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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Boyfriend has become distant again. How do I handle it?
Q. I've been with my bf for 3 years. I don't live with him but stay over at his place on the weekends and we see each other during the week IF our schedules allow but it isn't often. I'm 31, and he's 35. We've been having issues over the last several ...
A. 6 December 2013: I also think you have done the right thing.
There are no guarantees that NC will bring him back to you but it's better than pursuing and chasing him which we know will push him further away.
It's gutting when a relationship ends, it can fee... (read in full...)
Why would a mother neglect her child and call them names?
Q. Dear helpers, I have a story to tell and questions to ask and I have no idea where to start. My problem is I never felt loved by my mother and I have no idea why. Let me explain this. I am not some teenager complaining about parents' ways....
A. 6 December 2013: Firstly I want to say how sorry I am for what you have had to go through at a very young age. You have had a very hard time and although I do not know, I am guessing you are from an asian culture?
Child abuse is wrong but some families do not see ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become distant again. How do I handle it?
Q. I've been with my bf for 3 years. I don't live with him but stay over at his place on the weekends and we see each other during the week IF our schedules allow but it isn't often. I'm 31, and he's 35. We've been having issues over the last several ...
A. 5 December 2013: I wonder if he is developing a gaming addiction? It's an increasingly growing problem world wide. People become so immerged in the virtual world, they literally ignore the real world around them. For men, in particular it gives them a way to escape ... (read in full...)
Need ideas to spice up sex life after 30 years of marriage.
Q. I been married 30 years. Whats something we can do in bed that will turn on my wife. she's not into anything kinky. Its as if she's lost interest? I need a women view....
A. 4 December 2013: Go back to basics and go the romantic route. After 30 years you should know what puts a smile on her face but it should include a lot of love and affection.
Older women can and do lose their libedo and if ignored, it can be hard to inspire ... (read in full...)
I fancy my neighbour...what should I do next?
Q. I fancy my neighbour. I moved in about 3 months ago and have chatted to him a couple of times since then. This evening a few of us went out for a drink in the local pub to discuss the car park. I know - exciting times! However, after we'd talked ...
A. 4 December 2013: Ooooohhh sounds like an opportunity!!
Make sure he's single first and then just be friendly when you see him and try to get to know him a bit better. If you think things are going OK why not invite the neighbours in for Christmas drinks (him inc... (read in full...)
Husband and I agreed to break off our affairs but now his mistress is pregnant!
Q. I am 41 and I have been married for 6 1/2 yrs..been with my husband for 11yrs total. We have no children together..both our children are all adults. I found he was cheating on me in April so I confronted him. He lied to me that he wouldn't do it ...
A. 2 December 2013: ...and that baby isn't even going to have a life...his/her precious gift is being wiped out as an inconvienience.
Sorry but this makes me so mad!!... (read in full...)
Husband and I agreed to break off our affairs but now his mistress is pregnant!
Q. I am 41 and I have been married for 6 1/2 yrs..been with my husband for 11yrs total. We have no children together..both our children are all adults. I found he was cheating on me in April so I confronted him. He lied to me that he wouldn't do it ...
A. 2 December 2013: If you want to stay married to this guy then you need to prepare yourself for a lifetime of lies and mistrust.
He has typically played one against the other and even when you both found out, he let YOU pay for HER abortion?????
He is STILL l... (read in full...)
Afraid he's lost interest! Should I stop seeing him before I get hurt?
Q. Hi aunties and uncles: I have been going on dates with a guy 4-5 times. He has been a gentleman. I am traditional and not okay with physical intimacy but since the first time we hang out, he always pecks me on cheek to say goodbye. However, as ...
A. 2 December 2013: You say you are traditional and not OK with physical intimacy and I am assuming you have mentioned this to him?
Now you are wondering why he doesn't hug you and kiss you?...I thought you wern't OK with that kind of thing?
He's probably confuse... (read in full...)
What's wrong with having meaningless sex with someone you never want to see again?
Q. What's wrong with having meaningless sex with someone you never want to see again. I'm a sexual person who loves being touched by men. Is it bad to have sex with them if you use protection? Why is there such a stigma to meaningless sex? Yes, its ...
