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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I'm hurting so bad, I'm losing him. Please help!!
Q. I really need some advice. I feel like I'm dying a slow painful death. I've been with my bf for 3 years. We're the same age. We aren't living together but spent our weekends/a couple days a week together. We've been through, and overcome, a lot in ...
A. 19 October 2013: 'Look at what a man DOES...NOT what he SAYS'
He's pulling away from you and distancing himself and the 'I love you's' are a band aid so he doesn't have to feel too guilty.
Right now you need to act the complete opposite to how you feel. You ha... (read in full...)
Was this some sort of revenge for breaking up?
Q. Yesterday an ex-lover sent me a text message and I simply replied. Then he called me and we began to have a conversation about our past. My ex finally gave me a chance to explain my side of the story about how we ended up going our separate ways. I ...
A. 18 October 2013: I'd bet my life that the conversation you had with him after he text you, got steamy really quickly!
He texted you, he called you, he LEFT WORK there and then and came over and screwed you!!
Whatever you were saying to eachother, it wa... (read in full...)
In love with my married best friend, should I leave?
Q. Hi I am in a bit of a pickle. To be brief, I fell in love with my best friend. He is a married man with two children, he is in love with me too and we had an emotional affair. Nothing physical has happened between us. We are just agreeing to be b...
A. 18 October 2013: I am interested to know how long you have known this man and how you met him, also how come you are 'his best friend'? How did that come about?... (read in full...)
Do cheaters ever change?
Q. I've just met a Man and during a conversation we were having he explained that he had been in 2 marriages and 1 8 year defacto relationship. He continued to say he had been unfaithful with 2 women, 1, his first wife and 2 a short term ...
A. 17 October 2013: A true story for you.
A couple years ago a new colleague came to work at our place and I had to train her. She was a middle age woman who told me that although she was still married (and her husband adored her) she was cheating with a younger ... (read in full...)
My mind is on overload and I am going crazy!
Q. Hello aunts and uncle's I really need some advice here and fast before I go nuts. I have been with my BF for 7 months now and I am so in love with him, and he tells me he feels the same. we moved in together and everything is going great excep...
A. 17 October 2013: Not sure about the phone thing but the fact he still keeps his own place suggests that he hasn't made up his mind completely that he wants to stay committed to you. He may also keep the place on incase he meets someome else...and that might be what ... (read in full...)
I feel like being with him just makes life harder
Q. Hello, It's me again. I feel at my wits end! My husband still has no job. I feel like I am in this marriage by myself! Relationships are supposed to help your life, not make it harder. I feel like being with him makes my life much harder. I get no ...
A. 17 October 2013: I read your other post and it seems nothing has changed in 3 months, probably because neither of you have made any effort to change things. He's still angry, abusive and jobless and you are over worked, sexually frustrated and daunted at the ... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 17 October 2013: You need to find someone who can give you the level of commitment that you want, but you won't get it from this guy.
He's got everything the way he wants it so it's highly unlikely that he will want to change a thing.
He's still married wi... (read in full...)
My widower partner on chat rooms to women - this is ultimate betrayal and cheating
Q. hi, I am a female and i have been with my male partner for 6 yesrs. he was widowed in may 2006 and I met him on match.com in September 06. he has been hard work due to his three steps forward two steps back routine and he just has periods when he ...
A. 16 October 2013: After I got divorced almost nine years ago, I met and fell in love with a man and we were together for 3 years. After 18 months we started living together and I really truly felt that he loved me and wanted a future with me. He was generous and ... (read in full...)
Can a man get addicted to the woman he is having an affair with?
Q. So recently I heard a man say that married men come into 3 categories: 1) The ones who have been faithful for a long time and suddenly discover (about the age of 45 or so) that there is sex beyond what they are getting at home and once they have the...
A. 16 October 2013: Yes there are married men who sleep with other women but would never leave their wife... and there are married women who sleep with other men and would never leave their husband...
