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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
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Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
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A. 25 February 2011: Which time? LOL
The most recent was quite a few years ago now. When I was in college, there was a girl in our friend circle who started showing an interest in me. We flirted a lot, started dating. We had lots of fun. The relationship was very... (read in full...)
How do I make the transition from boyfriend to friend? I don't want to lose her!
Q. Hi everyone, just looking for some advice. Myself and my girlfriend broke up yesterday. We knew that it was on the horizon though, because we are both at university and I am in my final year and will hence be moving away in the summer. She is i...
A. 25 February 2011: Yes, time and space will help heal the wounds. The problem is, that as friends, when you see her, they will likely reopen. That's always been my problem. That's why it's almost easier to cut the person out of your life until the healing process ... (read in full...)
If a guys denies his love for you is there a possibility he may start loving later?
Q. i like this guy. we know each other since childhood. but he treats me more like a friend / sister .. he likes me, cares for me etc . . everything a guy can do make a girl feel spl. however, when I confessed that I have feelings for him he ...
A. 25 February 2011: That's a BIG piece of this puzzle.
Most people in their right mind don't want to start a long distance relationship. They are simply too difficult. That could be a major driving force in his decision to only want to be friends.
I'm gla... (read in full...)
Is flirting online a form of cheating?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years. Our arguments have always been about him flirting with women on Facebook or MySpace. Is that considered cheating if hes flirting online and he tells women he's single? ...
A. 24 February 2011: Not to mention showing you absolutely zero respect.... (read in full...)
Why does my partner sleep with my clothing that I accidentally left at his place?
Q. hey guys just a curious question i left a shirt of mine in my partners car for quite some time, and today when i went to his new place, he kept it in his bed under his pillow. would anyone know why he does it? Occasionaly i forget to take things w...
A. 24 February 2011: By the way, if the stockings are a little crusty, then he's using them for something else.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's signed up to dating sites - please help!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. A year in, I found he was signed up to a dating-type website, confronted him and he said it was to look at pictures while masturbating. He understood why it upset me and he stopped doing it. A few times si...
A. 24 February 2011: Yup, not to mention they are local singles. Perhaps this is something worth telling him. ... (read in full...)
Couldn't we at least stay friends?
Q. So, a while back this guy added me on Facebook. He graduated the same high school I'm attending, so he's 3 years older than me(I'm 17, he's almost 20). We started talking and he really seemed into me and even told me so. We would Skype often, and ...
A. 24 February 2011: He's not that into you. Sorry. If he was into you, he wouldn't be ignoring you. Perhaps it's your age, or perhaps it's the awkward date. Either way, it's best if you just consider this over. Let him reach out if he wants to try and mend this ... (read in full...)
I can't take the word "no".
Q. it's killing me Ive seen this new girl in my univercity and I really like her.I asked her to be my girl friend.she said no at firt but eventually we spoke a nice deal,she said that we can friends .Unfortunatly things gor so bad and she kept say...
A. 24 February 2011: You can't be friends with her if you keep asking her out. It shows no respect for her wishes. It's not bad to be direct, but you need to learn how to deal with rejection. Persistance can be good, but it can really hurt you too.... (read in full...)
Why does my partner sleep with my clothing that I accidentally left at his place?
Q. hey guys just a curious question i left a shirt of mine in my partners car for quite some time, and today when i went to his new place, he kept it in his bed under his pillow. would anyone know why he does it? Occasionaly i forget to take things w...
A. 24 February 2011: Perhaps he likes having something of yours close to him as a reminder of you. Perhaps it smells like you and gives him something good to think of while he drifts off. ... (read in full...)
Should I send him a message apologizing?
Q. I joined a dating website a couple of months ago. There is a feature where you can see who's checking you out, and I noticed that this one guy kept showing up. I found him really interesting and attractive, so I messaged him. He was really sweet, ...
