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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I feel like a weird stalker, which I never was!
Q. Really need help so low I can't get over this guy because of how he treated me Ok 2 years ago we were working together he helped me through personal problems and we became close friends he was texting up to 100 a day sending poems etc - we never h...
A. 25 December 2013: Merry merry Christmas ladies xxx... (read in full...)
I feel like a weird stalker, which I never was!
Q. Really need help so low I can't get over this guy because of how he treated me Ok 2 years ago we were working together he helped me through personal problems and we became close friends he was texting up to 100 a day sending poems etc - we never h...
A. 25 December 2013: 'poopsite' lol, I meant opposite (too much Christmas cheer!!)... (read in full...)
I feel like a weird stalker, which I never was!
Q. Really need help so low I can't get over this guy because of how he treated me Ok 2 years ago we were working together he helped me through personal problems and we became close friends he was texting up to 100 a day sending poems etc - we never h...
A. 25 December 2013: He's made you dependant on his attention but really all he's giving you is the scraps and you have fallen for it.
I don't know why guys do this (and some women) striking up 'friendships' with members of the poopsite sex when they are already ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she isn't pretty enough
Q. I will be as honest as I can, so i can have some honest responses.I need some suggestion from people who are on the same shoes or from anyone. I have been married for 3 years. I am 26 and my wife is 24. In my opinion i think my wife looks 6/10....
A. 24 December 2013: You are asking for male opinions because you are hoping someone shows you that it's OK to divorce your wife...
Why does it have to be a male opinion?
Do you not take women's opinions into consideration?
I already posted before and I think y... (read in full...)
I wanted to celebrate, but he got drunk and fell asleep!
Q. It was mine and my boyfriend's second anniversary today ( the anniversary of our relationship, we aren't married ). He has Bipolar Disorder, and he sometimes drinks a lot. I was upset this morning , as I hadn't had a message from him saying happy ...
A. 22 December 2013: If you date someone with a severe mental illness like bi polar or manic depression as it used to be called, you have to pretty much expect all kinds of odd behaviour because the person may not be able to control their emotions and actions. If that ... (read in full...)
Change of heart or just looking for sex?
Q. I was involved with someone casually for a few months and he finished it. But recently he got in contact again to ask how I was. I finished the conversation by making it clear I did not want to stay in contact. My question is how can i be sure I ...
A. 21 December 2013: If he really wants to begin a relationship with you I am sure he would have been more insistent.
People often get in touch this time of year, especially singles. If he hurt you then it's not really worth risking getting involved again but if he ma... (read in full...)
Would you romantically date a co worker even if it was against employer policy?
Q. I work at a school where most of the teachers are female and many are single. As a single male I'm attracted to a few of them but I never show interest or do or say anything to alert them to my interest. 1 of these teachers has invited me to her h...
A. 19 December 2013: I'd probably avoid dating from work simply because if it all went wrong, things could get akward, but some people do meet their husband/wife at work.
I guess if you are the kind of person who falls in love every other week and changes your min... (read in full...)
How do I ensure our relationship survives this distance?
Q. I asked a question on here a few weeks back. My boyfriend of only a few month has gone home for 4 weeks over xmas. Hes away so long as his father is ill. In the first two weeks he was in touch all day every day, he was very loving and seemed to be ...
A. 18 December 2013: You can't be there for him because you are not THERE...what you really mean is that you want to be kept in the loop so you know whats going on.
If you want to avoid chasing him...then stop chasing.
Years ago we didn't need to be in daily cont... (read in full...)
He's made a mess of things, what is the best thing for me to do?
Q. I started seeing my bf sept 2012 .in August 2013 I found him out in a lie about what he was doing due to tbis he confessed that in october 2012 he had been with this other woman on at least 4 occasions and had got her pregnant he wanted her to ...
A. 18 December 2013: The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we can make other people change...we actually cannot.
He's a cheat and a liar and you think that by imposing 'sanctions' you can make it with him??
You have to ask yourself why you are with such a low ... (read in full...)
