A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Found girlfriends journal. Made the mistake of reading some of it. She has been in contact with her ex in prison. Sentenced 25 to life. Wants to visit him as soon as she can. Hasn't seen him in like 2 yrs. I have been supporting her almost 100% for 6 months. She found out and confronted me. I fessed up and admitted I read some and looked him up. It was wrong. Like reading someone else's mind. I haven't made contact with her for about a week. She hasn't left the apartment because she has no where is to go. I am paying the rent but have my own place. What do I do with her.
View related questions:
her ex, in jail Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 September 2018):
 She is keeping in contact with a pedophile? That says a lot about her. I can understand from the little you have wrote why her family has disowned her. I am sorry you sound like a nice guy, and you are right she is intelligent she saw that you are lonely and she took advantage off that situation so that she could use you. I know that is not what you want to hear, but it is clear from what you wrote. She is standing by a guy who has been convicted three times for ruining children's lives. I am sorry you don't have much dating choices but believe me you don't want to be with someone who uses you for your kindness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2018): You are trying to rescue this woman, a very nice gesture indeed but she is taking full advantage of you, hence her 'Intelligence'. Come on now, she is an adult, she is making her choices and decisions all by herself and knows the consequences. Do not make excuses for this individual, she is using you.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 September 2018):
 Can't win if you don't buy a ticket ?
Yeah , but make sure that the lottery is not rigged , and that there is actually a prize to be won.
What a prize , indeed ! High school drop out, no marketable skills, previous drug charges. Intelligent though, at least intelligent enough to convince someone naive and a bit lonely to take financial responsibility for her, while she pursues a parallel relationship with a jailbird. And questionable tastes in her choices of men,too ! since Mr. 25- to -life is a sex offender, and molester of kids under 12. How lovely.
Yeah of course that's not your fault, if you did not know who her ex-but-not-so-ex is. But NOW you know !, and you know she does not care about you, only about having her rent paid, ...so you really don't know what to do ? Isn't it intuitive ?... You drop her like a hot potato ! If you really want to be generous , give her ONE extra month rent, so she is covered until the end of October. That's 6 or 7 weeks time to move out and I am pretty sure she'll be resourceful enough to find within this time frame some other gentleman willing , at least temporarily, to be her paladin. But, colour her gone and vanished from your life as of now, and learn from this to be a bit more discriminating next time you " buy a ticket ".
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 September 2018):
 So her ex who is in prison is a sexual predator with 3! convictions... And she is pursuing something with him.
What does that tell you about HER?
Many people have had shitty upbringings, little education but they don't LIVE of others.
I get that you helped her because you felt you were doing a good thing and maybe even a relationship, but that is not (apparently) what she saw. She saw you as someone who has been good to her, that she can USE.
So I'd wish her well with her jail-bird ex.
If she can't afford a place on her own (guess you are in California? where rent is pretty expensive) well, that is on her. And if she has too, looking for a room-mate situation might be what she can afford. BUT that really isn't your problem.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (8 September 2018):
 Kick her out, save your money. Why waste it on someone who’s contacting their ex? Break up and find someone there’s no drama attached to. Who needs a criminal adding to the mix of their relationship.
Why are you paying for her rent in the first place? She has a job and she’s an adult, it’s her job to find accommodation. People will take advantage of you if you let them.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2018): Here are a few answers to your questions. I have known her for a year. She currently has a job. This and a few past ones were low paying. She dropped out of high school and has past drug charges. No skills but intelligent. So the past few months she couldn't get hired. The rent is a month to month. So it is paid till the end of the month. As for reading her journal, it wasn't marked. I didn't go snooping through her things. It was a simple 80 sheet notebook. She had used it the day before to make a grocery list. I needed a sheet of paper and looked in the catch all drawers. It was there and I pulled it out. It was then I discovered the letters from prison. So I looked him up. Three convictions. Jessica'sà Law made the third a mandatory sentence. From what I have learned her family won't talk to her. I have been the only stability she has known in many years. I don't really have much options to date and she did make me happy till now. Can't win if you don't buy a ticket.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 September 2018):
Move on and save some money. Don't let her try to talk you out of it, she will likely be manipulative considering she needs your money.
Talking care of someone like her is not your job anymore, she's an adult.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (7 September 2018):
Why have you been supporting her for 6 months? While I agree it was wrong to read her private journal you cannot take that back now, however she has been disloyal to you keeping in contact with her ex and keeping it from you. How long have you both been together?
I would stop paying her rent for her, she is an adult who am sure is capable off looking after herself. Can she not find a job to support herself? It sounds like she is taking advantage off you. Do you really see this relationship going anywhere?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 September 2018):
You inform her that you can no longer support her and then you STOP paying the rent. If the place is in YOUR name, you might need to file an eviction notice. It's not really your problem whether she has a place to live or not.
What future do you really see with her? She is clearly taking advantage of your generosity. Not an indication that she cares for you. You might just be a means to an end.
While I DO FIND it reprehensible to read someone diary/journal - it's a fact you can't change. All you can do is decide where to go from here.
You obviously can't trust her and well, SHE can't trust you... so what do you have? Nothing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2018): Why are you paying her rent when she's planning to visit her ex in prison?
You should be with somebody that appreciates you, not caring more about her low life ex in prison. The fact he's serving life too shows it was something very serious. I'd get out now while I still can!
...............................
|
