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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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He won't be intimate with me, but he has no problem watching porn when I'm not around!
Q. Why would a man over many years, regularly avoid sex with his wife? We would have sex about 2 times a month at most. I would try to initiate about 3 times a week, but get the "i'm tired" excuse. We argued alot about sex, I felt like something was ...
A. 22 March 2011: It sounds like he's checked out. Sadly, no solution can be reached without the effort of both of you. Perhaps it's time to consider divorce. He might listen to you if you give him the option of counselling or signing divorce papers.... (read in full...)
LDR--we don't communicate as much now and its freaking me out
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for 6 months now and for the past couple of weeks I feel like I've just been stressing out about every little thing he does (or doesnt do). We met on xbox - which is a gaming console for those of you who ...
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A. 19 March 2011: You're welcome. :-)... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
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The point of this article was to point out that these biases are NOT facts, and should not be treated ... (read in full...)
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Was he messing around? Sounds like it.
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I think I have fallen for my friend, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. What should I do?
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LDR--we don't communicate as much now and its freaking me out
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for 6 months now and for the past couple of weeks I feel like I've just been stressing out about every little thing he does (or doesnt do). We met on xbox - which is a gaming console for those of you who ...
A. 18 March 2011: 1) No. In an LDR communication is the only thing you have. It's also the most important thing to any relationship.
2) Because he's not ready to get rid of her off the list. It also depends on the relationship. Did they date seriously, or was i... (read in full...)
We've talked about our problems but nothing has changed.....what should I do?
Q. Sorry this is long , but if you read this and comment i really appreciate it...Ive been with my bf for 2 years. Before we dated we were best friends , he always had a crush on me and we dated when we were 11 , im 18 now btw. And anyways one night i ...
A. 18 March 2011: He's controlling and abusive. Right now that's confined to verbal abuse, but that's usually the gateway. You think you love him, but love doesn't make you feel this miserable. He won't change, because he has no reason to want to. He can control ... (read in full...)
Back with my ex, but during our time apart I started to have feelings for another guy....now I feel so guilty!
Q. So recently ( 3 weeks ago) my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me. He said he didn't have the time for me and that we should go separate ways and told me to find a new boyfriend. He's 34 I'm 19. I'm deeply inlove with him, I was devastated when ...
A. 18 March 2011: Sooo... What's the problem? You got back with the guy you wanted, haven't done anything wrong with this other guy who helped you out, and...
It's perfectly natural to like people, especially old friends who offer help in times of need. J... (read in full...)
How do I get her to be my girl and dump her boyfriend?
Q. uhh yeah theres this girl i really like we talk all the time she invited me to her b-day party but the only problem i have is that she has a boyfriend!! and i like her and i think she knows this but she likes her boyfriend to soo what i want to know ...
A. 18 March 2011: If you really liked her, you'd want her to be happy, even if that's not with you.
"bump the chump..." *sigh*
You can try to prove you're the better man, oops, BOY, but that usually backfires. Especially when you have an attitude like th... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me how I can be less needy?
Q. Hello everyone! Here is my problem. Me and my bf have not been getting on too well, and there have been a lot of issues lately. He has asked for some space from me this week, I last saw him on Sunday, today is Thursday and we are meeting up on Satur...
A. 18 March 2011: I think you're driving yourself needlessly crazy. Here's why: if he was up to something he shouldn't be, he would NOT tell you about it. Him telling you about talking to someone was just him being honest. He needed company and she provided it. I ... (read in full...)
Why do I always ask myself why a guy is attracted to me?
Q. why when i meet a really hot guy who is attracted to me i always question myself on "why is he talking to me, how have a attracted such a good looking guy!?". It annoys me, because i'm not insecure or unnatractive. But it's me questioning as though ...
A. 18 March 2011: It is insecurity. It may have to do with past experiences, or questioning if he's just trying to use you. Either way, that's still insecurity.... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
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The more I've got to know my husband, the less I like him!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been married to my husband for over a 1.5 yr ago i..e we signed the marriage certificate almost 2 yrs ago and i moved with him 6 months after signing him. Few months after signing him we had fights regarding issues with his frie...