A. 24 February 2011: LOL, yeah, that's definitely acting like a crazy person. He was just trying to be honest with you. Jeeze, poor guy...
Be careful apologizing. Something like, "Sorry for the weird text the other night. I'd like to see you again. Let me know ... (read in full...)
He's into really geeky stuff and I hate it! How do I tell him?
Q. so, i love my bf, right? but hes just a little too much like my step-dad. hes into swords, and anime and stuff like that. i hate all of that crap, but i dont know how to tell him that it makes him a geek... help me? please? ...
A. 24 February 2011: LMAO! He wouldn't have stuff if he was pretending. Have fun living a lie and not accepting him for who he really is.... (read in full...)
LDR I get very upset when I don't hear from him and send not nice messages!
Q. Hello dear agony aunts, I'm really confused about what to do.... I and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now. He's 15 years older than me, I'm 21. We are in a LDR, we've had lots of ups and downs in the past but we love each other so ...
A. 24 February 2011: You're needy and immature, and definitely not cut out for an LDR. Not at all. He's mature and can't take that crap anymore. He's also a very poor communicator.
This is a match doomed to failure. Find someone near you who you can actually... (read in full...)
Is flirting online a form of cheating?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years. Our arguments have always been about him flirting with women on Facebook or MySpace. Is that considered cheating if hes flirting online and he tells women he's single? ...
A. 24 February 2011: Cheating? Not so much in my opinion, but he is lying, hiding you, doing something he knows you don't like, disregarding your feelings...
I think it's time to tell him he's gotten his wish. He's now single and free to flirt with as many women on... (read in full...)
I love him but I need to let go, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend asked me for child and I told him I'm not ready for that. He went and got another girl pregnant that he said he was talking to but I assumed they are still together, I confronted both of them on three way for the man to choose he ...
A. 24 February 2011: You really love a man who cheated on you and got another girl pregnant because you weren't ready for a baby?
Dump him! He doesn't love you. If he loved you, he wouldn't be fucking someone else.... (read in full...)
How do I make the transition from boyfriend to friend? I don't want to lose her!
Q. Hi everyone, just looking for some advice. Myself and my girlfriend broke up yesterday. We knew that it was on the horizon though, because we are both at university and I am in my final year and will hence be moving away in the summer. She is i...
A. 24 February 2011: I doubt you'll ever be able to be her true friend. How will you feel when she's dating, or asking for advice with guys. It's not like you don't still have feelings for her.
You need to be honest with yourself about what you think you can hand... (read in full...)
I'm uncertain about a LDR!
Q. Help! I'm really new to my relationship with my boyfriend... We've known each other for three years now and we became a couple about 9 months ago. My concern is that I'm afraid of letting him go. By that I mean him going off to a different school, ...
A. 24 February 2011: Does it mean you're not mature for not wanting an LDR?
In my eyes it makes you more mature. LDR's typically fail. They are too hard for the exact reason you stated, you just want to be WITH them, and phone calls, skype, texting, etc. just doe... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love two women?
Q. Can a man really love two women? I'm in love with two women and don't know which to choose, its hard one is my baby's-mother. I'm so confused!...
A. 24 February 2011: Sure, I think a person can love lots of people. I love my parents, my brother, some of my friends...
If you're trying to choose, I'd choose your baby's mother. Don't you love your baby too? As a package deal, they should trump anything else.... (read in full...)
I've found out my husband has been having affairs for years, so many questions..........
Q. Hi I have a few questions i would like your views on so please take the time and reply ty. A little about my situation. Iv been with my h/b for 32 yrs married for 22yrs every 1 thought we were the perfect couple until 3 yrs ago i found out that...
A. 24 February 2011: I'm sorry, but you need to get away from this man NOW! He's abusive, and still threatening violence. This is a dangerous situation for you. There are resources out there to help you. Please seek them out.... (read in full...)
When is a platonic friendship not platonic anymore?
