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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am going riding with a motorcycle riding group. My boyfriend has encouraged me to get some hobbies I do on my own. I've always liked going on scenic drives on motorcycles. So I found this group. When I told my boyfriend about it, he said that sounds exciting, sharing closeness with a total stranger. I replied I'd hold onto his waist. That would be all. But that's so I don't fall off. It's totally platonic. Then he said "Just hold his dick. That way you won’t fall off but he will get off." I thought that was a strange reaction! Is there anything wrong with what I'm doing? I really didn't think so. Did I cross a line? Can everybody give me their opinions? My boyfriend reacted pretty harshly. Should I find another hobby? Why did he react that way? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2020):
 Then, OP, it makes much more sense if you get a new "boyfriend " rather than just getting a new hobby.
In this case, a hobby, which is not a real hobby but just a way to tease and needle your boyfriend.
I doubt it will work. Oh he may be be annoyed, he is already. But not annoyed enough to make big changes in his life and marriage, I guess. There would be such an easy method for him to avoid getting jealous and having to imagine things and feel unstable and insecure in your relationship ... which would be divorcing , making you his official partner and then spending his free time with you . He would not have to be jealous because you'd be always with him.
I bet that he knows this already, and I bet that he is quite willing to suffer some jealousy pangs , as long as he can leave his way of life, and his marriage, intact.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (4 September 2020):
 Is a woman of your maturity seriously asking us why her boyfriend reacted the way he did to her new "hobby"?
I think you know the answer, don't you?
Is his reaction reasonable? Um, no, I think it was rude, to be honest, but that said, I can see why he was annoyed.
I agree with other Aunts and Uncles, how is this a hobby? Stamp collecting, crochet, knitting, crafting, cake decorating, flower arranging, hand gliding, skiing, white water rafting, parachute jumping, archery and ballroom dancing are all types of hobbies but riding pillion on a motorcycle with strangers? It's unusual and I'm inclined to agree with the others that it seems a strange choice of a "hobby" unless it was chosen to provoke a reaction.
I agree with WiseOwl, maybe if you were to get your own motorcycle it might be less strange.
That said, you haven't done anything wrong, you haven't been unfaithful or crossed a line but I can see why your boyfriend and others (including me) would see this as a weird choice of a hobby.
I hope this helps ABx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2020): Am not sure how sitting behind someone who is riding a motorcycle is having a hobby. My guy has a lot of classy motorcycles and cars. It is a hobby because he is passionate about them, he knows all about them, he can take them apart, fix them and put them back together. But I don't consider me sitting behind him on the cycle or sitting next to him in the car while he does all of the driving and decision making a hobby. To be honest I would rather be doing many other things and find it boring. A hobby is something where you meet people or think or have fun. What fun does just sitting there give you? You are staring at a stranger's back and this is fun? Amazing. I would rather watch the television. Id this floats your boat go for it and get rid of boyfriend. My guess is you have not been with him long and are not really seriously dating and should totally ignore whatever he says, as you are not a happy committed couple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2020): Hi. It's the OP. You guys are good. Yes, I decided on this hobby in particular because I have my reasons.
He's a married scumbag who always takes his wife on the bike. He used to take me. Why should he be allowed to enjoy HIMSELF while I sit by watching, waiting for scraps of his time????
I deserve a man who I can do things with too!!!! SHE shares that INTIMATE activity with HIM and yet he has the nerve to tell me I have to be faithful and lonely while he's living his life????
He can go FUCK HIMSELF!!
From today forward, things are going to BE DIFFERENT!! HE WILL SEE!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 September 2020):
Probably yes.
Your bf IS jealous and insecure, and not just a little, but regardless...riding behind complete strangers on a motocycle ? what kind of a hobby is it ? Does it even qualify as a hobby ? I mean, I woud totally get it if you had , and drove, your own motorcycle...but being the passenger , and not even with a friend, but with total stangers, as your hobby ? .. That's lame. That's odd. That's dangerous.
Btw : you don't °have to° hold on to the motorcyclist waist . You certainly have to lean in, as Honeypie says, you have to stay close , keep body contact, follow the rider's movements in curves, lane changes etc. You have to know how and when to shift your weight, - there's a technique,sort of, for not falling of the motocycle, but it's not abot holding on to the driver's belt . If you notice , you don't see two male riders one with his arms wrapped around the driver's waist. The hitchhiker whom Peter Fonda picks up on his chopper does not hold Peter's waist in Easy Rider :)). That's generally the typical girlfriend's thing. So,from this point of view, I can see why your BF perked up his ears .
Uhm. Maybe WiseOwlE is right. Forgive us , OP, if we are being too malicious, - but it sounds to me too that your BF encouraged you to get your own hobby in order to reclaim some space.... and you did not like that, and purposely chose as your hobby a " that will show him ! " kind of thing.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (2 September 2020):
 If you really want to share this hobby in a strictly platonic way, you should get your own motorcycle.
It is odd. It is risky. But, his request is a bit . . . . off. I guess I need to know more about your relationship. How long have you been together? Do you live together? Is the relationship building, fading, or stable?