When people get married they agree to 'forsake all others and keep... (read in full...)
I need some guidance about my husband's behaviour. I feel I can't trust him anymore.
Q. I've been married for 14 years and my husband started behaving different with me since 2 years. First of all he has many woman friends, and he is always on the phone, skype, and FB with them. Last year a female friend of him thanked me on my FB page ...
A. 15 October 2013: So your husband is openly having intimate conversations over FB and Skype, telling another woman how gorgeous and pretty she is, sending her chocolates and making excuses about sleeping at her house?...
and if you want it to stop you got to divor... (read in full...)
We have a 20 year old difference. Don't know if there is any point in starting things again.
Q. Hi, I was seeing a much younger guy casually for the last 8 months. We were really just sleeping together. I had just come out of a relationship and he was very inexperienced so we decided to try not to get too involved. He finished things ...
A. 15 October 2013: Nope nobody likes getting dumped, it makes you feel not good enough but given enough time, we all get over it and most move on or decide a relationship isn't for them.
Its much harder if you're over a certain age as a lot of the good guys/gal... (read in full...)
We have a 20 year old difference. Don't know if there is any point in starting things again.
Q. Hi, I was seeing a much younger guy casually for the last 8 months. We were really just sleeping together. I had just come out of a relationship and he was very inexperienced so we decided to try not to get too involved. He finished things ...
A. 14 October 2013: Oh don't be fooled...he won't forget you, but neither will he ever be able to give you what you need. The trouble with NSA is it's all to convienient for them to come back, sometimes weeks or months after because they see you as 'easy' and ... (read in full...)
Is giving in to one's neurosis satisfying?
Q. I have had a fantasy of being completely dominated in a bedroom by an attractive woman. In my case, completely means bondage, strap on, lack of power, discomfort, but not necessarily aggression or pain. I've always been curious but never had gu...
A. 13 October 2013: Join FETLIFE and find someone to help you realise your fantasy. It's not neurosis, it's not even that unusual...loads of people have some or other fetish.
Life is too short, just do it...and have fun!!!... (read in full...)
I think I might have caught him in a lie ...
Q. This will probably sound ridiculous but I need opinions! My partner and I have been happy together for 3 years. Last night he gave me a lift to a friends house for some drinks and as we were in the car I noticed his car ticked over to 10,000 miles ...
A. 13 October 2013: There's a saying: If it looks like shit and smells like shit...it's shit!!
22 miles is quite a journey, not like he had to take a detour because of roadworks or went for a drive (which he'd have told you about).
That alibi was a little too sli... (read in full...)
How to discuss family asset's without upsetting anyone?
Q. So my husband and I are not really having a problem so much as just needing advice, words of wisdom, etc. I was having lunch with my husband and his brother's girlfriend who is 4 months pregnant with his brother's child (obviously). My ...
A. 13 October 2013: The best way to deal with it is...to NOT deal with it.
Legally You yourself and the other woman have no claim over your father in laws estate either, it would only be his natural children and grandchildren who would be entitled.
It also sucks... (read in full...)
Should I ask my ex to our son's birthday outing?
Q. Should I ask my ex to our son's birthday outing? We haven't been getting on at all lately, infact that is an understatement. He doesn't see his son much anyway, through his own choice. I don't particularly want him there, but this is...
A. 12 October 2013: Then invite him and just keep things civil for the dsy xx
... (read in full...)
Should I ask my ex to our son's birthday outing?
Q. Should I ask my ex to our son's birthday outing? We haven't been getting on at all lately, infact that is an understatement. He doesn't see his son much anyway, through his own choice. I don't particularly want him there, but this is...
A. 12 October 2013: I would not invite him unless he specifically says he will be there. If your son isnt too bothered I wouldnt even mention it...if his dad shows up then that will be an added surprise but no need to build up his hopes or feel obliged to roll out the ... (read in full...)