Any sayings that make you feel better after a breakup?
Q. Hi, Has anyone got any good sayings that make you feel better and help forget, get over a relationship that is or hasn't worked out? For example, I saw a good one "If you are left wondering were you are stood, it's time to stop standing and sta...
A. 18 December 2013: Not a saying but a person:
Robina Courtin : Be your own therapist (watch it on youtube)...instant heartbreak fix.... (read in full...)
I feel so used -- he dropped me as soon as we slept together
Q. Hello, I understand this is probably a trivial and common question, but it is really getting me down as this has never happened to me before. I met this guy and we got talking, we had a in depth conversation and he was really sweet. We changed ...
A. 18 December 2013: They should teach this to girls in school!!
Yes that's what guys do if you sleep with them too soon.
In your mind you think you are giving them what they want because you think it will make them like you more...it won't.
Having sex with... (read in full...)
Do I reply to his lovely response?
Q. Hello aunties and uncles I was friends with a man for over 5 years, he's 3 years younger than me.. During the first 6 months we had a fling, and then we became just friends. I fell in love with him and all the way through our friendship I yea...
A. 17 December 2013: he's a Saggitarian isn't he?...
Leave it, because you will get hurt again. Saggitarians are notorius for being elusive and will always put their freedom first (until they find the love of their life)
If you strike up the friendship again... (read in full...)
Given his history is it unreasonable to tell him not to go to the stag party?
Q. Am I being unreasonable? My boyfriend of 19 months is best man at his best friend's wedding next year . I said he shouldn't go on his stag doo because on past ones my boyfriend went on he went with three different prostitutes when they all went...
A. 17 December 2013: Firstly, you cannot stop him going...he is the best man.
I guess the best way to handle this is to not date someone who indulges in prostitute sex. It's his call whether he does it or not and if he does, then he cannot have much respect for you ... (read in full...)
Why do men send photos of their genitals to women they barely know?
Q. Okay, inquiring minds must know. This appears to be a relatively new phenomenon, but in all seriousness, why do men send pics of their penises to women? I'm not talking about if you're in a committed relationship or if the girl ASKS for it. I'm...
A. 17 December 2013: I think it's because a lot of men mistakenly think that their penis is the only thing women care about and by showing it they can 'advertise' themselves as 'manly' as 'virile'
It's not a new thing, you only have to look at Roman and other aincient... (read in full...)
Do I make a big stink or just quietly end things with this guy?
Q. I've been seeing this guy kind of on and off for five months. We've both discussed that we do not want a relationship with each other, but enjoy each other's company and are attracted to each other. I told him that I loved him as a friend, because I ...
A. 16 December 2013: ...as for the gift...DO NOT give them to him because they are just another way he will hurt you, because he won't gift you back and that will cause more resentment and over thinking. If you can't regift them to anyone you know, give them to a local ... (read in full...)
Do I make a big stink or just quietly end things with this guy?
Q. I've been seeing this guy kind of on and off for five months. We've both discussed that we do not want a relationship with each other, but enjoy each other's company and are attracted to each other. I told him that I loved him as a friend, because I ...
A. 16 December 2013: I agree with Cindy.
No need to kick up a fuss, it won't make a blind bit of difference to him because he isn't emotionally invested in you and even though he might throw you a rope in a few weeks, it just means he wants to come around for more... (read in full...)
Is he playing games/flirting with me so he doesn't have to have the repairs done in my flat?
Q. Recently, workmen have descended on the flats where I live which are being refurbished and I have grown quite attracted to the manager in charge who works on-site. However, I'm really confused by his behaviour. Having requested a number of re...
A. 15 December 2013: When you are having these conversations with him, why do you not ask him when the repairs will be done or ask why it's taking so long to get round to your repairs?
Also, if one of his workmen broke something in your flat, he should pay for it. ... (read in full...)
I asked my girlfriend not to drink so much when out with friends but she did so anyways!