A. 1 December 2013: Are you asking or telling?
Do as you like, it's your life and you are responsible for your own actions...so do it.
If it has any negative effect on you, maybe then you can come back for advice. ... (read in full...)
I'm in limbo waiting for him. How long should I wait?
Q. I met a really lovely guy of 48 who is has been separated for three years. He says he couldn't afford to buy his ex out as he has a business and house. When we met 8 months ago he reassured me it was at the final stages and amicable. I have waited ...
A. 28 November 2013: To be honest some divorces and settlements can take years to complete, but it's not really something that should stop you dating and having a good time. Perhaps it's more commitment you are looking for i.e. living together, sharing bills etc and I'd ... (read in full...)
Should I sleep with my ex casually?
Q. My Ex, who I have not seen in about 7 years, recently invited me over to have a drink. He asked me if I wanted to have sex. I was shocked as he married since our breakup but apparently is splitting up. I told him I was looking for a relationship, ...
A. 28 November 2013: He's using you as a stop gap while he gets through his divorce...once he's free, you will be used up....and history.
Tell him to get lost, you should be dating other people by now, not hankering after a complete scumbag.
Can you smell the co... (read in full...)
Trying to end the affair but he won't take no for an answer
Q. It's been 4 yrs since I have been friends with a married man. We are not sexually active but we like each other a lot. What keeps me from having sex is the fact he is married and 36 yrs older than me. It bothers me that I care about him. It even ...
A. 27 November 2013: You can always find a way to cut someone out of your life if you are determined enough. It's all to easy to cling on and hope things will change, but the reality in these situations is that nothing usually changes and we end up living off the ... (read in full...)
Is this marriage over?
Q. I have been married second time round for 2 years, my wife is Jamaican and we met online, we met for the first time in Jamaica on holiday and it was great and had sex 11 times in the first week. She then came over 7 months later after sexy texts, ...
A. 27 November 2013: Maybe her expectations of the marriage have not been met. Maybe she didn't fully understand what life was really going to be like when she moved to another country.
It also seems your relationship was mainly built on sex and passion and maybe la... (read in full...)
I care about him, but not the way he wants. What are my options?
Q. Hi everyone, There is this guy I've been talking to and we have just been texting back and forth but we have never actually met. He has been coming on strong telling me that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life. He wants to meet me ...
A. 27 November 2013: I dont understand why you are still so worried that he has 'given up on you' and 'not contacted you'???
You are a normal healthy adult woman, you shouldn't be worrying about him 'giving up on you', you should be glad, joyous, relieved that he ... (read in full...)
Am I being too insensitive to his feelings or is he too insensitve to mine?
Q. Here is my issue, and maybe I'm being too sensitive and insecure. I am pregnant by my boyfriend of 2 years who has lived a few hours away. He moved in with me a week ago and ever since then its seemed so different. He got a job here in my state ...
A. 25 November 2013: You are probably a bit hormonal so not the best time to start picking holes.
He will need to adjust, just be supportive...he's with you and that's what counts, you don't need reassurance...cos he's there and working two jobs...be happy xx... (read in full...)
I want to break up but how? Or am I overreacting?
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years. Typical love story, we met while travelling to our home town at a friend's place, we met we hit it off instantly, we promised to keep in touch, we emailed, we sent text messages, spent ...
A. 25 November 2013: I agree, I think he may already have another girlfriend or at least be looking.
Men like to have options and you were an important option and now you arnt a high priority (hence the lack of calls and texts and the shitty attitude he has towards ... (read in full...)
I thought my Co-worker was just a good friend. So why has he been asking me explicit sexual questions?
Q. I've thought this guy at my work and I were just friends. We talk a lot, about random stuff usually. Yesterday we were texting and he was asking me when I'm going to have kids and everything. I said I don't know. Anyway so we were texting more and...
A. 25 November 2013: Just because you see him, does not mean that you have to get drawn into sexual conversation with him.
Does your company have any policy for sexual harrassment?
If I were you, I'd be keeping a record of his inappropriate behaviour. Keep ... (read in full...)
I care about him, but not the way he wants. What are my options?
Q. Hi everyone, There is this guy I've been talking to and we have just been texting back and forth but we have never actually met. He has been coming on strong telling me that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life. He wants to meet me ...
