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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I'm in love with someone I can't be with.
Q. Dear Everyone, Some of you may say I'm a sad loser, but I'm really needing some advice. It's been almost 2 years since I split up with my girlfriend. I've never been so in love with anyone in my entire life! I've tried to move on. Dated oth...
A. 11 March 2014: I sympathise. I was in this situation with someone I was involved with for 6 years...it's very hard, it takes over your life if you let it.
He had moved on but I hadn't. I pushed other people away because my mind was so attached to him. I realised... (read in full...)
My husband is still friends with his ex-lover who he had an affair with and nearly broke up her marriage!
Q. My husband is still friends with his ex-lover (I'll call her Amber). When we married 8 years ago, I knew he was good friends with a couple in our neighborhood, particularly the wife (Amber) with whom he shared an common interest in golf. Once...
A. 7 March 2014: Wow!!
If you look it as a whole, it would seem your husband has orchestrated the entire thing.
He's in love with a married woman, marries you to take the heat off so he can still be friendly with her and her husband...now he's mananged to cool... (read in full...)
How do we reconnect? I want things to work! Help?
Q. I was with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We had a lot of good moments but after he moved away, for work, for 6 months things went down hill. I started to become the jealous, clingy, needy, insecure girlfriend. I started accusing him of cheating, ...
A. 6 March 2014: He seems like he is up to his neck in work. Work is very important to blokes (women too, but really intense for men). A man will want praise and appreciation for working so hard and if you are bitching, worrying, and creating drama, he's NOT going ... (read in full...)
How do we reconnect? I want things to work! Help?
Q. I was with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We had a lot of good moments but after he moved away, for work, for 6 months things went down hill. I started to become the jealous, clingy, needy, insecure girlfriend. I started accusing him of cheating, ...
A. 6 March 2014: Do you trust him?... (read in full...)
How far should the "my house, my rules" concept be taken?
Q. I am curious to know your thoughts about the concept of "my house, my rules". Recently there was a question posted by an (over 18) OP living at home with her parents, who wanted to get a piercing against her mother's vigorous oppositi...
A. 5 March 2014: I have two daughters. One 21 and the other 25. Both have tattoos and both have many piercings (navel, tongue,ears, septum, frenulum and chest). Both are polite, respectful, kind, loving and intelligent, both have graduated University and both have ... (read in full...)
How do we reconnect? I want things to work! Help?
Q. I was with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We had a lot of good moments but after he moved away, for work, for 6 months things went down hill. I started to become the jealous, clingy, needy, insecure girlfriend. I started accusing him of cheating, ...
A. 5 March 2014: It's not that he CAN'T give you what you want, it's that he DOESN'T want to give you what you want. There has been too much drama and although he is keeping you 'on board' he's basically looking for a way out!!
There is NOTHING you can do. Hold... (read in full...)
I know I shouldn't try for someone like her but I find myself getting infatuated!
Q. I find myself getting really infatuated over this girl. Its really worrying as I am finding myself getting almost obsessive and I am hating this. Logically I know I shouldn't try for someone like her, I know she cheats on boyfriends she's...
A. 2 March 2014: You only feel you want her because you have not had anyone else and she's an easy lay.
It's hard to admit, but you are probably hoping you can hook up with her to lose your virginity because she's a bit of a bike and you wouldn't need to make any... (read in full...)
Husband won't have sex with me until I lose more weight, but because I'm not begging him for intimacy he thinks I must be cheating!
Q. Hope someone can help. Here goes: I am currently on a weight loss journey. Though I have already lost 20 lbs, I am still pretty obese. My husband told me that he loves me but doesn't want to have sex with me until I reach my goal weight. Ok, fine , ...
A. 2 March 2014: Seriously??? this is your marriage?
You stood at the alter and made vows?
It's LOVE, HONOUR and CHERISH!!...NOT...manipulate, ridicule and accuse!!!!!
I know a way you can lose a ton of weight overnight...dump his sorry butt out the door!... (read in full...)
After the drunken argument we had I'm afraid my partner thinks I haven't really changed!
Q. hi my girlfriend and i have split for 2 months now after a drunken argument day after boxing day.we had been together for 12 months previous,prior to that we had a 2.5yr seperation due to myself committing assault on my partner after she had ...
A. 2 March 2014: Do you think you are a fit person to be a loving caring, unvolatile partner? Is she a fit person to bring peace and harmony to a relationship?
You blame her, she blames you...this doesn't make stable grounds for a relationship to grow.
I think... (read in full...)
I am waiting for the text that will ruin my weekend ...
Q. Hello. I will probably get the answer to this question either later on today or tomorrow from the source, but I was just curious to find out other people's opinions and whether or not other girls or guys out there have had a similar experience. I...