Q. Ok so tonight my girlfriend went and hung out with one of her girl friends and said they were gonna go for happy hour and get a drink and some food. So I said don't drink too much please and she said she wouldn't but her friend messages me and said ...
A. 15 December 2013: I am assuming she's a grown woman? Not a child?
She's probably old enough to decide if she wants to drink herself into oblivion or not and she's old enough to accept responsibility for kissing another guy whilst drunk.
No pont being irritated ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she isn't pretty enough
Q. I will be as honest as I can, so i can have some honest responses.I need some suggestion from people who are on the same shoes or from anyone. I have been married for 3 years. I am 26 and my wife is 24. In my opinion i think my wife looks 6/10....
A. 15 December 2013: 'I know this is a messed up situation. I don't know how future will go. But how can I make anyone feel happy when I don't feel happy'
You need to let her go. Your priorities are abnormal and you know it. You also know you will never be happy wi... (read in full...)
My husband and I no longer make decisions together
Q. My husband and I have found it hard to make time for each other lately. He is so busy working and I am busy with kids and house. We always make decisions together but lately we can't agree on anything he just says what he thinks I want to hear. W...
A. 15 December 2013: Can you be more specific on 'everyday decisions'?
What decisions are you struggling with?
I think it's fairly common in most families that the man tends to sort out the work and finances and if she is a stay at home mum, the woman tends to t... (read in full...)
Can someone who fell out of love fall back in love?
Q. My bf of 2 years just broke up with me with saying, he fell out of love. He tells me this has been going on for a few months and he doesn't think he can recover from it. He was so much in love with me. I was the center of his attention. We talked a...
A. 15 December 2013: Anything is possible but I think he has told you the truth...he wants to end things. You just need time to accept that it's over.
Do not assume that you can do anything to save the relationship because you can't.
Focus on giving yourself ... (read in full...)
What is she hoping for here?
Q. My wife is doing something a bit "unusual" lately in bed and I am trying to figure it out. When I am on top, she holds 2 fingers together like a penis and starts sucking and licking them. (great so far :-)) Then she pulls my face down...
A. 14 December 2013: Maybe she's fantasising having a penis in her mouth while you are inside her.
Does this mean she actually wants to have two guys at one time?...who knows...some women are just happy to think about it to get themselves off, doesn't mean they act... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wont take things to the next level, how long do I wait?
Q. Me and my boyfriend were together for ten months, we were both happy together, till his wife he was seperated from started, she said she would take him back as soon as i was gone. Well as soon as i was gone she left . We have been talking dating ...
A. 13 December 2013: You have to find a way to handle the truth.
He has told you CLEARLY:
He DOESN'T want a girlfriend and he ISN'T ready for a relationship.
You are clinging on, probably still having sex with him, which is a HUGE mistake for any women in... (read in full...)
Four weeks later, has he lost interest already?
Q. Hi there I met a guy online we met and instantly hit it off... had a great time met at my local... saw him once a week since then so had x4 dates... he used to text me everyday or send a late goodnite sms too the sms have stopped... I did send him a ...
A. 12 December 2013: Yep sadly it looks like he has lost interest. Spare your blushes and feelings and don't contact him again. He probably just didn't have the balls to say 'sorry, you arn't for me'
Don't take it to heart x... (read in full...)
Should I expect an official invite or am I just creating drama?
Q. I've been in a long term relationship with my bf and we have been living together for 2 years. His nieces birthday is coming up and I've been uncomfortable to attend because I haven't received an invite however my bf feels that it makes no ...
A. 12 December 2013: If it's going to that uncomfortable for you to go...just don't go.... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he's forgotten my birthday..
Q. My birthday is today. I've been dating a man for 7 months. He knows when my birthday is and we've already celebrated his birthday in August. He has a VERY demanding job and is currently out of the country working. He emailed me last night and ...
A. 12 December 2013: You can't really win with this one...
If you don't remind him, you will look like a martyr
If you do, and he just says 'happy birthday', you are not going to feel like it's insincere and that he most likely would have forgotten anyway.
Y... (read in full...)
I have a 'thing' with a guy but he wants to keep it secret.
