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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 10 February 2014: Well there you go, you said it. He isn't marriage material he thinks and he continually put off getting married in a 9 year thing and tries to talk his friends out of it.
Some people just don't want to get married, it's that simple. Doesn't ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 9 February 2014: I think he is right to hold off, he isn't yet sure if he wants to be with you long term and has told you quite clearly that he isn't ready to talk about the future.
You cannot change how he feels by pushing/asking/negotiating/ultimating him, it ... (read in full...)
Is the "hidden menu" on his phone a sign that he's hiding porn use?
Q. I have noticed my mans phone has this sprint hidden menue. what exactly is that? is it a way to hide things from me like porn? we have had serious issues in the past. he is trying to over come an addiction....
A. 9 February 2014: An addiction to porn?... (read in full...)
This new man texts and calls from morning til night!
Q. Dear Cupids. Your thoughts would be welcome. I recently met a lovely guy I used to know years ago and who used to like me then but we lost touch for years and recently bumped back into each other.We have had three great dates, and get on very well. ...
A. 9 February 2014: Still hold off on the sex though (I sound like a Mother, nagging her kid lol), just until he has calmed down a bit and is really letting you know he wants to be with you for real. There are so many posts on here at the moment of ladies who are ... (read in full...)
Can this sexless marriage be repaired?
Q. I have been married for 15 years and most of it has been sexless. My husband works very hard and travels often. I have approached the subject often and things have not changed. It is a little ironic. Because it is usually the husband who is ...
A. 9 February 2014: What were the reasons you went back to him before?
You had left, why did you return? ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 8 February 2014: I really feel for this OP and the situation is desperately sad. I really wished people could be more honest about their lives and not give others, like this poor lady, such false and misleading hope. It's so strange that modern technology has driven ... (read in full...)
I cant provide money for us since I can't escourt so should I end things?
Q. K this is pretty serious. We've been together almost a year, we are both head over heels in love. I asked him to marry me he said yes. Hes a tattoo artist Im 25 hes 47. We share symptoms, we're twin flames. Recently we have been having some mon...
A. 8 February 2014: Your post makes no sense. You do not say WHY you want to leave him. You do not say if he objected to you being and escort. You just said you had money worries, did some escorting to save your home and now you want to leave him?????
Don't make sen... (read in full...)
This new man texts and calls from morning til night!
Q. Dear Cupids. Your thoughts would be welcome. I recently met a lovely guy I used to know years ago and who used to like me then but we lost touch for years and recently bumped back into each other.We have had three great dates, and get on very well. ...
A. 8 February 2014: There is always quite a lot of contact at the start of a 'relationship/dating/friendship' thing and its fuelled by the excitement of getting to know someone, so you could put it down to that.
Personally it would bug me if someone was making s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 8 February 2014: OP I get that you WANT to trust him. You certainly deserve a loving relationship, no less than any other human being on the planet. I get that you held back a little and did not want to seem needy, so now you are probably in 'panic' mode wondering ... (read in full...)
How will I be able to learn sailing if I am not supposed to get my hearing aid wet? How will I communicate with instructor if I cannot wear my hearing aid?
Q. Not sure this is quite the right place but I wondered if anyone out there is partly deaf/wears hearing aids and has any experience of learning to sail? I really, really want to go to sailing club/sailing lessons but I have to wear one,some...
A. 8 February 2014: There is a waterproof hearing aid on the market. I just googled it and not sure if it's suitable for you but worth a shot. Speak to your sailing instructor, perhaps they can find a solution for alternative communication for you.
You just need to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 8 February 2014: If you left voicemail and a message at his work, he would have recieved one of those messages by now.
He isn't calling for a reason, so what is the logical answer?
A guy you only know by texts and phonecalls, who always lets his phone go to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 7 February 2014: Get one of your friends to call his number and see if he answers. If he picks up and is normal, but doesn't pick up when you call him then it's clear he doesnt want to keep in touch.
I did this for my friend who was texting and calling a guy for ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 7 February 2014: If you never met him or don't know where he lives or works or you cannot get to him, there isn't anything you can do but wait.
There are many possibilities why he hasn't been in touch and sadly none of them are good.
You have built a relation... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be concerned about his earnings?
Q. Hi. My boyfriend of 3 years has been hinting that he wants to ask me to marry him. I love him, that is not a problem. My concern is that I am hard working and driven and I want to advance my career. He is more laid back, self employed, just does ...
A. 6 February 2014: Not sure where you read about spousal support in UK?
If you never had kids with him and you divorced, you'd just split your assets and go your separate ways! You would not have to support him after that because the relationship would be over. If... (read in full...)