I believe that everyone should have their own hobbies. It makes you interesting. It allows you to have casual friends. But there are some activities that are more prone to infidelity than others. Running for example has a very bad track record (no pun intended). I know that there is a popular image about motorcycles and sex, but honestly all of the riders I know are in my (50-70) age range and in secure relationships.
In the end I must say that I would not be comfortable with taking a single woman (edit that to say woman other than my spouse) of your age on a scenic ride in my truck. It would look and feel very much like a date.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2020): The idea that your boyfriend is going to accept you riding on some strange guy's bike with your arms around his waist as strictly platonic is absurd and you know it.
You want to see the countryside on a motorcycle buy one and ride it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2020): You chose a hobby to ride around hanging-on to some other dude?
Seriously?!!
What kind of reaction would you give if your boyfriend decided he'd like to go slow-dancing and grinding with random-women every weekend? If you're going scenic-riding with some guy you hardly know, who knows what could come of it? I would even venture to speculate you're egging for a fight. The fact he suggested you get your own hobby might imply he wants a little space; so you decided to push the envelope. It involves close-body contact with another guy. Yet you can't see his point? A hobby is getting your own motorcycle; and hanging-on to your bike, my dear! You described a date!
Come on, give us a break here! Especially, your boyfriend! There are millions of hobbies out there that don't require you to wrap your arms around the waste of strangers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2020): Get a new boyfriend, who is he to judge that you cannot go near a man without fancying him or cheating on him?
Anyway you are not married or engaged so in theory you can go out with any man you want and do whatever you want, he does not own you and you do not need his permission.
He is quite stupid. Moaning about what you do is a sure way to make sure you carry on doing it, if only to show him that you are not a doormat and slave to him.
He sounds so childish I cannot understand why you are with him at all.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (2 September 2020):
 I mean... oddly, I can see why your fella would be a little jealous and snarky. That's not to say that I agree with his snark, think his comment was warranted, or think you should take up something new. But, I can also see his imagination running wild - you hanging out with all these cool, mysterious, biking bad boys, hopping up on the back of their motorcycle, wrapping your arms around them, and going for thrill rides that only these sexy, exciting strangers can provide. Sure will make your boyfriend seem less exciting, I'm guessing he is sitting around sulking about.
So, I can understand where his jealousy is coming from.
However, I can also understand how this is a super fun hobby for you, very exhilarating, freeing and beautiful. I believe you that you have no nefarious intentions, and believe that you should be allowed to take up a new adventure - especially one that you're so excited about.
Is it possible for you to invite him along for a ride? So he can get to know some of the people, and not have to sit at home with an over-active imagination? Maybe if he sees this group for himself, it will settle him. Also, I think it's important for your own safety for him to come with you when you meet up for the first time, which leads me to my last point:
I do encourage you to BE CAREFUL. This situation seems like it could be lovely and fun, or very risky and dangerous. You don't know these people, and you're hopping on a bike that they control, that can take you miles and miles away, to lord knows where, to do lord knows what. This seems a little like the beginning of a True Crime podcast. I'd be extremely careful. Having your boyfriend come with you the first time seems like the responsible thing to do.
I'm happy that you've found something new in life to excite you! Be SAFE and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2020):
 I don't know... to be really frank here, I find it a little odd to start riding BEHIND a stranger on motorcycles to "see the scenery".
It's like sharing a horse, you have to lean into the other person, you have to sway with the horse. Not much different on a motorcycle, you have to lean in, and your body has to be in sync with the drivers body in curves, changing lanes, turns etc.
And I can tell you.... It feels intimate. When you are cold, you scoot up as close as possible, if there are a lot wind ditto, same for rain (driver will get the most of that and the rider will shelter most of it).
I think it's a vert odd hobby to take up if you do not DRIVE/RIDE motorcycles yourself.
With all that said? I think your BF's comments were passive-aggressive and childish. Maybe a WTF?! reaction to your choice of hobby.
Maybe try it and see. I don't know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2020): Don't even consider changing your hobby. Everyone needs hobbies and they have to be things you find interesting. Not other people's choices.Your boyfriend is immature, judgmental and insecure. He worries that you will go off or cheat on him with one of those guys. To assume you would was childish and nasty.To lose his temper was childish and nasty. He is being totally unfair on you in judging you this way, assuming that you will want to cheat on him.Are you allowed to choose his hobbies or make sure he never speaks to women? No. So he has no right to interfere with yours.Have some back bone. Don't be a wimp who allows him to dictate to you or makes you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong.To be honest instead of changing your hobby it would make more sense to get a more mature and nice boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (2 September 2020):
 No I don't think you should find another hobby, why should you. He encouraged you to get a hobby, and that is what you have done.
I think what he said is rather insecure on his part, and the comment he made was wrong.
I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are doing, and in no way shape or form did you cross the line, if anyone did he did. You have found something that you are passionate about which is great.
Go along and enjoy yourself, and forget about his insecure silly comments, it's his problem not yours.
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