A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:My bf and I have been together for a couple months. He treats me really well and is different from the other guys that I dated. One thing though that has really started to worry me, is him trying to drop me off at home early in the day. He works a lot of hours and weekends are the only time I can see him. Sometimes we spend time w/his friend as well, which I don't mind, but I also want alone time. He feels bad about me making a trip on the bus, which yeah is a pain in my backside, but I do not mind doing this for him. Parking sucks where he lives, so I never ask him because its not a whole lot of trouble for me to get home. He said he worries for my safety, but if he truly did, he would insist on giving me a ride. I told him how I felt because I feel like he is blowing me off and I've done way too much chasing in the past w/other guys. They would tell me they didn't want me to go through the trouble, but honestly they just didn't want anything to do w/me.I want to make sure he wants me, not just me wanting him. This has never come before either and I'm really worried. Does this sound like I'm pushing myself onto him? Btw if he said he needed alone time or had to take care of something, I wouldn't get mad. I told him this as well. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2017):
 If you are feeling neglected then talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, it is the only way it will be resolved.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2017): If you feeling neglected, then rollback your feelings. Maybe he's just not that into you.
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female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (22 September 2017):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe does take me out and our time together is amazing. Lately I've been feeling quite a bit of neglect.
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 September 2017):
It sounds to me like he is just not that interested in a serious relationship, if he was he would be making more off an effort. Do you guys ever go out as a couple? Go for meals? Or is it always just you going to his place?
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male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (20 September 2017):
 He's not that into you. Like you said, he'd offer that ride, he wouldn't just express concern.
Be distant the next couple days, make him chase you.
If he is still coy and only suggests afternoon dates, move on, he's just playing with you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017): I am a very firm believer that if a guy wants to be with you he will make it very obvious and you wouldn't have to question it
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2017):
 Things are rarely all black or all white, I think that it may be a bit of both, he may be sort of klling two birds with a stone; he may be sincerely worried about your safety and not wanting you out alone in the streets too late, AND, after a full immersion weekend with you, more or less consciously relishing the idea of having a few hours left for hanging out with the boys, or for some me -time.
Think about it, if he works long hours every day, and spend all his weekends with you, then when is he going to hang out with his friends or relatives on his own ?. And what about you, I am sure you are in love and all, but, don't you ever want just to hang out with the girls, or spend quality time with your mom, or your cat, or whatever ?
Togetherness is a good thing, but there is something like " too much of a good thing ". After all, even happily married couples do not always spend ALL their free time together . Dad will take Junior to soccer practice, while Mom will take the little one to a birthday party ; Dad will walk the family dogs while Mom watches her favourite Tv show, or viceversa.
So, I would not find it strange if your bf loved spending his weekend with you AND also was not heartbroken to see you going home a little earlier. Maybe he is just trying to cram everything into a weekend and make everybody happy, gf, friends and himself.
I know , you told him " you would not be mad " , but ... you see ? The very fact that you think of allowing people their space as something like one could reasonably "get mad " about , conveys the concept that for you this is a lesser evil; a tolerable one, nevertheless an evil.
I agree that he perhaps he is going about it in a rather passive aggressive way; then again, you too.
What does it mean " going there by bus is a pain in my backside " in the same sentence with " I don't mind " ?
No, you DO mind, otherwise you would not even mention it, because you would not think it's a pain in your backside or that you'd prefer another solution.
Then speak up. Tell him. Most people are not mind readers, and stick to " if it ain't broke don't fix it ". If you have never complained about travelling to his place every time, and / or about being sent home too soon for your tastes, how is he supposed to know ? yes, probably he could figure it out, if he were perceptive and empathic ,- well, maybe he is not , you can't sue him for that.
Luckily there are alternatives and compromises.
First, as another poster mentions, why don't you get and drive your own car. Make that your next prority if you still do not have a car or a driving license, ( and that regardless of bf ). If you were in Europe, or even in New York, driving could be just one of the options, but in 90% of USA it is a non -negotiable for everybody, single or partnered.
Second, why do you always have to go to him every weekend ? Yes, coming to you may be inconvenient for him, - same as it is inconvenient for you going to him. Share the inconvenience, and alternate the weekend commute.
Third, you could simply ask him. Not every single time ,but once in a while you could just ask him " I don't feel like taking the bus tonight, would you drive me back ? "
Fourth, that depends from the distance, of course, but if you are in the same city, or area, - why don't you just call a cab or an Uber ? Yes, I know, it costs more than the bus- well, we all have to pay for our little pleasures and comforts. If for you the pleasure and comfort to spend MORE time with your bf is important, you can scrimp on other stuff ( make up, clothing, dining out etc. ) and save enough for transportation.
Conclusion : there are many ways to solve this problem, those that I have mentioned and maybe others you can come up with , the only one which surely will not work is brooding and being upset about stuff, but never utter a word or take any action about it !
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017): Why don't you get your own car and shuttle yourself back and forth?
You've been dating only a couple of months; but you claim he treats you better than other guys. Yet you seem to imply he'd rather spend more time with his buddy. I think he just wants to take it slow.
I think he would rather see you on weekends, because that's his time off. You need to slow your roll and give it more time for the romantic-connection to grow closer naturally.
If you have to force him to see you, maybe he's not that into you. What I gather from your description is that he's just getting to know you.
Most romances start-out on weekends and during free-time. You work your love-life around your job and time-off; if you're a mature-adult. Maybe you get too clingy straight-off, and that's what chased-off the other guys.
It's too early for you to start complaining. It's not his fault you don't have your own transportation.
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