Does anyone else ever feel like the ugly friend?
Q. Hello all I was wondering if anyone ever feels like the "ugly friend?" I am so tired of being the ugly friend and having such pretty friends. It makes me feel like crap. My friend is so pretty and all the guys like her and stare at her. Please d...
A. 6 February 2014: Sadly we live in a world where 'looks' mean more than they should. It's tough if you compare yourself to others on a superficial basis, because you are always going to come off worse.
I apreciate that you are at that akward stage where you are ... (read in full...)
For nine years I believed my lover was married but I've recently learned he isn't
Q. I began this relationship with my lover over 9 years ago and up until a 2 weeks ago believed that he was married because he told me so. He revealed in an online conversation that he was never legally married to the woman he claimed as his wife. N...
A. 6 February 2014: What do you want to believe? That he is married or he isn't?
The guy has lied to you but you have also knowingly been hooked up with a guy who's sleeping with someone else...
Do you want all the lies and bad stuff to go away so you can be happy... (read in full...)
When it happens I hibernate. Makes me feel very over-self aware and like nobody likes me. What can I do about this?
Q. I am usually a very sociable person with lots of friends. Every few years I feel completely ostracised by some of the people I'm with - usually when I'm in a small group. This has happened since childhood and I'm in my 30s now. Especially when I'm...
A. 4 February 2014: I often think that people suffer in this way because they have a submissive nature. You see it a lot with middle children who felt pushed out amongst their siblings or those who had over bearing parents and grew up repressing their feelings just to ... (read in full...)
How do I move on, when it's clear that there will be no closure?
Q. My ex dumped me, a little over 3 weeks ago. He told me he loved me in a text and then disappeared. He then turned up on facebook a week later and started posting things right after me in order to provoke a response or get my attention, none of ...
A. 4 February 2014: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-bailed-on-me-so-whats-up-with.html
I think this was your original post.... (read in full...)
How do I move on, when it's clear that there will be no closure?
Q. My ex dumped me, a little over 3 weeks ago. He told me he loved me in a text and then disappeared. He then turned up on facebook a week later and started posting things right after me in order to provoke a response or get my attention, none of ...
A. 4 February 2014: I am pretty sure you posted about this on DC a few weeks ago and the general advice was that you delete and block him on FB so you didn't have to be upset by his petty remarks. Obviously you didn't follow the advice and things have risen to a level ... (read in full...)
Did she cheat?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together 6 months and are in love. She travels for her job and i've sacrificed a lot because of this. Currently she is across the country for 3 months. She recently went on a weekend trip w friends. It was a few girls ...
A. 4 February 2014: No trust...no relationship. All the love in the world don't mean zippadee if there is no trust.
If she was a guy playing flirty games with other women, He'd be dumpable...it's no different for girls, playing silly flirty games doesn't mean she... (read in full...)
I don't feel like he's pulling his weight. Am I being petty?
Q. I’m a 42 year old successful single mother of two teenage daughters. I have been divorced for 9 years and focused all of my energy on raising my daughters alone. I own my own home, two cars and have been blessed enough to provide my children with ...
A. 4 February 2014: I do not know how expensive groceries and utilities are in the US, I am guessing similar to here in the UK although food is much more expensive here. I think if I asked someone to move in with me who I was 'on and off' with for 2 years, I don't ... (read in full...)
43 with no children of my own. I'd like to have a child with my gay friend
Q. I am 43 and childless. I would love to have a child but the odds are stacked against me. I would love to have a child for a gay friend. My best friend is gay and I'd love to be able to broach the subject with him but I don't know how I should bro...
A. 4 February 2014: FA Sorry I did not mean to 'paint' you, I do respect your advice on DC. Was just stating a fact that the OP's friend is a gay man and that adhering marriage to the act of having a child is a view point that may not be acceptable between a single ... (read in full...)
43 with no children of my own. I'd like to have a child with my gay friend
Q. I am 43 and childless. I would love to have a child but the odds are stacked against me. I would love to have a child for a gay friend. My best friend is gay and I'd love to be able to broach the subject with him but I don't know how I should bro...
A. 4 February 2014: FA the OP did say her friend is gay, so I doubt there will be a marriage and there is no need for the two parents to get married for the sake of the child.
What I do know, is when a child is longed for and planned for and brought about with liv... (read in full...)
43 with no children of my own. I'd like to have a child with my gay friend
Q. I am 43 and childless. I would love to have a child but the odds are stacked against me. I would love to have a child for a gay friend. My best friend is gay and I'd love to be able to broach the subject with him but I don't know how I should bro...