Is is okay to be a little envious of my sister and sister-in-law's friendship?
Q. Is it ok to be a little envious of my sister and sis in laws f/ship.? My younger sister and my bro and sister in law are close in age and have lots in common kids etc. They live in diff states but communicate via FB a lot, and phone, I imagin...
A. 12 October 2013: Thank you for giving more info, you do seem really down on yourself over this and I can feel the resentment in your words.
Sometimes we don't get the families that we want and it can be really hard seeing other people so happy and together... (read in full...)
We have a 20 year old difference. Don't know if there is any point in starting things again.
Q. Hi, I was seeing a much younger guy casually for the last 8 months. We were really just sleeping together. I had just come out of a relationship and he was very inexperienced so we decided to try not to get too involved. He finished things ...
A. 12 October 2013: Expecting too much from him??...like a relationship and commitment? or more time together doing normal stuff rather than just climbing into bed?
If yes, then he ended it because you were getting too close and it seems he wasn't wanting those th... (read in full...)
I know I made the right decision to end things but I need some encouragement!
Q. Hi :) Hope you can help me.. I was with my boyfriend for 2 yrs, he is a nice person, but things didn't work out for loads of reasons, mainly because he has always been mothered, expects people to do things for him and he doesn't think to repa...
A. 11 October 2013: How did you find out about someone sending him a nude pic? Did he tell you? or did a friend tell you?
If you are determined to end things then you need to cut the contact so he cannot come at you with sweet words.
Try to focus on why the relat... (read in full...)
Is is okay to be a little envious of my sister and sister-in-law's friendship?
Q. Is it ok to be a little envious of my sister and sis in laws f/ship.? My younger sister and my bro and sister in law are close in age and have lots in common kids etc. They live in diff states but communicate via FB a lot, and phone, I imagin...
A. 11 October 2013: Of course it's OK to feel a little hurt...it's very hurtful, in fact, when you are kinda on the outter edge of happy family events where everyone else is bonding and having a great time!
Some people are social and a few of us are not so social. ... (read in full...)
Why would an ex say "we should have a relationship with love and compasion because we have history"?
Q. Why would an ex say "we should have a relationship with love and compasion because we have history." he left the marriage for another woman who he has been with for over 5 yrs. now. there were other women before her. He is extremely dishones...
A. 11 October 2013: 'He is extremely dishonest and manipulative and abusive'
...that's why he's saying it.
I think his use of the word 'compassion' indicates he is trying to get close to his children and his use of the word 'love' is the hook with which he intends... (read in full...)
Married, open relationship, and now divorce?
Q. I need you guys opinions, please. Here's my situation: My wife and I knew each other since for about 8 years. We got married on 2011 so it would be almost 2 years of marriage. We both agreed on having an open relationship as long as in the end we w...
A. 10 October 2013: You very obviously did not understand the ramifications of an 'open' marriage. People fool around with this kind of nonsense all the time, flouting the vows of marriage and they forget that either partner might fall for someone else and then comes ... (read in full...)
Why he's closing me out?
Q. I'm 32 and there is this guy who use to live in my neighborhood who is younger then I am. He's 21 yrs old and developed an interest in me saying that age doesn't matter blah blah blah. I started to like him but always told him that because our age ...
A. 7 October 2013: I see your situation and I think you need to think about the definition between a friend and a girlfriend.
You seem to be paying a little too much attention to this situation for a so called friend, so could it be that you really have feelings... (read in full...)
How do I come to terms with celibacy and life as a single person?
Q. How do I come to terms with celibacy and life as a single person, continuous search just makes me unhappy, and distracts me from leading a fuller life in other ways. I've spent the past twenty years bringing up two girls on my own, they've rec...
A. 7 October 2013: I don't agree that single dads dont get dates. Im single and my kids have grown up and dating someone else who had kids would feel more comfortable and familiar than dating someone who'd never been married or raised children.
