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*irtball agony aunt

*irtball

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*irtball's profile:

Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.

Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.

ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!

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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.

_____________________________________________

I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)

DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)

Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.

Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.

Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.

People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.

Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?

People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.

You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.

When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.

When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.

Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.

I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.

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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html

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Dirtball Rants:

1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.

2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.

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Abreviations.

I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.

OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.

BF - Boyfriend

GF - Girlfriend

SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.

BTW - By the way

FWIW - For what it's worth

TBH - To be honest

IDC - I Don't Care

IDK - I Don't Know

IMHO - In My Humble Opinion

IMO - In My Opinion

IOW - In Other Words

THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples)

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Should I message her?

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I feel so unattractive. how can he love me?

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My ex is trying to wreck my new relationship

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What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!

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What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!

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The most wanted pennis size

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I cheated on my boyfriend, and he is contemplating revenge cheating. How can we get past this?

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He told me he didn't want a relationship, which is fine. I just want him to be like he was when we first met! What's his deal?

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A.   4 March 2011: I agree with the walkin dude. It's obvious you want more. What you had "before" was more like a budding relationship. I don't blame you. ... (read in full...)

My team mate and girlfriend are close, is it all in my head?

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A married man at work wants my attention. I am attracted to him, so I'm struggling with this. How can I stop these feelings, and how do I get him to leave me alone

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My boyfriend broke up with me, and it hurts so much! He was my everything! What should I do now?

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A.   4 March 2011: Why did he do this? Because it's what he wanted. I know it sucks, having just been dumped recently myself. But while you were happy, he wasn't. It's better that he was honest, even if you had to drag it out of him. What are you going to do ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend broke up with me twice. She's receiving counseling and takes full responsibility. Should I give it another shot?

Q.   My girlfriend broke up with me, twice. The first time was like a weekend, I agreed to get back together. The second time, I was tired of being taken for a chump and that was that. It's been 3 months now. We've been talking a lot. She's been ...

A.   4 March 2011: Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.... (read in full...)

The most wanted pennis size

Q.   female input needed for the best result. What is the pennis preference size irrespective of knowing how to use it or not. I mean the ultimate size you'll wish if your man had....thank u...

A.   4 March 2011: I suggest you read this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sodoes-size-really-matter-lets-put-it-to.html ... (read in full...)

Seriously debating whether to break up or not?

Q.   Debating whether to leave your partner or not? Here’s forty questions as food for thought. There are no right or wrong answers or score cards, they’re just things to consider if you're having trouble. Please keep in mind that nobody is perfect ...

A.   4 March 2011: Excellent article. I'm going to start linking this to people. That's a wonderful list of questions you've put together and if someone uses it, they will have an excellent assessment of their relationship!... (read in full...)

My family are wealthy. His is not. Should I pay for everything on our first date?

Q.   Please give me advice.. I have a boyfriend. He was my friend when i was in junior high school. Now he lives in another city. Two months ago he found me on facebook. We share all. Two weeks ago he said he loves me. And so do i. So we decide to have ...

A.   4 March 2011: It won't hurt to offer, but let him decide. Or possibly suggest he do dinner and you pay for the movie, or visa versa. ... (read in full...)

I don't think my best friend who I have feelings for likes me back. What should I do??

Q.   Well, I think I'm in love for the first time and it's with my best friend. Whenever I see him I smile without even knowing it. It seems like I think about him all the time, and I always dream about him. But he doesn't seem to like me back. I've f...

A.   4 March 2011: I'm afraid he may not feel the same way for you. If he did, he likely would have called. I suggest you make some plans with him. He's a friend, so I'm assuming you hang out together sometimes. Go do something together, and tell him you like him ... (read in full...)

What nicknames do girls give to their vaginas?

Q.   hiya. im 17 F. i know its a bit silly but my girl friends and i were talking about what nicknames we call our vaginas and we wanted to know more names. we came up with pussy, fluffy and gina. can you help? ...

A.   4 March 2011: I thought the love glove was a condom. Vagingo... (read in full...)

Will a man respect me for being a virgin at 31?

Q.   still a virgin at thirty one will i get the man my heart like, will he respect me for keeping virgin for all those year waiting for him to be the first to break?...

A.   4 March 2011: A good man will cherish the fact you saved yourself. We never know what our life will bring though.... (read in full...)

What nicknames do girls give to their vaginas?

Q.   hiya. im 17 F. i know its a bit silly but my girl friends and i were talking about what nicknames we call our vaginas and we wanted to know more names. we came up with pussy, fluffy and gina. can you help? ...

A.   4 March 2011: Magic carpet... (read in full...)

What nicknames do girls give to their vaginas?

Q.   hiya. im 17 F. i know its a bit silly but my girl friends and i were talking about what nicknames we call our vaginas and we wanted to know more names. we came up with pussy, fluffy and gina. can you help? ...

A.   3 March 2011: Oh dang, how could we have forgotten Beaver?!? That's just classic.... (read in full...)

What nicknames do girls give to their vaginas?

Q.   hiya. im 17 F. i know its a bit silly but my girl friends and i were talking about what nicknames we call our vaginas and we wanted to know more names. we came up with pussy, fluffy and gina. can you help? ...

A.   3 March 2011: Oh yeah, I like to call it "The Promised Land." Enchanted Forest Muff Box I'll keep thinking...... (read in full...)

What nicknames do girls give to their vaginas?

Q.   hiya. im 17 F. i know its a bit silly but my girl friends and i were talking about what nicknames we call our vaginas and we wanted to know more names. we came up with pussy, fluffy and gina. can you help? ...

A.   3 March 2011: Ham wallet Oyster Ditch Va J J ... (read in full...)

My team mate and girlfriend are close, is it all in my head?

Q.   Okay, I don't really know what to start but its a very long and complicated problem between me and my partner, mainly around me struggling with trust issues. I have been with my girlfriend for 2, coming on to 3 years now. Everything was p...

A.   3 March 2011: No, you're not insecure. She's cheating on you. Sorry dude, but I'd bet the farm on it. The checking your phone while hiding hers is classic projection. She knows she's guilty, so she's trying to prove that you are too so she doesn't feel as bad ... (read in full...)

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