A
female
 ,
*uby84
writes:Hi, I have been married for 4 years to a guy who seems devoted to me. I've had a lot of problems in the past. Before I got with my husband I had been through a rough time, I had had cancer and was just finishing chemotherapy and my youngest daughter had passed away from an infection due to her being premature. I was in a fragile place and I did fall in love with him very quickly. He told me that he too had lost a child, a little boy who had been stillborn, but that the mother wouldn't let him see the baby or attend the funeral. I questioned this at the time. I asked why had he not tried to find out when the funeral was etc. He didn't want to talk about it and that I shouldn't mention it to his family as they don't know, so I backed off. A year later he said it was possible the child could be alive. This baffled me but he said the mother of the child was a liar and that she might have lied to him. So I said I would help him find his son, I looked online, asked him for information etc, but he was always very vague, like he only knew the mother's first name. Then he forgot the day his son was born. Things didn't add up but at that point I had become ill again and so left it. A few months ago we had an argument and he told me that it was all a lie, there was never a baby, that he made up having a baby that had died. I was really sick to my stomach because I've lost my own and couldn't believe he could lie about something like that. I spoke to some of my friends about this and they said I'm over reacting, that I should forget about the lie and that he probably just said that so we had 'something in common'. I really don't know what to think, am I really over reacting?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 Look, you're not over reacting because this is really messed up. Who would lie about something as serious as the death of a child?! I mean, that's a sick twist in a plot to try to connect with someone.
You need to talk to him about it and try to explain to him exactly how you feel about the fact that he lied about something that hit so close to home for you.
I have no further words for this with how shocked I am...
A
female
reader, ALM12  +, writes (5 October 2017):
 This guy is really full of himself.. no ur not over reacting why in the h#$% would you LIE about a baby??? To get on your good side??? your panties???? wtf this is messed up.. for get forgiving him and reserve yourself for someone whos truthful with you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2017):
 No off course you are not over reacting. Your friends aren't the most supportive are they? I would be horrified if my husband lied to me about something like that, it really is messed up. White lies fine but that is not something to have in common with, that is just messed up and sick in the head. I am not sure how I would get over that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2017):
 Wait, what?
I fully agree with Cindy as well.. WHO THE #$%^ invents a dead baby to have something in common with someone else? No, no, no... that is not OK.
And then it turns into the baby isn't dead? But he doesn't know her full name?
No, absolutely no. This is not OK.
You NEED to have a discussion about this because what else has he or will he lie about? This is not some little issue you just sweep under the carpet. He needs to OWN that lie and explain it. After that, well then you can decide if it's something you can forgive and move on from or not.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 October 2017):
 Couldn't agree with cindy more, that's beyond fucked up.
How are your friends thinking it's okay? That's truly baffling.
If he can lie about something like that without batting an eyelid what else is he lying about? Absolutely insane behaviour.
I'd be asking for a reason why immediately and informing him of how disgusting it is to make light of such a terrible experience you went through. I'd really have to keep a close eye on him after that major red flag.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 October 2017):
 I don't think you are overreacting. At least, in your shoes I'd be shocked too.
Now, it's pretty common, and forgivable I think, at the beginning of a relationship to accentuate the similarities, to push the pedal a bit on the things you have in common with the other person, in order to create a sense of bonding- to make them like you more, if you wish.
" Oh so you love Bruce Springsteen ? Me too, I have got all his CDs " ( Not true, you just have one or two ).
" You like Mexican food ? Oh I absolutely love it ! " ( Translation: you are OK with eating Mexican if it's no more than 2/ 3 times a year )
Stuff like that . But inventing a dead child ? This is so morbid, so tasteless, so uncalled for. And so dismissive of your atrocious experience " My child is dead " " Yeah, mine too " - like, on the same mundane level with " I had a wisdom tooth pulled out " " Ah yeah, that hurts, I know, I had one pulled too ".
And , keeping up the lie for a whole year, and keeping embellishing it ? ... I don't know, maybe he is a great guy under many other aspects, and I understand that you do not want break up a marriage overe one lie - yet, TBH this is soooo fucked up. I think you will have to draw on all your reserves of love, generosity and compassion to forgive that , because this is... well, really fucked up .
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