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*untyEm agony aunt

*untyEm

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*untyEm's profile:

Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.

What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.

Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.

My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.

God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx

Latest articles:

Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...

A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [69 pages, 2719 answers]

Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...

Q.   Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...

A.   13 January 2014: I am sorry that you are going through heartbreak...it's a nightmare and one we all go through. Me myself have been heartbroken 3 times. One after a 20 year marriage that I had to end (because he had problems he didn't love me enough to fix). Th... (read in full...)

Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...

Q.   Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...

A.   13 January 2014: Ok I don't want to jump on the weed issue because I know there are people here who would defend it to the death...but I'm gonna jump on it anyways because I have personal experience of a few people I have known in my life who have been destroyed by ... (read in full...)

Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...

Q.   Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...

A.   13 January 2014: Does he have any underlying problems at the moment? Debt? employment problems? Health concerns? Taking a slightly different track to the other aunts, I think there could be something bugging him that he is trying to sort out or deal with and pe... (read in full...)

My B/f has changed so much, I met him now, no way I would go out with him. Is it time to call it a day?

Q.   My boyfriend has changed so much since we got together it's like he's a completely different person. We've been together for almost five years and moved in with each other about a year ago. A year into the relationship, he started gaining weight and ...

A.   11 January 2014: It's true, people do change and it's why so many relationships end. Ok you could tolerate the weight gain if you really really love him but the constant criticism and bitching is a deal breaker. You can ask him to change. You can tell him ... (read in full...)

One of my husband's New Year's resolutions is to go a month without having sex?

Q.   This seems a little ridiculous to me but here it goes. My husband decided on his new year resolution to quit drinking and smoking which I am proud of him for doing so. The third one is the one that is ridiculous to me. He wants to go a month with ...

A.   11 January 2014:  'he wants to make sure he loves me and he also said that he wants to make sure sex isn't taking over his life' He is having doubts about the relationship! It could be because he regrets marrying you and feel tied down. It could be that the pr... (read in full...)

What can I do with my cheating ex's love notes?

Q.   So this is my last post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-possible-that-my-ex-said-he.html I'm now over my ex. He's completely dead to me. I think I only hate toward him now. I was reading the love notes and cards he wrote to me which I d...

A.   10 January 2014: I agree with SOVERYCONFUSED, sending them back wont hurt him...not even if you stapled them to his shirt tails!! lol You need to give yourself more time to forget him and move on. Having love letters and notes around only reminds you of the good... (read in full...)

What are some free or available and affordable mental health resources I can use and access in the UK? (just the UK only please) I need help please

Q.   I live in London and I desperately need mental health rehab, as in, to go somewhere and check myself in where I can get 24hr care. Such as for a few weeks. I know that there are private places like this available but are extremely costly. Does any...

A.   9 January 2014: The most direct route to accessing NHS care is to go to your local A&E. They are available 24hours a day and will know what services are available locally that can help you. I know in patient services are exteremly limited and although that isn... (read in full...)

My husband left me for my best friend. How is this all going to work out for us?

Q.   OK, so here's my situation... it's a bit long, but still. My husband left me for my best friend the day after Boxing Day, and I found out because there was a photo of her in a bikini and him topless cuddling up to her in the snow in her garden saved ...

A.   5 January 2014: Your children are old enough to choose if they see their dad or not. If your youngest is still in education your husband should contribute child payment support. You need to see a solicitor if you intend to divorce but also get some advice from CAB ... (read in full...)

My father has become even more controlling since my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumor

Q.   My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour on the day before Christmas Eve. Since then our family has all been together, trying to support my mum. My Dad is very details obsessed kind of guy. There are all these palliative care nurses, district ...

A.   4 January 2014: I agree with the other aunts...shock, worry, resentment, anger all getting mixed up in his head and manifesting as super controlling and aggressive. He does need to talk to someone outside the family so they can let him know that it's OK to fall ... (read in full...)

What are women's preferences when it comes to male grooming habits?

Q.   The recent post about the doctor seeing a man fully shaved got me thinking. What is a woman's preference? Do y'all prefer your man to be shaved bald? ...

A.   4 January 2014: Bald is very unnatractive, for both men and women. That's my personal opinion but then again, I am European and generally I don't think Europeans worry about such things.... (read in full...)

He turns up on my doorstep, yet in 10 years has never invited me into his home. Should I get back with him?

Q.   I have know a guy for 30 years. I have two children from someone else and that did not work, so Id re-linked with this guy. We continued from where we left off, it was very natural. He has other children too. I now have a 10 year old fathered...