A. 1 March 2014: Too soon to say...
Some people are all over eachother right from the start and others hold back. I am assuming you don't know everything about her? so are taking things slowly yourself (sitting on separate sofas?) Maybe you are playing it a bit to... (read in full...)
Banned at work! Romantic relationships, what to do?
Q. I work at a place where romantic relationships between employees are banned. I know this woman there, we've both been there for many many years, been friends all this time. I know she has a romantic attraction for me and I am attracted as well. We ...
A. 27 February 2014: I agree, it's not impossible to keep a relationship a secret if you are smart about it. I would not mention it at work or you are just giving your company a stick with which to beat you with.
It's really nobody elses business but your own so go fo... (read in full...)
Why is the ex back in touch? Is he just playing games or is he for real?
Q. Dear Cupid... Its me again.... its been over a month now and I have not talked to my ex, he started calling me back about a week ago and he is still calling and sending me text messages.I have not responded to him at all. I mean he said that he did ...
A. 27 February 2014: Everyone here has offered you good advice. They have spelt it out and shown you the escape route to get away from the bad situation you are in...
You don't want to hear it do you?
You want one of us to say
'He is back because he's really ... (read in full...)
Why is the ex back in touch? Is he just playing games or is he for real?
Q. Dear Cupid... Its me again.... its been over a month now and I have not talked to my ex, he started calling me back about a week ago and he is still calling and sending me text messages.I have not responded to him at all. I mean he said that he did ...
A. 26 February 2014: Men absolutely HATE being alone. You are a well trodden and easy target. He will use you until he finds someone else.
Do yourself a favour and change your number...it's just not worth the pain.... (read in full...)
First one night stand has me wondering why boys are like this!
Q. On Friday I had my first ever one night stabd! But I really havebt taken it well I didn't know the guy I had met him that night And had spent most of the night with him we had got to talking and he took me back to his. Obviously everything happened ...
A. 25 February 2014: I agree with all the other aunts have said so learn your lesson.
As Cindy said, you chose to cut out the dating 'getting to know you' phase.
You wonder why boys behave like this? because if every woman said no, they would have to change...but ... (read in full...)
My crush says she doesn't trust men, but I really like her!
Q. now being a freshan in high school, dating is fairly useless. I like this girl and we are great friends, so i decided i wanted to date her. i have given her gifts, hugged her, and put my arm around her all in order to get her to like me a little ...
A. 24 February 2014: Get you a little more??
What more are you talking about? If she is in the 13-15 age range like you, really she's still a kid and maybe she isn't ready for a relationship and maybe she feels uncomfortable with the pressure you are giving her with... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend talked terribly to me and now I think he's broken up with me
Q. Hello I am a 36 year old female in a long distance relationship with a 48 year olf man. I love him very much but, in the pass he has been very verbally abusive, calling me bitches and saying fuck you! I forgave him when he asked for forgiveness and ...
A. 23 February 2014: How does he treat you like a queen? I'd like to know. ... (read in full...)
Do I preserve my family or go with the love of my life?
Q. Hi all, im after some advice please , around 12 years ago i met the love of my life, we saw each other for a year and went our seperate ways due to seveveral miss understandings, weve always kept in contact losely but over the past year we got...
A. 22 February 2014: Would you really consider leaving your wife and child? Your home? for someone you don't really know?
On this site we get hundreds of posts from women (some married) who happen to get involved with another married man and swear blind it's the love... (read in full...)
I am writing because I feel so low .............
Q. I'm writing this because I'm feeling so low, and maybe any answers might help. To cut it short, I met this guy many years back, we started off as friends, He lived away from me, but when we met up, it became more than friends. I then found out he w...
A. 18 February 2014: Can you ask yourself this question:
'Why do I choose to get romantically involved only with men who are in impossibly difficult and unavailable positions, who can never commit to me or give me what I want?'
Married men (whoever they are and wha... (read in full...)
I just met this guy a week ago and already we fight all the time!
Q. hi everyone. I just met this guy its been a week now, my problem I just don't understand him at all. we suppose to be happy but to my surprise we fight all the time. when we have to see each it must be on the street because where he stays he was ...
A. 18 February 2014: Yes you should quit!!!!!
This man is not what you think he is. He is a sexual predator who forces sex acts on vulnerable women.
He knows you are weak and at a low point in your life and he knows exactly how to make you do things you feel ... (read in full...)
Should I let one ex help me get over another?
Q. I have just come out of a horrible relationship of 10 months. Another ex contacted me to ask if I was ok. He has been really supportive listening and taking me out to cheer me up. We broke up amicably last year because he wasn't over his ex and I ...