It's clear you are ... (read in full...)
Will I regret taking my daughter's dad off childsupport even though she is grown?
Q. Dear Cupid,I am caught up with two men that one took care of his child and then the next one disowned his children by me.Long story short I want your opinion on this the first man I have two children by him he never paid a dime? For the second guy ...
A. 7 October 2013: If your youngest is over 18 then yes he should be allowed to stop paying child support, as your daughter is old enough to earn her own money. I am sure he would go on supporting her in his own way as he has always done but without the monthly ... (read in full...)
I am 5 months pregnant and I don't trust my boyfriend going to parties getting drunk.
Q. I'm 5 months pregnant and feeling very stressed out. I'm in a relationship with someone I love very much. We have been arguing all week and its starting to really get me down, the main reason we are arguing is this.... Basically on Monday he told me ...
A. 6 October 2013: I actually work in this field and it's true to say that some men do not respond to pregnancy as a lot of women would like and there isn't much you can do about it.
If you were both big drinkers before the baby, obviously you have had to accept r... (read in full...)
I am 5 months pregnant and I don't trust my boyfriend going to parties getting drunk.
Q. I'm 5 months pregnant and feeling very stressed out. I'm in a relationship with someone I love very much. We have been arguing all week and its starting to really get me down, the main reason we are arguing is this.... Basically on Monday he told me ...
A. 6 October 2013: Can I ask, what was he like before you got pregnant?
Did he still go out drinking and hanging with these friends that you don't like? or was he spending more time with you and not drinking?... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend? I think I deserve better?
Q. Should I leave my boyfriend? I think I deserve better? Well here is our story so you can understand my situation. I met him three years ago. Since day one I knew he had a daughter but he was not with the mother. At the beginning we only...
A. 6 October 2013: Your history with this guy is not good from the start. You keep believing in him and time and time again he keeps letting you down...let me tell you right now, this pattern will never change.
You are a young woman at the start of your emotiona... (read in full...)
Why so bitter, when he cheated on me?
Q. Hello guys. Could use your guidance please. Me and my ex split up about 3 months ago (he cheated on me). I still love him, but know the split was the right thing to do. I am upset about the split, but I do not hate him for it, nor am I angry a...
A. 5 October 2013: Ok why is he bitter? because he's a jerk who got caught out, or maybe he thinks he was wrongly accused or maybe he's just a complete nut bar!!
Just block him or change your number, it's easy enough to do. No point working him out, because it won't... (read in full...)
Why so bitter, when he cheated on me?
Q. Hello guys. Could use your guidance please. Me and my ex split up about 3 months ago (he cheated on me). I still love him, but know the split was the right thing to do. I am upset about the split, but I do not hate him for it, nor am I angry a...
A. 5 October 2013: OP it doesn't mean you have to stop caring for him but neither does it mean you have to cling on. If he is dating someone else, why keep contact? He obviously does not want to keep contact with you so just let him go? You dodged a bullet and did the ... (read in full...)
Why so bitter, when he cheated on me?
Q. Hello guys. Could use your guidance please. Me and my ex split up about 3 months ago (he cheated on me). I still love him, but know the split was the right thing to do. I am upset about the split, but I do not hate him for it, nor am I angry a...
A. 4 October 2013: Be honest...are you contacting him at all? either by text, e-mail on FB or other social networking site?
I know you said you don't reply to his angry texts, but what about other times? Do you contact him first?
Him having an unhealthy grudge... (read in full...)
Should I stop the jealous rage?
Q. Im in a relationship with a man who has been in a twenty yr relationship ...When we first met he told me about her. I am 43 and he is 65 yrs of age.Besides the fact of the relationship he is in.. He treats me so kind.. upmost respect ..supports me ...
A. 4 October 2013: I noticed that not once did you mention that you love or care about this guy...only that he says 'he loves his psycho'
This says a lot.