A.   4 January 2014: I dont think it was 'natural' I think it's just a habit. I am also surprised that you managed to concieve a child when you have never been to eachothers homes? Maybe a hotel or something (not really any of our business tbh) Have you ever... (read in full...)

My husband walked out when we found out I was pregnant!

Q.   My husband walked out when we found out I was pregnant with our second child in August. (We had been having fertility treatment so it wasn't a surprise). He has been suffering from mood swings and depression so the doctor gave him antidepr...

A.   4 January 2014: 'How long is a piece of string' that pretty much sums up the ways in which depression can destroy peoples lives. There is help, but the very nature of depression often makes it's sufferer run away from help because it can be very frighten... (read in full...)

I'm trapped in a bad marriage and I have feelings for a married man who's in a similar situation like me. Have any of you been in this situation before and did anything ever come of it especially when both of you had children?

Q.   Could this man be my soul mate? I have been married for almost 10 years, and I am an extremely faithful and understanding wife. Although people get married with the intention of loving in good times and in bad, I feel like I have been through ...

A.   3 January 2014: Experience tells us that most married men will not leave their wives. Leave your marriage if it's really that bad but don't do it expecting to walk into the arms of a married man. that has to be one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make. ... (read in full...)

Troubled relationship with my daughter leaves me feeling very blue

Q.   I have what most Mum's would regard as a great relationship with my daughter. She lives a five hour train journey away, visits maybe twice a year. For financial and other reasons I've not been able to visit her this year, but usually I would and ...

A.   3 January 2014: I am glad you reached a conclusion. x... (read in full...)

I'm worried my boyfriend is losing interest!

Q.   For the past few weeks my boyfriend has been acting very different with me and I don't know what's going on anymore. Basically I have a few questions such as What are the signs that a guy is losing interest in you or becoming bored with the r...

A.   3 January 2014: It could be that he has something else on his mind, some or other problem and when men have a problem, they get distant so they can figure it out on their own. Women can misread the signs and can fret and nag (understandably). Give him space bu... (read in full...)

Was I being manipulated?

Q.   Hi, I just want to ask for some ideas about something that happened last year. It was one of the most shameful episodes of my life but am haunted by a question about it. I was really depressed over 'unrequited feelings'to do with a guy and ended ...

A.   2 January 2014: ' He said he'd left it open' lol...typical bloke speak for keeping his finger in the pie. Have no regrets, you did the right thing, he just knew exactly what to say to cast just enough doubt and leave you wondering...but where is he?...go... (read in full...)

Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!

Q.   Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...

A.   1 January 2014: All I can say is she must have some pretty attractive assets in order to cleave her way into your wallet!! lol ain't it the truth!!! good luck!!... (read in full...)

Troubled relationship with my daughter leaves me feeling very blue

Q.   I have what most Mum's would regard as a great relationship with my daughter. She lives a five hour train journey away, visits maybe twice a year. For financial and other reasons I've not been able to visit her this year, but usually I would and ...

A.   1 January 2014: I read your whole story and it does seem you have had a tragic life which is culminating in a tragic outlook on the future. I am around your age, I have two kids who I have supported through university (one more than the other because of circumst... (read in full...)

Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!

Q.   Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...

A.   1 January 2014: Ok so with everything you know, everything you feel about this situation and every bit of advice given here...do you think it's worth continuing with her? If the answer is YES, then that is a declaration that you accept she's a bit of a freeload... (read in full...)

Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!

Q.   Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...

A.   30 December 2013: So Very Confused...best answer!! Couldn't have said it better :-)... (read in full...)

He feels our relationship is not healthy.

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am 28 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We have been together for almost a year now. Everything was great and he always treats me like a queen. But recently, we started to fight over stupid little things. Due to that, he has tri...

A.   30 December 2013: Men hate drama. You seem a bit clingy and he is probably in a panic wondering if he's going to be attached to a 'clingy nagging drama queen' for the rest of his life. Is this fixable?...yes but I think it's you that needs to look at your own beha... (read in full...)

Blocked from facebook after first meeting!

Q.   The other night, I went to a bar with some friends. It's a bar where we go quite often. There is this guy who I always see there as well. He usually look at me a lot but never talk to me. It's been going on for about a year. I never really was ...

A.   30 December 2013: I doubt he blocked you on FB, I just dont think a guy would bother unless he was hiding something, or indeed you DID send a message and he wanted to brush you off. You kissed and yet he didn't ask for your number...that means he wasn't interest... (read in full...)

