A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello I would like your opinion on this.My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We live in the USA, he lives in the East Coast, while I live in the West Coast. We've been together for about three years. My boyfriend injured himself a few years ago and has problems with his left knee. My boyfriend is an Uber driver and drives during the evenings from around 6pm to about 4-5am in the morning. Today, my boyfriend asked if I can support him by giving him $200 per week. He said that while he goes to the gym regularly on weekdays to work on his upper body, he wants to start going to the gym on weekends too, to focus on Cardio where he can strengthen his knee. He said if he goes to the gym on the weekends it will cut into his Ubering time and he needs me to support him $200 per week so that he can go to the gym on weekends. I asked if he will have a trainer to help him, he said no, he will do it on his own. I asked if maybe going to physical therapy sessions may be more beneficial, he said no, he can do it at the gym. I don't mind supporting him with $200 per week if it can help his knee, but I worried that he will end up hurting himself if he does it on his own. I also asked why he needs $200 if he plans on only doing 30 minute cardio, and he said he will not want to drive after going to the gym. Then I said I will only support him if he promised to sleep by 1am, because currently his sister's kids are at his place and they cry once they wake up and he can't get any rest as he goes to sleep at 5am and they wake up at 7am crying. So I figured if he doesn't drive after going to the gym, then he can be home and in bed by 1am and at least have a good 6hrs of sleep before the kids wake up and cry. He was not willing to agree to sleeping at 1am even though I was willing to support his $200 per week. I have a bad gut feeling that he is only using going to the gym to work on his knee as a reason and excuse to get me to give him $200 per week. $200 per week, that is $800 per month. Not a very large amount, but significant enough amount. Should I do it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2018): Are you a fool? Do not give him any money. It is his choice to take time out of work to strengthen his knee, or so he says, not yours.
You can easily buy a ankle weight and do a few leg lifts a few minutes a day to strengthen the knee. It does not require going to the gym. I am an ex pro dancer so I know all too well what it takes to strengthen parts of the body after injury.
Drop this loser and find a real man who can support himself.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 No please don't give him any money, his story really doesn't add up. How much time do you both actually spend together? Plus why after three years are you both still long distance?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 September 2018):
 Also, OP
I noticed that you wrote:
"Today, my boyfriend asked if I can support him by giving him $200 per week. "
So it's NOT a loan. It's just you handing him money.
He is a GROWN man, in his 30's? And expect you to finance his taking hours off to go to the gym. It makes NO sense.
But it also doesn't make sense to have a LDR of 3 years. IS there no plan to move? For either of you? To actually be together? Oh and let me guess.... when you two DO see each other... it's YOU going to his end of the wood and paying for the ticket too?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): Just what I was thinking. As 'Cindy Cares' said, if he goes to the gym five days a week and he is SO worried about his knee that he ends up asking someone else for $800 DOLLARS A MONTH!!! so he can 'strengthen' it, then why on earth doesn't he devote the time he ALREADY spends at the gym strengthening his knee???I feel so angry that a man, an adult man, or anyone for that matter, has the absolute GALL to ask for $800 a month from anyone!! For anything!! Let alone something so lame (pardon the pun) as he needs to strengthen his knee. What an absolute load of bollocks. I am nearly sixty, I have a painful hip, shoulders, neck and knee and I work six days a week, at a fairly physical job, during which time I find it hard to find the time for physio and osteopathy. But I do, because I need to. I have a sister who is a millionaires and guess what?? I haven't and WOULD NEVER ask her for a bean.Tell him to grow the fuck up and fuck off.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 September 2018):
 Don't give him a single penny. His story is as dodgy as his knee and there is no way your should fall for his brazen shamelessness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): I would recommend that you do not give him money. He cannot afford to do extra training on the weekends and miss that much work, so he will have to come up with another option or skip the cardio all together. Lots of people here have given suggestions that he could use as an alternative to taking $200/week from you. Here is another. He does not need to go to the gym in order to do Cardio on his own. If he is not using a trainer anyway, why not go to a park or walking trail? Use his living room? He could be a bit more imaginative in solving his problem instead of asking you for money. I see his asking you for money as a red flag myself. You have known him for 3 years though. Has he kept a job that whole time or is he always a freelance/flexible worker at different jobs? Is he someone who is willing to make changes and sacrifices to improve his situation or someone who expects others to bail him out of any trouble or hardships he finds himself in? Does he take the initiative to come and visit you on the opposite coast on his own dime, or does he expect you to make all the travel arrangements and pay for it yourself?Just things to consider. I hope you say no to the $200/week, so you do not add a financial complication to your relationship.Best of luck, R
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 September 2018):
 Let's forget for a second about the insanity, and inanity, of doing DIY unsupervised physical therapy whitout hving the proper knowledge and credentials, which very possibly could mess up his knee even more , rather than doing any good.