A. 25 November 2013: He had a photo of his siter in a bathing suit on his dating profile???? JEEEESSSUUUSSS MARY AND JOSEPH!!!!
Oh my I'd like to have a conversation with that guy and put him straight on a few things.
Is there anything about this guy that relates... (read in full...)
I have a chance to be with someone nice and I don't seem to want it
Q. I'm sitting here and i hope that i can get some advice as i don't know who to ask. I'm 26 and apart from a 3 year relationship, i'm just being honest, i have been with a lot of women. I look after myself and am good looking and i love going out t...
A. 25 November 2013: I think a lot of men struggle with this dilemma in their lifetime. Afterall, it's the standing joke at most English weddings, the old ball and chain, the end of the batchelor lifestyle...everyone seems to find that funny and a lot of men avoid ... (read in full...)
I thought my Co-worker was just a good friend. So why has he been asking me explicit sexual questions?
Q. I've thought this guy at my work and I were just friends. We talk a lot, about random stuff usually. Yesterday we were texting and he was asking me when I'm going to have kids and everything. I said I don't know. Anyway so we were texting more and...
A. 24 November 2013: He is just being a pervert and trying it on with you. Maybe he thinks you are naive and will be easily sucked into sex talk. You do seem pretty clueless to his actions...avoid him, he will soon move on to another victim.... (read in full...)
Do you think he might be a player?
Q. Hi folks, I go to this club to sing and I have a lot of friends there and enjoy spending time with them. There are a few guys and women I talk to, all different ages and one girl there is my friend and she is much younger and has a new bo...
A. 24 November 2013: It doesn't matter what he is...If he stares at you and you are there to stare back you are going to encourage him to continue. I wouldn't stand where he cannot see you.
He has a girlfriend and it's not like he is climbing over tables to get to y... (read in full...)
Would you ever ask an ex to be your plus 1 at a wedding?
Q. Would you ever asks an ex to be your plus 1 at a wedding? I ask because my ex asked me to go to a wedding with him. He was the dumpee. It was 5 months ago we broke up, but he didn't take it so great. We've spoken on and off since, but nothing much. ...
A. 24 November 2013: If you are done with him and absolutely know you would never want to get back with him, then I wouldn't go as his plus one.
He may still have feelings for you and see it as an opportunity to get with you again...If you go, you may have to end up t... (read in full...)
So what's going on? Has she lost interest?
Q. I met this girl on a dating site. Well, a woman. She is 38. I am 39. We went out for drinks a week ago and ended up kissing. Before the date we'd been emailing every day, and after the date (Friday) I wasn't sure how long to wait, but I sent her a ...
A. 24 November 2013: Yep seems like she isn't that into you. Saying stuff on dates doesn't really count unless it's followed up with actions...She is giving you signals, first, by turning down a date and secondly, by ignoring you.
Don't worry and don't take it perso... (read in full...)
I care about him, but not the way he wants. What are my options?
Q. Hi everyone, There is this guy I've been talking to and we have just been texting back and forth but we have never actually met. He has been coming on strong telling me that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life. He wants to meet me ...
A. 24 November 2013: HUGE RED FLAGS.....HUUUUGGGEEEEEE!!!!
Should you be worried???....abso-bloody-lutely!!!
This guy is keeping tabs on you and making dumb statements and you didn't even meet him yet????
His words and actions are controlling. Telling you... (read in full...)
He pushed me away but now he's behaving like the scorned lover
Q. Hi So I posted a few weeks ago about breaking up with my boyfriend. He was acting distant, not making much effort then decided to ignore me when i tried to talk to him about it so i ended it. Unfortunately we have to work together and he is ...
A. 24 November 2013: I agree with Cindy, I don't think he gives a damn if he speaks to you or not and really you should not ask him to, if it's personal...cos it wasn't working out and you dumped him.
As for work, just remain business like, if he messes up then he'... (read in full...)
I thought my Co-worker was just a good friend. So why has he been asking me explicit sexual questions?
Q. I've thought this guy at my work and I were just friends. We talk a lot, about random stuff usually. Yesterday we were texting and he was asking me when I'm going to have kids and everything. I said I don't know. Anyway so we were texting more and...