A. 18 March 2011: I'm confused, how well did you know your husband before you married him. It sounds to me like you thought marriage magically makes people close.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-people-put-too-much-weight-on-the.html
I think that threa... (read in full...)
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Is there anyone else you can lean on, parents, friends, etc.? I suggest you go there. You've ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 17 March 2011: Thanks for the response aAoa, but it is a little off topic. To bring it on topic, think about the answer to these questions: How does what you wrote apply to the advice you see on this forum? How does it influence what you tell people?... (read in full...)
To all young girls with a boyfriend
Q. So you are young and in love, that is so sweet and romantic. I am happy for you. I really am, there is nothing better then being young and in love. It is a very special time for all of us. But what happens when it is over?? Maybe you have ...
A. 17 March 2011: Great first article GeeGee255! This applies to a lot of young boys too. I remember investing everything I had in that first love. It cost me a lot. Friends... Gone. Family... Alienated. Me... Lost, cheated on, with a present that kept ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that he doesn't love me anymore. What should I do?
Q. I Have been with my boyfiend for nearly 4 years. Our sex life is pratically well..non exsistant! this started to happen since maybe september ish time last year ( 2010)sex maybe once a week is accetable?? or not even that every couple of weeks! F...
A. 17 March 2011: There's more to love than sex, and it's common for sex to drop off in a long term relationship. What you need to do is confront the situation. You need to have a real talk about how you feel because of his lack of affection. You need to tell him... (read in full...)
Help me be more indepenent!!
Q. I am in a relationship of two and a half years. I love my boyfriend, but I need to start being more independent. I don't have many friends, mostly because I just don't have time to socialize with school being a big priority. I am also a bit soci...
A. 17 March 2011: What GeeGee said is true. Many guys don't appreciate what they have till it's gone. I guess that goes for a lot of people in general too.... (read in full...)
He won't be intimate with me, but he has no problem watching porn when I'm not around!
Q. Why would a man over many years, regularly avoid sex with his wife? We would have sex about 2 times a month at most. I would try to initiate about 3 times a week, but get the "i'm tired" excuse. We argued alot about sex, I felt like something was ...
A. 17 March 2011: Counselling is really the only option you have left. You've tried talking and that's not working. You've tried initiating, and that's not working. He's not fulfilling your needs and it's causing a rift that will soon be irreparable. He sounds... (read in full...)
Help me be more indepenent!!
Q. I am in a relationship of two and a half years. I love my boyfriend, but I need to start being more independent. I don't have many friends, mostly because I just don't have time to socialize with school being a big priority. I am also a bit soci...
A. 17 March 2011: Make plans with those friends. So what if it's inconvenient. Even if it's something like study plans you're making excuses why you can't do it. Knock it off with the excuses.... (read in full...)
Girls: why do you get emotional about sex???
Q. Why do girls act like they hate all boys, when they themselves know that the guys they are choosing to be with are known to only use girls for their bodies? This is a question i've been wondering for a while. Girls want sex more than guys. Period. ...
A. 17 March 2011: Wow, you've got a very interesting perspective.
Girls typically want sex about the same as boys do. It usually is boys who push for sex though. Anthropologically speaking, women looked for a stable, secure, mate who would be able to best pro... (read in full...)
'veiny' looking marks make me shy about showing my body
Q. i have these wierd veiney lines along my hips...i dont know what a boy would think of them. i dont wont to have sex yet, but i'm pretty sure that they'll still be there when i do. im just so afraid of what he will think of me....
A. 17 March 2011: They won't care. Definitely wait to have sex though. Seriously, only VERY shallow guys will care about something like that.... (read in full...)
Competing for the same girl. I'm serious about her but he's not! advice please?
Q. I and my best friend are in love with the same girl.I love her seriously and madly but my friend loves her for fun.what do i do?...