Q. So I have a thing with this guy, and my bestfriend over heard him telling his friend that he doesn't want anyone to know about us. I believe my bestfriend and he's the type of guy to say something like that too, what does all that mean and what ...
A. 12 December 2013: The guy has got something to hide...and it's you. Does that make you feel good? Does that make you feel happy?
Is it normal for a guy to want to keep a girlfriend a secret...ummm nope!
Unless he gives you a seriously good and truthful exp... (read in full...)
Should I expect an official invite or am I just creating drama?
Q. I've been in a long term relationship with my bf and we have been living together for 2 years. His nieces birthday is coming up and I've been uncomfortable to attend because I haven't received an invite however my bf feels that it makes no ...
A. 12 December 2013: yep...it's just drama. If you are with him and are his partner, then you dont need an official invite. He told you this and you continued to 'discuss' it where his mother could hear...
She obviously thinks it's drama and so shes got pissed o... (read in full...)
We were in a relationship but now we are just FWB!
Q. I need help please. I recently got back with my ex- we broke up at the end of october but then started talking again and things are the same as if we had been dating. he had referred to us as friends with benefits-something we were a few years back ...
A. 12 December 2013: Don't have sex with anyone that you are no longer in a relationship with, it will NEVER make them want you back and you will just end up being used and abused, like an unpaid prostitute.
Tell him you dont mind being friends but as there is no ch... (read in full...)
Looking to start a FWB -- any tips?
Q. Hi. I'm a 23 year old gay college student and I'm a virgin. I recently joined adam4adam.com since I'm really busy this school year and I don't really have time for a relationship, but like most my age, I have needs. So earlier today I was talking to ...
A. 10 December 2013: The trouble with FWB is that there is no 'friends' and it tends to create a perfect environment to treat other people like bits of meat...use and abuse, then be cold, disconected and blunt.(see previous post from female anon)
It does not take nat... (read in full...)
I was expecting another chance for us
Q. I have been hanging out with my ex boyfriend this past month, after being broken up for about 5 months. Yes we are sleeping together, hanging out, acting like a couple. But he tells me today that he is not ready to get back into a relationship. He ...
A. 10 December 2013: I think he is directly telling you that he DOES NOT want a relationship with you, but he is using the 'LOVE' word because he knows that will guarantee you still have sex with him.
Some people think they can string someone along by being clever a... (read in full...)
Sex isn't going so well during this pregnancy
Q. Hi. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my second baby with my partner along almost 4 years. The baby was planned and everything is going well apart from our sex life. Ever since I was about 12 week's pregnant the sex has been off and on. To begin with he ...
A. 10 December 2013: Most men are not comfortable having sex with their pregnant partner and for most couples, it's quite normal to put the sex 'on hold' until the baby is born.
You seem to have a high sex drive and also relate the lack of sexual contact directly... (read in full...)
Broke up with bf... do men actually have feelings?
Q. Okay, I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, a few days ago. I changed all numbers and blocked/deleted him from everything and went NC to the best of my ability. We broke up like this 10 months ago and after 3 weeks he found a way back in and we ...
A. 10 December 2013: Absolutely!! Men feel just as much hurt and dissapointment after break up (whether it's a long or short term thing)...they are just better at hiding their feelings because that's how most men are raised.
They will cry in private and go over pas... (read in full...)
I'm feeling inadequate because "my number" is low
Q. This is such a stupid thing I'm feeling. I consciously know it's stupid, but it's still there. You see, I'm dating a new guy after having had a very long, awful relationship. I've only been in that one relationship, and casually with a few guys... ...
A. 10 December 2013: Numbers do not matter. You have low self esteem and do not think yourself good enough for him and unless you change tack or get to grips with why you feel so down on yourself I can 100% guarantee that it will destroy your relationship.
Life ... (read in full...)
My sister is jealous of my boyfriend
Q. Myself and my sister used to be the best of friends. We were closer than anything, I'd never been closer to anybody else my whole life (She's 21, I'm 19). However, over the last year or so, something's changed. I've always had a lot more friends ...