Q. When is a platonic friendship not platonic anymore? any signs or actions that you think is like BIG signs? ...
A. 24 February 2011: I don't think that's the question you really wanted to ask. I think you wanted to ask: "what are the signs that someone is interested in progressing past a strictly platonic relationship?" Am I right?
The answer to that question: It's differen... (read in full...)
Can we fix this? I don't appreciate her lying right to my face
Q. me and my girlfriend ahve been seeing eachother for a little over 6 months now and i recentley caught her in a lie the other night, there has been a huge fight and dsipute with me and a few of her friends regarding one of her friends, she had been ...
A. 24 February 2011: Walk away from this relationship, and into a school. Talk to someone in the main office about taking a writing class. There you can learn about sentences, punctuation, spelling, grammar, and all the other things that will help you portray your ... (read in full...)
Too scared to have sex through fear of pregnancy, how can I stop him from wanting to fool around with me?
Q. i am only 18 years old, my boyfriend is also 18 years old . we have been in a relationship for 4 months . when we were still in our first month, he always want to kiss me. so i learn how to kiss through him. now , i always like to be kiss by him( i ...
A. 24 February 2011: I'm sorry, but you're in college and you don't know you should capitalize the letter "I" when it is used alone, and you don't know how to safely avoid pregnancy? Come on. I learned that stuff in GRADE SCHOOL! How did you manage to get into ... (read in full...)
Why did he stop in the middle of sex?!?!
Q. I had sex the other night for the first time with a new man. It all seemed to be going fine and then he suddenly just stopped. I've never had that happen to me before but it has left me feeling inadequate and paranoid! I had had quite a bit to d...
A. 24 February 2011: In addition to what Lucy Lee said...
Maybe he lost his erection and was ashamed. Maybe he came quickly and didn't want to tell you. Maybe he strained a muscle and couldn't continue.
I don't think it's anything to do with you. As long as he's... (read in full...)
I've been seeing him 2 weeks, what is an appropriate amount to spend for a birthday gift for him?
Q. Hi there, I have been seeing a guy for just over 2 weeks. Thing is, in those 16 days we have seen each other 11 times. I have never gotten this close with someone this quickly, or seen them this amount. my question is fairly trivial... it is...
A. 24 February 2011: I think small but thoughtful is still perfect. Sure, you've seen each other a lot in those two weeks, but it's still only been two weeks. A gift need not be expensive to be perfect.... (read in full...)
Secrets...???
Q. Alright so, i'm asking on behalf of my best friend, she has a boyfriend and they're very close. They were friends beforehand and they've been going out for just over a month. Anyway the issue is that he has told her some of his secrets and he's...
A. 24 February 2011: She shouldn't be pressured, but it would be good of her to share something she doesn't tell many people. It does help build trust, and when someone puts themself out there, it's usually good form to reciprocate on some level.
If she's worried ... (read in full...)
Once I fell pregnant to him he told me he was already MARRIED!!!
Q. I'm 23 yrs. old. I have met a guy last year at a club. After a week of dating, we agreed to have a commitment. At first I agreed to it just for fun then I realized I am falling for him. After 2 months of dating, I found out I am pregnant with his ...
A. 24 February 2011: You have to do what you think is right, but the chances of him leaving his marrage for you are next to zero. Your child will be illegitimate, but that's not the worst thing in the world.
You got duped by a jerk. I'm sorry that happened to you.... (read in full...)
Is it more important to have time to spend with people you love than achieve your life goals?
Q. Currently i'm working very hard for my AS levels and i know that my life from now on is going to be very difficult and tiring because, wait for it, i want to be a doctor. I want to go to med school and eventually become a consultant. But even now...
A. 24 February 2011: In my opinion, achieving your life goals helps you better spend time with those you love because you'll be happier.
Very little in life worth having comes easy. It's how you deal with hardship that tempers a relationship. Good luck!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's signed up to dating sites - please help!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. A year in, I found he was signed up to a dating-type website, confronted him and he said it was to look at pictures while masturbating. He understood why it upset me and he stopped doing it. A few times si...