I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...

Q.   I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...

A.   29 December 2013: Not quite getting what you are asking here. I stand by my original answer, that you can't change who someone is. It looks like you want the charming gentlemanly type and he's a bit uncouth. Good luck with it.... (read in full...)

I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...

Q.   I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...

A.   29 December 2013: how long have you been dating this man may I ask?... (read in full...)

I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...

Q.   I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...

A.   29 December 2013: Seems he isn't suitable for you. Takes a while to find out what some people are truly like and if you have doubts then do not take things further.... (read in full...)

Is this a mid life crisis or can men change so quickly?

Q.   I had casually been seeing a guy for a year, I wanted a relationship but he didn't as he "doesn't have relationships" and I know this to be true. He had his life and I had mine, we never went out, only saw each other behind closed doors (again his ...

A.   29 December 2013: Maybe he never wanted a relationship until he met this new woman, perhaps she is the right one for him. I doubt it has anything to do with you or your baby.... (read in full...)

Should I buy my boyfriend of 4 months the new Playstation 4?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid, I am in a LDR with a guy I met 4 months ago. We decided to make it official October of this year. Instead of exchanging gifts during Christmas time, it was a mutual decision for us to surprise each other with them in January when ...

A.   29 December 2013: So you get to spend $400 on a playstation for him plus the cost of the trip and he gets to spend $60 on a kindle (if he even bothers)...and your kindle is for christmas and birthday?...and you didnt even meet yet? If things dont work out, he comes... (read in full...)

I'm in a place where I feel I should stay single forever, is this normal?

Q.   Hi this isn't a problem as such but something that is bothering me. I am currently single and have been for just over two years, iv dated quite a bit over that time, I have no problem getting a date or a man (sounds big headed I don't mean it too!) ...

A.   29 December 2013: I don't see anything wrong or abnormal with wanting to remain single. If you can support yourself and your kid and if you have supportive family and friends, then you will never be truly alone. The world has changed a great deal in the last 20 ... (read in full...)

I have been chatting with a possible scammer online

Q.   I have been chatting with this guy online and on my email and we haven't met each other yet. He was telling me that he would be away in Africa for the holidays and won't be back until Jan5th. He said he is anxious to meet me and I am having some ...

A.   29 December 2013: I can say with 100% certainty that he is a scammer...sorry! You just have to google African scammers and you will find a huge amount of stories about lonely women who have been targetted by these organised gangs...and they do operate in gangs. ... (read in full...)

Is this a mid life crisis or can men change so quickly?

Q.   I had casually been seeing a guy for a year, I wanted a relationship but he didn't as he "doesn't have relationships" and I know this to be true. He had his life and I had mine, we never went out, only saw each other behind closed doors (again his ...

A.   29 December 2013: People change when they find 'the one'. You were not 'the one' to him, you were just casual and now you are pregnant. He has a responsibility to the child but not to you, but do not expect things to be easy, these things never are. You sai... (read in full...)

I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...

Q.   I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...

A.   29 December 2013:  If he is doing something you don't like, then tell him. As for refinement...well you just cannot change people and if this is what he's like then he will only change if he wants to.... (read in full...)

He promised to spend New Year's Eve with him but cancelled to be with his friend. Should I stick it out or move on?

Q.   I've dated my boyfriend for a year and out of the blue the past January he broke up with me. He became easily influenced by his mates as they broke up with their gfs and were single and he was the only one attached at the time. We spend New Year's ...

A.   28 December 2013: Honestly I got to say it...What a Bastard!! He's put you through hell this past year with his 'in and out, non commital, full of empty promises bullshit' He has seen you go through an abortion and even now he pulls a switch on you. Serious... (read in full...)

I dated a man and we are both going through divorce. He's been distant in texting. What should I do?

Q.   Hey there I am new here. Quick question. I am dating a fabulous guy that I am head over heels in love with. We have been together for almost a year and were friends(more distant than close) over a decade before that. We live on two different ...

A.   28 December 2013: Does his ex wife know about you? Does being with you affect his job? Maybe the divorce is reaching crisis point and he doesn't want to involve you at this stage? Have you been a bit clingy or dramatic? because thats a bona fide way to get a bl... (read in full...)

My married man loves me but can't be with me

Q.   Please bear with this long story. I am unmarried and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I recently moved to a different country and there I met a guy friend. We both are aware of our situation from the very beginning when we first ...