I wonder if you would be so keen to step into a dying womans shoes if he wasn't showering you with gifts a... (read in full...)
He cheated on me - is this worth fixing?
Q. Hi there, I'm in need of help. I started dating this man in sept. 2011 and we dated a year and got engaged October. 2012, moved in with him, things have been going great, was thinking i found a good man, then surprise I got into his email cause ...
A. 4 October 2013: It's not worth fixing. It's not like he had one indiscretion, he's a dyed in the wool 100% pure player and there is overwhelming evidence to prove it!
So typical of this type of man that he blamed you, and would he have told you AFTER the wedding?... (read in full...)
Do women really want on FWB relationships?
Q. someone just told me the new "in" thing was fwb. The lady i was talking to said even women wanted this now. Why? is because men were I think she meant men were not that nice. I know per my recent post I think I have become that..but i do not ...
A. 3 October 2013: Women tend to stay in FWB situations because they think having sex with the guy will make him love them.
These kinds of women tend to be insecure and have a history of poor relationships they are prone to low self esteem and see 'any attentio... (read in full...)
I was going to end my affair then his wife found out and he told me not to contact him. What should I do?
Q. I am married and in love with a married man. It's the same old story as so many of the other stories on this site. Over the weekend, his wife broke into his phone and found out about me. i texted him yesterday morning not knowing this had ...
A. 1 October 2013: You wanted to end the affair and he has asked you NOT to contact him...seems like it's the perfect situation and everyone wins!...so what's your problem?...
Or are you just pretending you want things over to test and see if he will come back to ... (read in full...)
How late is too late to start dating in the modern world?
Q. How late is too late for guys to enter the dating game and start looking for a relationship. 25? 30? 35? I mean, to really just START! Never been on a date before, never had sex, maybe never even kissed a girl. This could all be due to many combi...
A. 30 September 2013: I know someone who is 24 and in a relationship with a 35 year old guy. He had only had one girlfriend before she met him and she had 6 previous boyfriends.
They are both relatively shy people who keep to themselves but they have been together... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend scamming me??
Q. Is my boyfriend scamming me?? Here I am still in this 13 year relationship and it has been so long I don't even know if what I feel for him is love. Added to that are the arguments we have quite often. Of course, he still looks around every cha...
A. 30 September 2013: Maybe the 'other woman' phoned him? That would make the number show up on his phone but not necessarilly on his bill, since most bills only show outgoing calls that the bill payer is responsible for.
Thats the only thing I can think of that wou... (read in full...)
My FWB says he feels no connection. What does he mean?
Q. He says he does not know why but he cannot feel a connection to me. he says he cannot feel anything in his heart anymore since his live in gf of 5 yrs cheated on him. It has been 4 yrs since she did this. we started seeing each other 1 yr ago. He ...
A. 30 September 2013: I read your other posts about this matter, you had multiple answers and you are still confused?
You are looking for an answer that tells you how to make someone fall in love with you when this guy has clearly said that he can't...why won't yo... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend scamming me??
Q. Is my boyfriend scamming me?? Here I am still in this 13 year relationship and it has been so long I don't even know if what I feel for him is love. Added to that are the arguments we have quite often. Of course, he still looks around every cha...
A. 30 September 2013: Im not sure what you are asking here or if you just wanted to vent.
Seems to me that you are looking for an excuse to end the relationship, you admit you don't love the guy as you want. He hands you his phone log so you can call him out on phoni... (read in full...)
Was I wrong for being careful with a guy from an online dating site?
Q. First, I went online to the dating site that I had been on and while I was off I had joined a few others just to make friends and pen pals. I sent a flirt to this person and he was a nice looking guy and a message also. He responded back to me and ...
A. 28 September 2013: I think you absolutely did the right thing. Your gut was telling you this guy wasn't who he said he was and there is nothing wrong with checking a few details before you meet.
He said he was bringing drink and a movie, this suggests he assumed ... (read in full...)
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