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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Basically ive been with my bf for over a year. We have a really good sex life, so much fun together, were really open with other and as soon as either of us have a problem we let each other know, before it becomes a problem. He's honestly my best friend and partner.Everyone finds our relationship really strange as we only hang out maybe once a week, and if we can't, then no one gets stroppy. Things are just really chill between us, but it works! Everythings perfectooo! or so i though. However, i came to uni in september and we decided we would try and make it work. I come home every weekend, mainly to see him, but if he has a work do or its a friends birthday and he's busy, then i'll go hang out with my friends. That's fine, i can't expect him to fit around my plans all the time can i? and he's allowed a social life, as am i.There's been times when either of us have said that we're feeling a little distant because of uni and our situation, but we always come to the conclusion that were making the best of a shitty situation and we both still care a lot about each other.The other night he brought up that he was feeling a little distant and he's been feeling like this for a couple weeks now but wasnt sure if it was all in his head. He said that the more this situation is going on, the more he feels like he misses me less, and he's forgetting what he misses about me. We havent seen each other in about 3 weeks now so i can understand that.He basically said that hes not sure if he can go on with a relationship like this and he wasn't sure if he was creating this problem of drifting apart in his head or if it was us genuinely being distant.I just said that i cant decide that for him, but i wasn't prepared to be with someone that wasnt sure about me or the relationship. I want all or nothing.He said he wanted some time to sort his head out but i said i didn't want to be waiting around for the next few weeks with my emotions in limbo. He said he understood and that as it was his problem, he was prepared to do whatever i wanted.While saying all this he was also saying that he wasnt ready to let me go and this doesnt feel right to be saying good bye as it wasn't me that he wasn't sure about or doubting, it was the situation of not knowing if we were drifting apart.In the end i just said i'm done with us until he can decide, and he said that i know where he is if i want to talk and if i don't contact him he'll know to not contact me. The next day however, he texted me saying this feels so wrong, and its alien not being able to talk to me or text etc. That he still thinks of me as his and that he's not prepared to let me go like this.In the end i explained that ive felt distant from him before but it passes as soon as i see him and i realise how good we are together. He decided that its not right to throw away everything at the first hurdle, and we've decided to stay together. Basically there's two things i want to know. Is it weird for us to not miss each other when being apart for 1-3 weeks? I said to him that i feel like i don't miss him because i'm so accustomed to not seeing him that much, that ive just come to realise that this is how it is, so what's the point in getting down about not seeing him and missing him. Obviously there are times when i wish he was here but i don't constantly pine after him. i also thought it could be down to that fact that we're both very independent and don't just depend on each other? we're not the kind of couple to always be like oo i love you i miss you every 5 mins. you know when couple are very needy and dependant on each other emotionally? i dunno im just throwing ideas out there. I don't question that he doesn't love me anymore because i too feel in a similar way to him, i guess i just didn't bring it up because i didn't see it as a problem? I know i still love him, and i know that i want to be with him, so i over look this shit situation and the feeling distant, because i know that i want him, and know that when we are together everything is just fine. and that at the end of the day, this isn't permanent, we have summer break and easter break etc and all the weekends i come back.I'd just be soso grateful if someone could shed some light on this and if they have been in a situation similar. if it's weird we dont miss each other anymore. Thanks dolls !!!
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 These situations are always very difficult. In a way, it becomes comfortable only having to see each other once and a while. It makes you long for that other person and make the most of your time together. On the other hand, sometimes you just want a hug from your loved one after a long day. Talking on the phone or whatever doesn't cut it.
LDR's only typically work if there is an end in sight. Some goal of a time when you can actually BE together again for the long haul. Because of that, you may want to think about how far away is that end? Is there anything that can be done about the distance in the mean time?
I'm currently getting into a relationship where we're separated by a little over an hour drive time. It's not that bad, but it does prevent us from seeing each other as much as we'd like. There have been nights on the phone when we just want to be in the other's arms. In my case, I'm trying to think of a solution. I think you may want to consider something along those lines as well.
What you're feeling is completely natural. So is what he's feeling. Sometimes the logistics of a relationship just don't work, despite the best efforts of the people involved. However, you do want to make sure you're making your best effort. You need to understand what your priorities are and where the relationship falls in relation to them. Only then can you hope to make a decision about what you should do.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 You can trust your gut here. You distant yourselves from each other not because you don't care, rather it's to protect you from frustration, or the pain if something goes wrong like one of you falls in love with another person. It's also like out of sight, out of mind, why worry about something when there's no solution. The distance is like a test of your love. He could be dependent on your faith to go on with this, and vice versa. There could also be sexual frustration, not just him. You and him are supposed to stay chaste and he could be questioning whether waiting for the future is worth it.
Overall I think "I know he's the one" weighs more than you don't miss each other for now. Still that doesn't guarantee that it would turn out the way you want to. Wait for him, just in case, then you can say to him and to yourself, at least you tried.
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