A. 17 March 2011: "My best friend and I" Sorry, grammar nazi here. Talk to your friend about it and tell him what you're feeling for her and that you're going to pursue her. Don't ask permission, tell him. ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me how I can be less needy?
Q. Hello everyone! Here is my problem. Me and my bf have not been getting on too well, and there have been a lot of issues lately. He has asked for some space from me this week, I last saw him on Sunday, today is Thursday and we are meeting up on Satur...
A. 17 March 2011: Take up a hobby, something to occupy your mind and time. It could be going to the gym, or reading, or a craft, or art, gardening... You've got lots of options. When you smother someone with your attention, they feel the need to escape it. Afte... (read in full...)
I thought we were the perfect couple but he's broken it off
Q. Im in total devastation I have been with my fiancé 5 years in march. the day before me and him was meant to be moving into our flat together he told me he didnt love me anymore??? I was heart broken and I still am. Then the day after he rang me...
A. 17 March 2011: Will he ever see the light? Depends on which light you're talking about. Perhaps to him, he did see the light, and that's why he broke it off.
I have a feeling he's been considering this for quite some time. It was low of him to get your hop... (read in full...)
Online relationship; different sex drives
Q. I'm in an online relationship. Without getting into specifics, we've been going steadily for over 10 months now. But there's a schism, it seems. Despite me being "the male," her sex drive is, by far, much stronger than mine. Typically, ...
A. 17 March 2011: Sometimes I wonder why people bother with relationships that don't fulfill any of their real needs...
Tell her no enough and she's going to get what she wants elsewhere. This isn't a good relationship for either of you.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with 2 guys. Which one do I choose?
Q. Am in love with two guys, one of them have all the quality i need in a man as a husband but the other one does not have all the quality but he's my first love, very rich but i don't think he loves me so much but i love him,the second one don't have ...
A. 17 March 2011: Hmm, rich guy who could take or leave you, or poor guy who loves you with all his soul...
Why don't you decide what's more important to you, love or money. That makes your decision easy.... (read in full...)
Are my ex's family being inappropriate?
Q. My son's bio father, we will call him Cord, his family randomly called me the other day over and over and over and over. WHen I listened to the voicemail it said,"Wow you sound really down on your voicemail. You need to call us. (pause) I need a...
A. 17 March 2011: Definitely rude and inappropriate. ... (read in full...)
Why would he want me to parade around in revealing clothes? Is this because he never had many girlfriends and only watched porn?
Q. My lovely boyfriend who is 35 hasnt had many girlfriends and when we first met he had a huge collection of porn which he has now deleted from his computer. He says he doesnt need it any more. However, he seems very keen on me wearing really h...
A. 17 March 2011: "why would he want to parade me round looking like this?"
To show off. He probably takes pride in others noticing you and seeing that you're with him. He also thinks you look really good in those outfits.
If you don't like it, don't do it.... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 17 March 2011: Thank you very much for the update. I'm very glad things worked out for you. I wish you the best.... (read in full...)
I cant cope with my fiance being bisexual!
Q. My Girlfriend and i have been together some time now and we are engaged, we're quite young but i know i feel strong enough to make this commitment as does she, however she has cheated on me twice before but promises me that it was stupid mistakes ...
A. 16 March 2011: How many times does she need to cheat on you before you realize she's not going to be faithful to you. You're better off without her no matter what you may feel. But I know you're going to learn this lesson the hard way. Wait till she brings back ... (read in full...)
What can I do that's romantic and not too expensive for a welcome home?
Q. Hello everyone. I'm in a lesbian relationship with the woman of my dreams. Been together nearly 7 months now. She's sexy, smart, funny and takes care of me so well. She's always spoiling me and I love her to bits. Her job means she has to go ...
A. 16 March 2011: I'm a big fan of hand made gifts. Do you sew or knit? You could make a hat or scarf for her. I am good with origami, so I like to make origami floral arrangements for people I care about. They don't need water and last forever. :-) See, when ... (read in full...)
Threesome gone wrong.....