A. 24 November 2013: He wants to know because maybe he isnt such a good guy and maybe he isnt a very good friend who respects boundaries.
If you arnt afraid to answer questions about your sex life then I am not really sure why you are so confused by this guys question... (read in full...)
How can I get my parents to allow me to close the door to my room when my boyfriend comes visiting? We need our privacy!!
Q. Hi all, I have been with my bf for a few months and recently I invited my bf to meet my parents. What irks me is that I am not allowed to close the door when I am alone with him in my room. We don't always on the airconditioner but sometimes we do. ...
A. 24 November 2013: Have a talk to your parents, tell them that you dont feel they trust you and that you would like to be able to close the door. If they don't agree (and a lot of parents wouldn't) then maybe make a plan to move out into your own place. That way you ... (read in full...)
I feel I need to warn other women on the dating website about this aggressive jerk
Q. I need help dealing with a situation. About 18 months ago I met a guy. He was fine and gentlemanly. On the fourth date, he got quite intimidating and clearly wanted sex. He got lairy. I was scared and intimidated but luckily as he did not have ...
A. 21 November 2013: Even though he was intimidating and aggressive there isn't anything more you can do. The police have said there is no case and you have reported him to the dating site. They can block him, but most sites rarely bother unless an offence has been ... (read in full...)
He said he was single, but now I find out about his terminal girlfriend
Q. I've just found out that this guy I have been getting to know has a girlfriend and that she is terminally ill. I confronted him and he says he just needs someone to support him through this time. I feel sick to my stomach because we have kissed a ...
A. 18 November 2013: He lies and cheats on a dying woman???...WOW!!...just WOW!!
RUN!!!!!!... (read in full...)
Looking for help with emotionally unavailable guy.
Q. I don't know if this is a long shot but I'm looking for some advice and help with dealings I have with a guy. He is emotionally unavailable, he is my fwb ( when he fancies it!!) and I'm not sure if you'd call him a player. Anyway so I'm hoping to...
A. 18 November 2013: Nothing you do will make a difference. He's had what he wanted from you and now he's disconnected.
Highly emotional attached woman chasing after emotionally unavailable man = Complete waste of time and a load of heartache.
As the other aunts ... (read in full...)
Sister-in-law propositioned me, and I'm tempted ...
Q. Hi I have a dilemma, I don't get on with my sister in law, she is an obnoxious self centred person, a habitual liar, thief and cannot be trusted even slightly. I have tried in the past to give her the benefit of the doubt but have always had my ...
A. 18 November 2013: I think you should do it, f**k her, let her start hounding you and begging you for more, maybe start blackmailing you, live the lie until your wife finds out, get left with nothing after the divorce...seems like a plan and obviously really worth it!... (read in full...)
Can I have some tips please on how to talk to women and how I can better relate to women?
Q. i struggle with women!!!!!!!! i `am the shy type of guy i`m 24 years old and i never have much confidence when it comes to women i never know what to say or do when i`m with women. There are a few who like me, i think, but i don't know what to d...
A. 17 November 2013: The best tips I can give you are:
* Don't get distracted by the popular girls, because they can be hard work and a little dismissive because they get lots of attention from other people.
* If you are shy, then someone else who is shy or a litt... (read in full...)
We were supposed to go out this evening but I haven't heard back from her?
Q. Ok so the way my situation started was with a lot of good signs from this lady I met at the dog park. I thought she was absolutely attractive and luckily my dog went to play near her dog and ended walking with her around the park so I said here goes ...
A. 17 November 2013: 'I feel i was very cool with her and relaxed on my side and if she was not the one to call first i would probably not be as interested'
I am struggling with this statement...do you even like this woman?
You are over managing the first date, ... (read in full...)
Co-worker using son for excuses to get out of work and he's not sick!
Q. I'm really annoyed at the fact that my colleague uses her son to get out of work early and have time off by saying he's ill when he's not!! She called in on a Friday once saying that her son had a really high temperature and could barely wal...
A. 16 November 2013: I understand that it is annoying and I get it sometimes where I work...not always about a kid but people being off sick and you have a hell of a week covering for them and then see on FB that they have been out partying!!