A. 3 February 2014: Having a child with someone you are not in a relationship/romantic attachment with is a YES or NO issue.
I am not going to say 'oh you shouldn't do this or that' because I know people have children in all kinds of situations and quite frankly ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and stopped smoking. How do I help my partner quit the habit as well, without nagging?
Q. I could do with some advice on how to encourage my partner to quit smoking. We both used to smoke but when I fell pregnant 4 months ago I quit immediately and haven't touched one since, nor do I desire too as quite frankly the smell of them makes ...
A. 2 February 2014: Midwives in the UK can now refer pregnant women and their partners for smoking cessation without any cost. You have quit but your partner can still be referred. It's a great time to quit as neither of you will want your child affected by passive ... (read in full...)
He walked out on me. Is contacting him a bad idea?
Q. A man that I was dating walked out of my life in October '12. We were only dating for 6 months but it was intense. He told me he was in love with me and hinted toward marriage in the future. He was recently divorced, his father died while we...
A. 2 February 2014: I agree with CG. I often think that the chasing is best left to the men and his actions (not words) are a good indicator to how he really felt.
He left you and cut all contact, that 'says' 'I want rid of you'
Whatever reason he left for, I don'... (read in full...)
Ex-boyfriend told me after breaking up that he has Hepatitis C!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he just broke up with me because he said I work too much. He is on disability so is home all day. Said he is lonely and moved in with another women with three children. Then he tells me he is ...
A. 2 February 2014: The risk of you catching Hep C via sexual intercourse is tiny and unless you have shared needles, razors etc it's a very slim chance that you have contracted it. Hep c is also treatable in most cases, but you need to get tested as soon as ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her?
Q. I wanted to ask why a guy would check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her? I went on a date with a guy who was interested in me in the beginning he complimented me constantly and told me how much he liked the way I look, but ...
A. 2 February 2014: I am sorry this happened to you. Try resisting telling a guy you love them until you are in an established relationship because it's just a bit much for someone to hear if they arn't really feeling the same way.
Don't worry about keeping touch wi... (read in full...)
Boyfriend traveling abroad is posting on Facebook but hasn't called me like he promised!
Q. Hi everyone. I am writing for help because I have never been so confused in my life. I have been in a relationship with a lovely man for just over a year and we have both said how happy we are together, we get on perfectly, do great things to...
A. 1 February 2014: 'we have both said how happy we are together, we get on perfectly, do great things together, share the same interests and have a brilliant sex life too. There was almost an instant connection and we are very happy and content'
These are your wor... (read in full...)
Was this saleswoman inappropriate??
Q. I was recently in a gas station on the way to work, quickly getting a drink, it was 12pm and I was in my work uniform. I dont often go to this station but it is close to where i live. The woman behind the counter (40-48) approximately I...
A. 27 January 2014: I agree with the other aunties, I think it was just small talk that went a bit wonky. She may have aspergers or some other similar social anxiety problem which mmakes things come out the wrong way. I am sure you are a big enough person to just ... (read in full...)
Should I trust this online dating guy
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. I've recently joined an online dating site and hit it off with a nice guy who I had a lot in common with.After communicating daily for a few weeks, we were going to meet up after Christmas but I've had to go away for 6 weeks ...
A. 27 January 2014: POF is a HUGE site with thousands of people on it. The reason it attracts so many people is because it is free and generally, there is a fair reputation that it is a hook up site (although some people have met a partner on there). There are also a ... (read in full...)
My BF wants me to go to the same college he does, but that's a ways off and I can't say yes.
Q. My boyfriend has asked me if I would go to the same college as him I'm 17 he's 17 and I don't want to say yes because I feel like college is a time for me to be free ad explore and I love him I really do but recently he asked me if I would marry him ...
A. 27 January 2014: When you are 10 years older and you are with a nice guy who treats you properly and you have finished your education and hopefully moved into a career you love and there are no ex partners or step children to deal with you will realise how lucky you ... (read in full...)
NEVER will do anything for a woman unless there is sexual intention involved.
Q. I had a discussion with a friend today about my upcoming trip, and she said that men NEVER will do anyhting for a woman unless there is sexual intention involved. I told her that I had and have plenty of guy friends. She asked me to think under w...
A. 27 January 2014: I agree with YOUWISH
Tell him you have no intention of being more than a friend and you do not want to have sex with him (personally I think you are in denial)
See if he still wants to go on a trip with you...I am guessing NO, unless he's the ... (read in full...)
I've become pregnant and BF and his family have ADHD/ADD running in it. Will my baby also have it?
Q. I was dating a guy for nearly a year. He is a good person but he had ADHD and ADD, which was very stressful for me. It could no longer cope with it and it had to end. Let me explain, his condition is quite extreme. He had been diagnosed since he...