Q. Recently my girlfriend has been talking about a threesome with another girl and I wanted to let this happen because it was one of her fantasies. So by chance my birthday was last month and we final had our chance. She was not happy with the o...
A. 16 March 2011: Yup, threesomes are bad news in most committed relationships. Mine went well at the time, but the fallout afterword was a pity. It changed how I felt about her, even though it was my idea. It sucks when you learn life lessons the hard way.... (read in full...)
Engaged to someone else, but I have strong feelings for my cousin...
Q. I'm 21 years old and I had never met my cousin until our aunts wedding last summer . When I began the new semester at college I added him to my msn and some nights when I was up studying I would leave my msn running and me and him would talk ( he's ...
A. 16 March 2011: It's probably best if you cut out the contact. Is this a first cousin? Think of what the relationship would do to your family. They likely would not understand. It is also illegal in most states.
... (read in full...)
She just got a new boyfriend and I can't take it, I want a relationship with her so bad!
Q. Ok, iv known my bestfriend for over five years now and we have built a strong friendship between us. I like to think its a romantic friendship, were we hold hands and mess about together nothing intimate or sexual, we also say "i love you" at the ...
A. 16 March 2011: Man oh man, I know how you're feeling. Unrequited love really sucks, and so does being that "friend" when all you want is something more. It's a difficult pain to deal with because it's like mourning the relationship that never was.
I know you... (read in full...)
Have I made the right decision in love?
Q. I have refrained from any kind of sexual relationship with my "boyfriend" if I can call him that. We have know each other 27 years. Both went off and had children for other people and rekindled again in 2000 and now have an 8 year old. However s...
A. 16 March 2011: Are your right to have fallen out of love with him?
Sure. It happens, and from what you describe it's certainly understandable.
No, I don't blame you for starting this emotional relationship with someone else, even though it is very wrong. ... (read in full...)
Do people put too much weight on the institution of marriage, and too little value on the PERSON they marry?
Q. I sometimes worry when I see a young person "pushing" for marriage, and seeing marriage as the ultimate goal in a relationship, while worrying little about the "issues" that exist within the relationship and on building a healthy relationship and ...
A. 16 March 2011: I agree with your points and with the suggestion to make this an article. I also encourage you to sign up for an account and post advice, because you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
Many people think marriage is a magical thing. ... (read in full...)
2 months together on a trip with my ex?
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up 4 months ago now due to his jealousy problems about my past. while in a relationship although things were never great we decided we wanted to travel together. well these plans got pushed to one side when we broke up...
A. 16 March 2011: Do your best to focus on the moment and just enjoy the experience. One nice thing about a trip is that there are plenty of activities to keep you occupied. Two months is a long time! That's half the total time of the relationship... YIKES!
... (read in full...)
My ex has moved in with her new guy after only 6 months together, is this too soon?
Q. So here's my situation, it's been a good 6 months that my LDR ex and i have been broken up. She said that we were on different paths in life and I never understood that because we both loved each other and had made future plans together as well. And ...
A. 16 March 2011: It depends on the relationship. Some relationships that's very soon, others it's completely natural. I have a friend who accepted a marriage proposal after only 5 days together and they've been married over 20 years.
She was longing for more in ... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend seems to be trying to make me jealous!
Q. Pardon my ignorance, but when a girl breaks up with her boyfriend of a year, and gets another one three weeks later...isn't she supposed to be happy with her new bf and moved on... ...but, My ex keeps asking people how I am and saying "Make sur...
A. 16 March 2011: I agree with YouWish, your indifference to her is the perfect response to behavior like this. She's definitely trying to make you jealous. I feel sorry for the guy she's using right now. It's pretty pathetic behavior, and that of a manipulative ... (read in full...)
Do you consider watching porn cheating?
Q. How can watching porn be cheating? Random question.. girls/guys some thoughts??...
A. 16 March 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/admit-it-guys-youre-fantasizing-about-the-girls.html
Thanks Chigirl, hopefully this one works. I think it's because the "." became part of the link...... (read in full...)
Do you consider watching porn cheating?