A. 24 February 2011: I guess that makes some sense. Still, what's he hiding from now. How would you respond if he was looking at porn instead?
I still think it's fishy, even if he's just using it to masturbate to. The fact that he does this when you are having p... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to tell him we should continue hanging out as friends?
Q. I met a guy through some mutual friends at a house party 4 months ago, and he had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship a few weeks prior. The breakup was "straight forward" so to speak - no unresolved feelings and he did not want her back. ...
A. 24 February 2011: I'm sure you'll still hang out as friends in the group setting. That's where your relationship will stay. It's not like he suddenly doesn't care about you, but he has switched his focus to other dating prospects because that's what he's looking ... (read in full...)
My wife cheated on me 2 days ago, would you agree?
Q. It hurts so much to write this right now. I never imagined being even remotely close to cheated on but from the investigating I've done, the mere thought appears to be the inevitable... I've been with my wife for 9 years. She's 26 and I'm 30. ...
A. 24 February 2011: Thanks for the update. I know this is an incredibly difficult time for you, but it's good that you're getting to the bottom of the problems you two are facing.
In my eyes, communication is the most important part of a relationship. It literall... (read in full...)
Why doesn't sex mean anything anymore?
Q. Nobody seems to believe in waiting for that one special person anymore. As a society we have come to expect sex all the time, and people don't care if it's with someone they truly care about or not, all they really want is thrills and excitement. ...
A. 23 February 2011: "We're turning into animals."
We are now, and always have been animals. Mammals specifically.... (read in full...)
He says he feels like him and his current gf, are 'just friends'..what does this mean?
Q. okay, so my friend is not feeling his relationship and he came to me for help . he says that he isn't feeling his relationship because it feels like him and his girlfriend are just friends, what does that mean ?...
A. 23 February 2011: The Realist is right. I'd also be willing to bet he's interested in you, and trying to gauge if you're interested too. Unless you guys are long term friends, this is one of those segway things many guys use to cheat on their GF's.... (read in full...)
I'm severely depressed about my weight gain and not feeling attractive to my man
Q. Ok i have a few things to get off my chest and need solid help!!I've been with my man for about 9 months now we are very much in love but recently i have put on a few pounds and I'm starting to feel as if he is less attracted to me we have went from ...
A. 23 February 2011: Have you told him how those comments and his lack of sexual interest are making you feel? It's pretty regular for sex to drop off after that initial honeymoon phase passes, but the comments are definitely more troubling. You need to get this out ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to tell him we should continue hanging out as friends?
Q. I met a guy through some mutual friends at a house party 4 months ago, and he had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship a few weeks prior. The breakup was "straight forward" so to speak - no unresolved feelings and he did not want her back. ...
A. 23 February 2011: "was I wrong to tell him we should continue hanging out as friends?"
Not if that's what you were feeling.
"Did I just throw away a perfectly good opportunity to develop a relationship by saying that?"
Yup. Here's why. The dreaded friend... (read in full...)
Boyfriend at uni 200 miles away and I rarely see him...
Q. My boyfriend moved to uni, 200 miles from me.. ever since his been down ther ive always asked him to come down or ill go down to him.. its been 5months since he left and in that time ive only seen him twice... ive spoken to him about this and h...
A. 23 February 2011: Your "mate" is making a move on you. You're an easy target right now. You're missing your BF who's not going to be able to be with you due to distance. It's textbook!
LDR's don't work, and this is why. I think you should end things with you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's signed up to dating sites - please help!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. A year in, I found he was signed up to a dating-type website, confronted him and he said it was to look at pictures while masturbating. He understood why it upset me and he stopped doing it. A few times si...
A. 23 February 2011: I'm curious as to the answers to strontiumdog's questions as well.
I know when I thought things were about to end with my last GF, I went and signed up for a couple of dating sites. I didn't fill in the profile, or load any pictures, or message ... (read in full...)