There isn't much you can ... (read in full...)
Do I break-up and run? My BF engages in self destructive behaviour and I think I deserve better.
Q. I have posted here before and your advice has always helped me make it through bad times. My boyfriend of a year has driven drunk for most of his adult life he exhibits other self destructive behaviors. Says he likes risk. I have spoken t...
A. 16 November 2013: I believe that on the whole, people do not change and if you fall for someone who is less mature, then that is pretty much part of the deal and you have to accept them, warts and all.
He does sound a bit of a jerk (as you quoted in your original... (read in full...)
Do I break-up and run? My BF engages in self destructive behaviour and I think I deserve better.
Q. I have posted here before and your advice has always helped me make it through bad times. My boyfriend of a year has driven drunk for most of his adult life he exhibits other self destructive behaviors. Says he likes risk. I have spoken t...
A. 16 November 2013: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-im-dating-a-jerk.html
Linking to your other question to give a better view of your situation.
Like I said in my answer on the above post. I think you both need time away from eachother to see if this i... (read in full...)
I think I'm dating a jerk!
Q. I think I'm dating a jerk - but maybe it's just me? We go to dinner on the one year anniversary of our first date (not the one year anniversary of the relationship) and he asks me to split it with him because he lost his ATM card and didn't have ...
A. 16 November 2013: He is acting like he wants out of the relationship...or some serious time off at least!
I think if this were happening to me, I'd back right off and give him space and also myself too. Crazy shit is happening because the relationship is under du... (read in full...)
Sleeping with my ex-teacher who wants to leave his wife.
Q. I'm a 20 year old girl from the UK and 5 years ago met a new teacher at school. He was 28 at the time (now 32). I was in my final year and he was new in the last few months. We got very close etc. and to cut a long story short, after my 16th ...
A. 16 November 2013: Yes I do think it will affect his career and he seems like a person who is out of control and chaotic.
He has groomed you to a certain extent from the age of 15 and waited until you were 'available'...
Now this could be constued as an i... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 13 November 2013: I've raised two kids through the teen years (mine are now 21 and 24) and I can honestly say I never looked at their private e-mails, texts or anything else because, to me, it felt like too big of an invasion of privacy. Both of them are now in happy ... (read in full...)
Can she never trust me again?
Q. I was caught a few times on dating sites by my beautiful girl. I did deny it at first, but now I have owned up to all of them, what she knew about. I have not been on them for a while, but she wont believe that. She is constantly interrog...
A. 13 November 2013: Why did you go on dating sites when you were in a happy relationship?
Why did you think it was OK to lie to your girlfriend?
Why are you blaming her for things going bad when it is entirely your fault?
She will most likely NEVER trust you a... (read in full...)
Breaking up and what am I entitled to?
Q. Can anybody tell me if you have been living with your partner for 9 years and you decide to break up, would you be entitled to half or any of the property? I'm in this situation and I don't know much about legal stuff. The house is in his name b...
A. 13 November 2013: You do not have any legal rights to his house and you can only take property that you can prove that you paid for. There is no common law wife status in the UK and whatever he gives to you on parting, will be his choice.
I wish more people u... (read in full...)
His story put me off -- am I just naive?
Q. So I met this guy and I'm trying to decide if he's dodgy. He said he went on holiday to a 5 star hotel which was practically empty because it was a front for money laundering, so they have fake guests staying in suites for 2000 a night, staying for ...
A. 8 November 2013: I agree with Honeypie...trust your gut...he sounds like a bit of a fantasist and clearly you are trying to force yourself to make allowances for him, when really you know he's not for you.
Just says 'thanks for the date but you ain't for me!!'... (read in full...)
I think I'm dating a jerk!
Q. I think I'm dating a jerk - but maybe it's just me? We go to dinner on the one year anniversary of our first date (not the one year anniversary of the relationship) and he asks me to split it with him because he lost his ATM card and didn't have ...
A. 24 October 2013: I am with Honeypie on this one...Excellent answer girl!!!!
Im not sure what the big deal is, a lot of women split the dating bill, and so they should...we are in tough financial times. If a guy insists or treats you to a spacial date where he... (read in full...)
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