A. 27 January 2014: You need guidance from your doctor or midwife and you need to speak to someone sooner rather than later.
Sadly nobody here would even be able to guess you an appropriate answer. I am not sure what the procedure is in the US as I am in the UK, but ... (read in full...)
My ex has his baby mama, why is he trying to figure out what I'm doing?
Q. I am almost a yr out of my divorce. My ex used me and mentally and physically abused me. I was playing all bills and basically holding down the kids, house, and money. He was so lazy that I just got fed up. Toward the end of us going through ...
A. 27 January 2014: Why are you hurt girl??? You won the jackpot!!
You got out of an unhappy marriage with your finances intact and now have met a great guy who you deserve...so why so hurt?...
Cos the ex cheated?...that's what low lifes do, they cheat and lose e... (read in full...)
Should I trust this online dating guy
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. I've recently joined an online dating site and hit it off with a nice guy who I had a lot in common with.After communicating daily for a few weeks, we were going to meet up after Christmas but I've had to go away for 6 weeks ...
A. 27 January 2014: Despite what he tells you about how much he likes you, he hasn't met you in the flesh and so he is at liberty to talk to other ladies online, the same as you are at liberty to speak to other guys.
It's understandable you are a bit put out but you ... (read in full...)
Is having an ex help out wrong?
Q. Hi. I started dating a divorced guy with kids three years after breaking up with alongterm partner (no kids myself). We lived together for a year but then he moved for work, we see each other once a month. As it happens this move for work put him in ...
A. 26 January 2014: If he was that good of a boyfriend he'd help you out. It's always a bit dodgy involving an ex but in the real world, some men and women DO choose to stay friends with ex's and no current boyfriend or girlfriend should have the right to say who you ... (read in full...)
What can I do to finally meet my valentine after eleven years of no dating?
Q. Dear Cupid ,I really want a valentine I haven"t been in a relationship for 11 years now my kids are grown and my son is about to graduate and is going off to a higher education I can't really get out cause I am a caregiver for my mom who is an ...
A. 24 January 2014: Maybe join a dating site? As valentines day approaches, those sites become flooded with people who can feel a little down about not having a partner.
Be honest about yourself and include a few recent photos of yourself. List your hobbies and inte... (read in full...)
How can I win her over? Should I even try?
Q. Question: A girl I really like recently told me she's going to pursue a long-distance relationship with a guy she's only recently met. Can I win her over? Should I even try? She and I went on three dates. The first two went really well. On the sec...
A. 24 January 2014: Do you think you can really handle being her friend, knowing she is with someone else? If you don't think it would bother you then the friendship might work. You may have to take a backseat and mind what you say because making a play for her and ... (read in full...)
How do I leave my violent husband?
Q. I have been with my husband for 8 years and we have 4 young children together. My husband has always had a bad temper and drinks excessively, but both have gotten worse over the years. He screams and swears at me at least once a day for something ...
A. 23 January 2014: I agree with the previous answer. I think you could be in serious danger and this situation needs to be brought to an end.
A person who chokes you and holds a pillow over your face has the potential to snap and go further. Never ever doubt th... (read in full...)
I want him but he is committed to somebody else.
Q. I have been in love with this man for 8 years. He has a 9 yr. old son and is committed to the mother They live in the philipines. He visits them every year for 1 month. He is not married to her but says But I have a son. I want him but he won't ...
A. 23 January 2014: Are you just good friends? Do you live together? Do you see eachother often?
Have you asked him if there is a potential relationship between you?
It's really hard to be in love with someone when they do not love you back. I was in a similar sit... (read in full...)
He bailed on me.. so what's up with him?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend, ex I should say, broke it off with me "unofficially" by disappearing 2 weeks ago. He told me he loved me by text, had nothing to offer, blah blah blah and then disappeared. The last thing he ever said to me was "I love you...". ...
A. 23 January 2014: Reading between the lines, you sound hurt and upset. If it wasn't bothering you, you'd probably not even give his FB another thought.
It's possible he is scoping you out, maybe just out of curiosity. Even if a bloke dumps a woman, he will still be... (read in full...)
Why would a guy check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her?
Q. I wanted to ask why a guy would check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her? I went on a date with a guy who was interested in me in the beginning he complimented me constantly and told me how much he liked the way I look, but ...
A. 21 January 2014: It doesn't mean anything. Maybe he looked at your profile by mistake or maybe he was comparing you to someone else?
That's how it goes with dating sites. People get excited and make lots of promises before they meet and when they actually do meet,... (read in full...)
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