A. 18 February 2014: Let him help you and stay friends but just don't be intimate. It's way too soon and by getting entrenched with him again won't allow you the time to get over the 10 month thing.
I do know some people absolutely cannot stand to be on their own, not... (read in full...)
Am I missing out on something here? She has a strange pattern to her behaviour!
Q. hello I'm dating a girl for three months now and I feel a strange pattern now in her behaviour ! After every two weeks or so, she'll start ignoring in a sense that she'll take extra time to reply than usual and she'll seem less excited to see ...
A. 17 February 2014: I think it's a tragedy that the younger generation are being brainwashed and reprogrammed in the way they consider and maintain their relationships based on the amount of hour by hour contact they get from their partners via social networking.
... (read in full...)
Looking for some life advice
Q. This is weird, but I want to get some advice. I want to change some personality traits of mine that do nothing but bring me down and take away opportunities for a better life, but they deal with fighting my nerves and anger. -I hold grudges...
A. 17 February 2014: I have been shy my whole life, always not felt quite good enough, always stood in the shadows because it was easier than exposing myself or pushing myself foward. It was really hard when I was younger because so much is based on popularity and ... (read in full...)
Sex with my best friend - has it ruined our relationship?
Q. I have a male best friend who I have known for about 5 years. We hang out all the time and love joking around. When we go out drinking we sometimes sleep over each others houses and nothing has ever happened between us, apart from one night we ended ...
A. 16 February 2014: Good to hear you salvaged the friendship. Perhaps it's time to date other people?... (read in full...)
Sex with my best friend - has it ruined our relationship?
Q. I have a male best friend who I have known for about 5 years. We hang out all the time and love joking around. When we go out drinking we sometimes sleep over each others houses and nothing has ever happened between us, apart from one night we ended ...
A. 16 February 2014: At your age it's hard to imagine that you would get into these compromising positions with this guy if you did not have feelings for him.
I don't think you are fooling anyone when you say things like 'He isn't my type' or 'sex would spoil our frie... (read in full...)
First time sex and I didn't bleed... should I see my gyno?
Q. Please i need an explanation i just had sex with my fiance for the first time,and he knows i am a virgin but the problem now is i didn't bleed at all just excruciating pains...please i don't know if that is normal or should i see the gynocologist ...
A. 16 February 2014: So...after you have provided him with evidence that what you are saying is the truth and had a medical exam, he still doesn't believe you???...and even though it's making you upset...you choose to stay with him???
Well I guess it is your life and... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to a male friend who doesn't feel the same about me
Q. Help!I have a male friend who I am attracted to more than he is attracted to me, he is flaky though and sometimes flirtatious then puts it back on friendship level. He makes no secret of his interests in other women and I make no secret of only bei...
A. 15 February 2014: I was in the same situation with someone for 6 years. I loved him and he was an expert at keeping me guessing. He told me we were special friends right up until he found someone else and dropped all contact with me (yes...after SIX years)
Pleas... (read in full...)
If he doesn't love me now, will he ever?
Q. i have been seeing this guy for over a year now and have fallen for him i love him but he says he doesnt love me, he cares for me, he texts daily, visits on tuesdays and we spend every weekend together, should i finish things between us, if he ...
A. 14 February 2014: I spent 6 years in this kind of 'friendship'. I loved him, but he didn't love me. We used to hang out a lot, have intimacy and speak nearly every day.
He was always so clever at deflecting my love for him, always had the right words to wriggle ... (read in full...)
Is it strange when a man doesn't have a picture of you in his office at work?
Q. I've been engaged for a couple of years. My fiance is a department head and he works with all women and very few men. The girl he dated before, he had a picture of them together on his office desk and word love was on the picture frame. ...
A. 13 February 2014: You are in his heart where it counts, do you REALLY have to be on his desk just so you can be shown off to other people?
I agree with FA, he had a bad break up, he wants things to be different now. If your relationship is strong, token reminder... (read in full...)
How do I find a woman who is serious?
Q. Why do women flirt pointlessly? I have had many situations where I meet a woman at her work and she is friendly and flirty. She will tell me things about her son/school/friends/whatever and after awhile I give her my number so we can talk some more ...
A. 13 February 2014: I third that!!! Great answer Euphoric!
OP before you choose to ignore the advice given here remember that 9 people have come foward, mulled your situation over and collectively come to the conclusion that the problem lies in your court. People f... (read in full...)
Ladies: have you ever treated a good guy badly because of a past relationship?
Q. MOD NOTE: Words changed a little to make the post easy to understand... Girls, have you because of a past relationship that the guy treated you really bad and was abusive, in all ways he could, hurt a good guy by dumping him? All because you were...
