| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I was involved with this guy, we were something like friends with benefits..but i fell in love with him..then he decide to change a job and left the country, which i was very sad about, but i couldn't do anything about it..During the next half year, we were texting/sexting a lot, he asked me to come visit him but then he got quiet..then he started to text me again, but not in a sexual way anymore, and also he liked my pic on social media etc.. so i had still hope that he could have some feelings..but few weeks ago i found out from social media that he has girlfriend (from his girlfriend's social media) and i was crushed... what it's weird, that they got together immediately after her longtime bf dumped her..but she's really in love with "my guy", (isn't it weird to fall for someone other so quick?)they often go for trips etc. but he keeps text me time to time, likes my pics.. what surprised me, few days ago he came visit...we arranged meeting, but nothing happened, we just talked..he told me, that he hated the country where is he now and decided to left the country and move to another to change a job, which is weird to me, since he has new girlfriend there(he didn't tell me about her) and he told me he didn't even want come back to that country (he still has some work thereto do until he can quit). So I'm asking - if he loved her, would he moved away from the country? is there any chance that he likes me? Maybe i'm naive but i'm very confused..thanks!
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crush, fell in love, friend with benefits, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 August 2018):
 It sounds like you both started out on a sexual relationship. Which he was happy to up and leave because thats all it was to him....sex! You where sad but that was because you caught feelings.
He was talking to you in this other country because he had nobody else so he enjoyed your attenton. I imagine that when he started going quiet he had met the other girl. He may have liked some pictures on social media but that doesn't mean to much! It is clear that you really liked him but it was one sided.
No it is not always weird to fall for someone so quick aftwerwards, in fact she may have left her boyfriend for this guy!
His textes sound friendly so i guess he looks at you as a friend, same with liking photos a lot of my friends do the same! That doesnt mean anything.
Nothing happened because he is committed he sees you as a friend now nothing more. You were never going to be his girlfriend you had sex as friends nothing more! Maybe the girlfriend is going with him, I am sure they have both spoke about their futures.
The quentions you ask is well maybe she is moving with him. No I dont think he likes you in that way, he saw you as a friend he had sex with nothing more!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 August 2018):
 As Honeypie says, you have no idea if his current GF is following this guy to his new destination, now or later on.
Just because he did not mention that, it does not mean that it's impossible ! Without forgetting that often people need money , need work, need relocating because of practical considerations, whether they are in love or not.
I get the feeling that , if your ex FWB did not put any move on you when you met ,and just acted friendly and respectful, it might very well be because he is not single now. Not all men are natural born cheaters, and not all men can't pass up the chance to get laid with any available female.
But suppose you are right and he does not love her. Suppose theirs is just a convenient,temporary arrangement to give each other sex and companionship only until he lives in that country.
So, if he does not love her, would that mean that then he loves you ? Very doubtful and improbable.
He did not want to date you , but just to have sex with you, before he left and before he met this girl. He did not want to date you , but just sext you, after he left. He went quiet after asking you to visit- and eventually he resurfaced , acting normal , non flirty, non romantic , after he got himself a Gf. How do you get from all that that he has feelings from you ? because he liked your pics ? Anyone who likes your pics, then ,has feelings for you ?
Anyway : isn't this a moot point, regardless ?. He is currently living in a foreign country, and soon moving to another foreign country. Having an LDR is very difficult and challenging even for people who love each other like crazy; imagine starting from his moderate level of enthusiasm.
I am afraid that your confusion just comes from wishful thinking, and that you are barking up the wrong tree.
Your best bet is starting dating local guys, and, possibly, guys that show right away they like you more than just as a sex buddy. And if you are the type of girl who gets immediately, strongly attached after casual sex - then don't have casual sex to begin with, and save yourself quite some heartache.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 August 2018):
 I think you are wasting your time on a guy who isn't into you as much as YOU are into him.
My guess is he was TALKING to her while having a "fwb" or f-buddy thing with you... and then he moved and started hooking up with her. I think THAT is why they got together as a couple so fast... because they were already messing around BEFORE she broke up. But THAT is just my guess.
Also... what would be the point in pursuing this guy?
1. He got what he wanted from you. Non committal sex, entertainment (sexting).
2. He was fine having sex with you but didn't want to date you when you lived in the same country, so why would he "care" more now?
3. He has a GF and has STOPPED with the sex talk, so he OBVIOUSLY care how she might feel if he cheated on her. Same with not hooking up with you when he visited.
4. He wants to move again. Who knows maybe the new GF is going with him... Just because He hasn't told you doesn't mean it's not an option. Moving to another country has nothing to do with love. And IF she is going with him then obviously he wants her too. Also, he might just have been venting to you.
I don't think you are naive per se, I think you are foolish to carry a torch for a guy who REALLY don't give a flying fart about you.
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