A.   28 December 2013: Thanks for shedding a little more light... It does seem strange doesn't it! She was packed, there was evidence, he gave you the keys to the apartment...but still they are trying to fix the marriage!! Sounds like birds of a feather to me!! and what... (read in full...)

I've stopped chasing him and making myself available. Now what?

Q.   I need some advice regarding my boyfriend, possibly ex. Anyway, we've been together 3 years. Up until a few months ago we'd see each other all the time but due to new work schedules we'd started seeing each other on the weekends and during the week ...

A.   28 December 2013: I agree with Cerberus to a certain extent. I think you should talk to him and ask where you both stand but you really have no control over what he will say or do. He is playing the 'cop out' game at the moment. The distance and no contact suits hi... (read in full...)

My married man loves me but can't be with me

Q.   Please bear with this long story. I am unmarried and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I recently moved to a different country and there I met a guy friend. We both are aware of our situation from the very beginning when we first ...

A.   27 December 2013: You only know what he has told you and it seems a little odd that if things were really as bad as he says, that he can be convinced so easily to try again with her just for money and family?...did he not consider those things before he met you? ... (read in full...)

I am terminally single and want a surrogate baby!

Q.   I am 30, straight male, never had a girlfriend or relationship and I have come to a point where I am thinking, I want a baby of my own. I have given up on the prospects of finding a girlfriend. Dating game has always been my weakest point. I have b...

A.   27 December 2013: I am staggered to read some people comparing raising a child to raising a dog!! Really? The suggestions that this guy should prove his capability is also a nonsence. Most women who have their first born child haven't passed a test or had to prove... (read in full...)

I am terminally single and want a surrogate baby!

Q.   I am 30, straight male, never had a girlfriend or relationship and I have come to a point where I am thinking, I want a baby of my own. I have given up on the prospects of finding a girlfriend. Dating game has always been my weakest point. I have b...

A.   27 December 2013: I am going to go against most of the advice given here and say 'go for it' if you really want a child and can afford to support it...then just do it. There are not enough valid moral arguments in the world to stop a human longing for a child an... (read in full...)

Should my parents file for bankruptcy?

Q.   Hello, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but just wanted to get some advice about my family. My parents (58 and 60 yrs old) are in a lot of debt. They have a business which has been losing money for a while and is putting t...

A.   27 December 2013: In the UK we have debt advisory councils and agencies to help people decide what to do. I am sure there must be something similar in the US? Your dad is 60 so it's unlikely that he will be able to get regular paid employment but holding on t... (read in full...)

My married man loves me but can't be with me

Q.   Please bear with this long story. I am unmarried and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I recently moved to a different country and there I met a guy friend. We both are aware of our situation from the very beginning when we first ...

A.   27 December 2013: I agree, you need to leave him alone to work things out with his wife. There are no guarantees that he will divorce her and the whole thing could drag on for years. There is no point trying to get him back in this time as he will just see you as an ... (read in full...)

After his cruel and bewildering attack it is as if I never existed

Q.   I was married for 19 years, no children, knew my ex for 22 years. He filed for divorce and i was not aware of anyone else on the scene. I got to hear about divorce not from him but solicitors email to me... I returned home to a half empty house. He ...

A.   26 December 2013: It's hard to imagine that some marriages end like this but we know they do. The length of the marriage or it's content seems insignificant when one of the partners decides they want to leave and be with someone else. Some will play fair and some... (read in full...)

I feel like a weird stalker, which I never was!

Q.   Really need help so low I can't get over this guy because of how he treated me Ok 2 years ago we were working together he helped me through personal problems and we became close friends he was texting up to 100 a day sending poems etc - we never h...

A.   25 December 2013: Merry merry Christmas ladies xxx... (read in full...)

I feel like a weird stalker, which I never was!

Q.   Really need help so low I can't get over this guy because of how he treated me Ok 2 years ago we were working together he helped me through personal problems and we became close friends he was texting up to 100 a day sending poems etc - we never h...

A.   25 December 2013: 'poopsite' lol, I meant opposite (too much Christmas cheer!!)... (read in full...)

I feel like a weird stalker, which I never was!

Q.   Really need help so low I can't get over this guy because of how he treated me Ok 2 years ago we were working together he helped me through personal problems and we became close friends he was texting up to 100 a day sending poems etc - we never h...

A.   25 December 2013: He's made you dependant on his attention but really all he's giving you is the scraps and you have fallen for it. I don't know why guys do this (and some women) striking up 'friendships' with members of the poopsite sex when they are already ... (read in full...)

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