doesn't only happen between friends, it even happens in families; because the devil uses things like this to cause anger, hate, and dissention. That's his modus operandi
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2020): This is definitely a true story. Thank you for making me aware of my error, I'm not excusing my bad behavior but it's been ssuch an emotional time. I've been very lucky personally, but between Covid 19, threat of Women's rights, mass shootings because of pro- gun anti background check rhetoric (US has more mass shootings than anyone) and the list goes on, I've been very embarassed how the US represents itself on the global stage (I'm sure the whole world is laughing at us). I outright bawled when Trump was elected. And I see people are suffering and it looks like they are voting against their own well-being. So I think I took it out on this guy without realizing. I will definitely change my behavior.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 October 2020):
 To begin with, I'd be curious to know what's so unusual about being a " real live Republican ": I don't live in USA anymore-and also when I did, I did not follow politics much - and yet, you don't need to be a political analyst to know that about 30% of registered voters identify themselves as Republicans, versus about 34% who identify themselves as Democrats and all the rest as Independents. If you take into account that also many of these last ones will have a leaning or a preference, although not vinculating , for either party.... I guess we can say that roughly half of the people , or at least , say, 40- 45 % , favour Republicans versus Democrats. And that' s an unusual political position, in your view ?!- Not statistically speaking; yet you are talking about this guy as if he were a sideshow freak !
Anyway, as usual Honeypie took the words right out of my mouth : how old are you, OP ? Ten ? You sound like a child, OP ( if this story is even true.... which I am not sure about ). See if you can grow up, and learn some common sense, some manners, some tact and some °respect °. Not all persons, places, and contexts are indicated for a political debate. And when you do conduct , or are involved in , a political debate ( so, hopefully, never in a social situation where people are gathered to have fun , chat, relax peacefully... ) you must use weapons that are a little more sophisticated than, basically " Nyah nyah nyah, you suck ".
Moreover, the very name Democrat means that you believe in Democracy, right ? Well, guess what, in a democracy BOTH of you are entitled to your own opinions.
You can apologize, if you want- you can say that this time you got a bit carried away and too excited, and you are generally not so obnoxious when proclaiming your views. But the best apology will be to °show° that you can act like a mature, civilized adult even when not all the people around you share your views.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 October 2020):
 If this is a true story, you need to GROW up, OP!
You are in your 30? You sound 10!
If you can't BEHAVE in a civilized manner, maybe you need to pull back a little from hanging out with your friend and her new beau. I'm actually surprised your friend hasn't pulled you aside and told you that you are embarrassing!
While I think it's OK to be interested in politics, I think it's also an EASY way to alienate yourself from others by constantly bringing it up. Listen, IP your friends and everyone around you knows by now what you stand point it. Have you nothing else to talk about?
I have noticed at a couple of smaller events I have been too that people are SICK and tired of "debating" politics because there is always some "nutjob" who is a "know it all" and has to get their soap box out. It's EXHAUSING for everyone else.
If you are lucky enough to have friends who wants to see you, don't BE "that nutjob". If you even SAY " I've been talking nothing but politics in mixed company." then relax and just ENJOY the company. If someone WANTS to debate or discuss then go for it WITH that one person.
Snide remarks is childish and will accomplish nothing. He has HIS political view (which is totally fine) and YOU have your (which is ALSO totally fine) you are not GOING to convince anyone that your "side" is right or better by behaving like that. Quite the opposite, also... have you considered you might ruin whatever your friend and him has going on?
If he was a CLOSE friend of yours he might be OK with banter of this kind but you really don't know him well enough for that.
You know how divided politics are these days, so why create more of that?
Even if I agreed with you politically, I would be embarrassed at your behavior. Imagine if he sat and yelled "Fake news" at CNN constantly? CRINGY!
You are in your 30, behave like it.
BOTH of you are ENTITLED to your own opinions. Remember that.
...............................
A
male
reader, MuchosTacosyChurros +, writes (13 October 2020):
We've all had those moments, when we feared we really upset a friend, a relative or even somebody we are really interested in.
My advice is really simple: wait a few days to allow things to cool off, then apologize, not so much for offending him but for allowing politics to get in the way of a friendship.
And, much more critically, when in a social contest always check politics at the door, at least until you understand what kind of people you are dealing with.
Think about folks like me, who are completely allergic to politics and are often forced to watch otherwise perfectly rational people throw insults at each other over irrelevancies or otherwise intelligent people who dance to the tune of political propagandists like puppets on a string.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2020): And you should feel really bad. He, a republican to the core, acted the way you democrats like to think of yourselves - decent and gentlemen-like. Btw, if I lived in the USA I would support the green party, but vote for the democrats. Here where I live, I had to vote for what would be a republican option TWICE in order to avoid bringing the extreme right to power. Now, having said that, I would apologize to EVERYBODY who was present there, because your behavior was upsetting for everybody not just for the target of your anger.If you want to really do something stop attacking the people and join an association/NGO... and actually do some good. Be the change you want to see in the world as Gandhi said.I understand how you feel. Before moving to a democratic country, I lived in a country led by a corrupt dictator who started a bloody war, killing so many people, I still feel ashamed to say where I come from, even though I spent years in the streets protesting, volunteering in different democratic NGOs... what's worse this dictator had won the elections fair and square. There were no Russians involved. People wanted him. People I knew. People I was close to. It was hell. Twenty years later, when he was long gone, people of my country again chose one of his collaborators to be our president. They really did. They were fed up with corrupt democrats and they wanted someone they could recognize. That's what happened to your own country. Elitism has set aside masses of people, who decided to vote out of anger. And this anger is what prevents them from seeing that he's not their champion. He's corrupt. That's why you cannot reason with them. Their vote is not coming from reason, it's coming from emotion. Education starts in kindergarten. When you reach the age of being able to drink bear and argue about politics, it's pretty much to late to change anyone's mind just like that.
...............................
|