A. 12 February 2014: I have seen your previous posts too and I am sorry you feel you are being treated badly. It sucks when someone you care about and treat well suddenly ups and leaves...but it happens.
There never seems an end to the creative and strange ways tha... (read in full...)
How do I find a woman who is serious?
Q. Why do women flirt pointlessly? I have had many situations where I meet a woman at her work and she is friendly and flirty. She will tell me things about her son/school/friends/whatever and after awhile I give her my number so we can talk some more ...
A. 12 February 2014: Sounds like you have been putting in a lot of effort to find someone to be your girlfriend and in the process have become a little bitter of women because you cannot find what you want.
I agree with YOUWISH, when someone has the same problem ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't love me now, will he ever?
Q. i have been seeing this guy for over a year now and have fallen for him i love him but he says he doesnt love me, he cares for me, he texts daily, visits on tuesdays and we spend every weekend together, should i finish things between us, if he ...
A. 12 February 2014: It sounds like he is just wanting a convienient and loyal friend who he can spend time with a rely on.
Does he date other women? It could be that he just doesn't want the burden of a relationship and if he has told you he cannot return your lov... (read in full...)
My ex can't cope with me seeing another guy I dated before him
Q. I dated a guy last year for two months who wasnt over his ex and we broke up. We had a great time but I could see he was still hurting over her and bowed out gracefully. Soon after I met a separated guy who was close to divorce after a 4 year s...
A. 11 February 2014: Oh so you should have time on your own after a break up?...that's rich coming from someone whose gone from a wife to a girlsfriend and won't get a divorce, what a total jerk!!
I'm with SOVERYCONFUSED on this one, block,delete move on.
It's a ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering how or where a 47 year old women can find suitable men to date?
Q. Hi, I'm wondering how or where a 47 year old women can find suitable men to date? I've been alone for over 16 years - no dates, no sex, no prospects. When my children were younger, I used to go to the "weekend daddy" places -Chucky Cheese, ...
A. 10 February 2014: I have four really good male friends, three of them single
One (old school friend) is in a relationship with a much younger woman and he is really unhappy because she won't have sex with him now he is older and fatter. He's living abroad and real... (read in full...)
Should I work it out with the father?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we now have two children together. Our emotional situation has been constantly insecure. I learned early on he had been lying to me about a porn addiction and we tried hard to work through ...
A. 10 February 2014: Aggression and violence are, in my opimion, deal breakers. It's pretty much Game Over when someone starts beating up on someone. I left a violent relationship. I had two kids.
Yes it was hard, yes it was emotional, but years later life is violence... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 10 February 2014: Um I am your age!
Are you asking me to remember a time when women were chaste and did not have sex until they got married?
Just to inform you. I was married for 19 years to a guy I met when I was 18 years old. I had two children by him ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 10 February 2014: Well there you go, you said it. He isn't marriage material he thinks and he continually put off getting married in a 9 year thing and tries to talk his friends out of it.
Some people just don't want to get married, it's that simple. Doesn't ... (read in full...)
You wouldn't leave if you were in love, right?
Q. Idk if he loves me. Lots of points please listen and please help me. First during are 15 years he left me 3 times says he had good reasons now i dont think guys people leave the ones they love unless they dont love them. In serious cases like abuse ...
A. 9 February 2014: Why do you love a man who makes you feel worthless? Do you want to feel worthless for the rest of your life?... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 9 February 2014: 'Women have lost the respect of men by giving up their role as the moral bastion in society'
I found this statement hillarious
and this observation
Men are 'players' whereas women are the much more degrading 'promiscuous'
As for ... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 9 February 2014: I think it's an acumulation of all aspects of these things and probably many more unmentioned.
One thing I know is this:
Everyone is different both men and women. The variables are infinite as are the actual personal reasons why people face ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 9 February 2014: I think he is right to hold off, he isn't yet sure if he wants to be with you long term and has told you quite clearly that he isn't ready to talk about the future.
You cannot change how he feels by pushing/asking/negotiating/ultimating him, it ... (read in full...)
First time sex and I didn't bleed... should I see my gyno?
Q. Please i need an explanation i just had sex with my fiance for the first time,and he knows i am a virgin but the problem now is i didn't bleed at all just excruciating pains...please i don't know if that is normal or should i see the gynocologist ...
A. 22 January 2014: Yes it can be completely normal not to bleed. The bleeding comes from the hymen breaking (the thin membrane covering the vagina) Most women wear away their hymen through daily activity, playing sports, having periods, wearing tampons etc and so when ... (read in full...)
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