Q. How can watching porn be cheating? Random question.. girls/guys some thoughts??...
A. 16 March 2011: "so when you say you get off on porn you are actually thinking of doing it with the porn star?"
In most cases, no. It's actually the act that we're watching, the people doing the act are mostly irrelevant. Watching two people have sex is very ... (read in full...)
Do you consider watching porn cheating?
Q. How can watching porn be cheating? Random question.. girls/guys some thoughts??...
A. 16 March 2011: Talk about an exercise in the slippery slope.
See what you started OP! LMAO! ;-)... (read in full...)
When I masturbate, no sperm comes out!
Q. Hi I am 13 and I have erections but when I masturbate no sperm comes out. I'm scared as I have been kicked in the balls twice; once this year the other one last year. I don't want to go to the doctors because my Mum will know and I'm really ...
A. 15 March 2011: It's not unusual for someone your age to not be able to achieve a full orgasm with ejaculation. I started masturbating at a similar age and I think I was 15 before I actually achieved an orgasm. I don't think you have anything to worry about, but ... (read in full...)
Do you consider watching porn cheating?
Q. How can watching porn be cheating? Random question.. girls/guys some thoughts??...
A. 15 March 2011: Depends on the person. To me, it's not. To me, cheating is when there is a relationship between someone and someone else who is in a relationship. It doesn't have to get physical. It all boils down to intent.
Porn is fantasy land. That's n... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 3 March 2011: Thanks Cerberus. You make a good point about dominance versus equality. It's a shame that attitude gets reflected in a prevailing bias on this advice forum as well.
... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 23 February 2011: I say go with Italian, then again, I'm biased because I just LOVE Italian food. ;)... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 23 February 2011: I agree that it can be helpful, as can the experiences of people who have lived through a situation similar to what has been presented by the OP. We can't take that for granted.
To me, it all depends on the question. Some people need you to e... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 22 February 2011: For posterity sake, my previous reply was written before Jmtmj and Odds replies had shown up for me.
Thank you Odds for your post and attempting to bring us back on topic. It's my hope we can continue this discussion on topic without delving ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 22 February 2011: I'll admit, I did take your post to be your views Chigirl. In my defense, the historical perspective you presented you did state was a bias you shared, and one you hypothesized many other women also share.
I did not say your advice was bad. I ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 22 February 2011: Mishmash, thank you for the excellent post.
Chigirl, I think you partially grasped my point, but it not entirely. I'll detail what I mean.
My point in this article was to point out this: "I will admit, although not seeing it as a flaw, that ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 21 February 2011: Battista, it definitely isn't just you!
Odds, I knew what you meant even before you posted your correction. ;-) You're absolutely correct, and I think part of why I didn't even consider the historical perspective is because I haven't experien... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: angelDlite, that's a very good point you bring up about historical inequality. It's sometimes easy to forget in the current atmosphere of equality, or very near equality. You're absolutely correct though. That's something I hadn't really thought ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: Thanks for the posts so far.
Cindy, I'm well aware my methodology was far from perfect. Perhaps I should have put some quotes around the word experiment.
Was I trying to show specific inconsistencies in individuals advice? No, that's not w... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 27 October 2010: Wow soon567, you really got me there... It's obvious you didn't ready my post or even understand what I wrote. Not surprising considering you don't even know the difference between constance and constant. You also didn't understand the OP's ... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 26 October 2010: jj1234, I don't know if you followed the link I posted, but it is a post from a woman who accepted porn and is trying to deal with the lies her BF tells around it. It evolved into a more general discussion, but there are many points in there that I ... (read in full...)
How to handle trust issueswith pornography, boyfriend & lying
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. My previous boyfriend was addicted to porn and lied about it. I'm one of those girls who hate it--it's demoralizing in my eyes, sick, and perverted. So when I asked him about watching it or ...
A. 26 October 2010: A lie is a lie. I'll say that outright. You have every right to set the rules for what you will and will not tolerate in your life and in your relationships.
What I'm going to try to do is explain why lying about porn is different in the mind... (read in full...)
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