If a guys denies his love for you is there a possibility he may start loving later?
Q. i like this guy. we know each other since childhood. but he treats me more like a friend / sister .. he likes me, cares for me etc . . everything a guy can do make a girl feel spl. however, when I confessed that I have feelings for him he ...
A. 23 February 2011: Anything is possible, but some things just aren't probable. This is one of those that will not likely happen for you.
He probably does love you, but like he told you, it's on a friend/sisterly level. When someone loves you like that, the idea... (read in full...)
What should I do.... I am so in to her???
Q. How do i cope with a girl im so much interested on and the girl is jsut hanging out with me but keep on telling me one thing that she just broke up with his boyfriend and need time to get over her past relationship since January. ...
A. 23 February 2011: You just do. Don't rush her. If you do, she'll stop hanging out with you. Give her time to be ready.
If you can't take it, stop hanging out with her. She's only been broken up for a month. I don't blame her for wanting more time.... (read in full...)
I don't come first with my boyfriend
Q. It's me again from (two talking diff.languages). I have too many issues concerning my boyfriend. Besides being lazy to initiate anyth like seeing me or calling. I ve difficulty to trust him. He is v.popular ve many friends spec girls from all leve...
A. 23 February 2011: To me, it doesn't sound like things are going the direction you want them to be going. Are you content to wait? If not, you might want to consider leaving. In my eyes, this statement summed up your feelings about him: "Besides being lazy to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's brother plays footsie with me under the table. Is he flirting with me and how serious is this?
Q. How serious is footsie as a flirtation tool? My boyfriend's older brother keeps trying to play it with me under the table during dinner (and I'm usually sitting next to my boyfriend). Whilst I admit I have feelings for him (albeit, physical ones) ...
A. 23 February 2011: It's not innocent, and it should be stopped. He will say it's just in fun, but it's not. Tell him to knock it off.
If you're in doubt about it, tell your boyfriend and see how he reacts. He definitely won't like it, because he knows this beh... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 23 February 2011: I say go with Italian, then again, I'm biased because I just LOVE Italian food. ;)... (read in full...)
Pregant and scared of my dad's reaction...
Q. i am 10 weeks pregnant and it has just started to sink in after finding out a few weeks ago. My partner in over joyed and i told my mum the other day who is also pleased at becoming a grandmother. However she did say that my dad will be sad and ...
A. 23 February 2011: I agree with marieclaire. Your dad loves you, and he wants you to be happy. He may be sad because his little girl has reached another turning point in her life, but I think you need to hold your head up high. Show him you're happy. ... (read in full...)
Am I over thinking this or is he not that serious about us and doesn't see any real future?
Q. I am in my mid thirties. I am seeing a guy with the past year. He is very reluctant to meet my family(my sister lives up the road) I did meet his family at xmas after alot of fighting on my behalf. On one occassion he was dropping me off at my ...
A. 23 February 2011: Yeah, I agree that it's time to meet the family. I've found people's relationships with their own family often influence their desire to meet their partner's family. People put different importance on family.
I think Aunt Honesty is right, y... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 23 February 2011: I agree that it can be helpful, as can the experiences of people who have lived through a situation similar to what has been presented by the OP. We can't take that for granted.
To me, it all depends on the question. Some people need you to e... (read in full...)
How do I know if I have finished puberty?
Q. I'm 17, and I was just wondering, how do I know if I'm done with puberty? I've always looked a lot younger than everyone else, and it's something which I'm quite self conscious about. But for a while I was thought that I was done with puberty, bu...
A. 23 February 2011: There's no real way. In fact, you mature and change your whole life, puberty is just an accelorated change from childhood to adulthood. It never really stops though.
Enjoy your youthful face. You may not appreciate it now, but in 10 or 20 years... (read in full...)
How do I meet someone?