A. 10 December 2013: I agree, blood is thicker than water and your sister probably feels like she cannot be as close to you as she once was. It's nice to have a boyfriend but you are doing what a lot of people do, you are making him your main focus and go to person and ... (read in full...)
How do I leave my wife and my children?
Q. Dear Cupid, How can I leave my wife and two kids? I know these columns are normally reserved for women , but being a man with out any one to talk to and with a story I want to share with you I feel, I can tell no one else in the world, not my br...
A. 9 December 2013: I read your story...
First up I want to reiterate that this site IS NOT just for women, it is for both men and women and many many people have come here for help with a multitude of problems.
OK... take this with good grace... 'you need to gro... (read in full...)
Usually men like me but this one is not helping my self esteem.
Q. I have been seeing this man a long time now. He rejects me a lot, he insults my independence and he tells me that I will never have a boyfriend. I can t lie I have said some mean things to him before too. He told me I was not a normal girl and ...
A. 9 December 2013: I am with Sage on this one. I don't understand why you would cling on to someone who treats you so poorly??
I also don't understand why you are so fixed on 'working him out'?? It says a lot about you...maybe you see him as a challenge that you... (read in full...)
Seven months full on flirting, and now he has just disappeared!
Q. This guy has been flirting with me for 7 months now, he is a nurse at the place where my gram lives. All his coworkers know he likes me they watch him watching me, my relatives know he likes me he would always ask them about me.months of talking, ...
A. 9 December 2013: Maybe he was just getting off on flirting with you but never really intended to take things further.
Some people are just like that...they enjoy the thrill of catching someones eye and it probably made his working day a little more fun.
It's up... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes me out to be a nag...am I?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been seeing a guy for around 6 months. At around 5 months in, he mentioned he was looking to buy somewhere in future and live on his own or with his sister. I asked him about this as I thought if things worked out between us that ...
A. 8 December 2013: I dont think its wrong to want to move in with someone or even think about it for the future, however I think you are barking up the wrong tree with this particular guy as he has too many issues around this particular point.
It probably was a bi... (read in full...)
He said he loved me while he was drunk, then took it back after sobering up!
Q. Been seeing a guy since August. Told him a few weeks back that I loved him. He said he wasn't there yet, which is fine. Last weekend when we were both really drunk he told me he loved me numerous times. The next day once he had sobered up he said ...
A. 8 December 2013: At 4 months you should probably just still be enjoying the dates and continue getting to know one another. I agree with Jannie and youwish...it's a little early to start telling him you love him but you can show it in your actions by being ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become distant again. How do I handle it?
Q. I've been with my bf for 3 years. I don't live with him but stay over at his place on the weekends and we see each other during the week IF our schedules allow but it isn't often. I'm 31, and he's 35. We've been having issues over the last several ...
A. 6 December 2013: I also think you have done the right thing.
There are no guarantees that NC will bring him back to you but it's better than pursuing and chasing him which we know will push him further away.
It's gutting when a relationship ends, it can fee... (read in full...)
Why would a mother neglect her child and call them names?
Q. Dear helpers, I have a story to tell and questions to ask and I have no idea where to start. My problem is I never felt loved by my mother and I have no idea why. Let me explain this. I am not some teenager complaining about parents' ways....
A. 6 December 2013: Firstly I want to say how sorry I am for what you have had to go through at a very young age. You have had a very hard time and although I do not know, I am guessing you are from an asian culture?
Child abuse is wrong but some families do not see ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become distant again. How do I handle it?
Q. I've been with my bf for 3 years. I don't live with him but stay over at his place on the weekends and we see each other during the week IF our schedules allow but it isn't often. I'm 31, and he's 35. We've been having issues over the last several ...
A. 5 December 2013: I wonder if he is developing a gaming addiction? It's an increasingly growing problem world wide. People become so immerged in the virtual world, they literally ignore the real world around them. For men, in particular it gives them a way to escape ... (read in full...)
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