But… why would he have to go to the gym on weekends for that ?
Can't he simply skip, or cut down, his routine work on his upper body on WEEKDAYS, and use that time , instead ,to work on rehabilitating his knee ? We all have to make choices at times, and put first things first. Like our health .
Unless he is a professional bodybuilder, nothing dramatic would happen to him. Perhaps he would be, or feel, a bit less fit, or a bit less attractive. But if he us so keen on repairing his knee, it's a sacrifice worth doing, and obviously much more logical than asking YOU a money sacrifice. Unless one is natural born moocher , that is.
I also don't understand why he could not be Ubering if he goes to the gym on weekends. He goes to the gym every day !, and he still works every day, doesn't he ? I don't see how and why what he is willing and able to do on a Monday should not be the exact same on a Saturday . Why would he not drive after a 30 minutes cardio session ?? Jeez, I could drive after 30 minutes at the gym, and I am both the worst driver ever AND a big couch potato !
Plus, well of course at what time he goes to bed it's his business, he is an adult and you can't exactly give him a curfew, yet I suppose it would be interesting to know what he plans on doing until 5 am on weekends if after his half an hour of cardio he is NOT going to work.
In conclusion : personally I dislike people ( both males and females ) who ask their partner's financial help by default, so easily, at the first hint of a problem, and unless there is most compelling necessity and no other alternative. ( A "weak" knee ? what is he, a professional
soccer player , that he can't live with that ? )
Maybe you don't share this prejudice, and have a very giving nature and unjudgemental mindset ( which is very good - within limits ). Even so, and, even , therefore , if you see nothing wrong in enabling ,- pardon, supporting him - that's a very fishy story with lots of holes in it. It does not make a whole lot of sense, IMHO. Who knows what he really needs the 200 a week for ...
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 September 2018):
 Is he out of his mind?
Why the hell should you be footing the bill? What happens when he can’t pay you back when he owes you 2000? 3000? Who knows where the figure will end up? Who’s to say the relationship will last? Good luck getting it back if you break up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 September 2018):
His story does seem odd.
I would simply tell him that you sat down and made a budget and you don't see an extra $800 a month.
I also think that money between people who are dating is a bad idea, even worse because you don't SHARE finances at all and you are LDR.
And why are you two still LDR after 3 years? I mean HE could drive an Uber anywhere, right?
You don't OWE him to pay for him taking off early from work so he can go to the gym....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): I am trying to put myself in his shoes and see if I can ask my wife to whom I have been married for more than 40 yrs to support me while I can go to hospital to have an operation? The answer is no I can't imagine myself asking her such a favour. I would probably try to save the money myself for such an emergency and actually I always have some savings for such emergencies. You should ask him how long his knee therapy will take and TBH if it is an open end period you should tell him you can't afford it. Tell him you can't afford it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2018): Honeypie,
He said he will lose out on making $200 per week if he goes to the gym to work on his kneww during the weekends. He said he needs to earn that $200 per week to have enough to pay his bills.
I agree with you that he needs physical therapy and gym will not help him especially without a trainer.
I don't want to give him the money because I don't believe the story he's feeding me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 September 2018):
What exactly is he needing those $800 a month for? And why is it down to you to pay for that?
i mean, get that that you two have been dating long distance for 3 years, so it seems serious but you having to support him with $800 a month?
You said yes to giving him $800 a month for him to go to bed no later than 1 am... and he refused to hold up his end of the bargain...
Just going to the gym won't fix his knee, it might even mess it up worse. He needs PHYSICAL therapy or at least a PT who can guide him. Quite honestly, an hour in the pool every day (or 3-7 times a week) would do a lot more to strengthen the knee than weight training.
I still don't get why he needs for YOU to pay $200 a week and what that money is for... is it for HIM to pay for someone to an from the gym?
It's not up to us to tell you yes or no, but it seems to me... that you don't really WANT to because it's like tossing your money right out the window. HARD earned money.
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