Q. Dear Cupid..... hi, i'm 16, i'm lesbian and i need a girlfriend! How do i meet someone??? i've crushed over loads of girls now, older and younger and i'm feeling really really horny a lot of the time. I touch myself a lot, but i want more now, do ...
A. 23 February 2011: Are there any colleges near you? Many colleges have gay and lesbian groups. They might be a good place to start if it's an option.
Knowing who is and isn't gay will be very difficult for you, probably one of the hardest parts of looking ... (read in full...)
How do you make yourself last longer?
Q. my girlfried gets mad at me whenever i cum quik and it kinda make feel so diverstated. Pls, how can i make myself last longer when making love? Thanks ...
A. 22 February 2011: Anon is right. Sometimes a pre date wank is a good cure for this problem as well.... (read in full...)
I like my best friends ex girlfirend.
Q. ok so I like y best friend's ex-girlfriend. I'll explain how it happened: ok so my bestfriend and I used to live in the same town and one time my friend told me he was dating a girl from a nearby town that he met in a church convention. I ne...
A. 22 February 2011: Thanks for the follow up. Sounds like you made the right choice. She may not be ready. It wasn't too much to ask where you stood. Courting her is one thing, but you should at least have an idea of where you stand, or what's the point.... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 22 February 2011: For posterity sake, my previous reply was written before Jmtmj and Odds replies had shown up for me.
Thank you Odds for your post and attempting to bring us back on topic. It's my hope we can continue this discussion on topic without delving ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 22 February 2011: I'll admit, I did take your post to be your views Chigirl. In my defense, the historical perspective you presented you did state was a bias you shared, and one you hypothesized many other women also share.
I did not say your advice was bad. I ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 22 February 2011: Mishmash, thank you for the excellent post.
Chigirl, I think you partially grasped my point, but it not entirely. I'll detail what I mean.
My point in this article was to point out this: "I will admit, although not seeing it as a flaw, that ... (read in full...)
My wife cheated on me 2 days ago, would you agree?
Q. It hurts so much to write this right now. I never imagined being even remotely close to cheated on but from the investigating I've done, the mere thought appears to be the inevitable... I've been with my wife for 9 years. She's 26 and I'm 30. ...
A. 21 February 2011: Sorry this happened to you. I agree with your course of action, although I'd be tempted to cut her off and claim full custody of your child.
Good luck going forward. This will not be easy.... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 21 February 2011: Battista, it definitely isn't just you!
Odds, I knew what you meant even before you posted your correction. ;-) You're absolutely correct, and I think part of why I didn't even consider the historical perspective is because I haven't experien... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: angelDlite, that's a very good point you bring up about historical inequality. It's sometimes easy to forget in the current atmosphere of equality, or very near equality. You're absolutely correct though. That's something I hadn't really thought ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: Thanks for the posts so far.
Cindy, I'm well aware my methodology was far from perfect. Perhaps I should have put some quotes around the word experiment.
Was I trying to show specific inconsistencies in individuals advice? No, that's not w... (read in full...)
He's into really geeky stuff and I hate it! How do I tell him?
Q. so, i love my bf, right? but hes just a little too much like my step-dad. hes into swords, and anime and stuff like that. i hate all of that crap, but i dont know how to tell him that it makes him a geek... help me? please? ...
A. 18 February 2011: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmWbBqiCxGc
What's wrong with that stuff? Sounds like a fun guy with good taste.
If you don't like it, choose someone else instead of being judgemental.... (read in full...)
I like my best friends ex girlfirend.
Q. ok so I like y best friend's ex-girlfriend. I'll explain how it happened: ok so my bestfriend and I used to live in the same town and one time my friend told me he was dating a girl from a nearby town that he met in a church convention. I ne...
A. 24 November 2010: Well, since you're being honest with everyone then follow your heart. Really, the reason her and your friend broke up doesn't matter. They had their chance and it didn't work. It probably wouldn't work if they tried it again either.
If yo... (read in full...)
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