A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We've been together a very long time. This year, he and his family opened a business. His parents made the decisions about the staff they're hiring and what they're paying, without asking my partner, who has the business know-how they don't. Unfortunately, the staff are absolutely USELESS and my poor partner has had to do most of the work just to keep the place going. Simple instructions aren't followed and basic things, they should KNOW to do, as they've been shown and it's been explained to them many times, aren't done. They are lazy and make the same mistakes over and over. The staff also have horrible attitudes and I've been told they run down my partner's parents about being "old and useless". Now, seeing my partner one step away from a stress-related stroke.. working night and day while these assholes take what's exorbitant salaries for what they do.. sitting around all day chewing their tongues... it's made me ropeable and I tend to vent my frustration at my partner. I tell him there are things he can do.. and that he should just sack the assholes. He gets frustrated I won't leave him alone and it stresses him out more.. but I believe if he and his parents don't take an aggressive approach, these staff will not change and they'll never leave. Why would they, when he and I are doing the hard work for them to keep the business running properly. I really don't know what to do, but this issue is driving us apart. I've always been at the bottom of the hierarchy in roles that I've had.. and learnt to hit the ground running and work hard and I've always taken initiative with every job I've had and worked so many extra hours. These staff will RUN out the door at 5pm and not a minute after. They act like brats.How can I emotionally detach from watching this happening and what can I do to help this situation and prevent my frustration over this from permanently damaging my relationship? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 September 2018):
 You are welcome OP.
I see Aunty Cindy gave you more extended advice, I'd definitely take a leaf from her "book".
I would add one more advice, Find a job elsewhere... That way you don't have to both DEAL with the drama at work and HEAR about the drama when he gets home.
He might also JUST be venting (wanting to whine basically, without getting advice, so that is an option too. To just listen. Or.. listen and ask... what would you change? How about training of the staff? etc. So that HE is "forced" to find the solution instead of being "told" the solution.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 September 2018):
 You have already got good advice ; luckily, advice that you deem useful. I just want to add some food for thought.
I understand that you are frustrated, as everybody is always frustrated when things do not go the way they want, and particularly if they feel they have a solution to the problem, but this solution is being dismissed or ignored. Then again, maybe you are focusing on one aspect of the problem ( your bf being stressed out ) and do not look at the bigger picture.
For instance, are you sure that he could just listen to you and follow your advice ?. Generally ( and thanks God for that ! ) being the boss' son is not enough to get to fire people left and right. You say they opened a family business, but who put the capital, and in which percentage ? If it's a partnership, and your bf has, say, one third of it, he needs his business partners' consent to make those changes . And, seen that his parents have chosen personally these lazy employees, maybe ,for reason of theirs, they are not willing to change the status quo. OR, your boyfriend is not willing to challenge them about something, relatively minor, which ,though ,could create a rift not only in their personal relationship ,but also in their business partnership.
If instead he does not own part of the business, but he just gets a salary from it, or even he is working pro - bono in view and / or with the agreement of sharing future profits, alas he has no legal title to fire anybody and if he tried, he probably would get the business sued .
Another thing is that your expectations may not be totally realistic.
Your work ethic is admirable- but it's a personal choice, it's not mandatory. WHY should these employees NOT run out of the door at the end of their working day ? It sounds like this is a shop or restaurant or maybe some small artisanal outfit where there's not much room for personal advancement; like it or not, people are not very motivated to work extra hard in order to make OTHER people rich. Would they be paid regular overtime , if they stayed more ? And anyway, as I guess you know, in Australia overtime is not exactly mandatory, i.e. the employer can request "reasonable overtime ", but the reasonability of it is determined by several factors, not last among them the employee' personal situation, including his / her family responsibilities. In other words, if a worker says " heck no, I've got kids at home who want to be fed dinner " - he's got reasonable ground to refuse working overtime . Labor laws also protect workers from being run to the ground by stingy , greedy employers ( I am talking in general, obviously I am not referring your in laws and boyfriend ) so overtime can't be used as a way to stretch regularly the weekly working hours fixed by law - if a business REGULARLY needs people to stay beyond closing time,- well, obviously they need to hire more workers, and labour laws will enforce that .
This to say that just getting rid of these workers may not be as simple as you make it. Regardless, I second the other posters' advice to not interfere anymore and let your bf handle things as he sees fit. I understand very well how seeing your S.O. being taken advantage of makes your blood boil,but , at the end of the day , he is a grown man, and you are his girlfriend, not his mom. Your role is to support him and have his back while he fights his battles, not to win them in his place .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2018): Say nothing and record them NOT working and show it to the family, and say nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2018): Thank you very much Honeypie.. that is JUST the advice I needed & deserved to hear.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 September 2018):
You can't fix this for him, as much as you want.
You have told him your view on it, now let it go. It is then UP to him and his family to decide what to do. It's not really up to you.
Be the ONE thing in his life that isn't stressful. Right now he gets 3-way stress - from you, his family AND the business. That might be a bit more than he can handle.
If you also work there, LEAD by example.
And IF your BF asks for advice - give it as non-dramatic as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2018): Thank you Aunty Susie. I do feel I'm more of a hindrance than a help.. & you've reminded me it's important that I support him.. & realise it's not my place to try & control what happens in this situation. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (6 September 2018):
 You've said your piece. Not much more you can do I'm afraid. As frustrating as it is, like aunt honesty said, you don't really get a say in the family run business. Best you can do is support your partner when he needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2018): Thank you aunt honesty. It's great to hear your perspective. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2018):
 Honestly I can see why your partner is stressed. He is trying to please his parents and he is listening to you complain at the same time. It sounds like he is trying to do his best. But you are right things do need to change, there is no point paying someone a wage if they cannot do basic tasks. However this is a family business and unfortunately one you are not married in to, so technically you don't really have a say. Now am not saying I don't understand your frustrations because I do, why should you and your partner work extremely hard to allow for others to twiddle there thumbs. I think he needs to sit down with his parents and explain what is happening.
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